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Do Wives Have To Love Their Husbands?


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Maybe I'm missing something big, but I don't understand the quibble about whether or not wives are commanded to love their husbands. I think they are. Not only is the command implicit in Titus 2, but we are repeatedly enjoined to "love one another" as believers in Christ. That would include loving husbands, wives, children, etc. (Or maybe that would fall more under "loving our enemies" ;) ...but any way you slice it, a wife should indeed love her husband.)

Like I said, I don't see what the big deal is about this. Maybe someone could tell me what it has to do with this discussion.


Actually, it has everything to do with the discussion, because that's what the thread is about. :icon_mrgreen:

I understand what you're saying, but don't completely agree with you. Proper reverence of the husband can lead to love if it isn't already there, but love doesn't always lead to reverence (we can love someone and still rebel against them...just as Christians do Christ. The argument might be made that we then do not love them, but I would disagree. We are all human...) Yes, we are told to love one another, but the love spouses have for each other is different than you or I would have for our neighbor. [loving your enemies...that's good!! :biggrin: ]

I agree that a wife should love her husband. But I don't think a woman has to be ordered by God to do so...God made us to naturally respond to our husbands, and if they love us they God has indeed commanded them to, we will, normally, respond.
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Actually, it has everything to do with the discussion, because that's what the thread is about. :icon_mrgreen:

I understand what you're saying, but don't completely agree with you. Proper reverence of the husband can lead to love if it isn't already there, but love doesn't always lead to reverence (we can love someone and still rebel against them...just as Christians do Christ. The argument might be made that we then do not love them, but I would disagree. We are all human...) Yes, we are told to love one another, but the love spouses have for each other is different than you or I would have for our neighbor. [loving your enemies...that's good!! :biggrin: ]

I agree that a wife should love her husband. But I don't think a woman has to be ordered by God to do so...God made us to naturally respond to our husbands, and if they love us they God has indeed commanded them to, we will, normally, respond.

I guess maybe we are looking at different ideas of what love is. I'm thinking I Corithians 13...not "romantic love." I don't think wives are commanded to love their husbands romantically at all. I'm sure many wives in ancient/Bible times didn't feel an ounce of romantic love for their husbands, just because of the way marriage was arranged and carried out. Spouses could be twenty to thirty years apart in age, etc. I don't think a wife is "in sin" if she does not "feel" romantic love for her husband at some point. But I do maintain that all believers are commanded to have true love one for another. True love is action, not feeling. The "love for husbands" in Titus 2 is a love that can be taught, not a naturally occurring infatuation or romantic love. Edited by Annie
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I guess maybe we are looking at different ideas of what love is. I'm thinking I Corithians 13...not "romantic love." I don't think wives are commanded to love their husbands romantically at all. I'm sure many wives in ancient/Bible times didn't feel an ounce of romantic love for their husbands, just because of the way marriage was arranged and carried out. Spouses could be twenty to thirty years apart in age, etc. I don't think a wife is "in sin" if she does not "feel" romantic love for her husband at some point. But I do maintain that all believers are commanded to have true love one for another. True love is action, not feeling.

Mayhap we are thinking along the same lines...because I agree with what you said here. Even with the command to love one another, though, the love that spouses have towards each other is still different from what they would have towards their neighbors. I'm not talking about feeling, either. Any of us who have been married for 10 years or more can testify that love, as it grows deeper, is definitely not feeling! But I still maintain that if a woman does not reverence her husband (which is not the same thing as love), love will not grow.
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Mayhap we are thinking along the same lines...because I agree with what you said here. Even with the command to love one another, though, the love that spouses have towards each other is still different from what they would have towards their neighbors. I'm not talking about feeling, either. Any of us who have been married for 10 years or more can testify that love, as it grows deeper, is definitely not feeling! But I still maintain that if a woman does not reverence her husband (which is not the same thing as love), love will not grow.

Yeah, maybe so...I've never really thought about any connections between reverence and love as far as the wife's development goes. The wife is commanded to reverence and love her husband, and God knows best, doesn't He?
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No, CC, you're reading something into the verses that isn't there. Any command or exhortation in those verses is given to the older women. They are to teach (train) younger women how to be the right kind of Christian, the right kind of wife, and the right kind of mother. That verse isn't a command for a wife to love her husband


In a court of law, it is. I learned in the military that, although I may not have received an order directly from the commander, I was still under the obligation to obey--or else. No reading in beyond common logic. This is basic rightly dividing of the word here.
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In a court of law, it is. I learned in the military that, although I may not have received an order directly from the commander, I was still under the obligation to obey--or else. No reading in beyond common logic. This is basic rightly dividing of the word here.

