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Pros and Cons List


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Hi Friends...

I want to get some feedback. :)

Do you think if a young man were to ask out a young lady. And she were uncertain as to whether it was God's will for her to pursue a relationship with this young man. Would it be inappropriate for her to construct a pros and cons list concerning the young man in question and bring it before the Lord?

KT(Prodigal)

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Yes, I believe that would be appropriate.

In putting together such a list you may see something new or different. As well, in putting together such a list you help to open yourself up to hear from the Lord about these matters.

And, of course, it's always good to take everything before the Lord in prayer! Using such a list in your prayer may be helpful.

Just remember to rely upon the what the Lord says and reveals to you and not upon the list itself.

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I believe it would be very appropriate, especially if she had her parents and/or her pastor and his wife help her. Girls tend to get emotionally caught up in things, and often need guidance in matters of the heart. And most definitely would it need to be brought before the Lord.

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What if her parents do not go to church or are unfaithful?


That is where her pastor and his wife can help. Or another godly couple from the church that she knows she can trust.

Her parents can give her some good pointers about what to look for in a fellow, even if they aren't saved or do not go to church. This girl shouldn't write off her parent's wisdom that comes from experience just because of that. Now, if they tell her that she shouldn't see him because he's a Christian, that's another thing entirely.
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Your parents may still have some guidance on what they prefer etc that I would at least ask them.

I don't see a problem with making a list. I would say too to go out with him (maybe with some others present) a time or two but make it clearly understood that it is so you can get to know him to see if it is God's will.

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Do you think if a young man were to ask out a young lady. And she were uncertain as to whether it was God's will for her to pursue a relationship with this young man. Would it be inappropriate for her to construct a pros and cons list concerning the young man in question and bring it before the Lord?


I think if you have to make a list, it is already a lost cause.
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The list can be a good idea depending on the standards of the list.

For example...

Good: He's hot, he has a nice car, he's athletic, he's REALLY hot.

Bad: He smells when he sweats, his clothes don't match, and he cusses.

Good out-weighs the bad!

Or....

Good: He's cute, he says "please" and "thank you," he loves his grandmother, he volunteers at the local homeless shelter, and goes to Church on Christmas and Easter.

Bad: He smokes, drinks, has naked pictures on MySpace, and parties every weekend.

Good still out-weighs the bad!

Also... a list may not necessarily be "inappropriate" but it may not be needed.

First of all, is the guy saved? If he's not, then it's not God's will for them to be together. Is he going to hinder her fellowship with the Lord? Then regardless of how many "Goods" the guy has, it's not the Lord's will for them to be together.

If this guy is a genuine Christian and they can grow in the Lord together, then I think it would be appropriate to start a pros and cons list.

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Another thing you could do would be to ask questions of the things you don't know about and see his responses. I know of one couple where the girl for about 6 months wrote letters to the boy, asking questions on different things. The boy was serious about dating her so he would answer. It was the way she used to get to know him so she could determine if that was the person the Lord wanted her with.

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  • 5 months later...

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