Members Nekozawa55 Posted October 5, 2009 Members Share Posted October 5, 2009 This is my first finished story ever! Visions: "Rainbow Sands" from another point of view by Neko55 This night, a vision revealed itself to me. I stood on the edge of a beach, the ocean lapping at my strap-sandaled feet, giving me a sense of peace. Winds passed over my sunburned skin, whispering words I could not comprehend. Clouds gathered in the distance, glaring darkly at everything around, and thundering a promise of revenge at the summer sun for cheering the world with its light. To my right loomed sharp-looking grey cliffs. I turned my head toward them, hearing a commotion somewhere along the length of their terrifying, spiny bodies, and caught sight of him: a young man, a prince by the looks of him, bound, face showing defeat, among a group of enemies, assassins. My breath caught at the look of acceptance on his face; I involuntarily took a step forward, wishing to help him, but unable. I had realized: he was facing death, and my heart twisted painfully at the thought of it. In the blink of an eye, they'd pushed him over the edge. He fell like a stone toward the ocean below. His eyes were closed, he turned in midair, as a thrown OBject would. I couldn't watch him hit the cruel surface of the sparkling, colour-switching liquid, but I was not able to turn away, either. The ocean swallowed his body with a huge splash, and I was already grieving the loss of this young man's life, when the unthinkable happened. I strained my eyes to get a better look, knowing that, if I missed it, I would never get the chance again. The prince burst through the mirror of water with amazing force, ropes sliding off his body and freeing two white forms on his back: wings! I gasped as they flapped awkwardly, then stronger, lifting him from the cold touch of ocean. He faced forward, and flew like a gull, farther than the eye can see, so that it seemed he disappeared in the rainbow of colour formed by the setting sun. It seemed something of a myth. I awoke this morning, from a knock in my side, rough and careless. Alas, it was just a vision, for once more, I woke to these strangers, my enemies, who are holding me hostage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members John81 Posted October 5, 2009 Members Share Posted October 5, 2009 Wow! I like that. As I read the story I could "feel" and "see" what was happening. Very cool! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 1Timothy115 Posted October 5, 2009 Members Share Posted October 5, 2009 I believe you have a gift. The detail brought the story vividly to the mind's eye. I hope you use this talent for God's glory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Crushmaster Posted October 5, 2009 Members Share Posted October 5, 2009 That was really good! I'm a writer myself (or, at least, trying to be). This looks like something you could make a good book out of. God bless, Crushmaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nekozawa55 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Members Share Posted October 6, 2009 Thank you! If you want, I'll post a continuation sort-of that I made. I'm continuing this prince's adventures in a series of mini stories. I believe you have a gift. The detail brought the story vividly to the mind's eye. I hope you use this talent for God's glory. Thank you, too. I will sure try to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Crushmaster Posted October 11, 2009 Members Share Posted October 11, 2009 I'm looking forward to see anything other writing-related you post. It's always interesting to meet a fellow writer, especially when you're both around the same age. God bless, Crushmaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nekozawa55 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Members Share Posted October 11, 2009 Wow - we are? I'll post the next one here. It's the original story, actually, but I wrote Visions first, so here's the original! Rainbow Sands by Neko55 aka Blu Prince Faius faced the sea and breathed in its salty scent on the wind. The playful fingers of a breeze flipped through his fair hair, as though assuring him that all was well.As though the ropes tying his arms to his sides weren't there. Or the rough hands of his captors, ready to push him.Down there. He didn't look. He'd already memorized the cliff edge he was standing at, the dark mile down to the sea, the sensation of drowning, fading. Instead, he focused on a phrase he'd heard somewhere. In the time of great need, you will be given a chance at saving yourself. It sounded as familiar as his mother's voice, though he wasn't sure where those strange words had come from. They drowned out everything else, so that Faius was barely aware of the thud that sent him stumbling off the edge of the cliff. That quick, he found himself sliding through upward-traveling winds, falling toward that cruel sea. He didn't feel himself close his eyes as he rolled in the air, words pounding through his mind. A time of great need... his thoughts whirled... you're given a chance... everything