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Can Your Kids Have Gay Friends?


The Glory Land

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The point being, I don't treat the lost as enemies, I don't speak down to the lost, I don't yell at them, I treat them the same as saved folks; respectfully. 

 

Remember that Judas Iscariot was there as part of God's overall plan in a very unique situation specific to Christ.

 

When we look to the commands given to Christians on how to live it's very clear our close associations are to be with our brothers/sisters in Christ. We are not to form close associations with the lost. James 4:4 is just one of the many verses which makes this clear. Be not unequally yoked, while so often used with regards to marriage, is not speaking directly of marriage, but to all associations. What friendship hath light with darkness, Christ with Belial.

I don't believe the "world" is referring to individual friendships/relationships with people but to a world system or worldview that is against God. The first three verses indicate that by stating there was fighting among them because of their lusts.  They were trying to gain worldly wisdom rather than wisdom from God.  That's why when they asked, they didn't receive.  That's why they were called adulterers and adulteresses.  In essence, they were cheating on God and his ways and seeking after the world's ways.   

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My 13 year old daughter trusted information to me that one of her close school friends admitted she was gay.  She could have chosen to hide that info in fear I would have separated them and no longer allow them to be friends.  But because she trusted me, I was able to share with her what the Word says on the matter, otherwise it may not have been brought up.  Sure, we read it in Bible studies, but head knowledge is different than heart knowledge.  Now while I am not going to send my daughter to a gay parade, Now perhaps my daughter can learn from what I taught her and impart that to her friend.  There is some sheltering and some letting go.

 

This makes me think of the woman at the well. Jesus was talking to a Samaritan woman.  A half-breed Jew.  Half Jew, half Gentile.  A woman.  A second class citizen of that day.  Promiscuous.  Jesus didn't judge her for her promiscuity.  He brought it up to show her she was thirsting for something and sex wasn't going to quench her desire.  He offered her living water and she would thirst no more.  She was the first person whom Jesus showed that he was the Messiah.   When she accepted what he had to offer, she went to declare it to her village.  The people of her village invited Jesus to stay with them for 2 days.  It sounds like more than inviting people to church or handing out tracts, or praying for the lost in the privacy of our homes, not that those things are bad. Jesus was personal.

 

Lost people living sinful lives are thirsty.  They're trying to quench their thirst with the ways of the world.  Are we going to offer them living water or are we going to separate ourselves so they don't rub off on us.  If the world is rubbing off on us more than we are on them, then it's time to back up and examine our maturity and relationship with Christ.

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Consider also 2 Timothy 3:1-5

 

1This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

 

God doesn't say become their best friends to win them, He says to turn away from them. What's being lost in the conversation here is the balance that has be struck between loving the lost and wayward in a friendly manner to bring them to Christ and keeping separated from them and their ways.

 

Additionally what is being lost is that all of this is good exhortation for the adult, but this thread is about children who have no ability to discern the gray areas of life. They see in black and white. The reason we (at least I) are saying not to let our children have gay (or insert alternate lifestyle here) friends is because they see "I like my friend. My friend is good. The things my friend does are good. I want to do those things with my friend." They do not have the ability to reason through which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. Children are not evangelists; they are fresh, unmolded clay and we, the parents, are the ones granting access to the wheel where they're being shaped. If you want your child to incorporate all types of worldly or sinful behaviors, then by all means let them befriend and play with whomever strikes their fancy. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord and I will raise godly children by surrounding them with godly influences.

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Hey Sword - this is sort of what I was getting at.

If all they hear is "they are all wicked horrible people" etc then when they find a nice person who is a homosexual, they will wonder what else you have lied to them about.

We need to show our kids from Scripture that what these people are doing is against God, but we need to show them also that they live like that because they are sinners.

If they understand that concept, then when - not if mind you - when they meet a homosexual they won't be thinking "they are actually a nice person in spite of what I was always told", they will think "they are another person who lives at odds with God's will, and they need to be saved".

We need to hide the activity from our kids, but prepare them for when they meet them later in their life.

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Sword, 

 

Would it be the right thing to do to disown your own child if she/he was gay?  I hope the answer is no.  How would you feel if your child was gay and all her/his friends stopped associating with her/him?  Why would we ask our child to disown a friend when that friend now needs them the most after they confessed?  Would they ever confess anything to anyone again?  Would they ever trust another Christian?

