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double post...

but I will add - I would heartily endorse the book "Growing up God's Way" by John Stormer. It's an excellent book that is scriptural. I too believe that all of our answers are found in God's Word...but I don't think we have to avoid books that can help us.

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As the mom of only a five month old, I don't want to give parenting advice, but just share something about my own relationship with my mother. My mom and I have never been close. I always wanted to be, but there always seemed to be something between us as I grew up. I was very independent (as the oldest) and my mom always assumed that because of that, I didn't want or need her time and affection or praise (two of my other siblings are very cuddly and laid back and just make you want to be close to them). In reality, I wanted all of those things very much, I just didn't do a very good job of communicating that. I'm not saying that this is necessarily how your daughter feels, or that it is an excuse for bad behavior, but just sharing the feelings that I had towards my mom growing up. Happy Christian's post about spending time with your daughter one on one made me think of it. I would have loved for my mom to spend time just talking to me and letting me talk to her from little up. I don't blame my mom (although I have in the past), but I just wish that we would have had a better relationship and as the child, I didn't just naturally know what to do to make that happen. My mom and I now still have our moments of disagreements, etc., but our relationship is much much better today than it has ever been in my whole life. She talks and listens to me and respects me as an adult and I feel like she's proud of the way that I am trying to raise my little one. That makes me feel good.

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Regarding books...I like the following:

Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp (my all-time favorite!)
A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming (a very close second!)
Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson
The Mother at Home by John C. Abbot (!!!!!)
The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
What the Bible Says About Child Training by Richard Fugate
To Train Up a Child by Michael Pearl (recommend with MAJOR disclaimers--only to mature, discerning believers)


There are others, but these ones contain information that has stuck with me through the years.

I do agree with the other posters on this thread who have emphasized the importance of consistency and love. You can make so many mistakes as a parent that will be easily overcome and forgiven if the child knows you love him unconditionally...and that, because you love him, you remain consistent in discipline. Such a child feels safe and secure in the parent-child relationship. As hspeer said, the child must KNOW you love her...so, you need to figure out the best way(s) to communicate that love to her. I have five kids, with five unique personalities. I try to show love to them all in different, "personalized" ways.

All of that said, there's really no "magic formula" that will cure brattiness overnight. Keep loving--really loving (I Corinthians 13). Pray for the fruits of the Spirit to abound in your life (PATIENCE!!!)--Galatians 5. Work to establish common ground. Remain calm, cheerful, and firm. Reach out as much as you can, especially when there's no conflict brewing; take the initiative in this. Spank only when absolutely necessary. Don't rely on man's wisdom (found in this post and the books I listed above). Eat the "meat" in those books, and spit out the "bones." I dislike authors who present "their method" as THE ONLY WAY for every child. (That's why I almost didn't put the Pearls on the list; they can come across as arrogant, and not everything they say is biblical or desirable.) Remember who is the adult (and who should be acting like the adult--under control, in charge, etc.) and who is the child.

My prayers are with you.

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I thought I would post an update. It has been about 24 hours since I started this thread and I have to say through much needed prayer and reading part of the book "To Train Up A Child" I have already gained control again as a parent. I have also decided that I will have my husband read the book and tell him that as much as I respect his role as the leader of our family I also know that he doesn't like to disciple so this book will explain the disciple I choose to enforce in our family and I need him to support me. The book so far has made complete since and in a lot of ways has reiterated what I always thought about disciplining children but once I had children and knowing my husband did not like spankings I read a BUNCH of parenting books and my poor little one must have just been so confused as to what her consequences would be from day to day. I do feel very comfortable with the books method of "training a child". I still know that she is a brat and I think she will be our little trouble maker but I do see that even though I felt I was always doing something the somethings were wrong and I am to blame for her being a brat and our strained relationship. Anyhow, thank you to everyone for your Godly advice and encouragement. And I would appreciate all the prayers you can muster up. God Bless.

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I thought I would post an update. It has been about 24 hours since I started this thread and I have to say through much needed prayer and reading part of the book "To Train Up A Child" I have already gained control again as a parent. I have also decided that I will have my husband read the book and tell him that as much as I respect his role as the leader of our family I also know that he doesn't like to disciple so this book will explain the disciple I choose to enforce in our family and I need him to support me. The book so far has made complete since and in a lot of ways has reiterated what I always thought about disciplining children but once I had children and knowing my husband did not like spankings I read a BUNCH of parenting books and my poor little one must have just been so confused as to what her consequences would be from day to day. I do feel very comfortable with the books method of "training a child". I still know that she is a brat and I think she will be our little trouble maker but I do see that even though I felt I was always doing something the somethings were wrong and I am to blame for her being a brat and our strained relationship. Anyhow' date=' thank you to everyone for your Godly advice and encouragement. And I would appreciate all the prayers you can muster up. God Bless.[/quote']

This is good news, mommy. It's nice to make a fresh start, isn't it? Keep going, even when it's uphill all the way. God blesses obedience.
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Factual:::::: Always be truthful and say what you mean, and mean what you say. This also goes back to consistency.


