Only mature men in Christ answer please!!!

[Guest Guest]

I didn't grow up in a biblical home. I've studied and studied a wifes role bit by bit and doing my best to apply what I do know is my role as a wife.I just realized I don't truly have any understanding of a husbands role in a biblical marriage. I know he works to support the family and he is the head-has final say in all matters and is to be shown respect at all times. Except for this I haven't a clue! I'm very serious!!!!!!!!Only mature Christian men please answer this post. What do you do in the marriage? How do you treat your wife? what does biblical leadership entail? This probably sounds strange but I am really, really serious!! Please don't just use Bible Verse- that is fine but explain please!!! How do you lead your wife? How do you guide her when she's wrong? Do you listen to her feelings? Do you pray with your wife? Do you have Bible studies with her? What would you do if she angered you beyond belief? how does this work??!! Please take the time to explain...please! PD :hide and :pray at the same time!

[Wilchbla]

Is she saved?

[rancher824]

(Eph 5:22) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

(Eph 5:23) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

(Eph 5:24) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

(Eph 5:25) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

(Eph 5:26) That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

(Eph 5:27) That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

(Eph 5:28) So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

(Eph 5:29) For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

(Eph 5:30) For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

(Eph 5:31) For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

(Eph 5:32) This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

(Eph 5:33) Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

I read these verses at our wedding. It starts with the well known verse about the wives submitting. But I believe the rest of these verses are often over looked. It says men are to love there wives like Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church?? Enough to go to the cruel cross for her. We men are to love our wives enough to die for them. It says that he died for the church so that he might sanctify and cleans it. You see when Christ died for us, we were unclean. Our very best was as filthy rags in his site. And yet he loved us enough to die. The same should be true for a husband. Even if my wife does something I do not approve of I should love her enough to die for her. I should do everything I can, in love, to show her the correct way. Then the verses say I am to love her as my own body. It mentions that it is against nature to do anything to hurt my own body. When and if I must tell her she is wrong, I must do it in love and kindness. Do everything I can to not hurt her. You ask if we listen to our wifes feelings. I think the man who does not is very much in the wrong. Let's consider the example of the body that the apostle gives. If you put your hand to close to a stove, it starts to send signals to the head that it needs to back up. Pain. Now should the head listen?? It is not hurting, just the hand. But yes it needs to listen and draw the hand back. The hand realized the danger ahead. Sometimes we husbands need to realize our wives may be seeing things better than we are. You asked what if she angers you beyond belief. Then the husband is in the wrong. It is not wrong for us to get angry, but the beyond belief takes it to far. And even in anger, the husband must keep the love in front of the anger to protect the most valuable possesion he has upon the earth. You see, a man is to build his wife up as the center of his world (no, not before God), and the wife is to do the same for her husband.

[1Timothy115]

1. How do you lead your wife?
I've not shared this until now, my wife joined the Roman Church(she was independent Non-denominational previously). I was not leading at all when she jumped. I am now leading by example and in a position where I must catch up. Which leads to number 2.

2. How do you guide her when she's wrong?
Husbands love your wives is the principle I'm using (Ephesians, Collossians, and Galations). She never asks me what I'm reading or questions me about the Bible. I constantly read my Bible (every day), pray every day, and take any small opportunity to say something like...I was reading Job a short time back and remarked, "Job seems difficult reading to me." No reply from her other than, "oh."

Do you listen to her feelings?
More than she would admit. Also, not as much as I could.

Do you pray with your wife?
Meals only, otherwise she doesn't pray unless it's at the RC?

Do you have Bible studies with her?
I only wish she would ask me sometime what part of the Bible I'm reading.

What would you do if she angered you beyond belief?
I was angry innitially, when my wife joined the RC but, I've since decided to wait on the Lord.
Job 37:5 "...great things doeth he, which we cannot comprehend."

how does this work??!!
Only time will tell how things work out. My father-in-law and I attend the same church so, we ganged up on her for the Church Valentine Banquet tonight. She used to attend this church too and there will be old friends here.

I might add my wife is a nurse, now in quality, at a Roman Church Hospital. She has worked there for 30 years. She has made a lot of RC friends through the years.

Well, enough about this.

[Guest Guest]

The last two posts have been really helpful. The first post was trulty hurtful. Yes I know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour but there are things I've never been exposed to and I began to understand I had nothing to even compare "normal " with. Rancher some of the things you said really answered something I needed to know. IITim I realize it was difficult to share but you were a blessing beyond belief. I live what your gong thru except that I''m a women. I'm so,so sorry she has moved to a RC church. I will deligently pray for her and you. This was a very scarey post to put out so men please be kind. I need to hear more but I'm grasping that you lead in love , with patience and even when mad beyond belief you just talk to her. Mature men in the Lord please contine to post. I need to hear from you and undrestand. PD :pray :pray :pray :pray

[Seth Doty]

The first post was trulty hurtful. Yes I know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour but there are things I've never been exposed to and I began to understand I had nothing to even compare "normal " with.

