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 I Timothy 3 states that one of the qualifications of a, "bishop," is to be," the husband of one wife." In 2016, does that relate sole to the pastor of a local church or does that apply to those on the pastoral staff such as, "youth pastors/ directors?"
 

Second question I would have, as Baptists , what does the Bible have to say on the process of finding a wife. What would you say to a marriage minded young man who believes he's called to ministry on this topic of finding a wife. I also would ask because, as someone who is a first generation Christian, this is not something I have really been able to gain solid Biblical counsel on, so few are willing to touch it as its controversial, dating/ courtship, etc.If you were a youth pastor, college/ singles ministry director working with someone who didn't exactly come up in the Christian school/ Bible college/ Baptist church to pursue what I have heard preached many times as, "the second greatest blessing after salvation?"

I ask this because, in the evangelical world, such as boundless.org (Focus on the Family) and other sites, men are being shamed for not dating, etc extended adulthood, I believe Cary Schmidt wrote a book on this topic of extended adolescence. And with the trends of co-habitating, homosexual "marriage," fornication, divorce, single parenthood on the rise, etc. Census showed a while back that singles are now a majority of this country, how can we as the church, not only defend the institution of marriage, the family, and the home for those who already have it, but help young people who desire those things to get ready for those thing and provide them opportunities to meet, mingle, and serve and serve others with one another?

 

Not trying to cause controversy, but these are things that, as a young man having a burden to work with young people, how could I be a help to them in this area, and also some practical principles in godly communication, etc. that would benefit my own life as well. I appreciate all the wisdom I've found on this site, that's why I've been asking these complex questions like I have. Thank you brothers and sisters.

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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

Our pastors generally start from the position that if you are a Christian, first and foremost, don't even think of dating a non-Christian. Along with this, if there is anything about a person that makes you know you wouldn't want to be married to them, don't date them.

We tend to face the dual problem of our culture, even within most churches, telling youth to enjoy life, play, have fun, don't rush to be an adult...while there is also pressure to start "dating" at ever younger ages, to "experiment", enjoy as much as you can, for as long as you can.

The more traditional, as well as biblical, approach is for youth to be specifically trained to become adults, to become responsible people as soon as they are able. Along with this, "dating" was specifically for the pursuit of marriage and starting ones own family; typically shortly after being consider as an adult.

Combating modern "date for fun, excitement and entertainment" while holding on to pre-adulthood as long as possible, is a difficult task when our youth may only be in church once or twice a week. Too many parents follow the model of wanting to be Christian but wanting to fit in with the culture around them too. This is much like ancient Israel who so often resorted to wanting to be like other nations while still claiming to be good Jews.

Back to my original paragraph, if we can't get this through to youth and other singles we (and they) will be faced with the many other problems associated with mass dating of anyone who appeals to them.

As well, if parents won't accept or instruct these matters in accord with Scripture, there is only so much those of us involved in ministry can do.

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  • Moderators
4 hours ago, John81 said:

We tend to face the dual problem of our culture, even within most churches, telling youth to enjoy life, play, have fun, don't rush to be an adult...while there is also pressure to start "dating" at ever younger ages, to "experiment", enjoy as much as you can, for as long as you can.

The more traditional, as well as biblical, approach is for youth to be specifically trained to become adults, to become responsible people as soon as they are able. Along with this, "dating" was specifically for the pursuit of marriage and starting ones own family; typically shortly after being consider as an adult.Combating modern "date for fun, excitement and entertainment" while holding on to pre-adulthood as long as possible, is a difficult task when our youth may only be in church once or twice a week. Too many parents follow the model of wanting to be Christian but wanting to fit in with the culture around them too.

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen,

Oh, did I Amen this yet? If not - Amen!

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When my wife and I met, we never 'dated' in the classic terms. We were both adults, in our late 30's, and both knew pretty much what and who we wanted. She had a farm, I was just in a new pastorate (yes I was unmarried as a pastor-), so the main things we did were to go walk around the mall, I took her out to eat, very informally, always very public (as we both knew our weaknesses and strove not to be alone), never even kissed. Closest to an actual date was I took her to my parent's place when the family got together for the holidays-they liked each other, family thought she was great. So I asked her, knowing the importance of her farm to her, if the Lord was to someday move us to another place and we had no chance of having a farm, would she be willing to do it, she said yes, so we decided to marry. It wasn't exactly romantic, but we had fun. Our first kiss was at the altar.

Ask me sometime and I'll tell you the weird way I knew I loved her.

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I am not sure how my wife and I got together as on paper we would seem to be so incompatible.  I moved to a new area and joined a church while my wife was on a year long course in Paris.  We met after she returned.  She said she didn't think she would marry as there were no suitable men in the church.  Then I was there.  I am not sure I was much of a catch but we have been married now for 48 years so it must have been right.  

My grandson met his intended on a beach mission in the west country two years ago.  It must have been love at first sight as the are getting married on 2nd July this year.  They are both 20 and at university.

