MARRIAGE

[Guest Guest]

joyfulpraise: calling something you don't understand wierd and fishy is definitely being critical, but I'm used to people unfamiliar with it finding it "weird" so to speak and I see how it can seem that way. However, more likely than not you found your future spouse through a somewhat similar, though less formal, process. By chance did your mate and you attend the same church, go to the same school , grow up on the same street? Do you see what I'm getting at. Everyone marries someone that can be placed in some transparent group, and they are usually part of that same group. It just so happens that in the south and northeast, those groups are a little more formally organized.

[Psalms18_28]

joyfulpraise: calling something you don't understand wierd and fishy is definitely being critical' date=' but I'm used to people unfamiliar with it finding it "weird" so to speak and I see how it can seem that way. However, more likely than not you found your future spouse through a somewhat similar, though less formal, process. By chance did your mate and you attend the same church, go to the same school , grow up on the same street? Do you see what I'm getting at. Everyone marries someone that can be placed in some transparent group, and they are usually part of that same group. It just so happens that in the south and northeast, those groups are a little more formally organized.[/quote']

They met on the internet and come from a totally different culture from each other. (they are the weird ones )

[Guest Guest]

An online community or group would be an excellent example.

[Psalms18_28]

She only met him for a very short period of time. But I'll better let her explain her story.

[HappyChristian]

joyfulpraise: calling something you don't understand wierd and fishy is definitely being critical' date=' but I'm used to people unfamiliar with it finding it "weird" so to speak and I see how it can seem that way. However, more likely than not you found your future spouse through a somewhat similar, though less formal, process. By chance did your mate and you attend the same church, go to the same school , grow up on the same street? Do you see what I'm getting at. Everyone marries someone that can be placed in some transparent group, and they are usually part of that same group. It just so happens that in the south and northeast, those groups are a little more formally organized.[/quote']

Well, jon, the only group that my husband and I had in common was the church where we met. We met in May and married in August, so there wasn't a lot of time to find out our family's genetic history. And we really weren't too concerned about that. We knew there was diabetes on both sides. Later we found out a couple of other areas, but it really hasn't been important to us. You see, we knew within a very, very short time that it was God's will that we marry. We have since being married almost 22 years ago found out a lot about each other's families (I just traced my grandfather's family to the first one to come into the country...found out he was the first Baptist Elder in America!! Neat, that!). Lots of interesting things, lots of people who were rather important in their day. Most of them relatively healthy. But there has been nothing that would have stopped us from marrying - because we knew it was God's will.

I guess that's the upshot. It's been said many times, but I will reiterate - find God's will in your mate, follow God's will and let the chips fall where they may.

[Guest Guest]

She only met him for a very short period of time.

And I don't see anything wrong with that. We are all very different and come from different backgrounds, none right and none wrong. My situation does not work out according to plan 100% of the time. Often someone from my group might marry someone from a similar group in another city. Or someone from my group may escort a debutante at her other group's presentation. This is perfectly ok because the person is at least accustomed to the culture. The problems start when you bring in those never raised in a formal society. You have to wander if they are after money, if you so happen to have any, or some other ulterior motive, like getting their children into a certain school. History has been very explicit in showing that it's hard for a marriage between a societal and nonsocietal person to last.

[Anon]

I'm honestly not trying to pick you apart, just trying to understand...I hope you know that! :thumb

Okay so say a woman in your society ends up having lupus. She has a child that has not of yet been diagnosed with lupus.

You are saying that when that child reaches 21 and is ready to get married, that nobody in the society will want her, and that she will have to find someone "outside" to marry?

I guess the only thing that concerns me is it *seems* that there is undue focus on health and genetics, and not enough focus on the heart.

One of the best love stories I think I have read is in the book "Dorie: The Girl Nobody Loved". Its a story about a girl who was ugly (not retarded or anything, just unattractive) and her mom hated her and loved her prettier sister. Her mom actually tossed her in an orphanage for a long while, and I guess she was also abused quite a bit. The book shows photos and while she is not diseased or hideous, she is defintely not super attractive. Anyway, she ended up getting saved somehow and going to (Bible?) college. There was a fairly decent looking guy there, going to be a missionary, and God nudged his heart to date this "ugly" girl. Well he obeyed God, and they went out some and then ended up loving each other, and then getting married and going to the field as missionaries.

Anyway....not sure why I shared that but I guess I feel God doesn't work through societies as much as He works through individuals who have a heart (not a body) to serve Him.

[Psalms18_28]

other ulterior motive, like getting their children into a certain school.

