Brother Rick

Don't you mean Chicken Little?

Of course, if you are actually referring to licking fried chicken, I, as an Independent Baptist, would agree whole heartedly that licking chicken is good for all saints regardless of the views on eschatology.

If you're finished with Pilgrims Progress you should get John Bunyan's Book entitled The Holy War. It is an excellent read!

Ohhhh no.   This girl doesn't do buffets.  Nope.  My kids whine and complain, but no buffets.  Period.  haha.  (Well once in awhile Daddy takes them if Mommy isn't around!)

I don't really want to meet any of you.  I kinda like the whole long distance ambiguity thing.
 
Just kidding.

You see this kind of wording from you is what keeps me confused about your stand.

You keep heavily defending the catholics, and then don't include yourself as "one of us".

This exactly the kind of talking I would expect of a catholic, but you continue to say you are not one.

It just doesn't seem to match up?

A friend of mine has a newspaper from Mexico City from just a couple years ago. In the paper is an advertisement  from the Catholic church there, posting a bounty for all Christian Missionaries and pastors killed. Its real, I've seen it. That they don't persecute in America doesn't mean they don't in third-world areas where they still have power. Also of note is that in many such countries, Catholics differentiate themselves from Christian-they don't claim the title-they are Catholic, not Christian.
 
No doubt that the Muslims are a greater threat physically, but spiritually, the RCC is a greater enemy, since so many are fooled into believeing they are Christian when they are nothing of the sort, but are the pagan offspring of Babylon. Their festivals and feasts are all of pagan origin, their use of idols and statues forbidden by the word of God, their Mariolatry straight out of Babylon's worship of the queen of Heaven. 

Ok, so I was at McDonald's last week, and in a weird mood on my laptop and started what turned into a three part story on FaceBook. I was going to quit after the first part, but people liked it and so I did a whole goofy story on it. Every part was a status update I did. I hope you guys like it too and don't think I'm too weird.



It was a cold day in middle of December; I was sitting at table in McDonalds ordering something online. All eyes shifted towards the door as four dark figures with labels on their lapels walked towards my table.

I never bothered to look up. "I don't want any trouble... elders."

"Word is around town that you're part of a group of rabble rousers bent on changing things," the oldest one said, "and that your leader DeMichele has given you folks the green light."

My right hand gently touched my 66 shooter. "Mind if I finish ordering my Christmas present?"

TO BE CONTINUED...





***



PART TWO:

You could cut the air with a knife. “I said, do you mind if I finish buying my Christmas present?”

“Depends,” the eighteen year old elder said, “What is it?”

“It’s a book about liberty…” I braced for what would happen next, “…soul liberty!”

A stick of Ephraim came down hard on the table, but I snatched the laptop off just in time. I emptied my glass in the other’s face; he staggered backwards as the special blend of McDees’s coke did its work on his vision.

“You must submit to the church!” he said as I rolled off the chair just in time to avoid a stick of Joseph to the head. The blow intended for me struck the third elder in the stomach; he doubled over.

Jumping back to my feet, I swung my laptop into the face of the nametag with a backpack. “HP, it’s a great brand.”

In less than ten seconds from when they had walked in, two men in dark apparel lay stunned at my feet. I had no time to gather my thoughts before I heard a quiet whirl from the other side of the room.

The D&C Gatling gun! Constructed in the dark corridors of evil, the D&C was the ultimate weapon of the men in black suits with white shirts. It spewed forth the bullets of confusion, the only cure for which was the legendary balm of Gilead.

I hurled myself behind the counter as the bullets licked at my shoelaces. They danced and chattered all over the tile barrier I was clinging to for dear life. My mind raced for an exit, but I was annoyed to realize that I was being flanked by the fourth black tie armed with the BOM shotgun.

My options were deteriorating faster than my cover…

TO BE CONTINUED...





***



And now the conclusion of the story....

(solid black, fade to text)

“…the kingdom of Heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.”

Matthew 11:12

(dramatic music)


PART THREE

The gunfight at the McDonalds corral wasn't going as planned. As tile and shrapnel exploded all around me, I couldn’t help but wonder how many people actually knew what these guys carried in their innocent looking backpacks. While the D&C was peppering the counter and destroying the cash registers over my head, his buddy Brigham was circling around blasting my position with his shotgun. In a matter of seconds I would be completely flanked and deader than an LDS Sunday school class.

I didn’t have a choice; I had to take my shot, and I had to do it now. The other guy cursed and muttered something about Maroni or macaroni or something like that, and as luck would have it, the Gatling gun jammed.

