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I am a mom of 3 children(4, 3 and 18months). My oldest, well she is a brat. I know that sounds so mean. She has always been difficult and it is only getting worse as she gets older. My other 2 are mommy's kids and want to please me. She could care less and she wants to rule me. I stay at home with them and I just don't know how to let her know that I am the parent and yes I have even told her I am the parent you are the child. Every time I turn my back she is destroying something, trying to do something she isn't suppose to, getting her sister and brother in trouble, telling me off. and the list goes on. I have tried so many different discipline types for periods of time and it only works for a couple of weeks. I pray and pray and I just am in tears because I am at the point where I can honestly say that I love my daughter but I don't like her. I even question why God gave her to me? My husband works shift work and when he's home he is always making excuses for her. In his mind she is just a kid, well unless he has to watch her for more then an hour and then he loses his temper. I really don't know what to do. He leaves the discipline to me but then makes comments behind my back about how I handle the situations. Does anyone else her understand?

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Dena, I do understand and I will pray for you and your family.

I have dealt with a very similar situation with our oldest son. He was rebellious virtually from the get-go and nothing ever worked with him beyond a very temporary basis. He's now 15 and after some horrid actions on his part last summer, we have now placed him in a Christian school/home where we pray the Lord may reach him.

I truly wish I could offer you a sure fire method but I can't. Others can hopefully give you the benefit of their wisdom in dealing with such successfully. Our youngest son is very much like your younger ones, he's always been one who wanted to be close to us and obey the rules and be helpful.

Trust God. Pray continually and obey the Word even when you don't see the results you want to see.

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Let me reccomend a book to you. It is called "To Train Up A Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl. It's a short read, but very, very helpful. It will put you back on track as a Christian parent. I read it with my first child and basically stuck to it through my third child. My fourth is the challenge--but I and my wife are to blame for much of it. I just started re-reading it yesterday, and already it has encouraged me to get back into my rightful role as a parent.

I WOULD VERY MUCH ENCOURAGE YOU TO READ THE BOOK! It has helped us so much, and we give it to many of our friends and new converts when they approach us with question about why our children listen so well, and they can't get theirs to.... :thumb

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I have no children, so don't take this for any more than it is worth, it is just outside advise looking in. However, from what I have seen I think the most important things in proper discipline are consistency and temper control. If you are obviously angry and frustrated when disciplining a child they will pick up on that and resent it even if they know they provoked you and deserve it. I have been on that end of it. Also they should know the punishment is going to vary in severity based only on the offense and not on your mood or other things going on in your life. Finally they should know when you tell them they are going to get punish they can count on it happening. No empty threats.

Having no children I don't know if that is worth even 2 cents, so lets just say it is my pennies worth. :wink

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I do not mean to undermine anyone else's advice, but I don't think you can raise children from a book, unles it is the Bible. I know there are some very good books out there, written by wise men, but I also find that many of them have brats for kids too! Anyone with a bit of litereray skill can write a book; and raising kids is always a new experience no matter how many principles you learn. Kids are all different; what works with one may not work with the other, so I would (since you asked) stick with the Word of God, after all, who else is more qualified to give advice?

Look uo all the verses that have to do with discipline; look up all the verses that have to do with children, and look up all the verses that have to do with character. A topical Bible is helopful if you do not know where to start, as well as a concordance, but they are to be "helps" with the Bible and not to replace it.

The key word though is consistency. It is also one of the hardest things to practice consistently! Corporal punishment is the Bible way, (spanking) and the most effective way. Eventually they discover that it hurts when they disobey and "cop and attitude". Some say they have tried that for a time, and it didn't work; well, why did you stop? Notice the way God punishes; He is not afraid to get angry, but still maintain self control. I find that many of the problems are not the kids, but the parents, at least in many cases. Notice the verses where it says "and the wrath of the Lord was kindled against them" or something similar to that; a few good tips are:

1. Have a lisrt of offenses. they need to know when they did wrong.
When they get spanked, make them see where they have broken the ruke, and what the punishment is for it.
2. List number of swats for offenses according to seriousness of offense.
Let them know that certain acts warrant more than others, and they "earned" what they got because they knew the rule before they did it.
3. Pray with them after a "cooling off" time. Let them know that in disobeyong and disrespecting you, they also disobeyed God.
4. Hug them after the pain goes away, and they settle down, (leave them alone to think in the meantime) and verbally let them know that you love them.
They need to learn that you can love them, but they still must do right.

