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I went to a funeral of a man I've known since the 2nd grade. Before killing himself he too had health problems very similar to mine. I've seen him at the doctor's office from time to time. I have joint problems and arthritis, he did too but his was from toxic chemical exposure. I was told at the funeral the doctor told him it was going to get worse and worse. About 2 months ago I talked very seriously with him about going to church. He admitted to me he needed to clean himself up a bit, he was living with a woman and looked like he was in the Taliban. I have no idea how long it had been since his hair and beard has been trimmed. I agreed with him. He was a member of the big Southern Baptist Church here and I talked to him about at least going there. As far as I know I was the only one to talk to the man about not giving up. He told me right to my face he had dark times but was hanging in there. I told him there is always hope with God. That was two months ago. He never called to tell me he was falling apart. At the funeral not one of the four southern Baptist Pastors condemned any part of what he had done. One Pastor I've known for years said the Bible doesn't really mean a man shouldn't have long hair, that's just a culture thing. Another Pastor excused living together and talked about how much he loved his companion. Finally not one word about suicide being wrong or an offer to help anyone who might be feeling like killing themselves. They excused it too and said it's okay, he was in a lot of pain. All of this was said in the pulpit of the largest church in my county. I think so many excuses was made for his sins until finally killing himself was okay too. Well its not okay, if anyone reading this feels suicidal please let someone know. God will use a man or woman to help you. Sometimes we walk so near death we can see its shadow but God is with us and death does not get us. There is hope in Jesus Christ. Maybe you will be one of the rare people God gives a miracle. I've had very dark times myself and I can tell you God is there. I've heard it's only going to get worse from the doctors but God is still there and He helps. God will help you cope with the symptoms, and yes it might be your illness unto death but God will never leave you. Send me a pm or pm one of the ministers on this site or one of the mods, just let someone know. Please don't kill yourself, ask for help. Ken Smith