Edited by Invicta
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Jordan, as you're a member and have access to the forum proper, I'm going to move this to Tools for the Ministry in the IFB section as it seems to belong there. Questions for Baptists is mostly for non-members to ask us questions without having to sign up. :)

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    • By E Morales
      I posted this on my website many years ago, and do you feel that it still applies to the local church today?
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      –  On the cover of Bob Jones University‘s Spring 1992 issue of the BJU Review is a picture of black belt karate master and senior at BJU, Jim Pitts, in full karate garb, Bible open, giving the “invitation,” while the rest of the members of BJU’s “Champions for Christ karate team” are kneeling in prayer by their cinder-block bricks. On the inside cover is a picture of Mr. Pitts breaking four bricks with his right arm, while the other team members are watching, with Bibles open. The editor of the Review declares that:
      “Champions for Christ is one of many different extension groups that go out from the University each week, bringing the Gospel to needy people throughout the Southeast. These extension ministries give all students the chance to sharpen their soul winning skills, be an encouragement to others, and use their skills to glorify God.” (Emphasis added.)
      –  Many other so-called youth and evangelism ministries promote the martial arts as a means of motivating youth in evangelism, spiritual warfare, etc. For example, the March 1992 Baptist Bulletin (GARBC) contains an article about a husband-wife ABWE missionary team helping “teenagers understand God’s power in their lives” by exhibiting his (the husband’s) karate skills (“such as breaking boards with his hands and demonstrating samurai swords and nunchakus”) at GARBC youth rallies. The missionary team claims to want “to help the teenagers understand God’s power in their lives … [and] to motivate them to join God in the spiritual battle of the present age.”
      –  Should a Christian’s “soulwinning skills” include karate, and can that “skill” be used “to glorify God?” And what has karate to do with the reality of “God’s power” in a teenager’s life? Even though one might find it difficult to see how the so-called “skill” of karate could or would be used by the Holy Spirit to draw the lost to Christ, the overriding question must be: Is there a philosophy antithetical to Christianity that is at the root of karate exhibitions?
      –  Karate has a unique and unusual history. It was handed down centuries ago from Zen Master to Buddhist monk by word of mouth, and always in strict secrecy. Even today, everything done in karate can be tracked back to some principle of Zen Buddhism. An Indian Buddhist priest named Bodhidharma in the 6th century A.D. in China, synthesized karate techniques and Yoga meditation in order to unite mind, spirit, and body. (Among the Chinese styles are kung fu or gung fu, wu shu, and pa kua. Tai kwan do and hapkido are among the Korean styles.) Karate is clearly a mental and moral exercise, indeed, a spiritual experience. In each practice session there is a concerted effort to unite mind, spirit, and body just as Bodhidharma sought to do with Zen priests.
      Karate is founded on scientific principles of body movements that develop the karate devotee into a healthy, well coordinated person, both physically and mentally. The Chinese karate masters considered karate to be an extension of their religion. The Okinawan karate masters considered it to be a way of life:
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      –  Karate is Zen –– so says Master Oyama and many other karate masters. Zen is a school of Buddhism that has been called the “Religion of Immediate Reality.” The aim of Zen is to awaken the student to his true self and thus bring about a degree of self-knowledge through inward meditation. Zen students seek peace of mind through an enlightened awakening of an intuitive wisdom, which they feel is dormant now in all people. Zen meditation tries to achieve “no mindedness” which may be acquired by concentration and special breathing exercises. Karate, when combined with Zen meditation, is used to assist the student’s quest for peace of mind and equanimity in the face of conflict and tension.
      –  Although many, especially here in the United States, tend to disregard much of the Zen Buddhist philosophy in their training, some impact of that philosophy is made upon every student of karate. This is because Zen meditation and yoga-like breathing exercises — whether for thirty seconds or for two hours before and after every practice session — are an integral part of any Oriental martial arts program. If one truly aspires to master the art of karate, he cannot ignore the spiritual implications.
      Zen meditation provides a false “inner peace” that is at best a counterfeit of the peace only God can give. There is only one source of inner peace — the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). We can choose between the self-control developed by the Holy Spirit, or the self-control of Zen. And with the self-control of Zen, as with any Eastern meditation technique, one could also be opening himself up to demonic activity.
      While God calls us to humility, the martial arts cater to human pride. For even in gaining mastery over one’s self through Zen, it is still recognized as an accomplishment of self. That self-pride then manifests itself through a desire to prove oneself superior.
      –  Although some proponents for a “Christian” martial arts do concede that karate has roots in occult, pagan, and/or Eastern religious philosophy, they also claim that the primary philosophy behind the martial arts actually originated in Old Testament Biblical times (citing such passages as Gen. 14:13-16; 2 Sam 6:14; Psa. 144:1; Eccl. 9:10 as proof-texts), even going back all the way to the Garden of Eden! (Christian Martial Arts, Tottingham & Tottingham, pp. v & 2). Therefore, according to these advocates, Satan made “inroads” into the true Bible-based martial arts, capturing them for himself, and that all we need to do now is to reclaim them and change them “from an Asiatic philosophy to a truly Bible-centered Christian philosophy” (Christian Martial Arts, pp. ii & 2). Once these “dramatic changes” in “approach” are made, we are told, the “Christian can indeed study the martial arts in total harmony with his walk with the Lord” (Christian Martial Arts, p. v).
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