My Marriage Of 37 Years & A Broken Heart & Soul

[Janice]

Almost a year ago my husband called me out to his shop and he had never drank in all our years of marriage which was 37 years. He pulled up a chair for me to sat down in, I suppose he knew what a shock & disbelief I was fixing to hear from him. He reeked of alcohol and he looked horrible like he had been given a death sentence but yet it was myself who felt as though I had just been given a death sentence. After I sat down he said to me these words - - - Pumpkin(his nickname for me from almost day one of our marriage)I have always loved you and I always will and that will never change but I went down today and filed for divorce. I thought I was dying, I could not believe what I was hearing him say to me. Just one week prior we had gone out of town to celebrate our anniversary. We had a wonderful time together as we had so many other times when celebrating any ocassion. He bought me a beautiful piece of jewelry which I have not been able to put on and probably never will be. Come September it will be one year. I am still healing and have along ways to go for I loved this man so much he was almost my life. I never ever in my wildest dreams thought that I'd be in this situation. It is not what my God wanted for me or for him. When I was able to speak that particular evening when I received this very devastating news I asked him WHY? His only words at that time and still to this day was and is - - - "It's just time" and that was the only words ever said.I never knew that in any marriage wheather it was 3 years or seven years or in our case 37 years that there just came a particular time for divorce in any marriage. If I did not have faith and trust in God and my belief I could not and would not have made it as far as I have.I have never leaned on God for His support and strength as I have within this past year. I know I must go on without him but sometimes I can barely go on and that is when God picks me up and He carries me thur. It has really adversely affected myself as a mother to our oldest daughter. My ex husband has lost alot of weight and he looks really really bad. Our oldest daughter has wanted me and still after almost a year she wants me to take him food and visit with him for she feels very strongly that he is lonesome. I have adamantly told her I can not do this for it would hurt me so much for I still have very deep feelings for him and besides I did not leave our marriage I did not want a divorce for God says in His word this is not right it is a sin and I believe in God's words and teachings. Every word in my KJV is cemented in concrete and in my heart and soul. I have told her I do not feel that he is sick. She went to see him last week and he told her that there is not a day that goes by that he does not think about her mom(me) and that he will love me till his dying day. Then two weeks later after that our youngest daughter went to see her dad and he told her the same identical thing. I do not know if he is playing games with them or if he is serious but definitely I would like to think the latter.My oldest daughter I have not seen for almost eight months because I will not go and visit with her dad and cook for him and take food to him but I just can't it would be like the most unbearable pain to me. I pray soon that God will convict her of this not wanting to see me for this too is breaking my heart. We have never been a dysfunctional family we have all been so close but now my oldest daughter and I are torn apart and it is absolutely causing so much anguish and pain and heartbreak to my youngest daughter she loves and looks up to her older sister so much and all of this is killing her inside. Both of our girls are saved and born again christians and were raised in God's house and still the youngest NEVER misses when God's doors are open to our home church.My father was a Independent Baptist preacher but has since gone to his eternal home in Heaven with his Heavenly Father. I believe so strongly in the greatest power ever and that is the power of prayer. I pray every waking day that God leads and directs my path and direction because I definitely need His guidance now more than ever. I'm so sorry this is so lengthy. I would like to ask that those of you who believe in prayer and the great power within would remember myself and my daughters in your prayers. God bless.

[Anon]

:-( I'm so sad for you.

[Janice]

I'm so very sorry if I did not speak (properly) as you stated although, I really do not understand how you came up with the concept that I did not speak properly. I ask your forgiveness also since my numbered words were not as you felt they should have been.I can find no where within my post where I was displaying ostentation. I did not post this for intended notice or to be showy. I only felt that on the Online Baptist forum I might find some solace and understanding of my feelings especially since we are christians and sisters and brothers in God. In life though I have come to realize there are those who hold no understanding nor feelings for other situations which are not a part of thier lifes and they seemingly think it will ever cease to be.I think you should be ashamed of yourself for posting that I was trying to excite admiration or awe. I was speaking from my feelings of heart and soul. Speaking of understanding, I felt that even my 10 year old grandchild could have understood if she were to have read the post. You had no right to correct and ostracize me . Do you expect all posters to post thier postings exactly as you do and if so you certainly expect ALOT in my opinion. I do pray to escape more ostracism from you so I'm praying this post is to your liking in proper speaking and in length and clearity. Have you ever studied what God says in reference to a (self righteous) person??

