Kids

[Anon]

Sometimes it concerns me that adults in the church my kids look up to and respect and love have a very good possibility of getting angry, or leaving, or just treating the kids in a way they should not.

What would be the best way to explain to your child WHY an adult that they loved and respected, and thought loved them in return, starts behaving wrongly? Do you just tell them that anybody who is not following the Lord will backslide? But if the child does not see them as backslidden, then....

Just worrying a bit ahead I guess....got a questionable text from someone today, a family that's been giving problems, and my kids really look up to them. I'm wondering how to explain it to my kids if things start to get rocky (openly, rather than a simple undercurrent.)

[JerryNumbers]

Wow, people can be so disappointing. I know about that, & even at 65 its still shocking & hurts very deeply inside.

Several years back a widowed woman whose husband was our pastor when I was saved in 61 joined out church by letter. I mean this is a person I looked up to all though the years. I want mention all that disappointed me, just a small portion.

The 1st disappoint, how she talked about the pastor & one other person as the church she came from. I shook it off.

Later she talked to me at how bad churches & Christians had treated her husband.

Several months back she had some health trouble & went into an elderly care home for a little while. All of us at church visited her quite regular. I took her a few small gifts trying to brighten her days. I know that some of our members would carry a few things to her trying to brighten her days.

The 1st thing she does when she returns home is start visiting the church she moved from when she came to us, & a SBC Church. I’ve asked what did we do wrong, she will not answer this just saying I have to find a different church.

But now I feel she is talking to others badly about us, for generally those who talk to you about others talks to others likewise about you.

How to relate these people to a young one. That is a good question. As for my self I try to keep my eye on Jesus remember none of us are perfect & those I think dearly of will generally be the ones that will hurt me the most.

Maybe someone else can be of help, I know I am not much help on this.

[John81]

I agree with what's been said. Such a thing is a great shame, can cause so much pain, and can be difficult to understand ourselves which makes it even more difficult to try to explain to children.

We've gone through a similar situation and I took the approach of doing my best to explain to our children what had happened, what was going on, in the simplest way I could. I don't know that our children ever fully understood, but I think they understood enough to help us through that time and they knew the door was open to talk of it with me further.

[HappyChristian]

Ah, man, that is tough! Unfortunately, as we all know, life is full of folks who turn on us.

I wouldn't just simply state that people who do certain things are backslidden - that, to me, is too broad, and could create a judgmental attitude (anything anyone did could be labeled as being backslidden, if you know what I mean).

This is just my opinion, but perhaps you could find scripture that fits the situation (they are there for anything!), showing that there are times when people make poor decisions (and, yes, those decisions are sin). Sit with them and talk over the scripture with them - letting them tell you what the scripture is saying. Learning in general terms is the best preparation for when something like that happens.

If this family ends up leaving (and I really hope they don't...), encourage your children to pray for them (pray for them with your kids). This will teach them compassion, and underscore that God can and will work on anyone.

My heart goes out to you and to them.

[Anon]

Thanks all! Hoping all ends up okay but we shall see! Many churches have much worse problems than ours does....

[Brother Rick]

We've had to do that before with our little girls. Silas is only six months old so he's too enamored with his binky to wonder about the spiritual condition of others.

We tell them this: "Sometimes people who love Jesus, decide they want to love something else more than Jesus and they don't obey God."

[SarahStrawberry]

Bummer! We had a church split when I was 13 and I looked up to and was close to some of the people and it was really hard. I still remember one talk I had with my mom about it and how I was telling her that I felt like it was personal. Like this particular friend had left me. My mom basically said what Rick said, that it isn't about me, it's about this person and their relationship with God and how people don't always love God enough to do what God would have them do. As I continued to grow older and continued to see people I respected leave or just act human, it was hard but it continued to teach me the lesson that everyone is human and that's why I'm supposed to ultimately look to Christ as an example and to follow and to make sure that I'm right with God in my life. Hope this situation doesn't end as you fear! :unsure:

Edited December 20, 2011 by SarahStrawberry

[byhisstrength]

I teach 4-8 year olds in my Sunday school class that there is the right thing to do and the wrong thing, when we see older people do something that is wrong it is because they may not know it is wrong, but we still have to do the right thing because God sees everything we do. I do stress to the kids that they have to respect them and still obey them, especially if it is their parents, but it definitely makes it hard to teach them the right thing when people in the next row are not. I have actually had some parents stop sending their kids to class because a child asked why they were doing something that was wrong,

It has taken me a long time to realize that it's not personal, people who leave the church are not leaving because of anything I have done, it's them. I know I have done my part in being the example that God wants me to be and teaching His truths, yes, I feel bad, especially if it is someone I have lead to the Lord, but they are not rejecting me, they are rejecting truth, feeling convicted for something going on in their lives and responding to that.