In one smooth movement I whirled around and drew my 66 shooter. The bullet found its target right between the eyes, and ricocheting off his bicycle helmet it knocked him backwards, unconscious. I made the mistake of hesitating for a moment as I saw him sprawled out on the floor.

I turned just to meet the full force of a BOM shotgun blast to my sternum. It lifted me off the floor and slammed me against the McCaffe machine. Slumping to the floor, I had nothing left. Everything was going black. Vision blurring, I barely saw his legs as he walked towards me. I winced in pain as he stepped on my wrist, kicking the 66 shooter away.

He put the barrel of the shotgun on my forehead, picking my head up. “Any last words, gracer?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, “let's see a tablet do this.”

Ripping the laptop out from under my bullet-riddled shirt, I knocked the shotgun away. Time slowed as I grasped and clawed for the 66 shooter. It was always there for me when I needed it, and I needed it now more than ever. In the twinkling of an eye I had it and there was another black suit on the floor with a cracked bike helmet.

I stood over the unconscious agents of evil, and was relieved it was over. I may have been outnumbered, but I was never outgunned. My 66 shooter runs hot, and it never misses. Leaning against the counter I wondered how to explain this mess to Randy.

The cold steel against the back of my neck and the sound a hammer being pulled back quickly reminded me that there were only three bodies on the ground.

“Drop it,” the guy with the special McDees’s coke mixture all over his face said through gritted teeth.

I breathed a prayer and released the weapon from my grasp.

“Prepare for perdition,” he muttered as he squeezed the trigger.

Before the hammer came down an ear-shattering boom was heard on the other side of the room. The noise threw his aim off or I ducked just in time, but either way he missed.

Blinded by the sun shining in behind him, all we saw was his silhouette. He was big and tall, with a black hat and a Starbuck’s coffee in his right hand. Stepping through the shattered glass door, he cocked the rifle in his left hand, spinning it under his arm. “Sometimes a shepherd’s gotta fight off the wolves!”

We all stood there stunned as the rifle clicked. He was out of ammo. “Spent all my ammo on those liberals on the way over here,” he graveled, “but that’s not a problem.”

He tossed the previously unspilt coffee onto the man with the nametag.

“I’m melting! I’m melting! Aaaagghhhh….” he screamed as he slunk to the floor. Of course he wasn’t really melting, he just thought he was. It was all in his head. The man with the black hat and I stood there watching as the Smithite wiggled around all over the floor and then passed out.

“Well Preacher,” I said, “I guess that coffee is the secret weapon against these folks.”

“Better be,” he replied, “it cost me five bucks.”


