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Divorce and the Family....


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I come from a broken home. My parents had me and divorced 10 months later. My father moved away from our hometown a year or so later and remarried. My mother remarried 18 months after the divorce. My step-father raised me as his own because my own father wasn't there. My father, not wanting me to experince what he had experienced in his childhood years, being shipped off from mother to father, and later to other relatives because the kids had all been removed by the state, decided that he would let my step-father adopt me. It was the best thing he could have done. He was divorced from his second wife by that time, and was almost ready to marry his third wife. So, my stepdad adopted me. Shortly afterwards we moved out of state to Illinois. My life was good, as I only knew my stepfather as my father. He was the only one I had ever known. He had been married when he was 15, divorced by 18. He had two children from his marriage before he married my mother...a girl and a boy. He allowed them to be adopted, as his ex-wife wouldn't let him see them. Her father was wealthy and didn't like my adoptive father. 

My birth father was divorced and remarried for a fourth time. He remarried my stepmother, and they had three kids...two boys and one girl. They have all turned out on the "wrong side of the tracks," all of them having been in jail, and one in prison for home invasion and attempted murder. These brothers and sister of mine have ALL said that my birth father NEVER showed any sense of responsible behavior. They saw him blaming everyone else for things going wrong in their lives. This was my stepmothers first marriage and only marriage. She's the only one who has never been divorced. However, my two brothers and sisters have been divorced. I have not. My adoptive father and mother had many children after they were married, and only two of them have been divorced.  

I have to say that I'm thankful that the Lord was guiding what would occur in my life, even back then. Through all of these divorces and complications in relationships, the Lord kept me out of jail, out of trouble, and kept me on somewhat of a straight road. If I would have been raised by my birth father, I doubt it would have been this way. Even he has acknowledged that my being raised by my adoptive father and my mom was the best thing he ever did.  I would probably never have come to know the Lord if I had been raised by my birth father. I'm thankful I wasn't. Don't get me wrong, I do love my family on that side. I have been witnessing to them for years, and many of them have come close to being saved several times. But, all in the Lords timing. 

My birth father stated the other day the he was very proud that Vivian and I had stuck it out, and kept fighting for our marriage even when times got tough and we face almost certain divorce. The Lord used many people to help keep us together, and I'm SO thankful for the guidance my older, wiser friends gave us on marriage and divorce. 

Sorry for the long explanation...but, I thought it relevant. Divorce has effects on the family that many don't seem to recognize. In the case of my mother and birth father, it led to many years of challenges and distrust of my birth father after I met him at the age of 15 when his father had requested to see me before he passed away from cancer. It led to many hard feelings towards my adoptive father because of the lies in letting me believe he was my birth father. He had wanted to make me think that my life had been normal, that he was my birth father, and I believe his heart was in the right place. Still, it built a distrust in me, and it took many years to regain that trust. It also damaged my relationship with my mother for several years. Because I wasn't saved at the time, I was closed to most things Biblical. I was in church, but I was rebellious against the things of God. 

Divorce is very seldom the answer to problems between people, and ALL of my parents have stated that very thing. It never accomplished anything for any of them. My brothers and sister on that side of the family have all lamented about the cost of divorce. It's painful and destructive. It drives wedges into families and sometimes there is no way to recover relationships lost. But, the Lord can work miracles and put relationships back together as much as possible. 

Again, I apologize for the long diatribe. Sometimes it just seems like the  Lord is opening the door for me to write about things that are on my heart. If any of you are considering divorce...please, reconsider and see what God can do in your life and the life of your spouse. It will be worth it. My wife and I have been married nearly 38 years now, and I'm so thankful that I sought what God wanted.

Blessings.

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Yes, what your father did was probably the best. I was punted back and forth when each one got tired of me until they eventually punted me out on to the street before I finished high school which I never did finish. 

Now that they are old and helpless they both expect me to "honor thy father and mother" and want me to be there all the time for them when neither were there when I needed them the most.

Edited by SureWord
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5 minutes ago, SureWord said:

Yes, what your father did was probably the best. I was punted back and forth when each one got tired of me until they eventually punted me out on to the street before I finished high school which I never did finish. 

Now that they are old and helpless they both expect me to "honor thy father and mother" and want me to be there all the time for them when neither were there when I needed them the most.

I know that feeling. My birth father expects me to honor him and my stepmother...which I do. Even if my Pop was negligent in his duty towards me and let someone else raise me, I still believe that God wants me to honor him and his wife. As a Christian I don't believe there is any other way, especially if I'm trying to reach him for the Lord. 

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