Pillsbury Doughboy Dies

[Bouncing Bill]

Doughboy Falls at Age 71 Please join in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. Rumor has it that some uninvited Ho-Ho's also appeared.

The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he was was a crusty old man who was still sweet on the inside. He was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, and they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart, his best friend, Jimmy Dean, and a former Mistress, Trix. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.