Three Continuing Practices of a Healthy Marriage

[RSS Robot]

One of the great joys of pastoring is officiating weddings for the members of our church. It’s a special blessing to me when two young people who grew up at Lancaster Baptist Church fall in love, desire to serve the Lord together, and ask me to perform their wedding. Another blessing is when I have the privilege of conducting the wedding for the son or daughter of those I united in marriage twenty or twenty-five years ago. 

But as special as a wedding day may be, it is not the marriage. It is only the beginning of a marriage. And whether or not that marriage will be healthy and growing over the years has much to do with the continuing practices in which the couple engages. 

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Whether or not a marriage will be healthy and growing over the years has much to do with the continuing practices in which the couple engages.
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As a pastor, another privilege I have is helping couples who are struggling in their relationship to find help in the pages of God’s Word. Marriage counseling is not as exciting or approached with the joyous anticipation of a wedding. And often (although not always), couples come to the point where their relationship is no longer healthy because they are neglecting the continuing practices that make a marriage strong. 

We could list many of these habits or practices, but the three below are core. As a husband, these three are ones I have to continually work at; they don’t come naturally. And as a pastor, these three are ones I have consistently seen as key to building or rebuilding a healthy marriage relationship. 

1. Surrendering to the Lord

A union of two selfless people is made of two surrendered people.

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A union of two selfless people is made of two surrendered people.
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Surrendering to the Lord is the beginning place of being filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18), and being filled with the Spirit is an absolute necessity for a Christ-centered, God-honoring marriage. 

A marriage where two people live by the dictates of their flesh is a selfish relationship, with each spouse demanding (vocally or in silent exception) their way, their rights, their gratification, regardless of what that means for the other. 

But a marriage where two people are surrendered to the Lord and walk in the Spirit is a Spirit-filled relationship, with each spouse ready to serve the other. 

This kind of surrender to the Lord is not just a one-time decision (although it starts there). It is the daily dying to self and yielding to the Holy Spirit.

And the best part of it is that regardless of what your spouse does, you benefit when you surrender to the Lord. Not only will your marriage be stronger than it would be if neither of you were yielded to Christ, but your relationship with the Lord flourishes when you walk with Him in the practical, daily discipline of surrender. 

2. Yielding to your spouse

Because of the instruction directed to wives in Ephesians 5:22—“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”—some Christian husbands assume that yielding to the other is a one-way street. The verse prior, however, says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

Husbands are to provide leadership in the home, and in any healthy relationship, the person who is not the leader submits to the person who is. That is the context of verse 22.

But in any healthy Christian relationship, marriage included, both parties delight to serve one another and to submit to the desires and needs of their spouse. That is the context of verse 21. 

In a healthy Christian marriage, both the husband and wife are making dozens of daily choices to yield to one another. To not have to win an argument, to not have to prove who is right, to serve the other before they serve themselves, to listen, to care, bear one another’s burdens…to yield. 

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In a healthy Christian marriage, both the husband and wife are making dozens of daily choices to yield to one another.
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3. Forgiving one another 

A good marriage is made of good forgivers.

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A good marriage is made of good forgivers.
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Too often, however, couples gunnysack offenses committed by the other. Then, when there is a repeat offense, the other spouse pulls out past offenses (verbally or internally) to emphasize why the offender is unworthy of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness, however, is not something we offer because the other person is worthy. It is because we have been forgiven. “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). 

The potential for relationship-corroding bitterness is real. This is why God commanded, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Colossians 3:19). 

Like surrender and yielding, forgiveness is not a one-time requirement for only the greatest of offenses. It is practiced in the daily decisions of a Spirit-filed Christian who chooses to forgive for Christ’s sake. And it’s one of the strongest elements of a great marriage. 

The healthiest marriages are not made in a moment. They are forged over years by couples who practice the daily disciplines of surrender to Christ, yielding to one another, and forgiving as Christ has forgiven them. 

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The healthiest marriages are not made in a moment. They are forged over years by couples who practice the daily disciplines of surrender to Christ, yielding to one another, and forgiving each other.
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[Martyr_4_FutureJoy]

"In the Beginning Was The Word"

No buildings.

No people.

No animals.

No sin.  No government.  No corporations.  No sickness.  No pharmacy.   No stock market.  No retirement.

No death.

No lie.

No adultery.   No marriage, no divorce,  no desires of the flesh.

No covetousness.  No needs.   No wanting things.   No carnal thoughts.   No greed.   No carnal desires.

No idolatry.

========================================================

The basis of the Creator's Authority.   

Who was there to see the Creation

of the stars,  the oceans,  the mountains,

the great beasts of the land and the sea,   the butterflies,  the bumblebees ,  the earthworms,  the larvae,  the seeds,  the plants,  the trees,   the rocks,  the trumpeting elephants millions upon millions of them,

swans,  billions of birds eagles , humming birds,   ostriches ,   emus,  

and man.

[Bouncing Bill]

Never go to bed angry.

