Very discouraged with my fussy, difficult boy . . .

[Mrs Smith]

My son is 13 months old. From the time he was born, it seems he has always been a very big handful. He is very clingy. If it were up to him, I would be carrying him around all day.

I will feed him, change him, provide him with a sippy cup of fresh milk, play with him, read him books, and then when I get up to do some cleaning or cooking, it's not long until he's chasing after me, crying as he clings to my leg. I will tell him no, and how I am busy and cannot pick him up. I will detach his hands from my skirt, and he will fall on the floor and cry even harder. He will follow me, continuing to clutch onto my leg wanting me to carry him.

I never knew if this would be an incident in which a spanking was needed, so I finally tried it once and gave him a spanking on the back of his thigh, telling him no as I again detached his hands from my skirt to continue cooking. That just made him cry 10 times harder, and it broke my heart, feeling guilty for spanking him for not misbehaving, but for wanting mommy.

I'm very discouraged, and often times feel sad and frustrated with my son and myself. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Is he normal? Are all babies like this? Am I worried over nothing? I see other babies with their mothers at church, and the babies seem so calm and well behaved, and the mothers always seem to be calm and in complete control. "How DO they do THAT?" I always wonder! Because my son is so fussy and difficult, and most of the time, I don't feel in control.

I take something away from my son, or I deny him from doing something, and he starts crying and gets upset. I tell him no and will give him a swat if he won't stop, but that makes it worse. I will be sitting down talking to some one, or sitting down to eat or check my email, and he'll crawl up to me crying. I will pick him up and sit him in my lap, but he will NOT hold still and continues to cry and fuss! So I'll put him down and he'll cry even harder on the floor clutching on to me. I took him to the doctor's and he does not have an ear infection. I never know for sure if he's teething or not, because like I said, it seems like he has always been fussy and difficult.

I'm not going to lie and say he is like this every waking minute. Because he does have sweet and peaceful moments, even when he's by himself. But the times he is sweet and peaceful seem smaller than the times he is fussy and difficult.

If you have any words of wisdom, please help!

[bzmomo7]

My son is 13 months old. From the time he was born, it seems he has always been a very big handful. He is very clingy. If it were up to him, I would be carrying him around all day.

I will feed him, change him, provide him with a sippy cup of fresh milk, play with him, read him books, and then when I get up to do some cleaning or cooking, it's not long until he's chasing after me, crying as he clings to my leg. I will tell him no, and how I am busy and cannot pick him up. I will detach his hands from my skirt, and he will fall on the floor and cry even harder. He will follow me, continuing to clutch onto my leg wanting me to carry him.

I never knew if this would be an incident in which a spanking was needed, so I finally tried it once and gave him a spanking on the back of his thigh, telling him no as I again detached his hands from my skirt to continue cooking. That just made him cry 10 times harder, and it broke my heart, feeling guilty for spanking him for not misbehaving, but for wanting mommy.

I'm very discouraged, and often times feel sad and frustrated with my son and myself. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Is he normal? Are all babies like this? Am I worried over nothing? I see other babies with their mothers at church, and the babies seem so calm and well behaved, and the mothers always seem to be calm and in complete control. "How DO they do THAT?" I always wonder! Because my son is so fussy and difficult, and most of the time, I don't feel in control.

I take something away from my son, or I deny him from doing something, and he starts crying and gets upset. I tell him no and will give him a swat if he won't stop, but that makes it worse. I will be sitting down talking to some one, or sitting down to eat or check my email, and he'll crawl up to me crying. I will pick him up and sit him in my lap, but he will NOT hold still and continues to cry and fuss! So I'll put him down and he'll cry even harder on the floor clutching on to me. I took him to the doctor's and he does not have an ear infection. I never know for sure if he's teething or not, because like I said, it seems like he has always been fussy and difficult.

I'm not going to lie and say he is like this every waking minute. Because he does have sweet and peaceful moments, even when he's by himself. But the times he is sweet and peaceful seem smaller than the times he is fussy and difficult.

If you have any words of wisdom, please help!

Oh, Talktotifa, take heart, it is "normal". Now, some people will tell you it is not, and that you must be "spoiling" him etc. but it does not sound like that to me. Only YOU can be the judge of that because you are with him all day. Some children are more "needy" than others--perhaps I SHOULD say some are more "independent" than others. Does he have a hard time adjusting to new situations (more so than other kids?) to new people, to things being done differently? Is he easily upset or scared? If he is, he is probably what I would label "sensitive". Some of it he will grow out of by the time he is 4....some may linger until he is about 7. But it should subside little by little, now, that is if you don't help it along more than necessary by picking him up and babying him. I say this because I have a wide range of kiddos who all have different types of personalities. I have had "clingies" and "independents" (very) and those in between. It is likely you have seen many "independents"--ha ha, those are some tough cookies! My 16mo old is one of that sort, and quite a stinker. No clinginess, no time for it..........she is into everything and needs no help whatsoever! My worst "clingie" would not go to anybody when he was a baby and would shake visibly if you tried to forcibly hand him over. He did still go to the church nursery like all my other children, but I made extra allowance for him and allowed more transition time for him. I also would be cautious in new situations knowing his temperment. He did cling to me often. I would go about what I needed to do.........sometimes with him following behind in tears, but I will admit that I never punished him for fussing so much. I take it that he is your only child. An older sibling to play with does much for the fussy child who is lonely. I would just pat him, tell him I loved him and that Mommy needs to do such and such matter-of-factly while continuing about my business. I might say something like, "Mommy has to finish picking up and vacuum the living room, then we can sit down and read some books before lunch." It might help you to do your work in "chunks". Work a little bit while telling him what you are doing and saying, "you can come help or watch Mama do this or that, and then we'll _________" and then take a break with him....then say, "now, Mama is going to do such and such and then we'll do ______ with you." You get the picture. This is to train his mind to be patient and wait for you and his special time with you. Hopefully then he will learn not to fuss so much because he knows that you will keep your word and get to him. Be sure to praise him for times when he is not fussing. By the time my son was turning 4yr. old, he was such a "Daddy's boy" and you never would have guessed he'd ever been that way at all.

