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There is something wrong with my daughter (9 years old)


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My second born will claim to the death that she's saved. I can't change that, but I have very serious doubts. She cannot see that anything she does is wrong. Yesterday, for example, she was extremely mean to her younger sister all morning, saying things like "I hope Emily can't come to your birthday tonight." It drove the younger to tears.

I talked to her about that later and she doesn't believe it was wrong. She feels it was totally justified.

Other things? She is so compulsive and obsessive about things. She has no impulse control. I find piles of trash in her bed. I find piles of food crumbs where she's gotten up in the night and taken food to bed. If she doesn't know exactly every detail, she cannot do anything. (We were surprising them with a special restaurant for dinner the other night, but it was quite a drive. I told them to take a nap, but she said, "Unless I know where we are going and how long it is until we get there, I can't sleep.")

Is this spiritual? Is this mental? Is she borderline autistic or something? I've talked to my husband, but he doesn't really believe me.

I need God's great wisdom, but if any of you have any ideas or insight, I would sure appreciate it.

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Sadly, your daughter sounds similar to my oldest (13 now) son that we have problems with; except he doesn't claim to be saved.

I have no answers, so I'm looking forward to the responses of others, but I do know the child MUST learn that sin is sin regardless of what they may feel or think about it. Until they accept that, there will be continued, and likely growing, problems.

I pray the Lord will provide the proper answer for dealing with this.

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personally, It is just sibling squabbles and hormones kicking in. I'm dealing with some of the same things with my 10 and 7 yr old. I saw plenty of fruit before it all started to know that at least for my kids it is girl hormones. They are with each other 24/7 and just need a break from each other. As for the needing to know details. Some kids really do not like surprises and need to be well informed to prepare themselves. Obviously, the attitude problem needs to be dealt with and she needs to know that she can ask for details in a right way. I know that is what we had to deal with. As for not claiming blame, don't we do the same thing. It's called sin and I have found that a soft answer with much scripture and not blame helps them to see where they are wrong. Then its not you but God who has said it. PM me if you want :thumb

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I agree with Trish... I don't know about girls but I do know my oldest son (7) has very little impulse control.... he knows what's right but he doesn't seem to be able to think before he acts in time to do right. He is improving slowly but he has to be actively trying hard to do right in order to succeed. He does claim to be saved so we hope he is. He also has a hard time not knowing things, he wants to know everything. He has a big heart but an impulsive and active mind.

My second son (5) is sneaky and does things and discipline doesn't always assure he won't do it again. Recently we kept finding out that during his naps he was sneaking out and getting scissors and cutting on who knows what...one day it was a blanket, one day it was a blinds cord... etc.

All the oldest three of my boys get in slapping/kicking fights often (ages 7, 5, 2) with the two year old often being the instigator. I guess its just kids.

So I agree nothing is wrong with her, its just her personality plus hormones probably. You may just have to work on directing those personality traits in the right direction...as Trish said, work on the attitude but maybe try to satisfy her need to know (unless its a surprise, then try to explain why she can't know right away). Also just work on the slobbiness and stealing (that's what it is, taking food) as sin and deal with that appropriately. Some of that can be done in family devotions.

Raising kids is hard isn't it! I never realized until I had them.... :pray

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Sister,
First of all, I would like to chime in with the others that teens (especially girls, I have 6 of them,) can be very moody and do things that seem unreasonable or strange. I notice when things become, let's just say, unpleasant, it is sometimes and indicator that there is the need of just some one-on-one time to insure in their minds that mom and dad still love them and think they are special. It seems to help.

Also, I know this goes down hard for some, but don't assume you daugther is saved just because she made a profession. In churches that are aggressively evangelistic, like the Baptist faith, it is not uncommon for a young person to just "get saved" (the motions not the real thing,) for no apparent reason. I have learned not so much to look for a child who "wants" to get saved, so much as a child who comes under actual conviction and sees the need to be saved.

I have some children who made a profession at a younger age only to see them turn in a meaningful way to Christ later on. They still had their struggles, but actual fruit was more clear and evident.

Be encouraged and DO NOT forget the necessity of intercessory prayer for you children. Prayer is not a fight, it is the battlefield!

Ben

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There are different levels of maturity for a Christian. It is easy to compare one childs spiritual maturity with that of other children. That may not necessarily mean she is not saved but just still a baby in Christ, what do you think? Pray that she will begin to understand what it cost Christ to purchase her freedom from sin. I think this has a way of changing the way that we all live.

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I believe it's spiritual (the Bible tell us that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child) and physical - at 9 years of age, she is adolescence bound...puberty is not too far away, and her hormones are beginning to rear their feminine heads. I think, too, that her statement about not being able to sleep unless she knows where she is going borders on being manipulative. I remember being 9 - and I had my moments of manipulating.

The sneak eating would seem to indicate an insecurity in her - is there any way you could spend more time with her? Maybe allow her to stay up a little bit longer than the younger kids for some time just with mom?

Consistent, loving discipline (which I know you do) is the only way to instill self-control into her.