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Not to get into your parenting business too deeply,(but your going to any way) but it is the subject of the thread...there is the old maxim that what our children see as do (or deem acceptable) they will at some point do (or deem acceptable) in excess.Not always true. My wife can tell you that she grew up in an unsaved,un Christian home.Her parents drink wine at most meals(dinner, I mean) and she can tell you she has never seen her parents drunk. in the 17 years I have known my wife, I have never seen anyone in her family drunk. You see this is what I talk about with the IFB and in my years in it. They see someone doing something they don't agree with and it must be "ob da debil", even though as I showed in the alcohol post, there is nothing wrong with it, it's a blessing from God. thats what I teach them. I don't personally think it's inevitable, but it does greatly increase the likelihood. By normalizing behaviors or choices as acceptable in any capacity translates to total acceptance in the mind of a child (depending on the age of course). With the alcohol example, your children see that alcohol is ok to drink. How do you teach them that it is not ok in excess and keep them from ever becoming drunk? Simple, we tell them it's sin to get drunk, like overeating and gorging ourselves, or staring at a girl's backside or scoping the "talent" at church If you can't do that then all you've done is place a stumbling block before them. Similarly with having homosexual friends, by giving that lifestyle choice any amount of acceptability via allowing them to have friendly relationships with them puts in their mind that since their friend is ok then their choice is ok as well. Nowhere have I or anyone else said it was ok or given it an amount of acceptability. Only you have claimed this It is particularly hard to get around in this case because they will have such a positive view of their friend (that's why they chose them as a friend to begin with) that the rational part of the human mind will whitewash the issue. I've seen it happen on multiple occasions and in fact have a cousin who grew up in a solid Baptist home compromises her beliefs on this issue because she had a close friend who was gay in college. The things we endorse to our children, we do so wholesale and can nowise do it piecemeal.Who is endorsing anything? Who is saying this? this is false on your behalf.

 

Approval of a friendship is tacit approval of the friend as they are. Would you encourage your children to be friends with a drug addict because they're overall a nice person and we should look past the sins they choose to wrap themselves in? Would you encourage your children to befriend someone who practices wicca because they have other redeeming qualities? Or would you see those devient behaviors and encourage your children to find other friends because you don't want them to pick up those influences? If you were listening, I was saying all along that we are to be kind and loving to all people, especially when presenting the Gospel, being friendly and actually being a true friend are two different things. This is what Peter was talking about when he said that we give an answer with gentleness and respect.

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I have two children with which Biblical instruction 'took' and they have no friends who are actively involved in the lustful practice of homosexual behavior. These two children are saved and reject the practice of homosexual lust based on the Bible. Homosexuals don't seem to frequent the places my saved children frequent; i.e. their local church, men's retreats, etc. These two saved children prefer the fellowship/friendship of like-minded Christians; this limits opportunity for homosexual contact since homosexuals predominantly associate with other worldly folk such as the abortionists, socialists, drug use advocates, etc. 

How do you know this, can you read minds? do you see into peoples hearts? How do you know that one of your children's friends are not a "closet homosexual"? It is a deep rooted sin the effects people from all walks of life, saved and unsaved. the fact is you have no idea who is struggling with what. I hate to hear when Pastors or lay people brag about how God is blessing their ministry and there are no big problems going on at his church, all this tells me that he/they doesn't know his/their people well enough

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Hey Sword - this is sort of what I was getting at.

If all they hear is "they are all wicked horrible people" etc then when they find a nice person who is a homosexual, they will wonder what else you have lied to them about.

We need to show our kids from Scripture that what these people are doing is against God, but we need to show them also that they live like that because they are sinners.

If they understand that concept, then when - not if mind you - when they meet a homosexual they won't be thinking "they are actually a nice person in spite of what I was always told", they will think "they are another person who lives at odds with God's will, and they need to be saved".

We need to hide the activity from our kids, but prepare them for when they meet them later in their life.

 

100% agree.

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Sword, 

 

Would it be the right thing to do to disown your own child if she/he was gay?  I hope the answer is no.  How would you feel if your child was gay and all her/his friends stopped associating with her/him?  Why would we ask our child to disown a friend when that friend now needs them the most after they confessed?  Would they ever confess anything to anyone again?  Would they ever trust another Christian?

