keeping them from wrong vs teaching them to stay away

[HappyChristian]

In Psalms' case, her mom probably couldn't have done anything because her dad smoked. Children learn a lot of what they do by watching their parents.

Parents need to talk to their kids. Oh, I don't mean preachy talk, although sometimes even that is necessary. But they just need to talk to them. Teach them the Bible and the principles therein. Instead of just saying don't smoke (for instance), parents need to first, model that behavior, and, second, teach them what the Bible says. Now, we all know that the BIble doesn't specifically say don't smoke, but there are principles throughout that apply. Teach them to have a Biblical worldview (and that isn't possible unless the parents do).

But talking doesn't end just when the Bible is taught. Talk to them about life. About what they are going to do when they grow up. Not telling them what they are going to do, but talking about what adults do, how they comport themselves to be good citizens, etc. Talk about what the child might like to do (one year it will be a fireman, the next a doctor, or soldier, etc.). Explore the possibilities, all the while teaching them that God has a plan for their lives and they need to follow it.

Teach them how to do things correctly. Clean their room and keep it neat. Clean the bathroom well. Do dishes well (even boys - my brother is almost 50 and has never married - he has to do his own dishes unless my sister or I visit him :smile ). Etc. Give them responsibility as they learn to handle it well.

And, as 5d@h said, the kids will prove themselves at home. Some things can only be judged by the parent of the child, because each home life differs and each child in that home differs.

If the 14 year old is always making bad decisions, the parents really need to spend some time in prayer to find God's wisdom on the matter. God will usually show the seeking parent just what that particular child will need. Sounds almost too simple that way, but it really is true.

And watch who their friends are. "Evil communications corrupt good manners." That's friends, internet, tv, radio, etc. I'm not saying shelter them. I'm saying parents need to be aware. Parents can pour their hearts into a child, and if they then let them loose with friends who the parents know are going to be a bad influence, the child will make bad decisions.

[John81]

Our 14 year old son is this way. He's been taught right from wrong, has been reading the Bible himself since he learned to read, knows the biblical commands and principles, knows the rules of the house, etc. However, when he gets the least bit of desire to do something he knows is wrong he goes ahead and does it. He's pretty much been this way his entire life.

Because of this he misses out on some things because he simply can't be trusted to do right in certain situations. He doesn't seem to care.

I continue to pray and raise him biblically but as of yet his heart is still very self-centered. :sad


I agree with what others have said about children proving themselves. Like the biblical principle of proving yourself worthy in a small matter and then being given larger matters to tend to. Regardless of their age, the degree of "freedom" they are given should be determined based upon their proven charactor.

With regards to the internet and things like blocking sites and such or letting them decide on their own not to go to bad sites...we must remember one thing: TEMPTATION! There are definetly good reasons to help our children avoid temptation in certain areas.

[Anon]

I would say you teach and teach and teach and have alot of control...as you ease up a little on control you watch CAREFULLY what the child does, and immediately take back the reins if the child starts going the wrong direction. You can only do that until they are in college or whatever, and then of course they have a free will. Hopefully and prayerfully they will continue to go in the direction they were taught.

My parents were very strict and kept alot of control over us as kids. It did not backfire and my sister and I are both in the ministry and my brother is open to God's will and doing right. The idea that strict control=rebellion is not always the case...it just depends on the type of parenting and how the child is raised.

You have to remember that given the chance, often kids will do wrong just to test the waters. I read somewhere that a certain part of the brain does not mature until around 20 and beyond. So teens and younger are often incapable of actually making wise decisions in certain areas. That's why they have parents. For example: Say your 15 year old wants free rein on the internet and requests you do not have parental controls. One may say "I should let him try making decisions on his own." I would say "I am going to keep him out of trouble and continue to teach him for a few more years first." If I can protect him from temptation at age 15, he may have matured enough by age 18 to start resisting it on his own. However if I let him have freedom at age 15, and he goes to a porn site....even if I immediately get him off the computer, those images are with him permanently and may have him actually begin sneaking around looking for more.