[Pastor Matt]

3 hours ago, Bouncing Bill said:

Never go to bed angry.

Good Biblical advice.

 Eph 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

[BrotherTony]

1 hour ago, PastorMatt said:

Good Biblical advice.

 Eph 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

This is one that many couples seem to try and avoid...Christian and non-Christian alike. I believe this is one of the soundest pieces of advice a couple could be given, though.

[Martyr_4_FutureJoy]

Who is The Creator?   Someone To Listen To, or to ignore? 

1 hour ago, BrotherTony said:

This is one that many couples seem to try and avoid...Christian and non-Christian alike.

Here's a bigger one people avoid.   

Ecclesiastes 12:13 Context

 

¹⁰The preacher sought to find out acceptable words: and that which was written was upright, even words of truth. ¹¹The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd. ¹²And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh. ¹³Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. ¹⁴For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

 

[BrotherTony]

44 minutes ago, jeff_student_of_Jesus said:

Who is The Creator?   Someone To Listen To, or to ignore? 

Here's a bigger one people avoid.   

Ecclesiastes 12:13 Context

 

¹⁰The preacher sought to find out acceptable words: and that which was written was upright, even words of truth. ¹¹The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd. ¹²And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh. ¹³Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. ¹⁴For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

 

And the application to marriage?????

[Martyr_4_FutureJoy]

Obey  The Creator,   be blessed by Him,   or foolishly disobey Him willingly,  and receive deserved judgment.  The whole world refuses even to seek Him or His Life or His Forgiveness , and wantonly lives wickedly without thinking about what will happen,  without thinking about how they are harming themselves , their families, their children,  their neighbors, their society and social clubs ,  ....  .

How much more mournful, sad,  it is , when those who are called by His Name wantonly disobey Him,  ignoring His Instructions and His serious warnings.

From Malachi 3,  in line with all KJV Scripture >

"Ye have said, It is vain to serve God: and what profit is it that we have kept his ordinance, and that we have walked mournfully before the LORD of hosts?

15 And now we call the proud happy; yea, they that work wickedness are set up; yea, they that tempt God are even delivered.

16 Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name.

17 And they shall be mine, saith the LORD of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.

18 Then shall ye return, and discern between the righteous and the wicked, between him that serveth God and him that serveth him not."

[BrotherTony]

8 hours ago, jeff_student_of_Jesus said:

Obey  The Creator,   be blessed by Him,   or foolishly disobey Him willingly,  and receive deserved judgment.  The whole world refuses even to seek Him or His Life or His Forgiveness , and wantonly lives wickedly without thinking about what will happen,  without thinking about how they are harming themselves , their families, their children,  their neighbors, their society and social clubs ,  ....  .

How much more mournful, sad,  it is , when those who are called by His Name wantonly disobey Him,  ignoring His Instructions and His serious warnings.

From Malachi 3,  in line with all KJV Scripture >

"Ye have said, It is vain to serve God: and what profit is it that we have kept his ordinance, and that we have walked mournfully before the LORD of hosts?

15 And now we call the proud happy; yea, they that work wickedness are set up; yea, they that tempt God are even delivered.

16 Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name.

17 And they shall be mine, saith the LORD of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.

18 Then shall ye return, and discern between the righteous and the wicked, between him that serveth God and him that serveth him not."

And again, Jeff...the appliation to marriage???

[Martyr_4_FutureJoy]

David Cloud, in some webpages at Way of Life Literature site,  who I just found out about in the last month or so,   lamented the loss of integrity he saw over the last few decades in once faithful, or at least more faithful than others, churches.   This related to all areas of life,  worldliness, clothing, Biblical separateness, value of life, way of life,  God's Instructions for His people.  

When His people obey(ed) God, OT and NT and recent,  like well-known "If My People" prayer AND context of Boaz,    there was obvious and big change and difference in how they live(d), spoke, and not so much discussion about how to disobey Him.  All areas of life and church, daily,  and the power to overcome sin and the devil and the flesh and the world are results one way,  or the other.

A lot of groups may have degenerated from being right in word and in spirit,  to being carnal,  and some may have been among those who "get around to the spiritual in time".  (some bibliographies or short accounts-testimonies are about a failing dead church being becoming by prayer of one member, then two, then three,   a living joy-filled prayerful living assembly of believers.  -   more accounts by far are there of churches slowly or quickly leaving behind prayer and obedience,  becoming "social" for whatever reason)

 

When a church is carnal,  often many are not faithful in marriage -  not healthy marriages. 

Find a healthy faithful joyful disciplined prayerful obedient people,  find healthy marriages.

Whose fault is the falling away (into social, carnal churches)?    Like David Cloud noted, even in the formerly 'good' (faithful) churches,  falling away is happening many places , or so it seems or is obvious.

A people faithful in their marriage to God,  as the body of CHrist or the Bride of Christ (spotless!?) ,

will be faithful to one another ,   they go hand in hand.   Being/living unfaithful to God,  results in broken marriages,  with social, carnal, mental excuses or reasons given,  AND in broken lives in other areas as well.