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Hmm I dunno, my 5 yo sneak eats (just little bits, doesn't take stuff to his room) and I majorly sneak-ate when I was a kid... both of our problems were that we are/were picky eaters and didn't get dessert because we didn't eat our food so we get hungry and then snuck food later on. (I did it and my son occasionally does it in a minor way but I always find out and he gets in trouble for it, even for the littlest sneak).

To me it sounds like she wants things her way...it would depend on what she is sneaking to eat, whether its junk food she isn't allowed to have or whether its "hungry food".

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I asked her about the sneak eating once. She said she eats when she's sad or lonely.

I told her that the better thing to do would be to come to us at those times. She's doing a bit better but still is very unpredictable. She keeps herself up at night thinking "what if" thoughts. I try to get her to focus on things we know to be true and prayer for others, but she is very self-focused. She doesn't realize even when she's being to rough with the baby until we forcibly take the baby from her. She doesn't seem to hear us when we tell her.

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My second born will claim to the death that she's saved. I can't change that, but I have very serious doubts. She cannot see that anything she does is wrong. Yesterday, for example, she was extremely mean to her younger sister all morning, saying things like "I hope Emily can't come to your birthday tonight." It drove the younger to tears.

I talked to her about that later and she doesn't believe it was wrong. She feels it was totally justified.

Other things? She is so compulsive and obsessive about things. She has no impulse control. I find piles of trash in her bed. I find piles of food crumbs where she's gotten up in the night and taken food to bed. If she doesn't know exactly every detail, she cannot do anything. (We were surprising them with a special restaurant for dinner the other night, but it was quite a drive. I told them to take a nap, but she said, "Unless I know where we are going and how long it is until we get there, I can't sleep.")

Is this spiritual? Is this mental? Is she borderline autistic or something? I've talked to my husband, but he doesn't really believe me.

I need God's great wisdom, but if any of you have any ideas or insight, I would sure appreciate it.


I'm very old school, and exceedingly simple minded to the point that if the Bible says spoil the rod; spoil the child, I'll do what the Bible says.

"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of correction will drive it far from him."
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I am only 20 so take this with a grain of salt. :frog However, there was a period in my life about 7-13 when I acted just the same way as you are describing, and my parents said the exact same thing as you are saying, "you must not be saved or you wouldn't act that way". I definitely was saved, but I was heavily suffering from carnality. I used to lie through my teeth about homework, sneak food constantly, and often was as rotten as I could get away with to my siblings. :ooops I was good enough at it that I was caught no more than 5% of the time. When I was, I was spanked big time but honestly it only made me mad(not that I am saying that one shouldn't spank), especially if my mother spanked me. I really resented being disciplined by my mother for no real good reason I can think of. Dads was always worse but I didn't mind as much. Of course when I was caught I claimed that they always caught me as well. :ooops They bought it big time to, to the point that my mother once told me that she "always" caught me because God showed her when ever I was doing something I shouldn't. :ooops I did suffer from occasional twinges of guilt since I knew I was wrong but I mostly shrugged it off(read quenched the Spirit). Finally after several years I began feeling truly miserable about it, I was still getting away with far more than they knew but I was feeling worse and worse about it to the point I was wondering if maybe they were right and I wasn't saved. Thats when I started getting more serious with God. :Green After considerable prayer and agony of spirit the Lord showed me that I was indeed saved but I had regularly quenched the Spirit to the point that my conscience was rather well seared. He had to really prick me good to get my attention. :ooops However he did and by his grace I started to act a little better at home. Through it all though I had been as good as gold at church an no one there had a clue what a rotten little boy I was at home :roll . Matter of fact I was what amounted to "Sunday school teachers pet" since I knew most of the answers and always seemed so well behaved(looks can be deceiving). All this to say that while it is certainly possible that she is not saved it is by no means certain. If she is God will bring her around sooner or later. :Green

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One thing I have always believed regarding children of parents who are saved - as a Christian you have just brought another warrior into the world to fight satan. He hates this - you not only fight him but you have the gall to try to "make" new warriors! When he fails in his attacks on you directly he attacks your children. Since they are young and impressionable they are at great risk - and their "issues" can drive us to distraction. Picture it this way - you are a drill sergeant with a boot recruit - they may know they want to fight the good fight but they don't know how and it takes time to train them. I am a firm believer in "tough love". God has granted parents the gift of raising a warrior for Him. Pray for His guidance.

Wayne

PS - And for parents with older kids, remembr that once they reach the age of accountablilty they, just as you, must desire to allow God to lead them - as hard as it is to accept a child "not called" may be a test for our own faith and not an indication of our "failure". Just as God calls some, He also hardens the hearts of others to serve His own purpose.

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PS - And for parents with older kids, remembr that once they reach the age of accountablilty they, just as you, must desire to allow God to lead them - as hard as it is to accept a child "not called" may be a test for our own faith and not an indication of our "failure". Just as God calls some, He also hardens the hearts of others to serve His own purpose.



Do you mean called to salvation or called to the ministry? The former would be a calvinistic belief, but I can agree that not all are called into ministry.
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