Jump to content
  • Welcome Guest

    For an ad free experience on Online Baptist, Please login or register for free

How do you ask nicely?


Recommended Posts

  • Members

I consider myself a kind, respectful person but I do have my hiccups. I've always had a temper but most of the time I can keep it in check but occasionally it gets the better of me but not as often as it used to.

With that said, there is a gentleman in our church that comes with his family of 4 (spouse, daughter and son). They used to attend a church called International Baptist Church which leans very liberal. The only reason they've stayed thus far (been coming to every service for the last 2 months or so) is because his wife really likes it at our church. He has mentioned that he enjoys the IBC more but has not stated why (guessing it has something to do with the Holy Spirit convicting him in our church).

Anyway, the guy continues to look at his cellphone the entire service or play with his children in the hallway and it eats at me constantly. Sure, he might have the Bible on his cellphone but once we read from scripture in the beginning I only briefly glance back at my Bible if we read scripture again or to clarify something in my head. It really gets on my nerves that his nose is in his phone the entire service but do you broach the topic? Is there a nice way to ask what is so interesting in your phone? Or do you allow him to keep his course and let God sort it out? Do you allow the conviction of the Holy Spirit do His work or say something and risk alienating him? Or do you say something innocently like "Do you have a Bible application on your phone?" and see if he gets the hint? Not really sure I want to beat around the bush, like to say it plainly but not with any disdain.

As I was typing this, I decided it's best I don't say anything and should just bring it to someone else (the Pastor) that has more tact than I do. But, I'll leave the post intact anyway in case there was any discussion it might generate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 36
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Administrators

Perhaps you could take him under your wing and befriend him. It could be more than just lack of conviction that is causing him to like his old church better (and, really, kudos to him for staying in a stronger church for his wife!). As you get to know him, you could work with things like this. You could ask him about the phone, but he would then be justified in asking you in turn why in the world you are paying so much attention to him...I'm not saying you shouldn't notice him looking at his phone, but that could be his reaction. I had a similar situation in college. A college mate was sitting next to me and writing during prayer in chapel. I could feel her doing something, and so glanced over and saw. When I mentioned it to her afterwards, her first words were, "what were you doing looking during prayer?" I told her why, but still the defensive attitude was there. I didn't mean to sound superior, but to her I could have - and, if you don't know him that well, and by your post it seems that he already upsets you (and he prOBably knows it), he could feel that you are just picking. KWIM?

I know we are supposed to be bold and confront sin - but Jesus did say to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I have an iPhone and I can attest to the fact that it can be a tremendous distraction.

It is for that very reason that I keep the phone turned off and buried deep in my purse during the entire service (including socializing afterwards). I do have a Bible application on the phone and I do use it to read Bible verses while I'm in line at the grocery store or waiting for my tires to be rotated. The prOBlem with these web-enabled phones is that it is much too easy to switch instantly from reading your Bible to checking your e-mail or visiting a favorite web site. You do that literally with the flick of a finger.

I guess I can't help but wonder if the gentleman of whom you speak is succumbing a little bit to those distractions. It would be so easy to do.

One of the main reasons that I never bring out my phone while I am at a church service or activity related to church service is because I do not want to ever cause any brother or sister in Christ a moment's concern or distraction over what I might be doing. Yes, theoretically, I could be looking at my Bible on my phone. But Brother and Sister John Doe two pews over might not know that and it could very easily be a distraction to them. I feel responsible for not doing anything that would even give an appearance of evil.

Forgive my long-winded and rambling response. I guess this is an issue that is close to my heart because I really do know how distracting these web-enabled phones can be. It could easily be an occasion to sin. Perhaps your Pastor could give some guidance on this issue that would be beneficial to everyone in the congregation. I know I wouldn't mind hearing something like that from the pulpit. Sometimes we need to be reminded how very pervasive these darned technological devices can be in our lives, and how easily they can lead us into distraction and perhaps even sin.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My husband prOBably would not say anything.

The farthest he goes with stuff like that (say spending time out in the hallway) would be to bring up in a sermon the fact that conviction often makes you feel like getting up and leaving, etc (something tactful that would be Biblical and not too ostracizing).