THE END.


~~~~~~~~~~


P.S. Randy is a man in our church who manages a bunch of nearby McDonalds and our pastor is a left handed Starbucks coffee drinker.

You make a really good point, John, thanks. I guess it is worth going into.

---

Dear heretic,

Romans 6:3 isn't talking about water baptism. In fact, water baptism isn't even mentioned in all of chapter 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 7, 8, 9.... get the point? See the historical problem with members of your denomination (I use that word charitably) dating back to Alexander Campbell is that whenever they see the word "water" they think baptism and whenever they see the word "baptism" they think water.

Not all baptism involves water.

Let me say it again - not all baptism involves water.

[brief intermission: In case you, the outside reader, think I'm a big meanie and shouldn't call this man a heretic, I'd like you to know that in over 1,300 posts this is the first time I've called someone a heretic on this board - or any other. You see, while I may disagree with someone over end times, I know he's my brother and he'll wind up in Heaven with me one day. I may disagree with some on this board about the Bible issue, but my mansion in Heaven might be right next to theirs (I wouldn't be surprised if it was smaller than theirs) and I know I'll be fellowshipping with them in the sweet by-and-by. You see, I wouldn't call someone who is a brother or sister in Christ a heretic. I wouldn't call someone who is confused about how to get saved a heretic. But CoC333 is different then my brothers and sisters on this board. If you believe him, you won't just be wrong about something that is, yes, very important and doctinal: you'll wind up in Hell. He's not confused or searching, he's an active pusher of damnable heresy. He joined a board that is a "Baptist" board, and while we aren't all Baptists here we all agree that Salvation is by grace through faith, plus nothing and minus nothing, as the weight of New Testament Scripture demonstrates.]

Once again, just in case you got distracted by a phone call, or if your stomach started growling or something: not all baptism involves water.

Matthew 20:22-23, “But Jesus answered and said, Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able.
23) And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father.”

*DING* *DING* *DING*

Jesus had already been water baptized when He said this! The people He was speaking to had already been water baptized as well! THAT baptism is something else, it's a baptism of suffering that Jesus went through. The apostles went through the same thing in one way or another. Either Jesus was talking about them suffering martyrdom (a possibility) or he was talking about the very baptism you mentioned in Romans 6:3.

Romans 6:3, "Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?"

When someone is water baptized, they get wet. They are baptized into water. I know because of your Catholic leanings...

[brief intermission for the outside reader: The "Church of Christ" denomination, sect, or cult - whatever, is really nothing more than "diet Catholic." It's like the "one calorie" version of the Catholic church. They both teach you must be water baptized, by them, or else go to Hell. They both lay a unusual emphasis on the Lord's Supper. They teach you must be part of their group or you'll go to Hell. Both teach you can lose your salvation, and most of the time neither one of them really know if they are "saved." Both groups claim infallibility, in a roundabout way. Both talk allot about wanting unity, but what they really mean is they want us to do is join them and stick our heads in the sand agreeing with everything they say.]

...you get really unbiblically spooky with the blood of Christ. The Catholics think the wine turns into blood (even though it still tastes like Hooch) and you think that touching water means touching Christ's blood (even though the water still looks, tastes, and smells like water). Neither one of these ideas are biblically substantiated. Have you ever thought about how Christ gets into you? If you get water baptized to get into Him, does that mean He gets water baptized to get into you, every time someone gets saved? This is looney to even think about.

Rom. 8:9-11, “But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.
10) And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.
11) But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you.”

Salvation is spiritual. Water baptism is physical. They are not the same. Christ gets into you spirituallly and you get into Him spiritually. When a person gets saved the Holy Spirit indwells him - spiritually (1 Cor. 6:19-20, 3:16, Eph. 4:30). When a person has the Holy Spirit in them, they are then placed into the spiritual body of Christ. This is called a spiritual baptism, and it's the only one that makes an eternal difference to a believer which is why it's the "one Baptism" of Eph. 4:5. This verse best describes spiritual baptism:

I Cor. 12:13, "For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether [we be] Jews or Gentiles, whether [we be] bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit."

The "one body" you are baptized into at the beginning of the verse is the same thing as the "one Spirit" at the end of the verse. It's a spiritual organism, a spiritual body that has nothing to do with water. Every believer that is saved is "in Christ," meaning they're in this body. It has nothing to do with a denomination or the title on the church you go to. It's whether or not the Holy Spirit lives in you.

That's what it means to be "baptized into Jesus Christ" in Romans 6:3.

Here's another example, and I know you'll love this one:

John 3:3-7, "Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.
4) Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born?
5) Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
6) That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
7) Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again."

This passage says "water." Once again, it doesn't say "water baptism" or even "baptism" at all in the entire chapter. In verse six Jesus defines "born of water" as being a fleshly birth ("flesh is flesh") and being born of the spirit as being a spiritual birth ("spirit is spirit"). You get saved by being born of the spirit and water has nothing to do with it.

In fact, water baptism has nothing to do with the Gospel at all!