Mostly though, pray, pray, pray. God can work wonders when we are at wits end.
These are a few "tips" that I have tried to pratice, and they have worked with all three of my kids.

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M'dear, you have your hands full to be sure but the best thing you can do for that girl is to use the switch every time w/o fail consistently and effectively (3 wimpy taps isn't going to do it!) until she learns and chooses to willingly obey.

The book of Proverbs tells us the Biblical method of discipline and it even comes with a promise: it will deliver the child's soul from hell. There are plenty of discipline methods that will accomplish some goals but they are manipulative and temporary. Biblical discipline properly applied will teach your child humility and make her heart more receptive to God.

Proverbs uses the words, "beat", "blueness of the wound", "rod", "betimes [often]" for a reason - foolishness is bound up (tied up strong and tight) in the heart of your child and mine and only the rod of correction will get rid of it.

We must believe the Bible and take God at His Word.

Prayerfully,
Bakershalfdozen - mother of 4

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M'dear, you have your hands full to be sure but the best thing you can do for that girl is to use the switch every time w/o fail consistently and effectively (3 wimpy taps isn't going to do it!) until she learns and chooses to willingly obey.

The book of Proverbs tells us the Biblical method of discipline and it even comes with a promise: it will deliver the child's soul from hell. There are plenty of discipline methods that will accomplish some goals but they are manipulative and temporary. Biblical discipline properly applies will teach your child humility and make her heart more receptive to God.

Proverbs uses the words, "beat", "blueness of the wound", "rod", "betimes [often]" for a reason - foolishness is bound up (tied up strong and tight) in the heart of your child and mine and only the rod of correction will get rid of it.

We must believe the Bible and take God at His Word.

Prayerfully,
Bakershalfdozen - mother of 4

:amen::goodpost:

Remember the three Fs::::::::

Fair, Firm and Factual.

Fair:::::: The discipline must fit the crime, and what is true for one must be true for all. Remember that you were there once in the body of a small child, too.

Firm::::: Be consistent and keep your promises. If you promise a "switching", or whipping, then follow though, and NEVER, EVER, EVER use your hands or any other body part of yours to administer disciplinary chastisement. Children will associate the instrument with the discipline. Bear in mind that these sessions must NOT be thought of in your mind or the child's as punishment. Jesus bore our punishment on the Cross of Calvary. These disciplinary sessions are intended to be times of training, hence the word, "discipline", which has the same root as disciple. It's the same procedure as pruning fruit trees. We do it so the tree will produce fruit with better size, flavor, color and sweetness. We would never hack away at a fruit tree with abandon, but rather with surgical precision.

Factual:::::: Always be truthful and say what you mean, and mean what you say. This also goes back to consistency.
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Thank you everyone for your replies. I completely agree in spanking however even though I do spank my husband does not agree on it. I know a lot of the problems I have with my little one is due to the inconsistent parenting techniques she experiences between my husband and I. He is the type to threaten but very rarely enforce. I am the type to always be correcting, probably too much. She is very smart and has picked up on that when daddy is home I try to back off some to be in submission to him and let him take on his God given role as the leader of our family. And unfortunately he has yet to realize that is his God given role. But I have been trying to follow friendly and Godly advice and back off when he is home so that God can show him how he is to be in our family. All I can do is pray but I have been for so long that I wonder if there is something else. I mean is there something I am doing that is standing in the way of God being able to respond to me and my situation? Thank you all again.

