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I am writing this post to share with you what the Lord has revealed to me on the topic of Emotional Purity.

Coming back from my freshman year of college this summer left me looking for the Lord's guidance on many things such as providing money for college, where to get a job this summer, and (most importantly) how to prepare myself for my future wife.

I have been praying in particular about my future wife for the last several years and the Lord has taught me much in the way of preparing myself for her, but coming away from my first year of college and my "friendship" with a particular girl (which the Lord made clear was not to be my future wife!) left me realizing that I had missed something very important when it came to my relationship with this girl.

With the Lord's strength I had retained my virginity over the years and had been physicaly pure with every girl I ever knew, this girl being no exception, yet I felt as though I had stolen something away from her. With this thought in mind the Lord led me to a book called Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart by Heather Arnel Paulsen, B.S.W. What the Lord revealed to me over the next few days is something that I will never forget!

There was a battelfield that I was completely unaware of. The battlefield of EMOTIONS! The Lord showed me that even though I had not given my body to this young lady, I had given her my emotional bond as well has taken hers.

This probably will sound weird or even stupid to most of you and that is no surprise given this worlds philosophy when it comes to dating, but believe me this is something that you cannot ignore if you truly desire a sincere walk with the Lord when it comes to your relationships with members of the opposite sex.

I highly recommend this book Emotional Purity by Heather Paulsen to anyone who is struggling to understand why they come away brokenhearted from that "friendship" they had with a girl or guy and yet feel as though they lost something they can never get back, even though they never were sexually involved with one another.

The Lord has used this newfound knowledge tremendously in my life and has given me an even greater appreciation for marriage (not to mention how much more I will have to give to my wife once I meet her and get to know her!!! :wink)

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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

An excellent post. Thank you for the book recommendation and for sharing your experience.

Scripture says we are to guard our hearts above all else, and this includes our emotional attachments. I wasn't saved until I was 18 and I remained what amounted to a baby Christian for several years. There are several emotional bonds that formed during my teen years that should not have been allowed to form. I'm almost 46 and even now those decades old emotional bonds will pop into my mind.

Christ taught that it's not just about the outward, but really about the inward. What goes on in our hearts and minds is the key and we need to keep them pure. If we are pure inside, we will live pure outwardly.

I commend you for seeking God's way in your life and striving to walk in the Spirit, not in the flesh.:thumb:

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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

I completely agree! I'm afraid though that very (very) few young people feel this way and therefore they are playing the consequences. They think they can be "buddy buddy"/really good friends with someone of the opposite sex and it not effect them in any way. I praise the Lord that I have (for the most part) been saved this. Now my heart breaks for the youth around me who aren't being taught this and are suffering because of it.....I'm sorry. lol This is kind of one of my little pet peeves....so I get a little hot when I start talking about it. Anyway, I'm so glad you and the Lord have been talking about this. :-)

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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

....I'm sorry. lol This is kind of one of my little pet peeves....so I get a little hot when I start talking about it. Anyway, I'm so glad you and the Lord have been talking about this. :-)


Don't apologize. I am glad that there are others who realize the importance (and danger when given outside of marriage) of such emotional bonds. Like I said, the Lord revealed this to me just this summer and boy am I glad He did! Anyway, great to hear that you're aware of this battlefield and want the Lord's guidance in your life! :thumb:
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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

An excellent post. Thank you for the book recommendation and for sharing your experience.

Scripture says we are to guard our hearts above all else, and this includes our emotional attachments. I wasn't saved until I was 18 and I remained what amounted to a baby Christian for several years. There are several emotional bonds that formed during my teen years that should not have been allowed to form. I'm almost 46 and even now those decades old emotional bonds will pop into my mind.

Christ taught that it's not just about the outward, but really about the inward. What goes on in our hearts and minds is the key and we need to keep them pure. If we are pure inside, we will live pure outwardly.

I commend you for seeking God's way in your life and striving to walk in the Spirit, not in the flesh.:thumb:


Thank you for your reply. It really makes a difference hearing from one who has gained experience in these life lessons and is willing to tell the true end to such things. It helps me to be more secure in the stance that I take. God bless and give you the strength and wisdom needed when these emotional bonds pop into your mind. :icon_smile:
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  • 3 months later...
  • Members

Amen! I completely agree with this post on emotional purity. Purity isn`t just a physical thing. I want to remain pure in all areas, both physically and emotionally for my future husband so he can have my whole heart just like you said about your future wife. I think this is an important post. Thanks for sharing the book, I am going to see if I can get it at the library! God BLess!

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Ann first noticed me at my baptism (Dec. 57) & we paired up (& kissed) the following May.

In the university situation, we could get to know boys & girls without getting involved. In our case there was no suggestion (nor need) for a series of girl/boy friends until we got the "right one." Kissing before commitment was not encouraged. No question of sex before marriage.

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Ann first noticed me at my baptism (Dec. 57) & we paired up (& kissed) the following May.

In the university situation, we could get to know boys & girls without getting involved. In our case there was no suggestion (nor need) for a series of girl/boy friends until we got the "right one." Kissing before commitment was not encouraged. No question of sex before marriage.

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  • 6 months later...
  • Members

I am writing this post to share with you what the Lord has revealed to me on the topic of Emotional Purity.



Coming back from my freshman year of college this summer left me looking for the Lord's guidance on many things such as providing money for college, where to get a jOB this summer, and (most importantly) how to prepare myself for my future wife.



I have been praying in particular about my future wife for the last several years and the Lord has taught me much in the way of preparing myself for her, but coming away from my first year of college and my "friendship" with a particular girl (which the Lord made clear was not to be my future wife!) left me realizing that I had missed something very important when it came to my relationship with this girl.


With the Lord's strength I had retained my virginity over the years and had been physicaly pure with every girl I ever knew, this girl being no exception, yet I felt as though I had stolen something away from her. With this thought in mind the Lord led me to a book called Emotional Purity: An Affair of the Heart by Heather Arnel Paulsen, B.S.W. What the Lord revealed to me over the next few days is something that I will never forget!



There was a battelfield that I was completely unaware of. The battlefield of EMOTIONS! The Lord showed me that even though I had not given my body to this young lady, I had given her my emotional bond as well has taken hers.



This prOBably will sound weird or even stupid to most of you and that is no surprise given this worlds philosophy when it comes to dating, but believe me this is something that you cannot ignore if you truly desire a sincere walk with the Lord when it comes to your relationships with members of the opposite sex.



I highly recommend this book Emotional Purity by Heather Paulsen to anyone who is struggling to understand why they come away brokenhearted from that "friendship" they had with a girl or guy and yet feel as though they lost something they can never get back, even though they never were sexually involved with one another.



The Lord has used this newfound knowledge tremendously in my life and has given me an even greater appreciation for marriage (not to mention how much more I will have to give to my wife once I meet her and get to know her!!! :wink)


Great post and I am glad that you are striving to keep your emotions in check. Also, being physically pure before marriage is something so rare these days and I praise the Lord that you are guarding yourself. Principles come first then emotions. In fact principles drive emotions. Everyday is a battle and every circumstance you get to choose between the Spirit or the flesh. Which one wins? It depends on which one you feed the most. Walk in the Spirit in order not to fulfill the lusts of your flesh. (Galatians 5:16) In the flesh there dwelleth no good thing. (Romans 7:18)

By the way I like your picture, it is currently on my desktop.

God Bless.
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