Courting and asking father permission to Date?

[The Morlock 2]

Hello,

I am a recently divorced 38 year old man.  My exwife had an affair, refused to reconcile, and became physically abusive towards me.  I'm ready to move on after much prayer, fasting, and good Biblical Counseling with my pastor.  

Our church runs about 150 on Sunday morning.  There is a 28 year old woman that has caught my eye so to speak and I would like to pursue a relationship.  I have NO IDEA how to court, as I was unsaved when I began dating my exwife.   I want to do things the right way now.  

For those of you that have adult daughters in the church, do you want the man to ask for your permission to date her before they begin dating?  How do you ask for permission?  What should I say?  Dp I actually ask his permission or just let him know of my intentions to begin courting her.  Has anyone ever said No to a possible suitor?  

Is this something that would be okay to do before a church service?  I'm thinking not and am trying to find an excuse to invite him to coffee some Saturday morning.  

 

Thanks for all your help

 

 

[Salyan 1,926]

Many in our churches (including me, tbh), don't believe that a second marriage after divorce is permitted. You and your pastor obviously do, but do you know what this woman and her family believe about this? It might be wise to begin by discretely finding out their beliefs in this area. 

[The Morlock 2]

Thanks for the reply Salyan.

I have in a roundabout way asked the father if he believes in remarriage and he does.  I have a relationship with him (albeit minor) as we are both ushers and I help out in the soundbooth which is his primary ministry in the church. 

He was the first, outside of the pastor, in the church to know that I was getting a divorce.  One day as I was leaving he told me goodbye and to say bye to my wife.  This was three days after I found out about her affair.  I just got wide eyed and said I was not going to do that! and left.

I did seek him out before the evening service and apologized but explained that it was a sore subject.  Later that year, as we were putting up Christmas Decorations around the church he came up to me and we had a pretty good talk about my divorce, my struggles.  He said that he was okay remarriage for certain reasons.  

 

[Alan 3,494]

Out of politeness, and to keep everything aboveboard, I would want a person in your position to ask me first if they could date my daughter. If the father knows you, I would invite him over to your house after services and discuss your thoughts. Salyan used the word ' discretely.'  I think that if you handled yourself 'discretely,' and sought out the fathers thoughts first, than it may go smoother later. 

Edited January 26, 2019 by Alan
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[The Morlock 2]

I wanted to give everybody an update.

I asked her dad while we were cleaning up after a fellowship at church.  He said no.  His reasoning is that while he feels it is okay to marry after a divorce, he feels that I should focus on reconciliation with my exwife.  

He said he really respects me for asking and if I was not divorced he would absolutely say yes.  He also said that he understands why the divorce happened, and that it was not my fault, but that I should still focus on reconciliation.  

I am frustrated, but also can't say that he is wrong.  As I have been doing so much in my life lately, I am moving on.  

 

[PastorMatt 1,094]

Praying for you brother. I know this is easy to say, but just keep your eyes on Jesus. God has a plan for you, sometimes it is hard to understand what that is in the moment.

[Miss Daisy 599]

The other person in a divorce is not always open to reconciling. May already have someone new. May be the reason for the divorce. People shouldn’t be punished the rest of their lives for making mistakes. God forgives. Why don’t Independent Baptist? That’s VERY JUDGMENTAL and very hurtful. Just because you may have never divorced doesn’t mean you or your marriage is perfect. God uses broken people every day. Broken people are a lot more accepting than self righteous pious people looking down their nose to someone divorced.

[Corinne 8]

This has really impressed me. I know that I'm 400 years late to this post and the OP might not be on this site, but I wanted to comment how much that father amazed me.

A dad that wants to know what will happen to his daughter. Expecting permission from him to date her. 

I've never heard of such thing before. It feels so protective and I'm really shocked to see a father actually care about the safety of their daughter.

The world's fathers don't really care about their daughters, but this dad impressed me so much. He's probably an only case, but I'm still surprised to see a father involved that much in a daughter's life even if she was older.

 Sorry for this guy, maybe he had good intentions, I just wanted to comment to express my amazement at the father taking charge of that situation

[Hugh_Flower 25]

Corinne I have met a few fathers at my church who are of the same knit.