Members bzmomo7 Posted January 2, 2009 Members Share Posted January 2, 2009 Ok, I am already in the teen years with my girls, and it is going ok over-all but my oldest son is starting to give me a fuss. He is 13 and he is starting to test me, mostly with his mouth. He doesn't do this to his father (my hubby is about 6' 3" and weighs about 230lb.) but I'm 5' and my guy has about 4 inches on me. I'm thinking the size issue is making him more bold. Anyway, I was wondering if any of you on here have had a similiar problem and how you handled it, and or what kind of discipline techniques you used. Feel free to PM me if you want to do that as well. I have 4 sons, and whatever this one gets away with, I know will be compounded in my others. I plan on talking to my hubby about it over the weekend, but he isn't really seeing the problem quite the same because most of it is going on while he is gone at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators HappyChristian Posted January 2, 2009 Administrators Share Posted January 2, 2009 pm'd you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members John81 Posted January 3, 2009 Members Share Posted January 3, 2009 Our oldest son got that way. He's a couple inches taller than my wife and I. I made it clear that his size wasn't a factor because he was going to mind and I was more than able to lay down the law regardless of his size or age. During the course of this I made it clear to him that anything he did to disrespect his mother would be met with swift repercussions as soon as I found out. As most know, we've had a lot of trouble with this one and while my actions didn't make him "go straight" they did back him down some and I believe kept him from pushing the boundaries any further. Perhaps most important was the lesson our youngest son received in witnessing how his older brothers misdeeds were dealt with. The main thing is to make sure the boy knows he's still a boy (not a grown man) and that he's still expected to honour and respect his parents or swift and sure punishment will consistently happen. This is rather natural with most all boys, it's just the extent to which they take this testing that differs. I can still remember testing my dad one day when I was in my mid-teens. It was a short test :Green Dad passed with flying colors! :thumb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Danny Carlton Posted January 3, 2009 Members Share Posted January 3, 2009 I hope this doesn't sound accusatory, but I've found that children, especially boys, will show just as much honor and obedience to their mother, that their mother shows to their father. You have to set the example for them. If you don't, it's pretty much an impossible job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pastorj Posted January 3, 2009 Members Share Posted January 3, 2009 I agree with Danny to an extent. That is true most of the time. I also agree with John. You must squash this behavior. My son is 11 and has started early at time with his mouth towards me. It is met quickly with the rod on the place God prepared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anon Posted January 3, 2009 Members Share Posted January 3, 2009 I hope this doesn't sound accusatory' date=' but I've found that children, especially boys, will show just as much honor and obedience to their mother, that their mother shows to their father. You have to set the example for them. If you don't, it's pretty much an impossible job.[/quote'] This is very true as, honestly, I have seen my own mistakes and faults reflected in my children, especially my oldest son. Its pretty sad when I get upset with my son, and then realize he was more or less mirroring something I said or did either earlier that day, or at an earlier date. Wow. Sobering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pixie Posted January 3, 2009 Members Share Posted January 3, 2009 A Pastor preached something that changed everything about how my son was raised. You may have heard this before but this was a revolation for me.... YOU CAN NEVER LEAD YOUR CHILDREN WHERE YOU HAVEN'T TRAVELED!! This lead me to one thought after another... iF YOU PICTURE YOUR CHILDREN READING THEIR BIBLES REGULARLY STUDYING HIS WORD IN DEPTH---you must be doing this! If you picture your children serving the Lord>>>going door to door< handing out tracks and witnessing---YOU MUST BE DOING THIS! If you want your children to sincerely praying for others---YOU MUST BE A PRAYER WARRIOR FIRST AND LET THEM SEE THE POWER OF PRAYER !!! If you want your children to stand up for His word, never wavering and knowing their Bible...YOU MUST ALWAYS STAND UP FOR HIS WORD, NEVER WAVERING AND KNOW YOUR BIBLE!!! IF SOMEONE CONFROUNTS MY SON ABOUT THE LORDS WORD I DON'T GIVE HIM---of course when he was young I lead him thru how to find