Unless you have rules about your services, there's really nothing you can do unless he's plainly bothering those around him...then I guess you'd have to approach him nicely and say its a distraction, and offer a nursery for his kids or some other helpful idea.

We had a guy who felt he'd been in church so long he didn't need to hear anything new...so he would wander around doing anything he could find...doing the sound booth, working in the kitchen, sitting with his baby in the nursery....anything he could find that he "had" to do instead of sit in the service.

Since all of those things were technically "allowed" for any other church member...there was nothing he could really say, other than preach hard. The people eventually stopped coming anyway, for one reason or other, although they still consider themselves members.

I think he's had people looking at cell phones too...now with internet and stuff, people can easily check sports scores and stuff during church. Oh well. Preach against it. haha.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I have an iPhone and I can attest to the fact that it can be a tremendous distraction.

It is for that very reason that I keep the phone turned off and buried deep in my purse during the entire service (including socializing afterwards). I do have a Bible application on the phone and I do use it to read Bible verses while I'm in line at the grocery store or waiting for my tires to be rotated. The prOBlem with these web-enabled phones is that it is much too easy to switch instantly from reading your Bible to checking your e-mail or visiting a favorite web site. You do that literally with the flick of a finger.

I guess I can't help but wonder if the gentleman of whom you speak is succumbing a little bit to those distractions. It would be so easy to do.

One of the main reasons that I never bring out my phone while I am at a church service or activity related to church service is because I do not want to ever cause any brother or sister in Christ a moment's concern or distraction over what I might be doing. Yes, theoretically, I could be looking at my Bible on my phone. But Brother and Sister John Doe two pews over might not know that and it could very easily be a distraction to them. I feel responsible for not doing anything that would even give an appearance of evil.

Forgive my long-winded and rambling response. I guess this is an issue that is close to my heart because I really do know how distracting these web-enabled phones can be. It could easily be an occasion to sin. Perhaps your Pastor could give some guidance on this issue that would be beneficial to everyone in the congregation. I know I wouldn't mind hearing something like that from the pulpit. Sometimes we need to be reminded how very pervasive these darned technological devices can be in our lives, and how easily they can lead us into distraction and perhaps even sin.


AMEN, Sis! Great post!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My husband prOBably would not say anything.

The farthest he goes with stuff like that (say spending time out in the hallway) would be to bring up in a sermon the fact that conviction often makes you feel like getting up and leaving, etc (something tactful that would be Biblical and not too ostracizing).

Unless you have rules about your services, there's really nothing you can do unless he's plainly bothering those around him...then I guess you'd have to approach him nicely and say its a distraction, and offer a nursery for his kids or some other helpful idea.

We had a guy who felt he'd been in church so long he didn't need to hear anything new...so he would wander around doing anything he could find...doing the sound booth, working in the kitchen, sitting with his baby in the nursery....anything he could find that he "had" to do instead of sit in the service.

Since all of those things were technically "allowed" for any other church member...there was nothing he could really say, other than preach hard. The people eventually stopped coming anyway, for one reason or other, although they still consider themselves members.

I think he's had people looking at cell phones too...now with internet and stuff, people can easily check sports scores and stuff during church. Oh well. Preach against it. haha.


What's up with the laugh at the end of your post? Preachers, including our pastor, do preach against it!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks for the replies. Here is a little more info:

We have been very kind to this gentleman and have included in everything (except member only type things). I've talked to him when my time permits and we do have some things in common (he is a retired Navy Chief E-7) and I'm a Gunnery Sergeant (E-7). And, there is a nursery available for his children but he is very clingy with his son. His son hangs on him throughout the services (his son is around 4 years old)...many times he won't stand at the end of service when we close with prayer, he'll just continue to look at his cellphone.

Once he did leave service and went into the nursery and just stayed there with his kid which was very uncomfortable for the women that were in there (especially the ones that nurse)...

