Jump to content
  • Welcome Guest

    For an ad free experience on Online Baptist, Please login or register for free

What to do with an unrepentant adulterer spouse


Recommended Posts

  • Members

All of these things go completely against what our flesh cries out for. Instead of being angry, we are called to be compassionate. Instead of being right and seeking justice, we are called to die to ourselves and sacrifice for our wives. Instead of being able to take the revenge that our situation has earned, we are told to let someone else deal out justice. The reason that these things work in one way or another is that we exist both in body and in spirit. One way that I like to think about it is that my body is like a machine or a vehicle that my spirit is driving. My flesh isn't the real me, and isn't the me that will persist eternally. It is just my earthly vehicle. Sometimes its easy to think about our spirit as being something that we transform into after we die. We don't always remember that we exist in that same spirit right now in our earthly lives. This is the reason that spiritual attacks can influence us in our earthly lives, and it is also the reason that spiritual warfare and principles still apply to us right now.

On a positive note, I was able to sit down and talk to my wife a little bit last night. Normally our conversations turn defensive and hostile pretty quickly, but last night we were able to get past that for a little bit. I discovered that she's been acting this way recently because she feels that I betrayed her trust many years ago. I wasn't there for her at a point that she held in high esteem. That's the reason right now that she is justifying sharing her mind with someone else. She also doesn't believe that I trust her anymore since the instances of adultery, and she doesn't understand that trust can be earned again. This is one of the driving reasons that she hasn't been willing to extend me a second chance at being faithful with her trust. To her it doesn't make sense for her start trusting me when I clearly don't trust her. 

In Ephesians 5:25-26, Paul teaches us what it means to be a husband. He tells us that loving our wives, giving ourselves up for them, and teaching them the wisdom of God's word will make them holy and blameless in the sight of God. This bit of scripture is extremely powerful and compelling. Paul doesn't say the same thing about wives. He doesn't suggest that they can do the same for us. This is one of the rare bits of power that God bestows upon husbands. I told my wife this morning that I was personally wiping the past clean and that today started a new era of trust from me. I am no longer going to bring up the sins of the past (which by the way also relates to the Biblical definition of love in Ephesians), and I am no longer going to be questioning her about what she is doing or where she has been. This absolutely leaves me vulnerable to more pain, but it also creates the possibility of healing. I believe that trust has the ability be beget trust. God has called husbands to be leaders in their families, so for me that means that I take the first step. We will see how it goes.

Edited by Jbbrack03
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I do when she is in the mood for it. She still goes with me to church every week. Right now I am focusing a lot on praying for her. Christianity is still relatively new to her, and she is still in the beginning stages of understanding the basics of it. I'm familiar with a lot more because of the home that I was raised in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

One bit of hope that I've found very constructive in my situation is that these sorts of problems don't come from nothing. In my situation, I wasn't there when my wife needed me to be there. To me it was a minor thing that didn't matter very much. To my wife it meant everything. I don't say this to suggest that we husbands are at fault when our wives do things like this to us. We didn't make these decisions for them. However, in most cases there was something that hurt or offended her. There was something that we did (whether knowingly or unknowingly) that pushed them away. I've read a lot about this subject, and it's a situation that many marriages go through. The wives don't always react the way that our wives did, but its very easy to make mistakes that mean everything. The good that can come from this is that there is usually something concrete that we can point to in our lives or in our past that we can improve for our wives. It can be anything from a behavior that was offensive or inconsiderate to just straight up not being there (either physically or emotionally). I believe that it is possible to connect with our wives again and remind them of the person that they fell in love with. Not every man will want to change the thing that his wife hates, but the option is often on the table for those that do. I'd suggest that any man that wants to renew with his wife look to the example of Solomon in the Bible. God spoke to Solomon and asked him what he wanted most in the world. Solomon told him that he wanted wisdom, and God granted it. God told him that because he asked for wisdom instead of riches or power, he would grant that wish. I personally believe that God will still grant that wish to men that ask it of him. With a bit of wisdom and an open ear to the voice of God, it is possible to move past things like this and to become complete families again. Always remember that God hates divorce and that he will always be on the side of renewing and strengthening a marriage. It's what he wants for us. He is the ultimate healer, and Jesus reiterated over and over again that we are encouraged to ask things of the father. He challenges us to seek blessings and then watch them unfold. This can absolutely apply to a renewed and Godly marriage. I believe for myself as well as for the OP.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

@ Jbbrack03my heartbreaks for you, it's never easy but God will get us thru. (Rom.8:28)

doing God's command vs fulfilling the desire of our flesh is extremely difficult, sometimes it still hunts me and urges in me to be like "law abiding citizen" & "gone girl"

but NO, that's an insult to God's sovereignty.

Edited by Grace&Mercy
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...
  • Members

update: 

I was asked by the pastor on any development on her attitude; I was tempted to cover up for her (lie) which I already did the first time we have a meeting with the pastor because I want to give her a chance to change and do the right thing also to extend my hand in peace to start the year right.  I was wrong to lie with our real situation as she did not change her ways with me, she is still rebellious & disrespectful in her actions though not verbal because we rarely talk and she deliberately do stuff to stress & offend me.  

upon confessing the real situation with the pastor, she was told by the pastor not to come anymore in the church until she make things right and make amends.  Now she is blaming me for that and accused me of conniving against her telling me "you got your wish, happy now?"  she told me that worship day is the only day she looks forward every week because that make her feel happy but now I ruined it, that's how she perceives it.  I told her she has the wrong motivation coming she is just there for fellowship not to hear and apply the sermon in our life.

she will abide, be silent and will not contest the decision of the pastor.  She is afraid that the issue will be brought into the congregation IF she makes a noise.

to be honest I'm very disheartened right now, it seems getting a new wife is really a good option coz it's easier to start anew than to bear my messed up relationship with my wife.  So this it how it feels when you are in the same shoes of people who got divorce, sometimes I wish I did not knew what I know now……

 

ignorance is a bliss  (double face palm) 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...