Parents please help....

[KJV1611AV]

As some of you may know i have a 17 month old daughter. She is our only child thus far.

I dont really know what im trying to ask, i guess its how do you know when discipline is appropriate and how much? She is 17 months and i dont like using the rod everytime she is getting into something new. Shoes for example, she loves em. We tell her no and she generally listens, but she loves to get into them sometimes. Also we cannot get her to eat ANY vegetable unless we cut it microscopic and hide it in something better. This is probably due in part to the fact that it was "cute" to let her snack some when she was younger. Now she will bypass her meals and scream later for a snack. My wife does not like letting her just scream in bed at all hours of the night because she is hungry, and i must admit it dosent make me feel like Dad of the year either. Basically what im saying is that i just never know what the right thing to do is. Its the whole hold onto a bar of soap to tight and you will lose it, same as too loose, it has to be just right. Also are there any good books out there about this? Thanks so much to anyone who takes the time to write.

[Pastorj]

We did the same thing with our daughter.

You have to break her will. You are the parent and know what she needs to eat. You know when she should sleep, etc. It took us two years to figure that out. It took two weeks to get it corrected. If she would not eat what we gave her, she got spanked (swats on her diaper - More loud than hurt). Our problem was consistency. We didn't do it enough. You have to be consistent. You must teach her to obey you otherwise there will be a punishment. This starts from the day they are born. Since I messed up, I had to start at 2 instead. It's not too late. PM me if you want more specifics.

[Trish]

I agree, get her to realize who's boss. The sooner the better. For stronger willed kids a simple don't touch is not enough. You are not alone, many first time parents forget about proverbs saying not to worry about the childrens crying. We made our mistakes too. It gets easier as the more you have. As for the eating part, she won't starve herself, but if you haven't required veggies in the past, don't expect a whole serving at first. Just a few at first then let her eat what ever else is served in small portions so that she can snack. At this age snacking is important as they are burning calories quickly as they play. Also, pick your battles. Are shoes something you really don't want her playing with? then enforce it, but if it really dosen't matter don't sweat it. It is much more important to learn to not touch the stove than to not touch the shoes. Did that make sense? Although I don't endorse all that dobson teaches, 'dare to disipline' is a good book.

[Anon]

I agree with choosing your battles...I think we were too strict with our firstborn in that area...whereas we don't mind this one making a mess here or there too much if its something like shoes...

I would start with just putting one or two bites of veggies on her plate and requiring her to eat them. My son is 21 mos old and if he doesn't want to eat something we make him take like one or two bites. We don't do a whole lot of snacks around here but at that age you probably will want to go ahead and allow the snacks...but require her to eat her food first...even if its only one or two bites at first. If you put four peas on her plate and you can get her to eat all four, then you did win the battle. Then you can increase it gradually.

[Guest Guest]

We were given one bit of wisdom that we think is absolutely excellent.

from the moment the child is born, someone is being trained - either the child or the parents

When you think about that, it is quite profound. We basically determined that Kellie and I were the parents, we rule the roost, and we decide what goes. From there, we have been able to learn what was lack of knowledge and what rebellion. In either case the behavior was stopped. If you do not want her in the shoes, then she needs to get spanked every time she goes in the shoes. YOU must be consistent. If she thinks for a moment that she'll be able to get away with it even once, she will try.

We're still trying to teach our kids to use their powers of cuteness for good and not for evil!

[Hanna]

After having raised 5 children I agree with most of what has been said here. But you don't need to buy a book to learn how to be a parent. You ARE a parent and as such you know what is best for your child. God gave you that knowledge. Life experience has given you that knowledge.

Sleeping is often a big problem. They have a bed, it is night time, that is the time when we sleep and that is where we sleep. Period. But there is a but here. What if the child is sick and mom is exhausted from lack of sleep. Is it ok to bring the child to your bed? Sure you can. It is your decision. Oh but then the child is going to want to do that when he is well again. Yea, probably, but now you are saying no, and if he understands that your no means no and your yes means yes it is a short lived problem.

Pick carefully every battle you have, and make sure you win every single one you pick.