It would be one thing is this guy was like 21 years old and maybe wasn't taught respect, discipline and the like but he is retired (20 years in the Navy) and acts like his mother never taught him how to act. It's very frustrating.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Our preacher used to make an announcement at the beginning of the service, to "please turn off all cell phones during the preaching". Invariably though, someone's phone would ring (that was his explanation for the announcement--that when a phone rings, it distracts from the Word of God; who can argue with that). It did keep it down most of the time though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Our preacher used to make an announcement at the beginning of the service, to "please turn off all cell phones during the preaching". Invariably though, someone's phone would ring (that was his explanation for the announcement--that when a phone rings, it distracts from the Word of God; who can argue with that). It did keep it down most of the time though.


This occurred during a revival meeting a few years ago; the phone was in the possession of a visiting preacher. Very embarrassing!!!! Also during the meeting, someone accidentally hit the panic button on their auto key. Satan was determined to disrupt the service. A few weeks ago while in church I couldn't remember if I had turned my phone off; this was on my mind during the service. I struggled with whether to take the phone out and turn it off or just hope it didn't ring. My policy now is to just leave it at home whenever possible. I remember many, many years ago my dad telling me that the worse things to hit this country was TELEVISIONS and TELEPHONES.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I was at a service one Sunday when a cell phone rang unexpectedly a few pews over, and the pastor actually yelled at the person. I felt so bad for everyone involved. The person whose phone had rung simply forgot to turn it off and was terribly embarrassed. The pastor immediately realized he might have been a little over-enthusiastic in his response and actually apologized right there from the pulpit in front of everyone. It was one of the most remarkable demonstrations of pastoral humility I have ever had the privilege of witnessing. But you know, I don't think I ever heard another phone ring in that church!

I have thought about leaving my phone at home, but I guess I like to have it with me in case I have car trouble driving to and from service. I really agree with Brother K's comment about the decline of American society from telephones and television!

I don't think I have ever had my cell phone actually ring while I was in church, but I think that's prOBably because only my friends have my number and all my friends are sitting around me in church, too!

It sounds like this gentleman needs prayer, and I think you are truly wonderful for trying to befriend him. You are prOBably the only faithful Christian man who has actually tried to speak cordially with him. Who knows what seeds your kindness is planting in his heart?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

"As I was typing this, I decided it's best I don't say anything and should just bring it to someone else (the Pastor) that has more tact than I do. But, I'll leave the post intact anyway in case there was any discussion it might generate."

Totally agree with your decision to let the Pastor know your concern. For the most part; the fewer people involved is the best way to go!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Administrators

When we have special services, one of the pastors asks that all cell phones be turned off. Our preacher has mentioned it in sermons, and there have been times when a phone has rung in the middle of the sermon. Sometimes he will just stop until the phone stops ringing. Other times he will make a comment on it. I carry my cell phone with me in case of accidents or whatever. My hubby is with me, but we have been rear-ended on the way to church before (it's been about a year and a half since the last one) and so want to have quick access to a phone. I usually turn it off in the van on the way to church, so we both know it's off. There have been times in the evening that I forget, so I quietly take it out, turn it on manner and then shut it off - that way there is no noise as it shuts down.

Dennis, since you have befriended him already, maybe you should speak to him. The Bible tells us that we are to restore one another - but we are to make sure we are spiritually motivated and prepared, so that we aren't in the flesh as we do it. Get beyond your anger at his actions, though, so that there is no anger as you approach him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Its unbelievable at the number of people here in 2010 that go around with their face stuck to their cell phone not noticing anyone they meet.

Maybe the fellow is playing games.


Unfortunately, you're right! In the words of the old message title, he's "Playing Games At The Foot Of The Cross!"
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks for the replies. Here is a little more info:

We have been very kind to this gentleman and have included in everything (except member only type things). I've talked to him when my time permits and we do have some things in common (he is a retired Navy Chief E-7) and I'm a Gunnery Sergeant (E-7). And, there is a nursery available for his children but he is very clingy with his son. His son hangs on him throughout the services (his son is around 4 years old)...many times he won't stand at the end of service when we close with prayer, he'll just continue to look at his cellphone.

Once he did leave service and went into the nursery and just stayed there with his kid which was very uncomfortable for the women that were in there (especially the ones that nurse)...

It would be one thing is this guy was like 21 years old and maybe wasn't taught respect, discipline and the like but he is retired (20 years in the Navy) and acts like his mother never taught him how to act. It's very frustrating.


Now that right there, is uncalled-for!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...