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Brother Stafford

My Childhood Cat

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When I was a little boy, I had a cat which I loved very much.  I named her "Karma Bonsai Detroit."  "Karma," so that when I pet her, I could say, "Good Karma" or yell at her and say, "Bad Karma!"  "Bonsai", because she would pounce on me from above, and "Detroit" because when she purred, she was the "Motor Kitty." 

One day, after coming home from school, Karma was nowhere to be found.  I looked absolutely everywhere for her, but she appeared to be gone.  I was very upset and my mother said that my father would help me look for her when he got home and that she would help me look, but she had to finish making dinner.

My father came home and we looked and looked, but we still couldn't find Karma.  My mother called us to dinner and my father asked me to get him some ice for his drink.  I went into the kitchen and opened the freezer and there was Karma!  She was frozen stiff as a board!  It turns out that, when my mother had taken the liver out of the freezer to thaw it, Karma had jumped inside.

I was a wreck.  I started bawling and was inconsolable.  My father called the vet and asked him if anything could be done and the vet said that there actually might still be hope.  He said that if Karma wasn't frozen all the way through, she still may be alive and that we should pour a spoonful of gasoline into her mouth.  He said that the gasoline would thin her blood and, if she was still alive, she should snap out of it.

So, my father got the gasoline, measured out a spoonful and pored it into my beloved cat's mouth.  After about ten seconds, she began to twitch and convulse and then, in an instant, she came to, her eyes as big as saucers and she started running at full speed around the house; all the while screaming at the top of her lungs!  She ran upstairs and then to the basement, up and down the curtains, over and under the furniture and then she made about five or six circles around the coffee table and then just flopped over and was completely still.

This is when most people say, "Awwww.... did she die?"

To which I reply, "Nah, she just ran out of gas."


(P.S. The first paragraph about naming her is a true story)

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