[bibletotingunslinger]

I agree with most said here, use the rod until she knows you mean buisness, once she knows then use hard words.
Show her love, with hugs and kisses, do not buy her treats.
My daughter did the same thing.
Boy didn't act up till years later.

My Grandson started screaming, I warned him about 10 times, he kept doing it, I paddled his but and it stopped.

This I will Pray for, for you and child.

[orvals]

Here is a great book that has been around for years. I have outlined it and taught through it twice. It is stillunder $15.00 and you will treasure the scriptural wisdom found in its pages.

What the Bible Says About...Child Training by Richard Fugate and here is their website.

http://www.rfugate.org/bookstor.htm


orvals

[BrotherJon]

I would like to recommend a great website on this issue, no matter how old your child is.
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org
I received a book from the gentleman that now runs this website, titled, To Train Up A Child.
The authors insight has changed my view on child psychology and discipline. I must say that my children are more well adjusted now that they are a little more older. (5.3 &2)
I will say one thing about this book, and the teachings in it and on the website, Mom's have a hard time agreeing with it, but Dads, don't let that discourage you and your role and responsibility as a father!
The book and teachings are backed by scripture, I hope you find a Blessing in it, as I have.

Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Excerpt from their website:

"As goes the child so goes the future adult

[HappyChristian]

I just wanted to put in my :2cents . The key to good discipline has already been mentioned: consistency!!!! Keep up what you begin!

As your little one grows, remember something a very wise man (Dr. Dayton Hobbs) said: Don't expect what you don't inspect...in other words, check on the little ones to make sure they are doing what you said they were to do.

Parents do get tired of the rod (not as much as the kids do, though ), but have to keep at it. I don't think it is a real good idea to spank through the diaper, for several reasons. The first is: spanking is supposed to inflict pain to associate the wrong with the pain. A diaper pads the pain. Second, when we spank on the diaper, whether we realize it or not, we tend to put more strength into our swat - and this can cause problems to the little one's bones that are still soft!!! (personal story: When our son was about 10 months old, he was being disciplined by DH. I always removed the diaper, but it was at night, and DH didn't want to bother. So, he disciplined through the diaper. It was a miserable time for all 3 of us...and in the morning, there was a large bruise on DS's backside. Boy, did DH feel bad!!! From then on, the diaper always came off first!) Might I suggest that the time be taken to remove the diaper - I know, it's cumbersome, but believe me, 17 months is old enough to remember why the swats are coming. If it is something she is touching, you can swat the hand as you tell her no.

As far as eating, this is a test of wills, as you have seen. Our son, for the most part, liked what we gave him. But there were times he wasn't in the mood for something. We started what we called the "thank you" bites. He had to take one or two bites (and that's all we put on his plate) as a thank you to whoever fixed the food and a thank you to God for giving it to him. Even at 17 months, you can start that...it might take a while to click, but you will be glad later and when other children come along!!! I used that same thing with all of the kids I babysat (and trust me, there were more kids than I want to remember!!! ), and parents were shocked when I would tell them what the kids ate for lunch or supper! And the kids ended up liking foods they had hated!

As others have said, remember you are the parents and are in charge. You both will have to steel yourselves against the crying...no parent likes to hear their child cry, but sometimes it's necessary!!!!

[Danny Carlton]

I would like to recommend a great website on this issue, no matter how old your child is.
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org
I received a book from the gentleman that now runs this website, titled, To Train Up A Child.
The authors insight has changed my view on child psychology and discipline. I must say that my children are more well adjusted now that they are a little more older. (5.3 &2)
I will say one thing about this book, and the teachings in it and on the website, Mom's have a hard time agreeing with it, but Dads, don't let that discourage you and your role and responsibility as a father!
The book and teachings are backed by scripture, I hope you find a Blessing in it, as I have.

Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Excerpt from their website:

"As goes the child so goes the future adult

[IM4given]

*sigh* My eyes can't believe what I am reading here! You can't spank a newborn infant for crying! That is CHILD ABUSE! Period.

from the moment the child is born, someone is being trained - either the child or the parents

When a new born cries that is his only way to communicate with his mother that there is something wrong - a tummy needs to be fed, a diaper needs to be changed, too hot, too cold, or simply needs a warm embrace and someone to snuggle with, etc. Is it asking too much to attend to a child's needs or should we just smack the kid around until they stop crying? They learn never to cry about anything - shut down emotionally and verbally.