seemed to spin... save yourself... he caught his breath with difficulty... save yourself... save yourself... gusts of wind rushed in his ears... yourself... Then he heard thunder, felt a tearing at his clothes and skin, and he screamed pain as he felt water sweep over him; water so cold it burned him. He choked and shut his jaw when seawater rushed down his throat in a freezing, flaming river. His eyes smarted painfully, his vision blurred. He thrashed, panicked, as something rough slid over his bare wrist. Would that this were over already, he wished, then suddenly went still. A strange, prickling sensation in his back startled him. It reminded him of how one of his limbs would feel, if its circulation were cut off. But that was impossible, he didn't have any limbs attached to his back! Nevertheless, that feeling persisted. Then, without warning, his shoulders sprang back to their normal position with a crack! Faius hissed between his teeth from the hurt, and realized that his arms were free. It dawned on him then: it was the ropes sliding off, that had spooked him. Reaching toward that tingling spot on his back with a raw, bruised hand, he checked for any injuries while he swam up to the surface of the sea. His lungs weren't going to be able to put up with this much longer. His fingers didn't meet cloth, or skin either, but instead, he felt feathers. Wet feathers. Faius' jaw dropped in a silent exclamation. Wings! And it finally hit him. In the time of great need, you will be given a chance at saving yourself. This is my chance, the prince said to himself. I'd better not waste it. With great effort, he moved those forms on his back, unfamiliar with them, but finding they had huge power, he blasted through the sheet of water separating him from air. His head thrown back, wings scattering sparkling droplets of water, he breathed deep. The air was fresh, revitalizing; it gave relief and new energy. Hearing shouts, the prince threw himself into flight, away from those cliffs, dark and threatening, Away from his enemies. Over the sea. *23 hours later* Giving a tired flap of his wings, Faius hovered just above the sparkling sea. His eyes scanned the horizon, desperately searching for any land. The sun was nearing the edge of the sea, sending fingers of color through the sky behind it, some colors that haven't yet been named. Shimmers ran over the sea as it waited impatiently for the sun's arrival. Patches of gray sky seemed to hold their breath, and clouds rumbled gently, a quiet protest against peacefulness. Mist stood in the distance, trying to conceal sharp cliffs and jagged mountains. Turn away, it silently urged the young prince, you cannot land here. Faius squinted through a thick mist blocking his vision. Something was different here, he could feel it in his wings. His feathers were quivering, as if in excitement. That had to mean something. He beat his wings weakly and slid through, rising higher into the air with difficulty. Slowly, the last of the mist cleared, finally allowing the young prince to see what it concealed. Looking over the scene, the boy drew a breath of dismay and bit his lip. Cliffs as sharp as dragons' teeth rose to meet him, as his wings began to go limp. Seconds later, they gave way completely and Faius plummeted downwards once more. The last thing he remembered was crossing his arm above his head, protecting it.Conclusion ...None saw the boy drop from the sky Down to-ward the cliffs. The sea looked on unsympathetically Clouds turned emotional faces away, hiding tears The mist huffed, annoyed, I told you so. The boy with wings, he fell Reached the cliffs and hit. Then past the cliffs, he landed Sand flew ev'ry which way. And there he lay unmoving many moments, Lifted his head and gazed away Gazed somewhere, at something. Parched lips parted, strange word spoken He faded, disappeared, and was no more. But even now, this mystery remains - As he faded, did the blue fade. The blue of the sand is no more, Instead, colour hath flooded the sand Colours a-plenty, where he had touched the sand. Blue Sands it was, but now no more Rainbow Sands, it is, from now 'till ever... ...Now come away from the myst'rys of myth Come to the light of today. Spend no more time In the land of fantasy The land of wings and flight, unreachable to us. Come away, now children, and think no more Of the boy from the sky, little 'uns The prince of Rainbow Sands. Anonymous From the folktale poem Rainbow Sands Origin - city of Emmer, Fourth province, Aurias Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Crushmaster Posted October 12, 2009 Members Share Posted October 12, 2009 Yep - we are. Good story! Are you thinking of making a book series out of this or something? God bless, Crushmaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nekozawa55 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Members Share Posted October 12, 2009 Maybe, I'm currently working on the third part of this story. It's called My Foreign Correspondent, for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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