I see what you are saying, CC, but I think you are missing the point. This love is something which can be taught (which is a "work in progress" kind of a thing), not necessarily something that a wife will naturally know how to do all at once. Commanding is a bit different than teaching, isn't it? Commanding a child (who has no idea how to play basketball) to "play basketball" is futile; no matter how much the child wants to obey, he doesn't know how to do it. But teaching the child to play basketball is the means by which the command is fulfilled. Same with loving husbands in Titus 2. It does no good to say, "Well, wives are commanded to love their husbands, so why isn't my wife loving me like I want her to?" According to Titus 2, wives need to be taught these things. They need to be mentored and guided along.

Now, yes, as HC and I have been saying, there are ample descriptions in Scripture of the kinds of love that all Christians should have for all other Christians....I Cor. 13, etc. All of us need to be showing this kind of love to one another, and this is a great place to start in the husband/wife relationship, too, as these actions are very applicable to home life...suffering long, being kind, not vaunting oneself, not behaving unseemly, seeking not her own, etc. Edited by Annie
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I see what you are saying, CC, but I think you are missing the point. This love is something which can be taught (which is a "work in progress" kind of a thing), not necessarily something that a wife will naturally know how to do. Commanding is a bit different than teaching, isn't it? Commanding a child (who has no idea how to play basketball) to "play basketball" is futile; no matter how much the child wants to obey, he doesn't know how to do it. But teaching the child to play basketball is the means by which the command is fulfilled. Same with loving husbands in Titus 2. It does no good to say, "Well, wives are commanded to love their husbands, so why isn't my wife loving me like I want her to?" According to Titus 2, wives need to be taught these things. They need to be mentored and guided along.

Now, yes, as HC and I have been saying, there are ample descriptions in Scripture of the kinds of love that all Christians should have for all other Christians....I Cor. 13, etc. All of us need to be showing this kind of love to one another, and this is a great place to start in the husband/wife relationship, too, as these actions are very applicable to home life...suffering long, being kind, not vaunting oneself, not behaving unseemly, seeking not her own, etc.

Great post, loved your analogy!
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I see what you are saying, CC, but I think you are missing the point. This love is something which can be taught (which is a "work in progress" kind of a thing), not necessarily something that a wife will naturally know how to do. Commanding is a bit different than teaching, isn't it? Commanding a child (who has no idea how to play basketball) to "play basketball" is futile; no matter how much the child wants to obey, he doesn't know how to do it. But teaching the child to play basketball is the means by which the command is fulfilled. Same with loving husbands in Titus 2. It does no good to say, "Well, wives are commanded to love their husbands, so why isn't my wife loving me like I want her to?" According to Titus 2, wives need to be taught these things. They need to be mentored and guided along.

Now, yes, as HC and I have been saying, there are ample descriptions in Scripture of the kinds of love that all Christians should have for all other Christians....I Cor. 13, etc. All of us need to be showing this kind of love to one another, and this is a great place to start in the husband/wife relationship, too, as these actions are very applicable to home life...suffering long, being kind, not vaunting oneself, not behaving unseemly, seeking not her own, etc.

:thumb:
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While husbands are commanded to love their wives; the wives are commanded not to love their husbands, but rather, to respect them.
should read:
While husbands are commanded to love their wives; the wives are not commanded to love their husbands, but rather, to respect them.
Be it understood that the relationship between husband and wife now commanded did not need to be said before there was sin. Both Adam and Eve (Adam named her this after the sin in the Garden) had their proper Godly relationship. Adam loved his wife. (Adam named "woman" [Gen 2:23] and clave unto her [Gen 2:24] without being commanded to). The woman was Adams' help meet [Gen 2:20 shows this is the true purpose the woman originally had], a word in English, Hebrew, and Aramaic denoting not just helping, but helping with a respectful attitude by meeting needs.

All that being said, something which may help is the fact that, generally speaking, women do not have a problem loving with emotion and words. Men, however, once again speaking generally, do have a problem showing love in a way the woman understands. Original sin still reaches through the years.

Women do have a different problem. They have a problem with authority (See Genesis 3) and respect. Men understand authority and respect.

Satan, the serpent, has continued to attack the truths of the proper position and attitude of the husband and wife as God wanted it to be in the Garden of Eden. The wife was to be a help meet (reverence), and the husband to cleave (love). So now what?