I think you misunderstood him. I think he read through quickly and thought you were a man asking how you should treat your wife not knowing you were a lady asking how a husband should lead.

[dwayner79]

I think that women who consider their husbands good leaders could share some as well, but that is up to you.

(also, I agree with Seth in that Wilchbla was confused... He's a newb)

Its hard to put it all into words. The 'Pater Familias' in greco-Roman culture had complete and total power over his wife and children. So when we read things like Eph (posted above) and the similar passages in other epistles the idea of a man having the responsibility to care and love his wife, to live with her through understanding her, its was completely counter cultural.

My favorite passage on my role as husband is I Peter 3:7. No, not because of the weaker vessel comment, but because of the "according to knowledge, give honor" wording. Living with her from a position of knowledge or "understanding her" is key to my showing honor to her.

For each man this is different, but I take it as my job to first learn my wife, see what makes her tick (or ticked off), and do those things that show her honor. Servant leadership doesn't work if the person you are serving does not see your actions as service.

So for one man that may mean taking out the trash regularly without being asked. For another man, that may not be worth anything to your wives. So the practical answer to your question is hard to detail, and I would hate for any one husband's comments to be the Rosetta stone by which you interpret your husband's actions.

That being said, here are a few specifics...

We do not normally do a Bible study together. My wife wouldn't mind it, and I probably should follow my own advice above on this one. We do however discuss together the ways God is revealing himself to us respectively. My reasoning is twofold. My wife was often treated condescendingly by her family. I respect the fact that she is "joint-heirs" with me. There is nothing that places me in a better or more important relationship with Christ simply because I am a man. In fact, in Christ, there is no male or female. I refuse to be a go-between for my wife and God. She has that, His name is Jesus. Some women really want to be led spiritually in a more tangible fashion. If that's the case, then the man needs to work from that position of knowledge. The second reason is I want her to have the total freedom to show me some truth she sees. Leadership does not mean she could not be revealed a truth first. Perhaps I am not in tune with th Holy Spirit... as a team, she can offset that, and can confront me on things.

When she makes me angry, I am being unspiritual, plain and simple. I am the only one who gets to choose to respond in a negative fashion to my wife. I normally end up apologizing. I am not the Holy Spirit, so the right thing for me to do is to ask forgiveness without detailing all the ways she was wrong. I normally get this one wrong. If there is something that she does that I get righteously angry about... well, I don't think that has ever happened.

You asked, Do you listen to her feelings? This is the heart of the matter IMO. Showing her honor means placing her desires hopes, etc. above mine. To do that I need to understand her. To understand her I need to listen to her. A perfect husband does this all the time. I am far from a perfect husband.

I hope that helps. Again I caution that building up a persona that your husband needs to live up to is relatively unsafe. I trust you are asking for sake of understanding, and I respect that. Just in your mind be careful. You might find yourself discontented.

[John81]

I've been really sick today so I haven't read all the posts in this thread; too hard on my eyes right now.

Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church.

My wife is number one in my life (speaking of people here, naturally God is Supreme). That means I think of her needs and wants before I think of my own. Not a day has gone by in our marriage that she hasn't heard me say "I love you"; typically several times a day. I treat her with respect and require that others do so as well. I open doors for her, hold her hand, help her around the house, compliment her.

Where guidance is helpful I do so in a kind, loving manner. In all major things and even most smaller things I talk with her about them before acting.

This is where the KJB term "charity" really comes into play. It's not all about emotional "love", it's about "love in action". I express my love for my wife not in words only but in actions as well.

[Guest Guest]

Thank you! Dwayner I'm not leading myself to disappointment. I'm asking because I really haven't known even what "normal" looks like but a christian man leading a wife-I had no piciture,idea or even an idea of what this meant except what I shared in my first post. You have all been so willing and open to share I'm really touched by your kindness. Please pray for me and my husband. I need quidaance :pray :pray :pray This is different but on the same topic: What does your wife do that makes you feel respwcted, honoured , appreciated and needed? Hope that's ok I just need some guilines because I don't seem to be able to do this. Any idas where to start? PD

[Wilchbla]

Well, I read the post and it asked, "How do you treat your wife?" so I assumed it was asking how a Christian man is to treat their wife. I wasn't trying to be offensive. Just got a little confused. I asked the question because how you deal with an unsaved spouse and a saved spouse is different.

It's true I'm a newbie but I did have an account on here a few years back and posted quite a bit. Most of these usernames I recognize but a few are new to me and some I see are no longer here.

