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Saved41199

Cutting Children off

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I need some help on this. I have cut my kids out of my life. Between the three of them they have stolen over 30 thousand dollars from me, antique jewelry (including both my grandmothers' wedding rings and my mother's engagement ring). They constantly tell me what a horrid mother I was to them when the two who have children have abandoned their children (one decided that drugs and partying were more important than her two little girls and the other and his "wife" also decided that being responsible was more than they wanted to do).I know I was not perfect, we had some pretty hard times and maybe I didn't handle things as well as I should have...BUT...all three were taken to church, they all heard the gospel and all three have chosen to reject it. Every time they were down on their luck, I sent them money, bought plane tickets. gave them a place to live, etc. YET...it seems that none of it was enough for them. I am sick at their actions and tired of the abuse (verbal) they unload on me every chance they get. 

As a side note...my mother was NOT a great mother, she made  it clear she hated my guts from the time I was little...yet...when she had a series of strokes and could no longer live on her own, I took her into my home, endured her baloney, took care of her for 7 years until she died. Why? Because it was the right thing to do, even though, after all those years, I had no real feelings for her whatsoever. Yet, the children who owed me a small fortune would not lift a finger when we had some difficulties and were homeless. 

Please help me understand...

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This is tough, but I would agree to cut them off with the understanding that you explain to them why. That you love and forgive them. That when they repent, your home will be opened back up to them.

Understand that Repentance is not just an apology. There has to be action and that would include restoration, unless you choose to forgive the debt of the thefts - Which I would only do if they truly repent. Pray daily for them and also search yourself for unconfessed sin. You may need to repent also (Don't know the circumstances). I would highly recommend Biblical counseling with your pastor.

Hope that helps.
PastorJ

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7 hours ago, Pastorj said:

Pray daily for them and also search yourself for unconfessed sin. You may need to repent also (Don't know the circumstances). I would highly recommend Biblical counseling with your pastor.

I do pray daily for them. I have been searching myself for years now...given their words. Near as I can figure they are angry that I married my husband (who wasn't exactly a great guy BC).I have been in counseling previously (with a Christian counselor) and the bottom line is I should have cut them off a long time ago instead of always stepping in...

Regarding any reparations for the money/things...forget it. My older son (who owes me about 20 grand) said "I've helped you more than any white kid should help their parents" forgetting that I kept him from going to the army equivalent of captain's mast for debts. Yes, I co-signed and did not fight the garnishment that destroyed my credit and I kept paying his car payment so he would have it when he got home from Iraq (along with paying the taxes, insurance, license fees). My youngest and his "wife" stole the jewelry and he refuses to take any responsibility for it...

I am thinking of revising my will...and writing that my children will get nothing because they already stole it. I mean, good grief...I had access to both my parents' bank accounts from the time I was a kid and would have NEVER dreamed of taking money from them...NEVER!!! I guess it's my fault for allowing the world in and trying to keep the peace with my X...the minute I'd crack down, they'd be on the phone to dear old dad telling him what a horrible woman I was (he was a nut-job atheist). 

I forgive them...but I will not forget. They're 35, 30 and 27 now...there will be no more rescues from here. They fall, they fall...maybe they'll finally be smart enough to cry out to the Lord. Please pray with me that strong Christians get right up in their faces and under their skins. 

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On 12/24/2017 at 3:51 AM, Saved41199 said:

Please help me understand...

Your children are selfish, depraved, hell-bound heathens who serve their father, the devil.  It is wise to protect yourself from them by separating from them.  Lay down the ground rules for fellowship, if you want any, and stick to them.

My wife and I are going through something similar with our oldest daughter and I will not allow her sins to become mine/ours.  We still have two daughters to raise for the Lord.  Despite all that we've taught her, as imperfect as we did, she has still chosen the world and rejected the Lord in action but honors him with her lips which is to mock the Lord.  It is a very difficult time for my wife and I now because there is a baby on the way and if we're to honor the Lord and keep ourselves from getting fouled in her sins, we must separate from her to a point.  I hate what's happening to us because of their sins.  I look around and know that we're not alone; the devil is after every one of these kids' soul.  