the information--- THE ANSWER. I SAY "CHAPTER AND VERSE"! IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO RESPECT THEIR FATHERS...OBEY YOUR HUSBANDS! PLUS --WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOUR CHILD THEY WILL BE TURNING A TEENAGER SOON AND THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO CONTROL THEMSELVES I ALWAYS EXPLAINED TO MY SON THAT'S AN INSULT TO YOUR CHARACTER... THEY'RE FORGETTING YOU HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT LIVIVG INSIDE OF YOU. I ALSO ALWAYS EXPLAINED TO HIM IF SOMETHING IS WRONG AND YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE TO REMEMBER YOU AND THE LORD ARE ALWAYS A MAJORITY!!! Also remember know one on their deathbed and said " I wish I'd made more money! No they always wish they had spent more time serving ( or in some cases geting to know Him!) the LORD Jesus, spent more time with their spouse and more time with their children. Tell the people TODAY you love them, thank them and hug them NOW you may not have a tommorrow. What kind of legacy will you leave? It all depends NOT on what the LORD throws your way BUT HOW YOU RESPOND !!! Your sister in Christ---Pixie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members John81 Posted January 3, 2009 Members Share Posted January 3, 2009 A Pastor preached something that changed everything about how my son was raised. You may have heard this before but this was a revolation for me.... YOU CAN NEVER LEAD YOUR CHILDREN WHERE YOU HAVEN'T TRAVELED!! This lead me to one thought after another... iF YOU PICTURE YOUR CHILDREN READING THEIR BIBLES REGULARLY STUDYING HIS WORD IN DEPTH---you must be doing this! If you picture your children serving the Lord>>>going door to door< handing out tracks and witnessing---YOU MUST BE DOING THIS! If you want your children to sincerely praying for others---YOU MUST BE A PRAYER WARRIOR FIRST AND LET THEM SEE THE POWER OF PRAYER !!! If you want your children to stand up for His word' date=' never wavering and knowing their Bible...YOU MUST ALWAYS STAND UP FOR HIS WORD, NEVER WAVERING AND KNOW YOUR BIBLE!!! IF SOMEONE CONFROUNTS MY SON ABOUT THE LORDS WORD I DON'T GIVE HIM---of course when he was young I lead him thru how to find the information--- THE ANSWER. I SAY "CHAPTER AND VERSE"! IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO RESPECT THEIR FATHERS...OBEY YOUR HUSBANDS! PLUS --WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOUR CHILD THEY WILL BE TURNING A TEENAGER SOON AND THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO CONTROL THEMSELVES I ALWAYS EXPLAINED TO MY SON THAT'S AN INSULT TO YOUR CHARACTER... THEY'RE FORGETTING YOU HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT LIVIVG INSIDE OF YOU. I ALSO ALWAYS EXPLAINED TO HIM IF SOMETHING IS WRONG AND YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE TO REMEMBER YOU AND THE LORD ARE ALWAYS A MAJORITY!!! Also remember know one on their deathbed and said " I wish I'd made more money! No they always wish they had spent more time serving ( or in some cases geting to know Him!) the LORD Jesus, spent more time with their spouse and more time with their children. Tell the people TODAY you love them, thank them and hug them NOW you may not have a tommorrow. What kind of legacy will you leave? It all depends NOT on what the LORD throws your way BUT HOW YOU RESPOND !!! Your sister in Christ---Pixie[/quote'] :amen: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members joyfulpraise93 Posted January 4, 2009 Members Share Posted January 4, 2009 This is very interesting! Wow, with our little boy due this month...I'd better be sure to pray all the more that I can be a good example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anon Posted January 4, 2009 Members Share Posted January 4, 2009 Its tough...it really is.... I think that's what we fight most around here. Not discipline or permissiveness or anything else...just plain example...parental moodiness or crankiness or impatience rubs off faster than you think. Its really hard esp for me as I don't have the best personality to begin with! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blossom Posted January 4, 2009 Members Share Posted January 4, 2009 I hope this doesn't sound accusatory' date=' but I've found that children, especially boys, will show just as much honor and obedience to their mother, that their mother shows to their father. You have to set the example for them. If you don't, it's pretty much an impossible job.[/quote'] I'm not disagreeing with you Mr Danny Carlton and I have not taken any offense but I would have thought the reflection would have been how a father treats his wife. Do you think it works both ways or if you think it's particularly how the wife responds to her husband, why?