As Christians, we all, men and women, are to love and to have proper reverence. However, each gender has its' strengths and weaknesses. These weaknesses are strengthened by renewing our minds to the Holy Bible, just as the strengths are tempered to not go to excess by renewing our minds also. This is one of the reasons we should memorize and obey Scripture.

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Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

One thing hardly any wife's will do, that is submit them self unto their husband, yet the Bible tells them to submit their self to their husbands in everything. What they want is to be the leader of the family, the community, the country, and most certainly the leader at church.

If the woman would obey God in this matter she would find that she would receive much more love and respect from her husband. Yet it seems there be few women that likes the roll God has given them. But I have to say, there's many men that refuses the roll God has placed them in. But some of that could be cured if many women were not be so head strong bossing their husbands around.

trell, Its very difficult, or should I say impossible, for the woman to give her husband the proper godly reverence, respect, when she is trying to be the boss and refuses to fulfill the roll in life God has given her.

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Many women have been indoctrinated in the public school system to accept a great deal of radical feminism. The same is true of many who have grown up in churches. Many churches today have adopted many aspects of radical feminism.

Truly biblical wives are often looked down upon by many women who profess to be Christians.

Unfortunately, most men have been raised in similar ways. They have no real concept of biblical husbandhood and fear to confront their wives and daughters with regards to Scriptural matters pertaining to them.

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Sad to say there's not many biblical wife's out there in the world, and not many of them in the churches of America to set an example teaching the young women as spoken of in Titus chapter 2.

Now I hope the women do not think I'm picking on them, for the same thing can be spoken about the men.

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While husbands are commanded to love their wives; the wives are commanded not to love their husbands, but rather, to respect them.
should read:
While husbands are commanded to love their wives; the wives are not commanded to love their husbands, but rather, to respect them.
Be it understood that the relationship between husband and wife now commanded did not need to be said before there was sin. Both Adam and Eve (Adam named her this after the sin in the Garden) had their proper Godly relationship. Adam loved his wife. (Adam named "woman" [Gen 2:23] and clave unto her [Gen 2:24] without being commanded to). The woman was Adams' help meet [Gen 2:20 shows this is the true purpose the woman originally had], a word in English, Hebrew, and Aramaic denoting not just helping, but helping with a respectful attitude by meeting needs.

All that being said, something which may help is the fact that, generally speaking, women do not have a problem loving with emotion and words. Men, however, once again speaking generally, do have a problem showing love in a way the woman understands. Original sin still reaches through the years.

Women do have a different problem. They have a problem with authority (See Genesis 3) and respect. Men understand authority and respect.

Satan, the serpent, has continued to attack the truths of the proper position and attitude of the husband and wife as God wanted it to be in the Garden of Eden. The wife was to be a help meet (reverence), and the husband to cleave (love). So now what?

As Christians, we all, men and women, are to love and to have proper reverence. However, each gender has its' strengths and weaknesses. These weaknesses are strengthened by renewing our minds to the Holy Bible, just as the strengths are tempered to not go to excess by renewing our minds also. This is one of the reasons we should memorize and obey Scripture.


Yes, God definitely wants wives to love their husbands: Aand any woman who truly loves her husband will WANT to do him good and that includes showing the honour and respect. Men are commanded to love their spouses, but older women are commanded to live in such a way as to be an example for the younger women so that they can teach them to do likewise.

Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Edited by heartstrings
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Yes, God definitely wants wives to love their husbands: Aand any woman who truly loves her husband will WANT to do him good and that includes showing the honour and respect. Men are commanded to love their spouses, but older women are commanded to live in such a way as to be an example for the younger women so that they can teach them to do likewise.

Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Unfortunately, many of the aged women today were brought up with radical feminism and they still hold to much of it and bring it into the churches with them. Typically their daughters and granddaughters hold more to radical feminism than biblical womanhood too.

I'm thankful for those women who do hold to biblical womanhood, who live it, example it, and share it with other women.
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An age-old problem: pointing the finger at the opposite sex. Isn't that one of the first things Adam did after he sinned?
We know that Proverbs 31 describes a perfect godly woman, but if one studies it a little closer, he will see that it also describes the perfect family. The Family in Proverbs 31 builds each other up. It's full of love, joy and honor. We all need to read 1 Peter chapter 3 and see it pertains to all of us The question was: "Do Wives Have To Love Their Husbands?" the short answer is, NO, they don't. None of us really has to do anything God says to do. But if we all choose to love and honor, and respect each other, like it says in 1 Peter 3, we can have wonderful families like the one in Proverbs 31.

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