I keep hearing that verse, that promise from Proverbs: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” - Proverbs 22:6

I'm also keenly aware of the price King David paid for his sins against the Lord and fear for them.

Edited by swathdiver

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Saved41199,

I was an all out rebellious kid when I was growing up,  and this lead to chastisement hundreds of times from my Mother and Father. It wasn't too extreme, only on rare occasion where I would kept making the same mistakes over and over again. I am a Father to one 11 year old son, and, to me, he's a godly son. However, when you have more than one child, sometimes they can rub off on each other in the wrong way and influencing them. The Bible is always correct, of course, but also often misinterpreted.  Clearly, we don't have to beat our children daily.  And we don't necessarily have to ever resort to physical punishment.  Many factors come into play, chief among them is the child in question.  Some children are naturally responsive, some are more rebellious.  Some can easily be corrected by a word of reproach, some need a firmer hand.  Add to this the fact that all parents are different.  Add to this the fact that this is partly a cultural issue as well.  In a culture where everyone else beats their children regularly, a total absence of physical punishment might be interpreted wrongly -- by the child who is not receiving it; in a culture where almost no one engages in corporal punishment, using it regularly would also be likely to send a questionable message to the child. 

I can't speak on behalf of other families on this board because I haven't walked in their shoes and I don't know the full extent of their mental anguish as a result of their children's rebellion. The point is that this is all up to the parents who are responsible.  If they are doing a good job raising their children, there is little anyone else can say -- and unless we are talking about exceptional abuse on the one hand or exceptional neglect on the other, there is little anyone outside of the family SHOULD say.  Proverbs gives good advice: perfect, divine advice. It has to be rightly understood.  The message of these verses has less to do with the mode of discipline than the need for discipline, however administered.  We all needed that.  And we all ought to be grateful for parents who provided just what we needed in a loving and godly way, especially inasmuch as this helps to condition us to respond to our heavenly Father -- who knows just how to discipline us in just the right way whenever that is necessary:

Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? (Hebrews 12:9) 

God Bless!

Daniel

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My children are grown. They got plenty of deserved discipline as they grew up...they were very strong willed and had all sorts of outside influences in their ears...including my mother. They chose to turn against everything I tried to teach them They lied, cheated and stole from me, including both my grandmothers' wedding bands and my mother's engagement ring (stolen to pawn for drug money) out of MY OWN HOUSE when we took them in while they were homeless. They bought into the world's idea that any form of punishment was abuse. If I said the sky was blue, they'd say it was red and then have a FIT if I told them they were wrong. I truly think I'm better off without them in my life. They can do their own thing. One of them spent 7 years in prison for drug dealing and wire fraud. She thought she was smarter than everyone else...she blames me for losing parental rights to her children. I wasn't the one who went to prison. I wasn't the one who wouldn't follow the reunification plan set out by the girls' father and the courts. My middle child...he owes me about 20 thousand dollars for all the bills I paid for him while he was overseas in the Army. He claimed the Army messed up his allotment to me and like an idiot I believed him until I changed bank accounts and the story started to not add up. So, I took it upon myself to check into the story and exposed his lie. Instead of expressing any remorse, he told me to get out of his life and wished I was dead. My youngest and his "wife" are the ones who stole the jewelry from me. Then they got all bent out of shape when I caught them smoking dope in my house. They dumped their son (my grandson) with my ex-felon daughter who hangs around other ex-felons and went their separate ways. My son is now living in his friend's attic. 

I pray for them, for their salvation daily. However, I have no intention of letting them back in my life. I may not have been the world's greatest mother and I know I made many mistakes. HOWEVER, no matter how hard it got, or how broke we were, they always had a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, food in their bellies, talks about God and his goodness, what it takes to be saved. They chose to turn against it all. They are all upset they didn't have the "Leave it to Beaver" childhood. 

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