 

Now we're on a completely different topic that really could warrant an entire thread on its own because so many of the parameters are vastly different. To answer your first question, no, I would not disown one of my children if they chose a homosexual lifestyle anymore than if they chose the life of a drug dealer or a prostitute or whatever the deviant lifestyle is. I wouldn't let them bring home their gay lover any more than I'd let them bring home a bag of cocaine. Love and accept them as my children, yes. Accept and endorse their choice, absolutely not. If you want to delve into this topic deeper, I recommend starting another thread. I'm not going to get into it further in this one because it's a huge topic on its own that doesn't address the intent of the OP.

 

How would I feel about his friends abandoning him? For sure it'd be heartbreaking to see him go through that, but it's a natural consequence of the choice he made. If that trial is part of God's plan to correct him and bring him back to center, then so be it. Additionally, I am not responsible for the choices and feelings of other people's children in the way that I am responsible for my children. As a parent, my first responsibility is to raise my children in a manner that gives them the best chance at leading a God-honoring life. In that sense, and that sense only, the feelings of the other child are incosequential to me as a parent because I won't stand before God and give an account of how they were raised, but I will for how I raise my own kids. I have to take care of the well-being of my children before I worry about the children of others.

 

What the other child needs is not a friend that makes them feel secure in their choice, but the knowledge that their choice is unacceptable. It is no different than if my son's friend joined a gang and started doing drungs and dabbling in petty crime. There is no way I would allow him to continue to socialize with them. It would be just plain irresponsible as a parent. I'm in no way suggesting being unkind in any way to the other child. In fact, I think a loving conversation that explains the reason and nature of how their friendship is changing as a result their choice is a good thing, but that doesn't negate the need for the change.

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I think you've somewhat missed my point. On the first point, I specifically said it was a maxim (general truth of wisdom, just like a proverb) that wasn't necessarily inevitable but described the increase in likelihood. Talk to me in 10 years and tell me if your kids have ever been drunk (if they're inclined to tell you)...in 20 years...in 30 years...in 40 years...If they haven't, praise the Lord they successfully navigated that minefield of life!! I'll rejoice with you as if my it were my kids that never got drunk in their life. I plan to teach my children to avoid the minefield altogether. A topic for another forum I think.

 

On the rest of it...to a child, endorsement of the friendship is endorsement of a friend no matter how you slice it. You can tell your kids all day that a certain behavior their friend engages in is wrong but they don't see it that way. Friendships are black and white to them because they're emotionally based. What will happen is that the more the child sees that the friend is a "good person" (though there's no such thing according to the Bible, Rom 3:10-23, Mark 10:18) the more he/she will accept what the friend does and begin to disagree with you on whether their behavior is wrong. That's just the nature of child psychology. We're not talking about young adults here...we're talking about children, teenagers at best, who are in their formative years that will have great influence on their worldview.

 

I agree that there is a difference between being friendly and being a true friend, as you put it. Being friendly for the sake of sharing the Gospel is not what the OP was about. It was along the "true friend" line: "Can Your Kids Have Gay Friends?" is the title of the thread. To that I say no. If the question was, "Can Your Kids Be Friendly and Share the Gospel with Gay People?" my answer would have been an unequivocal yes.

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Then we would pretty much have to keep our kids from everyone.  Even those professing Christian kids at church who sometimes lie, disobey their parents, etc.  Why people focus on homosexuality the most is beyond me.  Homosexuality most times is one of those sins that are suppressed and doesn't come out until years later, such is the case with my daughter's friend.

 

Reminds me of the pentecostal religion.  My pentecostal friends when I was growing up were only to hang out with their pentecostal friends from church.  All that did was make them sneak behind their parents' backs.  Put makeup and pants on for school and change before they got home.  Sneak to the school dances and say they were going somewhere else or go to a friend's house to watch their TV.

 

To each household their own.  

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Why people focus on homosexuality the most is beyond me.  Homosexuality most times is one of those sins that are suppressed and doesn't come out until years later, such is the case with my daughter's friend.

 

In addition to the reason that it's the subject of the thread (as HappyChristian pointed out), what we're talking about is a choice for a lifestyle of willful sin, not a momentary or occasional/occasion-based sin. A lie is a choice to sin in that moment whereas homosexuality is a choice to perpetually sin. That's why I keep comparing it to the life of a drug dealer or prostitute. It's choice to constantly live contrary to God's word rather than a failure of the momentary situation.

 

Where you're mistaken is treating acts of disobedience to parents (which all kids must be taught not to do) the same as choosing to ignore the Word of God indefinitely and live in a way denies the sovereignty and holiness of God. Whether the other kid is a homosexual or a practicing witch they're both unacceptable lifestyles in the eyes of God and not something that we should allow to influence our children.

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