I Cor. 1:17, "For Christ sent me not to baptize, but to preach the gospel: not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of none effect."

Paul clearly lays out the difference between the Gospel and water baptism. If water baptism is an absolute necessity for salvation, then Christ has sent us ALL to baptize. Evidently the greatest missionary and Christian who ever lived wasn't sent to though.

So, what is the gospel one might ask?

I Cor. 15:1-4, "Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;
2) By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.
3) For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;
4) And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:"

It's the death, burial, and resurrection, and it has nothing to do with water baptism. It's faith, faith, faith! Only faith in Christ can save, not baptism, church membership, and certainly not works. We can't do anything to earn it - it's a gift!

Romans 10:8-13, "But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach;
9) That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
10) For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
11) For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
12) For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him.
13) For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."

Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin [is] death; but the gift of God [is] eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Ephesians 2:5-9, "Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
6) And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:
7) That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.
8) For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9) Not of works, lest any man should boast. "

Dr. Bruce Lackey - “I believe that the King James Version is a correct translation of uncorrupted manuscripts in both Hebrew and Greek and is worthy of being called the inspired Word of God.”

Dr. Herb Evans - The Bible that we have today (A.V. 1611) is alive! Inspired! It still has God's Breath in it and will never ever expire, because it lives and abides forever (I Peter 1:23)!

Dr. Jack Hyles - “God has preserved His inspired Word for us. It is preserved in the Hebrew Masoretic text and in the Greek Textus Receptus. It is also preserved for us in the English in the King James Bible. What He at first inspired, the Lord God has now preserved. Therefore, when I hold the King James Bible in my hand, I hold the inspired text. It was inspired and now that inspired Word has been protected, preserved and provided for us!”

Dr. Lee Roberson - “Whether in sunshine or rain, it will help us to have these inspired words before us: HAVE FAITH IN GOD.”

Dr. Shelton Smith – “God has preserved His inspired Word for us. It is preserved in the Hebrew Masoretic text and in the Greek Textus Receptus. It is also preserved for us in the English in the King James Bible. What He at first inspired, the Lord God has now preserved. Therefore, when I hold the King James Bible in my hand, I hold the inspired text. It was inspired and now that inspired Word has been protected, preserved and provided for us!

Though the question of double inspiration is a legitimate one, and it is reasonable that it should be raised, that is not how we came to have an English Bible that is the Word of God. There are two concepts - inspiration and preservation. Because the Lord chose to do it that way, the English Bible I hold in my hand is the inspired Word of God!

If what you have is not the inspired Word of God, whose word is it? If you do not have the inspired Word of God in your hands, would you kindly define for us what it is you think you have? If your Bible is not the Word of God, then I think we have a problem!”

Dr. James H. Sightler M.D - “The greatest richness, beauty, poetry, and power in all literature is given to us in the inspired King James Bible and only in that singular revelation.”

Dr. Sam Gipp -“Thus, to believe in a perfect set of originals, but not to believe in a perfect English Bible, is to believe nothing at all…Thus we have God promising to preserve the same words that He inspired.”

Dr. Thomas Cassidy -“How then should we refer to our King James Bibles? Should we publicly state that our English Bibles are the inspired, inerrant, preserved word of God? I believe we should.”

David Cloud -“I believe 2 Timothy 3:16-17 refers not only to the original giving of the Scriptures but to the fact that the copies and translations are inspired, as well, as long as they are accurate. Obviously Timothy did not have the original manuscripts which came from the hands of the Bible writers. I believe therefore that the King James Bible is the inspired Word of God.”

John Burgon -"I am asked whether I believe the words of the Bible to be inspired,—I answer, To be sure I do,—every one of them: and every syllable likewise. Do not you?—Where,—(if it be a fair question,)—Where do you, in your wisdom, stop? The book, you allow, is inspired. How about the chapters? How about the verses? Do you stop at the verses, and not go on to the words? ... No, Sirs! THE BIBLE (BE PERSUADED) IS THE VERY UTTERANCE OF THE ETERNAL;—AS MUCH GOD’S WORD, AS IF HIGH HEAVEN WERE OPEN, AND WE HEARD GOD SPEAKING TO US WITH HUMAN VOICE. Every book of it, is inspired alike; and is inspired entirely. ... THE BIBLE IS NONE OTHER THAN THE VOICE OF HIM THAT SITTETH UPON THE THRONE! EVERY BOOK OF IT,—EVERY CHAPTER OF IT,—EVERY VERSE OF IT,—EVERY WORD OF IT,—EVERY SYLLABLE OF IT,—(WHERE ARE WE TO STOP?)—EVERY LETTER OF IT—IS THE DIRECT UTTERANCE OF THE MOST HIGH! ... ‘Well spake the Holy Ghost, by the mouth of’ the many blessed Men who wrote it.—The Bible is none other than the Word of God: not some part of it, more, some part of it, less; but all alike, the utterance of Him who sitteth upon the Throne;—absolute,—faultless,—unerring,—supreme!" (Sermon III, pp. 75,76,89).

D.L. Moody - "I know the Bible is inspired because it inspires me."

Baptism with water: you get wet.

Baptism of the Holy Spirit: you get the Holy Spirit inside of you.

The two have nothing to do with each other.

Baptism with water: you get wet.

Baptism of the Holy Spirit: you get the Holy Spirit inside of you.

The two have nothing to do with each other.