If you put good food in front of your child, and your child is hungry, chances are they will eat. Some kids will not eat when you yell at them and make a big major deal out of mealtime and will have ulcers by the time they are in kindergarten. Every meal becomes a war zone and then you will wonder why they starve themselves and become anorexic - it is because they have learned all of these negative emotions associated with food.

It is way easier to beat on a child to make them do what you want them to do than it is to loving teach and nurture them and doing things become a "given" part of their daily routine.

I never advise physical punishment, even though there have been times that i spanked my children, but some people will take that too far.

One of my most vivid memories I have as a child was when my step dad decided he needed to show me who was the boss. My evil step dad lost his ink pen when I was 8 years old - shortly after he married my mother. He roared at me that I had "stolen" his ink pen. When I told him I did not take it and I didn't know where it was, he said I was lying and that he would not live in the same house with a liar. Then he took off his belt and he beat me from my ankles to my shoulder blades for the "sins" of lying and stealing. I screamed and I cried and begged him to stop and said he would not stop until I told him what I did with his ink pen. I had no idea where it was and it was no use. He finally quit when his arm got tired. He beat me within an inch of my life and no one would step in to stop him, because it was his "right" to whip me into submission. I hated that man every waking moment with my every breath from that time on.

I learned to avoid him, I learned never to make eye contact with him - to him that was a "challenge" and he would beat me for challenging him, I learned never to speak to him - that was "sass" and "back talk," and I learned that when he beat me he would whip me harder if I cried and screamed than if I didn't, so I stood there silently and stoicly while he did his best to try to make me holler and I would not give him the satisfaction of letting him see me cry. If I got sick I never said anything to anyone because I would be in trouble for messing up the bathroom or getting my clothes dirty and more severe beatings would follow.

BTW, His ink pen was found the next day underneath the couch where it had rolled after he had used it to write checks to pay bills with.

I admit sometimes I have spanked my own children, but it was never to beat them into submission or to show them who was the "boss."

[Anon]

I believe in child discipline and also corporal punishment but I think the Pearls take it too far and I do not recommend "To Train up a Child". I tried some of their methods with my firstborn (I wanted to do everything right and raise a perfect child) and I think it was unfair and I can see how it may have caused more problems than it solved. I have learned that you wait and watch your child and you do not discipline until you see a complete understanding that they are purposely rebelling....that or of course if a toddler is about to do something harmful, those things call for instant measures.

I agree that spanking an infant for crying is child abuse.

We are learning as we raise our children that the punishment should fit the crime. For direct disobedience and rebellion we believe in spanking but other times, it fits better to send them to their room, or take away something they wanted (for instance don't eat supper, no dessert or snacks.). I completely believe God is right when He tells us to spank, but it should be done in the right way and for the right reasons. We also have to keep in mind that each child is an individual and must be dealt with in an individual way.

[Trish]

Yes, I agree , I can't recommend the book either. Each child has thier own personality and different methods need to be used for each. For example, when we were training our girls one had constant 'accidents' (she really just didn't want to take the time to go) and she could care less about a spanking, but when she was made to clean her own mess, it stopped real fast. I do agree with picking battles as has been said already. If you pick it, you had better win it.


Another thing, spaking a child before he is able to understand IS child abuse. An infant has only one way to comunicate. The more you show the child love and anticipate its needs, the less it will cry. I never had a colic baby, my theory is that b/c I fed them on demand and held them alot they had no need to cry. I also think that a colic baby has a food allergy. Yes, I know :ot:

[Psalms18_28]

to get your child to eat, tell him/her no dessert unless he eat his veggies. it always work for my son.

most kids do not like veggies, your goal is to have them to taste them so they will grow up liking them. Skip snack time, it usually help them eat their veggies. make veggies they do like and NEVER ask them what they want to eat (In my opinion, it is almost like asking your teenager which car would he like to drive) . that way , you can happily say, "Please eat your carrots" and they will happily obey you. Train them that obeying is a good thing, not a bad thing. You don't want them to think rebellion is a good thing by making them eat their veggies that they don't like, and you gave up trying to get them to eat.