By Brother Stafford
Step right up, folks! Experience the new and improved "Glitter Ashes™ to Go!" Come all ye on-the-go Papists, rapists and hedonistic heretics. Have no time to sit through your blasphemous masses? Just drive up and we'll give you your ashy forehead crosses right through your car window. Want a little more pizazz with your penance? A little razz-ma-tazz with your repentance? Try our new Glitter Ashes™! Who says you can't proudly display your sorrow and your sodomy for all the world to see? Our new Glitter Ashes™ are like an activist t-shirt for your forehead!
Church Teller: Welcome to Our Lady of Sodomy, may I take your order?
Sodomite #1: Yes, I’d like a medium Glitter Ash™ and a side of Holy Communion wafers. (Honey, do you want anything?)
Sodomite #2: Yes, I’d like an absolution and a large priest, please.
Church Teller: That’ll be Five “Hail Marys" and twelve “Glory Bes.” Pull up to the window, please.”
If you think I'm kidding, read this article: On Ash Wednesdays, ashes to go - with a little extra sparkle for LGBT Christians.
They just keep piling heretical doctrines on top of social justice issues on top of godless tradition. It's like watching Dagwood Bumstead building a Godless Worldview Sandwich™.
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