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Thank you everyone for your replies. I completely agree in spanking however even though I do spank my husband does not agree on it. I know a lot of the problems I have with my little one is due to the inconsistent parenting techniques she experiences between my husband and I. He is the type to threaten but very rarely enforce. I am the type to always be correcting' date=' probably too much. She is very smart and has picked up on that when daddy is home I try to back off some to be in submission to him and let him take on his God given role as the leader of our family. And unfortunately he has yet to realize that is his God given role. But I have been trying to follow friendly and Godly advice and back off when he is home so that God can show him how he is to be in our family. All I can do is pray but I have been for so long that I wonder if there is something else. I mean is there something I am doing that is standing in the way of God being able to respond to me and my situation? Thank you all again.[/quote']
OY!!!! Now I see the problem. Your little one knows this and is playing you two like fiddles. The first and foremost battle to be fought and won is your hubby's agreement. Methinks it may need to be a third party that will get thru to him. The very best third party is the LORD Himself. Am praying for you. :pray
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OY!!!! Now I see the problem. Your little one knows this and is playing you two like fiddles. The first and foremost battle to be fought and won is your hubby's agreement. Methinks it may need to be a third party that will get thru to him. The very best third party is the LORD Himself. Am praying for you. :pray


:goodpost: Very true. So long as you and your husband are on such different pages in this matter there will be problems.

Praying :pray
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I do not mean to undermine anyone else's advice, but I don't think you can raise children from a book, unles it is the Bible. I know there are some very good books out there, written by wise men, but I also find that many of them have brats for kids too! Anyone with a bit of litereray skill can write a book; and raising kids is always a new experience no matter how many principles you learn. Kids are all different; what works with one may not work with the other, so I would (since you asked) stick with the Word of God, after all, who else is more qualified to give advice?

Look uo all the verses that have to do with discipline; look up all the verses that have to do with children, and look up all the verses that have to do with character. A topical Bible is helopful if you do not know where to start, as well as a concordance, but they are to be "helps" with the Bible and not to replace it.

The key word though is consistency. It is also one of the hardest things to practice consistently! Corporal punishment is the Bible way, (spanking) and the most effective way. Eventually they discover that it hurts when they disobey and "cop and attitude". Some say they have tried that for a time, and it didn't work; well, why did you stop? Notice the way God punishes; He is not afraid to get angry, but still maintain self control. I find that many of the problems are not the kids, but the parents, at least in many cases. Notice the verses where it says "and the wrath of the Lord was kindled against them" or something similar to that; a few good tips are:

1. Have a lisrt of offenses. they need to know when they did wrong.
When they get spanked, make them see where they have broken the ruke, and what the punishment is for it.
2. List number of swats for offenses according to seriousness of offense.
Let them know that certain acts warrant more than others, and they "earned" what they got because they knew the rule before they did it.
3. Pray with them after a "cooling off" time. Let them know that in disobeyong and disrespecting you, they also disobeyed God.
4. Hug them after the pain goes away, and they settle down, (leave them alone to think in the meantime) and verbally let them know that you love them.
They need to learn that you can love them, but they still must do right.

Mostly though, pray, pray, pray. God can work wonders when we are at wits end.
These are a few "tips" that I have tried to pratice, and they have worked with all three of my kids.


I won't knock your view either. However, after saying the book was a bad Idea, you went and did exactly WHAT THE BOOK DOES by laying out a formula that helps parents. I agree with you wholeheartedly that you can't rear children with a book, not even the Bible, if the parent isn't willing to take action. The book I mentioned works because it encourages parents to be an active participant in the training of their children, not just an active disciplinarian. The authors of the book are mature Christians, and have grown children that are serving the Lord. It has worked for me, and I have seen the changes in people's family's lives after reading "To Train Up A Child". This book is a guide for using the Bible specifically for training children. It isn't some newfangled, Joel Olsteen, feel good type of book. It lays out what the Bible says and breaks it down with tried, true Biblical principles.

Notice the Bible says "if you TRAIN up a child in the way he should go..." not "if you DISCIPLINE a child in the way he should go..." There is a BIG difference. Discipline is only a PART of training. The book teaches the difference and the importance of training and disciplining.