My :2cents is consistent. There is nothing more important for discipline. You pray daily...read God's Word daily; these are consistent. The result is you apply God's precepts in your personal worship of Him.

I believe my wife is becoming a believer in this gift of God. She saw the calming peacefulness of our home transform our grandchild when we proceeded to be consistent toward the child.

Your husband has to take the lead.
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My :2cents is consistent. There is nothing more important for discipline. You pray daily...read God's Word daily; these are consistent. The result is you apply God's precepts in your personal worship of Him.

I believe my wife is becoming a believer in this gift of God. She saw the calming peacefulness of our home transform our grandchild when we proceeded to be consistent toward the child.

Your husband has to take the lead.


I completely agree!!!!!! I know he has to take the lead it is just not in his personality so when he does it will be all God. Please everyone pray that my husband become the leader of our family as God intends and that I am able to be the submissive wife that God intends!!!! :pray :pray :pray :pray :pray :pray
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I completely agree!!!!!! I know he has to take the lead it is just not in his personality so when he does it will be all God. Please everyone pray that my husband become the leader of our family as God intends and that I am able to be the submissive wife that God intends!!!! :pray :pray :pray :pray :pray :pray


:pray
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I 'm married to a man's man's with a strong personality. I tried to get him to lead in the home (do Bible studies and prayer) It didn't happen! Don't stop there is hope! Get out of his way! Only Revernce, obey and submit. If husband gives you no dirrection or say's " you handle it!" This is what you do --handle it from the word of GOD. It's sad but my husband now realizes his mistakes because I was the parent that disciplined in love not off the cuff in anger and spent time talking to our son. Some advice I hold to is---try to find out what happen, if your experiencing a rebellious heart pray with them first -then chose punishment..no I didn't spank everytime... and if you say your going to do something a punishment or a promise ALWAYS follow-thru, as they get older remember jokimg goes a long way. Always be honest with them! Remember nobody loves your kids like you do -except the Lord. Look for people they can look-up tp at church to look up tp!Pixiedust



:pray
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Thank you Pixiedust!! We have had a coupe of really good days. I have been practicing the Train up your child method and it has been working really well. I haven't gotten to talk to my husband about it yet though because he is on shift work and really sick with a cold right now so he is just sleeping and working. Thank you for the continued prayers. We sure can use them.

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I'm really hopeful that things are looking up. Wait until he's not deprived of sleep and sick if your feeling the need to talk to him. My advice is pray for him--I mean pray! and love him . I've always prayed that the Lord would allow me to see him as He see's hm and love him how He loves him. In Christ-Pixiedust :pray :pray :pray

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Dena, You've gotten some great advise, I will not give much for it would just be mostly repeating.

The only thing I will repeat is be consistent. And hopefully your husband will do his part, if he doesn't it will be hard on you, but also hard on your children.

The wife and I raised one daughter, thankfully the wife and I completely cooperated thus she never was able to use one of us to her advantage. Early on there were a few light spankings, but she learned quickly, that when wrong was done there would be a spanking forthcoming, that we meant business.

Prayers for God's help for your whole family.

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I forgot to tell you something very important. #1 Always do devotionals. At two we would have a Bible Story at my son's level and we read it together and then talked about it! #2 If you make a mistake or lose your temper always admit it and say your sorry! # 3 Never ever bad mouth dad! Couldn't sleep until I told you-these are important even now with my 19 yr old!# 4Son sat in church with me as soon as he could read-4 yrs. old. He didn't understand the sunday school or church service but I would show him in his Bible where we were and he was expected to read until we adults were finished. On the way home we would discuss back and fourth what the Lord had taught us that day. My Grandfather always did this with me and it held me accountable. By the way none of this sitting with friends during church.We're there to worship the Lord not visit with friends. Frequently we would allow a friend to come over after church and bring back to night church. Of course I'm talking much older. Hope I helped in some way!! In my prayers with Love and true understanding! In Christ-Pixiedust

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