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Pros and Cons List


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  • Advanced Member

Hi Friends...

I want to get some feedback. :)

Do you think if a young man were to ask out a young lady. And she were uncertain as to whether it was God's will for her to pursue a relationship with this young man. Would it be inappropriate for her to construct a pros and cons list concerning the young man in question and bring it before the Lord?

KT(Prodigal)

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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

Yes, I believe that would be appropriate.

In putting together such a list you may see something new or different. As well, in putting together such a list you help to open yourself up to hear from the Lord about these matters.

And, of course, it's always good to take everything before the Lord in prayer! Using such a list in your prayer may be helpful.

Just remember to rely upon the what the Lord says and reveals to you and not upon the list itself.

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  • Lady Administrators

I believe it would be very appropriate, especially if she had her parents and/or her pastor and his wife help her. Girls tend to get emotionally caught up in things, and often need guidance in matters of the heart. And most definitely would it need to be brought before the Lord.

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  • Lady Administrators
What if her parents do not go to church or are unfaithful?


That is where her pastor and his wife can help. Or another godly couple from the church that she knows she can trust.

Her parents can give her some good pointers about what to look for in a fellow, even if they aren't saved or do not go to church. This girl shouldn't write off her parent's wisdom that comes from experience just because of that. Now, if they tell her that she shouldn't see him because he's a Christian, that's another thing entirely.
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  • 2 weeks later...
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Your parents may still have some guidance on what they prefer etc that I would at least ask them.

I don't see a problem with making a list. I would say too to go out with him (maybe with some others present) a time or two but make it clearly understood that it is so you can get to know him to see if it is God's will.

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Do you think if a young man were to ask out a young lady. And she were uncertain as to whether it was God's will for her to pursue a relationship with this young man. Would it be inappropriate for her to construct a pros and cons list concerning the young man in question and bring it before the Lord?


I think if you have to make a list, it is already a lost cause.
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  • Advanced Member

The list can be a good idea depending on the standards of the list.

For example...

Good: He's hot, he has a nice car, he's athletic, he's REALLY hot.

Bad: He smells when he sweats, his clothes don't match, and he cusses.

Good out-weighs the bad!

Or....

Good: He's cute, he says "please" and "thank you," he loves his grandmother, he volunteers at the local homeless shelter, and goes to Church on Christmas and Easter.

Bad: He smokes, drinks, has naked pictures on MySpace, and parties every weekend.

Good still out-weighs the bad!

Also... a list may not necessarily be "inappropriate" but it may not be needed.

First of all, is the guy saved? If he's not, then it's not God's will for them to be together. Is he going to hinder her fellowship with the Lord? Then regardless of how many "Goods" the guy has, it's not the Lord's will for them to be together.

If this guy is a genuine Christian and they can grow in the Lord together, then I think it would be appropriate to start a pros and cons list.

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Another thing you could do would be to ask questions of the things you don't know about and see his responses. I know of one couple where the girl for about 6 months wrote letters to the boy, asking questions on different things. The boy was serious about dating her so he would answer. It was the way she used to get to know him so she could determine if that was the person the Lord wanted her with.

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  • 5 months later...
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Dear Kayla,
I would be very careful about getting caught up in the unscriptural and sometimes dangerous "dating scene." It is not a good idea to go out with him because you are putting yourself on, as it were, his playing field, and you have little control. Let me share a true story with you. There was a young lady in our church back home (Florida.) She had a job and a young policeman who met her there (a restaraunt I think,) wanted to date her. She having some godly counsel, told him if he wanted to see her, he was going to have to do it at her church. So...he consented, (he liked her,) Rick started coming to church and in time, he heard the gospel and was saved. In time, he surrendered his life to foreign missions and they served in Panama with New Tribes. I'm not saying it will turn out that way, but I would advise you to stay away from the unscriptural practice of dating. It can be a trap and get you into a situation that you will later regret. Keep control. Keep it in the realm of the spiritual. Dating is not God's perfect will.

Bro. Ben

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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

[quote="PreacherBen"]Dear Kayla,
I would be very careful about getting caught up in the unscriptural and sometimes dangerous "dating scene." It is not a good idea to go out with him because you are putting yourself on, as it were, his playing field, and you have little control. Let me share a true story with you. There was a young lady in our church back home (Florida.) She had a job and a young policeman who met her there (a restaraunt I think,) wanted to date her. She having some godly counsel, told him if he wanted to see her, he was going to have to do it at her church. So...he consented, (he liked her,) Rick started coming to church and in time, he heard the gospel and was saved. In time, he surrendered his life to foreign missions and they served in Panama with New Tribes. I'm not saying it will turn out that way, but I would advise you to stay away from the unscriptural practice of dating. It can be a trap and get you into a situation that you will later regret. Keep control. Keep it in the realm of the spiritual. Dating is not God's perfect will.

Bro. Ben[/quote]

:goodpost:

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  • 3 weeks later...
Hi Friends...

I want to get some feedback. :)

Do you think if a young man were to ask out a young lady. And she were uncertain as to whether it was God's will for her to pursue a relationship with this young man. Would it be inappropriate for her to construct a pros and cons list concerning the young man in question and bring it before the Lord?

KT(Prodigal)


It would seem rational, but one must make sure he's objective when doing this; this can be especially hard for the person who's already made their mind up.
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  • Members

If a 'relationship' means getting emotionally involved ,why are you considering one? Don't think God intends for any "relationship" it is one thing to be friendly to one another, but a relationdhip carries with it 'getting involved'

The Lord may want you to wait to get involved, until you are ready (that is =knowing who you will marry) I know it sounds fuddy these days, but getting involved means you are going to give a 'piece' of your heart away. What then? When you get married, you don't have your all to give.:twocents:

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  • 7 months later...
  • Members

Hi Friends...

I want to get some feedback. :)

Do you think if a young man were to ask out a young lady. And she were uncertain as to whether it was God's will for her to pursue a relationship with this young man. Would it be inappropriate for her to construct a pros and cons list concerning the young man in question and bring it before the Lord?

KT(Prodigal)


In my opinion, I would say that the young man ask her father first since she is under his authority and he has more wisdom and insight. So to answer your question, a pro and con list is okay but not necessary since God knows what you are thinking even before you write them down. I would let her father examine the young man before the young man even approaches her and let him talk to his daughter about him. THen she can pray about it (with the pros and cons) If she has peace about it and her father consents, it is a good indication that it is God's will to pursue the relationship. Otherwise it may not be God's will. Even if they go out I would also encourage a chaperone for the sake of sexual/emotional purity.

Hope that helps. Reply if you would like to discuss further.

God Bless
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