Step right up, folks! Experience the new and improved "Glitter Ashes™ to Go!" Come all ye on-the-go Papists, rapists and hedonistic heretics. Have no time to sit through your blasphemous masses? Just drive up and we'll give you your ashy forehead crosses right through your car window. Want a little more pizazz with your penance? A little razz-ma-tazz with your repentance? Try our new Glitter Ashes™! Who says you can't proudly display your sorrow and your sodomy for all the world to see? Our new Glitter Ashes™ are like an activist t-shirt for your forehead!
Church Teller: Welcome