My parents, frankly, chose to keep me from alot of things. Not everything, and there were some things they let me do like work a job and wear pants that people here would not agree with. However there were other things they did like make me wait until I was 20 to get my drivers license and they were very strict about who I hung out with and where I went, even including certain church activities if he felt the wrong people would be there. Looking back I still think it seemed a bit strict...however, as a kid, I could NOT get into trouble unless I purposely sneaked around. My parents did not give me an opening to get into trouble (unlike today, when parents drop their kids off at the mall, just asking for them to make a mistake). By the time I was in college, I was pretty much mature enough to keep making right decisions.

I know this was long but its hard to explain why being strict isn't always going to bring rebellion.

[Guest Guest]

From what I have seen with other families, I think that strict can work depending on the parents attitude towards the children, and how well parents can explain WHY the rules exist.

[Anon]

From what I have seen with other families' date=' I think that strict can work depending on the parents attitude towards the children, and how well parents can explain WHY the rules exist.[/quote']

I think its a lifestyle really...my parents ALWAYS controlled who we hung out with. We were NEVER with anyone (outside of school or work) that they did not know who they were, know the parents, AND approve. Anytime we asked my dad would just tell us the kids were bad, a bad influence, and that the Bible taught not to hang around those that did not follow God. If you raise kids in a certain way and they know why from a young age, I suppose for the most part they will accept it as part of life. Some may rebel though.

[Psalms18_28]

From what I have seen with other families' date=' I think that strict can work depending on the parents attitude towards the children, and how well parents can explain WHY the rules exist.[/quote']

That's why they have to remember this verse when raising their children: Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.


Some strict parents punish their child out of anger and that can backfire.

[SimplyComplex]

I just blogged on this topic and a bit more if anyone wants to read it. I also link to some articles that really say a lot.. if you have time to read them, please do, and tell me what you think. http://trinasworld.com/?q=node/57

[Guest Guest]

I like what you wrote. I didn't read the links yet. Anyhow I would rather guide my child but give them some freedom. Part of their schooling (home schooling) is going to be how to think for themselves.

[John81]

I like what you wrote. I didn't read the links yet. Anyhow I would rather guide my child but give them some freedom. Part of their schooling (home schooling) is going to be how to think for themselves.

:thumb :amen:

[PreacherBen]

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Part one: Train up a child in the way he should go:
While they are young and under your care you train through principle and example. Let them see the way to go. When you mess up, let them see how the grace of God helps us to learn and move on.

Part two: when he is old, he will not depart from it
As they mature (what is meant by the phrase, when he is old,) you let them start stretching their legs. They'll trip, that's where we teach them to be humble and seek the grace of God for daily living.

Some fly, some touch and go, some fall. It is kinda scarry. But, it is life. Pray, pray, pray.

[brosmith]

In talking about websites this was said.



I am not sure why you are worried about your children functioning as adults while they are still children. Children by their very definition means that they are incapable of making good moral decisions without the help of adults. If they were capable of deciding things for themselves and not coming out smelling like a skunk then they would be labeled as adults.

I go one step further. I keep my children away from the internet. As far as I am concerned children are better off without it. We do have online filtering (covenant eyes) which keeps us from accidently hitting a porn site. I block MySpace and YouTube completely because of the filthy garbage on these sites.

By the way, we don't have Play Station, Nintendo, X Box, or any of that other garbage either. We have 5 computers in our house that we use for home schooling and they are all in our living room networked together. I will never repeat the mistake of allowing a child to have a computer in his bedroom. If your child has a computer in his/her bedroom then I would advise you to remove it immediately before it is too late. You should never give a child unbridled access to a computer or the internet. That child will become a rebel and will break your heart.

[John81]

At what age do you believe children should start "functioning as adults"? For that matter, at what age does a child cease being a child and become an adult?