[irishman]

I'm so very sorry if I did not speak (properly) as you stated although, I really do not understand how you came up with the concept that I did not speak properly. I ask your forgiveness also since my numbered words were not as you felt they should have been.I can find no where within my post where I was displaying ostentation. I did not post this for intended notice or to be showy. I only felt that on the Online Baptist forum I might find some solace and understanding of my feelings especially since we are christians and sisters and brothers in God. In life though I have come to realize there are those who hold no understanding nor feelings for other situations which are not a part of thier lifes and they seemingly think it will ever cease to be.I think you should be ashamed of yourself for posting that I was trying to excite admiration or awe. I was speaking from my feelings of heart and soul. Speaking of understanding, I felt that even my 10 year old grandchild could have understood if she were to have read the post. You had no right to correct and ostracize me . Do you expect all posters to post thier postings exactly as you do and if so you certainly expect ALOT in my opinion. I do pray to escape more ostracism from you so I'm praying this post is to your liking in proper speaking and in length and clearity. Have you ever studied what God says in reference to a (self righteous) person??

Janice,
That was her "signature" at the bottom of the page, and it was not meant for you specificly. A signature appears on every post, and not only yours.

All we can do on this forum is pray, but that in itself is quite everything. I am sorry to hear all that has happened to you; now cling to the Lord, you really have little other recourse.

I would like to caution you though in expecting too much from other Christians. None of us are what we should be, but when one expects others to care as deeply as they care, well, they are in for a major disappointment; at a time like this, you do not need any more disappointment. I am sorry, but it has been my experience that no one cares about your problem like you do--no one except Jesus! that is little comfort to some, but when we learn to rest in Him, it is amazing what He will accomplish in our life. As the song says, "No one ever cared for me like Jesus"--cast your burdens upon Him. That is hard to do, and sometimes we do not know "how" to do it, but keep trying to leave it in His hands, I know my Lord has a satisfactory solution to your problems. It may not be the one you are expecting or wanting right now, because you are hurting, but accept what He brings your way, and remember that Jesus nevr fails, and He loves you enough to want the very best for you. Perhaps now is the time to draw nigh unto Him, and become consumed with His love; what better course is there for you?

I will pray for this matter to be resolved.

[Pastor Matt]

Janice, I am sorry to hear this. I am praying for you through this time you are going through.

Like irishman said, Kitagrls statement is just her signature and that can be set in your UserCP to show on all post you make. Her post to you is separated by the line and her signature. Her post to you was the following.

:-( I'm so sad for you.

[HappyChristian]

Janice, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I will indeed be praying for you.

[SouthernGal]

Janice,
I cannot begin to imagine how devastated you must have felt and still feel to this day. For him to say "it's just time" is not an answer. I assume he refused to discuss anything further (and that he was not even open to putting things back together?) Was there "anything" that might have led up to his decision?

I'll be praying for your situation.....that somehow it might be resolved. please let everyone know how you are (from the posts I've seen, I think most would be willing to not only lend an ear and pray for you.......but offer suggestions if possible. Yes, Jesus cares more than anyone of us, but I feel as Christians we need to be caring as he teaches us in his word to do this.

[Curly Jo]

Janice,
I think that your husband may have sinned and is drinking/leaving the marriage because he can't forgive himself. Our Adversary knows that his time is very, very short and that's why he is on the rampage. Love you and praying for you, Curly Jo

[Janice]

Curly Jo, I am now off work and I am beginning to read the post which have been posted and my heart is so touched by so many who took of thier time to post in regards to my message. My heart is still so broken for I never in all my life thought that divorce would be a part of my world. Even after almost a year since the divorce I love him so very much and at times I wonder will I ever totally heal. Yet God promised us that He would never put more on us than we can bear. I believe God's words and His promises for He will never fail us and He is always there for us and always does what is best for us. It may not be what we as humans wish for or want but if we put our lives in His hands we will have the very best for that is what our heavenly Father wants for each and every one of us. Thank you for your love and your prayers. God bless always.

[Janice]

Janice,
I cannot begin to imagine how devastated you must have felt and still feel to this day. For him to say "it's just time" is not an answer. I assume he refused to discuss anything further (and that he was not even open to putting things back together?) Was there "anything" that might have led up to his decision?