[heartstrings]

Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind; 1 Peter 5:2

When I bought my first sheep, they were very nervous and flighty. They kept their distance and certainly wouln't allow me to touch them at all. But they wanted something from me;I had sweetfeed. It has grain and sweet molasses in it and the sheep love it. At first, I poured it in their trough and backed away so they would approach. I constantly talked to them in a soothing tone and within days, some were eating from my hand. One particular sheep was espacially wild and jumped away at my slightest move. But within weeks, he too was eating from my hand. Today, the same sheep who were afraid of me, let me pet them and when I come into the pasture, they raise up on their hind legs and rest their feet on my chest or my back in anticipation of getting the feed. Now I have trouble walking among them without tripping over them. They trust me now, but still, they're really only interested in that feed. I bought some new sweet feed the other day, but noticed that the sheep didn't like it; they would LEAVE it in the trough and go back to eating grass. I don't understand, because it LOOKS the same to me, but the sheep know something isn't right.

Preacher, you are not the Owner, and you are not the Shepherd. Our Shepherd is the Lord Jesus Christ; the same Shepherd who told Peter to feed MY sheep. His sheep want to be fed, not manipulated, talked about behind their backs to other preachers, or beat on every Sunday, Sunday Night and Wednesday Night. If I mistreated my sheep that way......they would still want to be fed, but they certainly wouldn't want to be near me.. For God's sheep to trust God's feeder, they must be given good feed and good treatment. I can walk outside to my pasture right now, with a bucket of that delicious sweetfeed and my sheep will follow me to the far corner. Instead of resorting to taking pot shots at some of them from the pulpit and propagating the us vs them atmosphere......feed the sheep some decent feed and treat them well. Instead of leaving, they will follow you anywhere. If you already do all of that, then maybe they aren't sheep, but let God be the judge of that, not you.

[irishman]

Why not simply tell the children that we don't always know why people act the way they do, but here is a great chance for you to be a forgiving Christian, and learn to overlook "faults" in others?

[heartstrings]

Why talk about them in front of the kids at all?

Edited January 1, 2012 by heartstrings

[Anon]

Why talk about them in front of the kids at all?

I'm talking about things the kids see themselves. For instance, hypothetically...a kids ministry leader starts rebelling against the pastor and stirring up bad attitudes or getting angry and leaving or saying negative things....in this case, somebody the kids would have respected would now be doing things that the kids can plainly see are sadly wrong. Or, say somebody like that were to leave...then you end up having to explain that.

I'm not talking about telling personal problems of church members to kids...no way. I'm referring to public behavior.

[4everHis]

I grew up in a pastor's home and am now the wife of a pastor, Kitagrl, so I am very aware by way of experience about which you speak. Sometimes your kids' hearts will be broken. Sometimes your kids won't be able to comprehend why or how their beloved Sunday school teacher or whomever can become someone who speaks ill of their pastor or Dad in a way that is most unjust. Sometimes when your youth pastor takes a turn toward the world and sows discord among the brethren, it can be a source of disillusionment and discouragement. What we have done is to remind our children that we have to keep our eyes on Jesus. It is great to have role models, but sometimes they can disappoint us because they are human. Jesus will never disappoint us. We have to love and forgive. However, sometimes we have to break fellowship (depending on what you are talking about) because that is what the Bible requires. We tell our kids to be mindful of every choice they make since some people may look up to them in the way they looked up to Bro./Sis So and So. We pray together. However, nothing dispels their hurt except time and prayer.

[JerryNumbers]

Why not simply tell the children that we don't always know why people act the way they do, but here is a great chance for you to be a forgiving Christian, and learn to overlook "faults" in others?

Good thought, & probably one we may all be guilty of not doing. And does not love overlook many faults?

[heartstrings]

Sometimes it concerns me that adults in the church my kids look up to and respect and love have a very good possibility of getting angry, or leaving, or just treating the kids in a way they should not.

What would be the best way to explain to your child WHY an adult that they loved and respected, and thought loved them in return, starts behaving wrongly? Do you just tell them that anybody who is not following the Lord will backslide? But if the child does not see them as backslidden, then....

Just worrying a bit ahead I guess....got a questionable text from someone today, a family that's been giving problems, and my kids really look up to them. I'm wondering how to explain it to my kids if things start to get rocky (openly, rather than a simple undercurrent.)

Has your husband gone to the head of the family "in the spirit of meekness "and tried to humbly ask them what is wrong? That would be the first thing I would do. And if it is found that they feel that your family has offended them in some way, have you humbly apologized and tried to make amends?