My Dad was 14 when he dropped out of school and went to work.

I believe it was Clovis, who at age 15 took over an army from his dad when he died. He successfully led that army, built a larger army and did many mighty things.

History is filled with stories of "boys" and "girls", 13, 14, or 15 years old who went to work full time, got married, had children, joined the Navy or Army, went off to college, began preaching, started businesses, etc.

Today I see so many in their 20s or 30s, sometimes even in their 40s, who still act like spoiled children.

I didn't drop out of school and start work or move out on my own at 13, 14, or 15 years old, but during those years I watched my little sister all through the summer and each day after school. I did most of the house work, took care of the yard and the dogs, cooked two or three meals a day, etc.

Most of the teens I know and see these days act like spoiled 6 year olds.

I agree about no computer with internet in the kids bedrooms. We have one computer, here in my Study. We do have a Playstation, that's mostly my wife's, but our youngest son does play some games too. However, there are only a few select games we own. We absolutely don't believe in buying such systems for the children and then buying them whatever horrible game they want.

Of course, do all that I might our oldest son still has a rebellious heart and refuses to accept Christ or turn from his wrongdoing. :sad

[brosmith]

At what age do you believe children should start "functioning as adults"? For that matter' date=' at what age does a child cease being a child and become an adult?[/quote']

The teenage years are supposed to be a transition between childhood and adulthood. Our modern culture interprets that as meaning that as a child gets older that he/she is to be given more privileges. In other words, parents are encouraged (and sometimes pressured) to trust their teenagers to do the right thing in a given situation. That is not Bible.

According to the Bible, we as parents are to train our children to walk in the straight and narrow way just as we are walking in it. The teenage years are a time of testing. As your child grows older, you give him/her more responsibilities (such as taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, buying their own clothes) to test their emotional, mental, and spiritual maturity. When they have fully matured emotionally, mentally, and spiritually then they are ready for adulthood. The spoiled brat teenagers that we see everyday will more than likely become spoiled brat adults unless their parents get on the ball.

[John81]

Today, the transition from childhood to adulthood is very blurred and unsure. Most teens are expected to continue acting like children so they do. Some put forth that when they turn 18 they are suddenly adults. Some say it's when they graduate high school. Some say it's when they turn 21. Others, when they graduate college; still others it's not until they decide to get married.

In times past there were much more definite lines drawn between childhood and adulthood. Sometimes this involved a "rite of passage" where a child of 12 or 13 (sometimes a year or two older) would walk into the "rite" a child and exit an adult. From that point on he was viewed as an adult and expected to conduct himself as such. The new adult realized what was expected of him and took a measure of pride in stepping from childhood to adulthood and took on the responsibility of being a young man rather than a child.

In some of Americas not to distant past things were done less formally, but children knew by the time they were about 13, 14 or 15 they were expected to be taking on the role of an adult and putting away childish things.

I have a neighbor who has actually accused me of "abusing my children" because my sons have helped with picking up sticks and raking the yard from the time they were physically big enough to do so! Last year, this same neighbor again accused me of abusing my then 13 year old son because he was tending to the garden.

The odd thing is, I know this man was doing the same things (and more) when he was my sons ages and yet he grew up to spoil his children and demand little from them. His son ended up in trouble with the law and managed to avoid paying the penalty. His daughters were little sluts before they even got to high school. One is married now and still lives nearby; I'm not sure where the other daughter went.

Even my own sister calls me "mean" because I don't allow our children to have TVs, Playstations and computers in their room.

It's difficult raising children right today, and in trying to raise them to be adults when so much of the world is working against us.

I will continue to follow Scripture and pray my sons will one day walk with Christ.

[Psalms18_28]

yep, and I am teaching them how to be an adult.. how to stay away and shield their eyes. Their little brain is like a sponge. they are not capable yet.. Usually it is when they become a young adult (teens) is when you teach them about responsibility as an adult. treat them like adults when they want to be more independent from the parents.