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blossom Posted January 4, 2009 Members Share Posted January 4, 2009 A Pastor preached something that changed everything about how my son was raised. You may have heard this before but this was a revolation for me.... YOU CAN NEVER LEAD YOUR CHILDREN WHERE YOU HAVEN'T TRAVELED!! This lead me to one thought after another... iF YOU PICTURE YOUR CHILDREN READING THEIR BIBLES REGULARLY STUDYING HIS WORD IN DEPTH---you must be doing this! If you picture your children serving the Lord>>>going door to door< handing out tracks and witnessing---YOU MUST BE DOING THIS! If you want your children to sincerely praying for others---YOU MUST BE A PRAYER WARRIOR FIRST AND LET THEM SEE THE POWER OF PRAYER !!! If you want your children to stand up for His word' date=' never wavering and knowing their Bible...YOU MUST ALWAYS STAND UP FOR HIS WORD, NEVER WAVERING AND KNOW YOUR BIBLE!!! IF SOMEONE CONFROUNTS MY SON ABOUT THE LORDS WORD I DON'T GIVE HIM---of course when he was young I lead him thru how to find the information--- THE ANSWER. I SAY "CHAPTER AND VERSE"! IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO RESPECT THEIR FATHERS...OBEY YOUR HUSBANDS! PLUS --WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOUR CHILD THEY WILL BE TURNING A TEENAGER SOON AND THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO CONTROL THEMSELVES I ALWAYS EXPLAINED TO MY SON THAT'S AN INSULT TO YOUR CHARACTER... THEY'RE FORGETTING YOU HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT LIVIVG INSIDE OF YOU. I ALSO ALWAYS EXPLAINED TO HIM IF SOMETHING IS WRONG AND YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE TO REMEMBER YOU AND THE LORD ARE ALWAYS A MAJORITY!!! Also remember know one on their deathbed and said " I wish I'd made more money! No they always wish they had spent more time serving ( or in some cases geting to know Him!) the LORD Jesus, spent more time with their spouse and more time with their children. Tell the people TODAY you love them, thank them and hug them NOW you may not have a tommorrow. What kind of legacy will you leave? It all depends NOT on what the LORD throws your way BUT HOW YOU RESPOND !!! Your sister in Christ---Pixie[/quote'] Thanks for this Pixie, even though I know to lead by example it always good to hear it again and again. :goodpost: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anon Posted January 4, 2009 Members Share Posted January 4, 2009 I am sure both ways play a part but I have seen MY attitude reflect in my sons...and most of all, my firstborn son. I don't know why...maybe because boys love their mothers so much in general... but since the mother is to respect the father, then the children look to their mother to see how much respect that authority "truly" deserves by her actions. Maybe I just make more mistakes than my husband, but I honestly see more of my mistakes in my children than I do his. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members futurehope Posted January 4, 2009 Members Share Posted January 4, 2009 Everyone has made some really good posts here. I might add to the theory about boys and their mothers that this is very true as to how a boy respects and responds to his father. But when they reach this age of adolescence, it is when the tide turns. They have already learned from their mother how they are going to treat their father. Now they start learning from their father how to treat their mother. Up until this point in their life, mom has been needed to care for them - feed them, take care of them when they are hurt or upset, but that starts going away. Mom isn't as "needed" any more (in their eyes), and has now become either a burden or a bonus. Now they are going to learn from dad a little more. And it goes much deeper than how they treat their mother, because how they learn to treat her is how they will treat their wife once they get married. So be careful dads in how you teach your sons. Funny thing is, it doesn't fit this way with daughters - amazing how God made them different right fromthe very start (but don't tell that to secular phsycologists). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anon Posted January 4, 2009 Members Share Posted January 4, 2009 Umm I dunno.... I didn't get along with Dad too well growing up...and I can tell that although of COURSE I get along with my hubby, LOL..... I struggle with things (like submission) that maybe I wouldn't struggle with so much if I had respected and admired my dad more. I guess I did admire my dad...but did not respect him in certain ways. We did not have a close relationship. I do think that a "Daddy's girl" probably makes a better wife than one who is not. Not always, because some dads are probably just jerks...but overall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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