Being faithful to God results in more than "Three Continuing Practices of a Healthy Marriage". 

It results in healed , restored people,  salt with flavor,  lights in the world,  joy and peace and righteousness overflowing daily.

 

God's People are few on this earth, in this world,  "usually not" found, "not something that happens".

God's Delay, His Waiting, His Patience (until Coming Judgment Day), is that more may be saved out of sin, the world/ social gospel/  sick broken lives spiritually and otherwise in any and all things concerning salvation.

 =========================================================================

Social Gospel

BrotherTony replied to Potatochip's topic in False Religions

The Social Gospel speaks more to the church relating to the immediate or longterm physical and emotional needs of people over the spiritual. They may get around to the spiritual in time, but it's usually not something that happens.

[BrotherTony]

There are many marriages I have come across in the "unsaved" world that are more consistent than those of the Christians I know. It's a shame, I know, especially since they don't know the Lord, but, it is very much a possibility, nonetheless. David Cloud isn't my "cup of tea." I used to read him many years ago, and I have read him a few times since, but not because of his ability to tell the truth. He is often incorrect, publishing data that is skewed. I take anything he says with a grain of salt.

[Martyr_4_FutureJoy]

 Test - imony. 

 

"Updated July 12, 2017 (first published December 1, 2009)

David Cloud, Way of Life Literature, P.O. Box 610368, Port Huron, MI 48061
866-295-4143, fbns@wayoflife.org

I am deeply concerned about the rapidly-growing compromise among independent Baptists. After I was saved in 1973, I didn’t know where to go to church. I was led to Christ by a Pentecostal man who went on his way the next day, and I have never seen him again.""

 

Is there anyone not concerned ? 

 

  

4 minutes ago, BrotherTony said:

There are many marriages I have come across in the "unsaved" world that are more consistent than those of the Christians I know. It's a shame, I know, especially since they don't know the Lord, but, it is very much a possibility, nonetheless. David Cloud isn't my "cup of tea." I used to read him many years ago, and I have read him a few times since, but not because of his ability to tell the truth. He is often incorrect, publishing data that is skewed. I take anything he says with a grain of salt.

"with a grain of salt" - test everything,  as KJV says,  whether from an Apostle, or a so-called angel of light.

Test everything.    He is often incorrect.   He is sometimes or often correct ?

He noted the fall of the churches,  this is correct.

The /many/churches fell decades ago,  this is correct.

The /a few/churches used to live better in line with KJV,  this is correct.

What is incorrect ?

[BrotherTony]

46 minutes ago, jeff_student_of_Jesus said:

 Test - imony. 

 

"Updated July 12, 2017 (first published December 1, 2009)

David Cloud, Way of Life Literature, P.O. Box 610368, Port Huron, MI 48061
866-295-4143, fbns@wayoflife.org

I am deeply concerned about the rapidly-growing compromise among independent Baptists. After I was saved in 1973, I didn’t know where to go to church. I was led to Christ by a Pentecostal man who went on his way the next day, and I have never seen him again.""

 

Is there anyone not concerned ? 

 

  

"with a grain of salt" - test everything,  as KJV says,  whether from an Apostle, or a so-called angel of light.

Test everything.    He is often incorrect.   He is sometimes or often correct ?

He noted the fall of the churches,  this is correct.

The /many/churches fell decades ago,  this is correct.

The /a few/churches used to live better in line with KJV,  this is correct.

What is incorrect ?

Many of his "facts" are incorrect..Sorry, but I'm not doing your homework for you. It's hard enough getting through your overly verbose and off the subject posts. I will tell you that most of the time he only gives half the story....HIS half. It's been documented more than once. I will give you a "for instance" that was sent to me a few years ago. I don't necessarily agree with the writer in totality, but, I do find he has food for thought. 

http://www.jesusisprecious.org/false_doctrine/lordship_salvation/david_cloud-another_gospel.htm

[Martyr_4_FutureJoy]

17 minutes ago, BrotherTony said:

Many of his "facts" are incorrect..Sorry, but I'm not doing your homework for you.

This is not important - there's no such homework to do.

That which is correct,  that which is truth,  that is what the point was and is and continues to be.

Note that many so-called "facts" on this forum in many threads and posts are not correct also.

There's no way to deal with them all at once,  or even all over time as they will continue to increase over time.

[BrotherTony]

3 minutes ago, jeff_student_of_Jesus said:

This is not important - there's no such homework to do.

That which is correct,  that which is truth,  that is what the point was and is and continues to be.

Note that many so-called "facts" on this forum in many threads and posts are not correct also.

There's no way to deal with them all at once,  or even all over time as they will continue to increase over time.

Then why ask what was incorrect...You yourself stated that you only found David Cloud's "Way of Life" postings a short while back. I hope you're not one to swallow the Northern Pike whole instead of properly dividing it up. So, therefore it IS important. 

Back to healty marriages and the three continuing practices....