For me, it's more about the message than Ron Paul. Sure, there are nice things about him as a person (a doctor who's delivered 4,000 babies, Christian, married to the same woman for like 50 years) but I mostly appreciate that he believes the Constitution like a Christian believes the Bible. The average Christian today just operates by worldly philosophy which changes with the wind, and politicians are the same way.

I really wish there were more politicians that treated the Constitution the way they swear to when they took their oath. Ron Paul supporters like me may seem very zealous because we're fed up with the imaginary battles between left and right, Republicans and Democrats - we care about the Constitution. The Democrats boast about defending the First Amendment, and the Republicans are proud of their stance on the Second Amendment - but they both work together to destroy the Fourth Amendment. To us, we see both parties as really not being all that different from each other and we wish more people would wake up about it. I don't mean that disrespectfully; just being honest and I know no other way to put it.

So anyways, I voted for Ron Paul knowing he would lose because I support his message of staying true to the Constitution. The Freedom Movement is growing, and maybe we'll see some more Constitutional candidates come out of the Republican party one day. My hope in supporting him is to send a message to establishment that there are still a lot of people out there that believe in the rule of law, by a republic, under and upholding the Constitution of the United States.

For me, it's more about the message than Ron Paul. Sure, there are nice things about him as a person (a doctor who's delivered 4,000 babies, Christian, married to the same woman for like 50 years) but I mostly appreciate that he believes the Constitution like a Christian believes the Bible. The average Christian today just operates by worldly philosophy which changes with the wind, and politicians are the same way.

I really wish there were more politicians that treated the Constitution the way they swear to when they took their oath. Ron Paul supporters like me may seem very zealous because we're fed up with the imaginary battles between left and right, Republicans and Democrats - we care about the Constitution. The Democrats boast about defending the First Amendment, and the Republicans are proud of their stance on the Second Amendment - but they both work together to destroy the Fourth Amendment. To us, we see both parties as really not being all that different from each other and we wish more people would wake up about it. I don't mean that disrespectfully; just being honest and I know no other way to put it.

So anyways, I voted for Ron Paul knowing he would lose because I support his message of staying true to the Constitution. The Freedom Movement is growing, and maybe we'll see some more Constitutional candidates come out of the Republican party one day. My hope in supporting him is to send a message to establishment that there are still a lot of people out there that believe in the rule of law, by a republic, under and upholding the Constitution of the United States.

Isn't it so cool when we are in agreement!

There are no "true conservatives" running at this time. Odd as it sounds, Ron Paul is actually closer to being a true conservative than any other running. Every other candidate running believes in big government, keeping virtually every unconstitutional program, agency and department in tact, imperialism, and are willing to continue to ignore the Constitution and continue America on the wrong path.

The only thing these phony conservatives want to conserve is big, unconstiutional government.

Most of the American bases around the globe have roots in either WWII or the Cold War. Most of the alliances America are in have their base in the Cold War. There is no reason for America to be stuck in Cold War mode that "war" ended over 20 years ago.

No nation can sustain an Empire forever. History proves this. Even the mightiest Empires eventually crumble from the weight of such a burden, including Rome and Great Britain.

American troops around the world in all these other countries and interfering in the internal affairs of other nations, waging unnecessary wars and conducting unfruitful occupations isn't a conservative or a Christian value.

Can you say "Rome"?

The reason our founding fathers left those sort of decisions in the hands of local government is the same reason we're not ruled by England: what business does a foreign power (in this case the Federal Government in liberal D.C.) have telling people in Idaho, Nebraska, Utah, and Texas what we should do and think about Religious and moral issues?

What happens when liberals in D.C. decide that conservatives in Idaho, Texas, and Georgia have to stop preaching against homosexuality, as is the case already in Canada? You can bet your bottom dollar I trust my fellow Idahoans than I do them!

As the states continue to hand their sovereignty to the Federal government, so too in turn does the Federal Government hand it over to the United Nations! Do you see the direction things are headed and why it's important to go the other way?????? Does freedom and our children's futures not matter anymore?

The founding fathers were not stupid when they set up this country.

Ha, okay. Everytime anyone even casually mentions giving around here you always get up in arms about this subject.

My opinion is that if someone is so naive about the 10% issue and they by chance spend their whole lives making the grevious mistake of giving 10% sacrifically and joyfully, as well as offererings to missionaries, then it's not going to be that big of a deal.

Lions and tithers and bears, oh my!

Haha... he said "booty."

I have a sister who salivates over these kind of stories. She really has some strange ideas about theology. I think the lady who pastors her church doesn't help either.

My wife and I already had our anniversary. She is a blessing and I pray some day I can be an Ephesians 5 husband.

Lovely wife Rick...Ephesians 5:21-30 (esp. 25-28)... Amen?

Congratulations!!!

Ours is in about 4 weeks.

My wife recently reminnded me that it is our wedding anniversary on Friday. That must make it about 42 years

I would vote for Mickey Mouse over Obama. So yes, I would vote for Ron Paul.

Yes! Let's vote for the guys who lie about what they believe in and compromise thier principles! Never mind the guy who actually believes something and has a voting record that lines up with the Constitution!