My kids are NOT brats. I have four. My fourth is a challenge, because I became complacent in my duties as a parent. My kids do not come to me when they fight, they settle it among themselves. My kids are not the ones running around in the restaurant. My kids are not the ones getting up in the middle of church service to use the bathroom. They have been trained to know better. People ask me all the time how we do it. It's simple. My children don't have a choice.

I know parent who paddle their children constantly, consistently, and "with gusto". Yet, there children STILL get spankings all the time! Why? Because spanking alone doesn't work. It's only part of training, and unfortunately, parents only focus on this one part of the whole process. The Bible tells us how to rear children, but sometimes guidance from a seasoned Christian (with several children of his own who have ALL turned out as servants of God) is very helpful.
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My kids are NOT brats. I have four. My fourth is a challenge, because I became complacent in my duties as a parent. My kids do not come to me when they fight, they settle it among themselves. My kids are not the ones running around in the restaurant. My kids are not the ones getting up in the middle of church service to use the bathroom. They have been trained to know better. People ask me all the time how we do it. It's simple. My children don't have a choice.


Ditto that. My SIL has an extreme brat; ever since he was a baby she would try to "reason" with him, threaten him, bribe him, etc. She says our kids are just naturally easy. I say no they are not. It takes a lot of work in the beginning and then consistent maintenance. I don't give my kids a choice regarding their behavior. The last time any of them ever threw a temper tantrum, they were very young toddlers.

I know parent who paddle their children constantly, consistently, and "with gusto". Yet, there children STILL get spankings all the time! Why? Because spanking alone doesn't work. It's only part of training, and unfortunately, parents only focus on this one part of the whole process. The Bible tells us how to rear children, but sometimes guidance from a seasoned Christian (with several children of his own who have ALL turned out as servants of God) is very helpful.



Amen to that.
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Good posts! And I heartily Amen the advice to search the scripture to find out what God says about childrearing. I am sorry that your hubby is not on the same page as you. That makes it so much more difficult - but not impossible! Remember that our God can do exceeding abundantly above ALL we ask or think!

Consistency is the major key in rearing children. The disciplinary aspects of training must be consistent, and so too must the cuddling aspects. Your daughter sounds like she is dealing with some anger issues, which would be normal since you change disciplinary tactics when dad comes home. Even though you may discipline her during the day, if you back off at night, she sees it (even if she doesn't realize it) as your being inconsistent. As Bakers suggested, if your hubby doesn't forbid spanking, then you need to continue in the evenings what you practice in the day. Your daughter will get the message that you mean it (she's not getting that message if the consistency isn't there).

Also - how much time do you spend alone with your oldest? She needs some of your undivided attention - whether it's as the two of you cook dinner together, go out for a mom and daughter tea (explaining to the others that when they are older, they will have their chance), or just quiet times together at home, talking about girl things. You get the idea. It would be good to set up something like that at least once a week. And don't use it as a disciplinary tool (in other words, don't time with you away if she's bad!).

I think every parent can relate to loving but not liking a child. At least once in a while. But if you can spend some time alone with her, and let her talk to you - and REALLY listen - you may just find some things to like about her...and she will sense your change of attitude, believe me!! Pray and ask God to help you to like her. I can assure you she knows that you don't, and she doesn't much like herself, either!

Study the Bible with her - learn together what Prov. 31 says (after all, as a mother of a daughter, the goal is to help her become a virtuous woman!). Study the women of the Bible, and see what makes them likable, lovable or even wicked. Keep a notebook so she can go back and review it later in life (as she raises her own hard-to-raise daughter! :smile ).

Make sure that before you adminster any kind of discipline, you have asked God for guidance with her and for her.

Pray. Continue to pray, even if you have seen no results yet. God promises to answer prayer that is prayed in His will - and it most certainly is His will for your daughter to turn out for Him and for your hubby to take his place as family head.

Don't give up. Begin to memorize verses on your own about God answering prayer, about encouragement, etc.

Remember again - He is able to do exceeding abundantly ABOVE all we ask...or think!!!!!

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