There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for their children. Why would that be a bad thing? Of course, if she already have kids and used you and didn't marry for love, then I can understand, but if it your own children, then I don't know why it would be a bad thing..

[Guest Guest]

It's only a bad thing if it is an ulterior motive. Such as, "would she have married me but not for my connections with the school." I know it is probably a rare occasion, but still, it is something to be concerned about.

[Psalms18_28]

It's only a bad thing if it is an ulterior motive. Such as' date=' "would she have married me but not for my connections with the school." I know it is probably a rare occasion, but still, it is something to be concerned about.[/quote']

but the truth is, even the people within your society have an ulterior motive, why else they don't want to marry an outsider?

[joyfulpraise93]

Jon--When I said I wasn't being critical I meant just that...I wasn't being critical. More or less just curious that a Christian would be worried about the societal marriage thing. Simply for the reason that Christians shouldn't let their lives be ruled by that kind of thing, but by the Lord. Whomever he says to marry...well then, that's who you marry regardless of what other people think. I met my fiance on this very website. We weren't looking for anyone, but God brought us together. We read the things that each other said on the forums and I admired his spiritual strength and wisdom. He liked that I was open to hearing God's word and making my decisions from that. We started talking and God showed us that He wanted us to marry. No group told me who to marry...I didn't worry about what my parents would think so much as I just trusted God to work everything out, and He did. BTW...we're from 2 ENTIRELY different cultures. He's Lebanese and his family is muslim, although he is a Christian. I was raised in the Baptist church all my life and became a Christian at age 9. My family is from the south as well. Believe me, you can't worry about prejudice or anything like that when you're a Christian. You've gotta do what God wants you to do no matter what. So, I guess I'm just saying don't worry about it. If you meet a girl, and God leads you and shows you that He wants you to marry her..then marry her. Don't worry about all that other stuff. What could be better than marry the one God has for you?

[Guest Guest]

Kitagrl: I don't mind the questions at all. I am actually surprised that this is all new stuff to you, so I'm happy to answer questiosn. Are you telling me you don't know a single debutante?

The knowing of each other's genetic history is just one of the benefits of societal life. Of course the health of a possible mate is not the only consideration. It's just beneficial to know their health history. I hope you are not picturing this as some sinister group that tossess aside those that don't "measure up." It's nothing more than a formal group of people gathered around a common interest.

[Anon]

Kitagrl: I don't mind the questions at all. I am actually surprised that this is all new stuff to you, so I'm happy to answer questiosn. Are you telling me you don't know a single debutante?

The knowing of each other's genetic history is just one of the benefits of societal life. Of course the health of a possible mate is not the only consideration. It's just beneficial to know their health history. I hope you are not picturing this as some sinister group that tossess aside those that don't "measure up." It's nothing more than a formal group of people gathered around a common interest.

Nope, I do not know a single one. Of course I'm not a city girl, and spent most of my life away from cities. The past 5 years has been the first time I've actually lived really close to a big city, unless you count five years I spent in a Des Moines, Iowa suburb as a child. However nobody else has heard of this either on this board, evidently. We just must not be the cool people. :lol

Do you guys not even hang out with anyone else? Like, is your church part of your society, too?

[Guest Guest]

There are people from a lot of different denominations (though all christians I believe) and we of course hang out with other people. I don't look down on anyone not familiar with this, just surprised. My particular group is gathered around a golf course and we allow members to bring guests. So I play golf and hang out with "outsiders" (I really don't like that word) all the time. The only real difference between a member and a nonmember is that only a member's daughter can be presented. I guess the most uniting thing for my particular group, other than golf, is that all of the male children tend to prep at a limited number of schools.

[John81]

Yes, be careful of "good stock/breeding" ideas... many many intelligent and marvelous people came from "poor stock"...many worthless bums are the result of "good stock". Plus, several generations of inbreeding in a smaller group creates actually more genetic problems. For instance AKC dogs have more specified health problems than mutts, its a proven fact.

When you say "perfectly suitable for reproducing" that sounds scarily like Nazi Germany. In a way I see what you are saying...you want to make sure there's not alot of genetic problems and etc. On the other hand, be sure you are not putting undue priority on that. Many people in the Bible had problems... God LIKES it when we have problems because it makes us rely on HIM. Paul had terrible physical problems but was one of the greatest men of God ever.

Be cautious of equating such things to Nazi Germany. Do you realize that Hitler got many of his ideas along these lines from AMERICAN eugenics concepts and programs that were going on in America prior to and during his time in power in Germany?