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You know there are times when you really shouldn't answer right away?


A lady who has been at our church for about two years (not a member) and comes from an eclectic church background (lots of baggage) has just called my wife to accuse her of not being available outside church, and to complain that another lady is always reporting back to the pastor (me), and a few other things.

My wife just rang me upset as anything. She could not get a word in edgeways while this lady just unloaded.

Now my wife feels terrible "because she has not been doing enough". My wife is wonderful but she wears things like this heavily, and so this will affect her for a while now.

I want to ring this lady and give her an piece of my mind, but I fear I don't have enough mind to spare for things like this.

It seems to me that loads of people don't realise that a pastor's wife is not a pastor but the help meet for the pastor, and as such is not is a position to bear this kind of thing.

There you go. I THINK I have vented enough now.

Thanks for listening........😊

Edited by DaveW
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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

I looked up the biblical qualifications and requirements of a pastor's wife...


I thought it said something about being the piano player, secretary, phoster club director, nursery director, or something like that. It's got to be in there somewhere...


Hope and pray your wife isn't too stressed over it all.

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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

I should add a couple of things: 

1. My wife does far more than many Pastor's wives that I know. Everyone is different and I know several Pastor's wives with severe health issues which restrict them. They would do more if they could. But I know of some Pastor's wives who put 100% into being the best wife and mother they can be, and they cannot be derided for that either. My wife seems to find the energy to do it all - I have to tell her to rest and then it is under sufferance, which is why the accusations were so hurtful to her.

2. Whilst there are no quals that I have ever found, I do think that a Pastor's wife, being his help meet for him, should do more than your average "Mature Christian Lady".

3. The lady involved is obviously having a hard time herself right now (hurting people hurt people - it is true) and I did not give her a piece of my mind partly because I knew about some of this (and partly because I can't go giving away pieces of my mind - I have precious little left right now!). I am not even sure she knows or understands what she did.


It really was better here than...…… direct to her. I needed a place to vent that would not harm her, and I do appreciate those of you who were no doubt inclined towards blasting me holding off on that course.

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Sometimes, like the three friends of Job, even his wife, other people miss-judge us in our service to the Lord and cause anguish of heart. Like Job,  let us not, as they sometimes come across, 'curse God and die.'  Take heart and, like David at Ziklag, encourage yourself, and your wife, in the Lord! 

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  • Independent Fundamental Baptist

Perhaps there are instructions for a pastor's wife and it doesn't match the carnal church member's ideas.

Pastors were intended to be elders, assuming the word elder and aged mean the same thing (and it does), the common sense assumption would then make an elder's wife "aged". Certainly sounds allot like the quals of bishops and deacons.

Titus 2: [1] But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:
[2] That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.
[3] The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
[4] That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
[5] To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

All believers are to bear each other's burdens. The idea that a pastor and his wife should be the primary bearers of all members burdens is not Scriptural. They should be teachers to the younger men and women to hold up each other and to bear their own burdens as well.

Galatians 6: [1] Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
[2] Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
[3] For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.
[4] But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.
[5] For every man shall bear his own burden.
[6] Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things.
[7] Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
[8] For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
[9] And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
[10] As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

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I'm reading Caring Enough to Confront by David Augsburger right now so I could list loads of his thoughts. Don't worry--I won't, just one to turn anger into love.

1 Peter 3:16 Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.

Keep on my brother and God bless you and your wife,

Dave in Ohio

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