[Mrs Smith]

Oh, Talktotifa, take heart, it is "normal". Now, some people will tell you it is not, and that you must be "spoiling" him etc. but it does not sound like that to me. Only YOU can be the judge of that because you are with him all day. Some children are more "needy" than others--perhaps I SHOULD say some are more "independent" than others. Does he have a hard time adjusting to new situations (more so than other kids?) to new people, to things being done differently? Is he easily upset or scared? If he is, he is probably what I would label "sensitive". Some of it he will grow out of by the time he is 4....some may linger until he is about 7. But it should subside little by little, now, that is if you don't help it along more than necessary by picking him up and babying him. I say this because I have a wide range of kiddos who all have different types of personalities. I have had "clingies" and "independents" (very) and those in between. It is likely you have seen many "independents"--ha ha, those are some tough cookies! My 16mo old is one of that sort, and quite a stinker. No clinginess, no time for it..........she is into everything and needs no help whatsoever! My worst "clingie" would not go to anybody when he was a baby and would shake visibly if you tried to forcibly hand him over. He did still go to the church nursery like all my other children, but I made extra allowance for him and allowed more transition time for him. I also would be cautious in new situations knowing his temperment. He did cling to me often. I would go about what I needed to do.........sometimes with him following behind in tears, but I will admit that I never punished him for fussing so much. I take it that he is your only child. An older sibling to play with does much for the fussy child who is lonely. I would just pat him, tell him I loved him and that Mommy needs to do such and such matter-of-factly while continuing about my business. I might say something like, "Mommy has to finish picking up and vacuum the living room, then we can sit down and read some books before lunch." It might help you to do your work in "chunks". Work a little bit while telling him what you are doing and saying, "you can come help or watch Mama do this or that, and then we'll _________" and then take a break with him....then say, "now, Mama is going to do such and such and then we'll do ______ with you." You get the picture. This is to train his mind to be patient and wait for you and his special time with you. Hopefully then he will learn not to fuss so much because he knows that you will keep your word and get to him. Be sure to praise him for times when he is not fussing. By the time my son was turning 4yr. old, he was such a "Daddy's boy" and you never would have guessed he'd ever been that way at all.

[bzmomo7]

Oh, Talktotifa, take heart, it is "normal". Now, some people will tell you it is not, and that you must be "spoiling" him etc. but it does not sound like that to me. Only YOU can be the judge of that because you are with him all day. Some children are more "needy" than others--perhaps I SHOULD say some are more "independent" than others. Does he have a hard time adjusting to new situations (more so than other kids?) to new people, to things being done differently? Is he easily upset or scared? If he is, he is probably what I would label "sensitive". Some of it he will grow out of by the time he is 4....some may linger until he is about 7. But it should subside little by little, now, that is if you don't help it along more than necessary by picking him up and babying him. I say this because I have a wide range of kiddos who all have different types of personalities. I have had "clingies" and "independents" (very) and those in between. It is likely you have seen many "independents"--ha ha, those are some tough cookies! My 16mo old is one of that sort, and quite a stinker. No clinginess, no time for it..........she is into everything and needs no help whatsoever! My worst "clingie" would not go to anybody when he was a baby and would shake visibly if you tried to forcibly hand him over. He did still go to the church nursery like all my other children, but I made extra allowance for him and allowed more transition time for him. I also would be cautious in new situations knowing his temperment. He did cling to me often. I would go about what I needed to do.........sometimes with him following behind in tears, but I will admit that I never punished him for fussing so much. I take it that he is your only child. An older sibling to play with does much for the fussy child who is lonely. I would just pat him, tell him I loved him and that Mommy needs to do such and such matter-of-factly while continuing about my business. I might say something like, "Mommy has to finish picking up and vacuum the living room, then we can sit down and read some books before lunch." It might help you to do your work in "chunks". Work a little bit while telling him what you are doing and saying, "you can come help or watch Mama do this or that, and then we'll _________" and then take a break with him....then say, "now, Mama is going to do such and such and then we'll do ______ with you." You get the picture. This is to train his mind to be patient and wait for you and his special time with you. Hopefully then he will learn not to fuss so much because he knows that you will keep your word and get to him. Be sure to praise him for times when he is not fussing. By the time my son was turning 4yr. old, he was such a "Daddy's boy" and you never would have guessed he'd ever been that way at all.

My son (Gabriel) does fine with other people. He rarely fusses when I hand him over to others, and everyone tells me was was a complete angle who played and didn't make a peep when they watch him (like in the nursery). He's not shaken by "different" things . . . I don't know. :/