Bill

[dwayner79]

This is different but on the same topic: What does your wife do that makes you feel respwcted' date=' honoured , appreciated and needed? [/quote']


In a word... Backscratches.


I'm not kidding. The same theory applies. Some guys need lots of verbal encouragement. Some need physical affection. You learn what makes your husband tick, and do it. Most men find their sense of worth in their work. Helping them be successful shows you care. That may mean don't call in the middle of the day, or it may mean make his lunch. The practical outworking of your respect will differ for each husband. You could probably start by asking him what he appreciates.

Also, you are not his Holy Spirit. Some of this is kind of vain, and the argument could be made that you should not feed his self-centered view of himself. While I agree within reason, you are not his Holy Spirit. If he finds his sense of value in his work, and not in God, then it is not your job to minimize his work. You encourage him and let God grow him.

[orvals]

Pixiedust,

Your questions are refreshing and your request for open communication concerning biblical answers from an experiential standpoint I believe to be wise.

Unfortunately not all men want to be leaders in their home. Often times the qualities that attract couples to one another are based on opposites and since you seem to be one who researches and strives to answer futuristic questions it may be that your husband lives for the today and not tomorrow. This is not an attack simply an observation because men who are of a laid back countenance or happy go lucky struggle with leadership within their home.

My wife and I have been married 40 years and we have 4 children and fifteen grandchildren but what we have learned in our marriage (we got saved when our eldest was 14) is that a need has to be shown before action can be taken to remedy that need.

For me personally the evidence of need presented its self in reading, I did not know how to study scripture though I read it a lot but I was enticed by a couple of books my wife bought and gave to me hoping they would start a journey of change. I still have the first book and though I haven?t read in quite awhile there was a time when I read it once a year. The name of that book was ?What wives wished their husbands knew about women? by Dr. James Dobson.

The second book was the Spirit Controlled Temperament by Dr. Tim LaHaye Who was then the pastor of Scott Memorial Baptist which today is Shadow Mountain Community (Dr David Jeremiah). This book revealed to me what my inner tendencies were and what my wife?s tendencies were it gave us insight to our strengths and weaknesses as well a partial understanding of each other.

The third book came several years later and was given to me by a woman who came into my business one day seeking some advice on a VCR she wanted to buy for her father. As we talked it became evident that she was saved and upon getting the information she needed she determined that she did not need the merchandize in question and left. A couple of days later she came back into the store and gave me a book saying she felt impressed by the Lord to give it to me. Knowing that the Lord had dealt with me a couple of times in this manner I read the book and it helped open another avenue of growth for me and ultimately my family. The third book was ?Man in the Mirror? by Patrick Morely, interestingly none of these books was written by what we would call Baptistic writer (maybe LaHaye) not all quoted the KJV but all three provided guidance at special times in my life.

I agree with Dwayner when he agreed with scripture that the men are told to know their wives. My wife and I have talked about her childhood, her hurts, her disappointments, because as the information was released to me I in turn am able to direct my life so that she is not hurt or disappointed through my ignorance. When the scripture says the wife is the weaker vessel I believe the scripture is affirming that she is fragile for she is precious. She is not to be treated like one would treat the guys she is to be protected, treated in a special way set apart if you will.

Many of my earlier mistakes in marriage were made in ignorance (the others in pride) because I thought she was like any other friend but she is not, she is special, given to me by God and I am still learning how to treat this special gift.

About two years ago the Lord brought it to my attention that I need to prepare for the future. How am I doing that? I am redesigning our home for her to live in it safely when I am gone to heaven along with the redesign I have written her letters as well as letters to all our children.

I have asked myself why am I doing this and the answer always comes back that true leadership is sacrifice for the betterment of those you love. I get the satisfaction of seeing the changes take place but my wife and children get the message loud and clear I love them as Christ loved the church.

Let your husband know that you want him to lead you spiritually but I would encourage you not to preach to him remember 1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

Let him know you have great hope for him and your marriage and continue to pray for him. A man whom I worked with and who was not saved was primarily responsible for my salvation and he was a Roman Catholic, you see God can use anyone to answer a woman?s prayer.

Please forgive my ramblings.

Orvals

[JerryNumbers]

And the Methodist said: We Methodist are not born again, we grow people into Christ. Contradicts God' Word does it not, for God's Word says unless one is born again they cannot enter heaven.

The lost man's interest will not be God, Jesus, church, nor the Bible, it will be in worldly things.

The only one who will be interested in God, Jesus church, & the Bible is the one who has truly been born again.

There be many times, with some people, prayer be the only thing you can do for them, outside of being a living example.

[Guest Guest]

Mr. Orval--Thank You so very much. You answered a great many questions for me and gave me real insight to other areas. There wasn't any ramblings just wisdom from life exxperiemce. I have a great deal to think about now but yor comments give me hope. Your Sister in Christ-Pixiedust