I'll be praying for your situation.....that somehow it might be resolved. please let everyone know how you are (from the posts I've seen, I think most would be willing to not only lend an ear and pray for you.......but offer suggestions if possible. Yes, Jesus cares more than anyone of us, but I feel as Christians we need to be caring as he teaches us in his word to do this.

You are so very right that the only words ever said then and still to this very day just aren't enough. I just simply have no closure as to the (WHY?) That is something that hurts almost more than anything the not knowing (why?) You are right also he did not want to discuss it any furthur. I tried desperately that very evening I almost begged him that we had to go to a marriage counselor and our pastor but he was very adamant about that only saying that people our age did not go to see counselors. My response was age did not matter when you loved each other and you wer trying to save your marriage but he remained adamately against it. My husband was and is a very very private individual. Just the weekend prior to all of this we went out of town for the weekend and celebrated our 37th anniversary. Had a wonderful time and he and I went shopping and he bought me (as he always did on our anniversaries) a very beautiful and sentimental piece of jewelry. I can so honestly say that I never saw any of this coming. You are right there are so many caring and praying christians here and my heart is so touched. My faith and trust are in my God. He will do for all of us what's best and if He brings us to it He will also bring us thur it. AMEN

[Janice]

:-( I'm so sad for you.

I want to make a public online apology to this poster for I did misunderstand her post until a wonderful and concerned poster pointed it out to me and gave me a accurate explanation of how and why I misunderstood. I am so sorry. Also I would like to thank the other poster(they know who they are) I do not want to mention thier name since they sent me a private message but I definitely thank them from the bottom of my heart for setting me straight.

[Janice]

Janice,
That was her "signature" at the bottom of the page, and it was not meant for you specificly. A signature appears on every post, and not only yours.

All we can do on this forum is pray, but that in itself is quite everything. I am sorry to hear all that has happened to you; now cling to the Lord, you really have little other recourse.

I would like to caution you though in expecting too much from other Christians. None of us are what we should be, but when one expects others to care as deeply as they care, well, they are in for a major disappointment; at a time like this, you do not need any more disappointment. I am sorry, but it has been my experience that no one cares about your problem like you do--no one except Jesus! that is little comfort to some, but when we learn to rest in Him, it is amazing what He will accomplish in our life. As the song says, "No one ever cared for me like Jesus"--cast your burdens upon Him. That is hard to do, and sometimes we do not know "how" to do it, but keep trying to leave it in His hands, I know my Lord has a satisfactory solution to your problems. It may not be the one you are expecting or wanting right now, because you are hurting, but accept what He brings your way, and remember that Jesus nevr fails, and He loves you enough to want the very best for you. Perhaps now is the time to draw nigh unto Him, and become consumed with His love; what better course is there for you?

I will pray for this matter to be resolved.

Thank you and I am so sorry for my misunderstanding. I appreciate some very kind and caring other posters also who very nicely pointed out what I did definitely did misunderstand. I am going to ask the poster(Kitagrl) to accept my apology and I definitely pray she will forgive me. Thank you again and may God bless you always.

[Janice]

Janice, I am sorry to hear this. I am praying for you through this time you are going through.

Like irishman said, Kitagrls statement is just her signature and that can be set in your UserCP to show on all post you make. Her post to you is separated by the line and her signature. Her post to you was the following.

Yes, I definitely did misunderstand and I want to thank each of you who were nice enough to point it out to me and I thank each of you for the very kind manner in which it was done. I am going to give the poster(Kitagrl) an apology for I certainly owe her one. God bless

[Janice]

Janice, I am sorry to hear this. I am praying for you through this time you are going through.

Like irishman said, Kitagrls statement is just her signature and that can be set in your UserCP to show on all post you make. Her post to you is separated by the line and her signature. Her post to you was the following.

Yes, I definitely did misunderstand and I want to thank each of you who were nice enough to point it out to me and I thank each of you for the very kind manner in which it was done. I am going to give the poster(Kitagrl) an apology for I certainly owe her one. God bless

[Janice]

:-( I'm so sad for you.

I would like to ask you to accept my apology for my misunderstanding. I would also like to say that I thank so many posters here who in a very kind manner pointed out to me that I did misunderstand your post. I am so very sorry. Please forgive me and accept my apology I am praying that you will.