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Put Your Bad Jokes Here...

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Grandma and Grandpa were sitting on the porch together, rocking. After some time, grandma looks over at grandpa, smiles, and says "I sure and proud of you". Grandpa cupped his ear, turned and said "what did ya say?". Grandma says a little louder "I said I sure am proud of you".

Grandpa- "Huh?"

Grandma "I'm PROUD OF YOU"

Grandpa "Well I'm TIRED OF YOU TOO"

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Mother to young son; "Billy, do you know what God's name is?"

Billy; "Yes mom, his name is Andy."

Mom; " Now Billy, what in the world would ever make you think that God's name is Andy?"

Billy; " Oh mom, we sing about it in our song book: Andy walks with me Andy he talks with me."

If you heard it before please be gentle, I'm old. ;)

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12 minutes ago, Jim_Alaska said:

You are right on the ball for early morning Bro. Stafford. That one is probably older than I am. :)

There were Giants in those days as well.

Then there's this:

And Abner said to Joab, "Let the young men...arise and play before us" (II Samuel 2:14)

...[and] all the people rose up... (Exodus 33:8)

And Jehoshaphat the son of Ahilud was the recorder; and Sheva was scribe... (II Samuel 20:24-25)

And they said unto Jephthah, "Come and be our [Captain]" (Judges 11:6)

...and he measured two lines... (II Samuel 8:2)

And he set the bases... (I Kings 7:39)

And they stood every man in his place round about the camp (Judges 7:21)

...behold, Rebekah came forth with her pitcher... (Genesis 24:45)

Ehud...the Benjamite, a man left-handed ... (Judges 3:15)

...the children of Israel ...said "Who shall go up for us first...?" (Judges 20:18)

...seek out a man who is a skillful player... (I Samuel 16:16)

...Judah [shall go up] first... (Judges 20:18)

[And] Judah took... (Judges 1:18)

Three times... (Exodus 23:14)

...and...it was good. (Genesis 1:10)

...and Abram went down... (Genesis 12:10)

...out at the base... (Leviticus 4:18)

And Moses...smote... (Exodus 7:20)

...and... [it] became foul... (Exodus 7:21)

And Moses went out... (Numbers 11:24)

...and none came in. (Joshua 6:1)

And there was not a man left... (Joshua 8:17)

And Miriam was shut out... (Numbers 12:15)

And the children of Benjamin went out... (Judges 20:31)

...and went into the field ... (Numbers 22:23)

And...Aaron waved... (Leviticus 9:21)

And he looked this way and that way... (Exodus 2:12)

...and [he] delivered up... (Numbers 21:3)

...and they ran as soon as he had stretched out his hand... (Joshua 8:19)

...and they fell on their faces to the ground... (Judges 13:20)

Get thee up; wherefore now art thou fallen upon thy face? (Joshua 7:10)

...for it was an error... (Numbers 15:25)

...second and third... (Genesis 6:16)

And Joseph [spoke]... (Genesis 45:3)

...concerning the error which he committed... (Leviticus 5:18)

...make [an] atonement for thyself... (Leviticus 9:7)

Thou shalt fan them... (Isaiah 41:16)

Then Joseph commanded to filltheir...sack... (Genesis 42:25)

and...all the people saw it [and] they shouted... (Leviticus 9:24)

"Who can stand before the [Giants]?" (Deuteronomy 9:2)

and...Aaron waved... (Leviticus 9:21)

...and pitched on the other side... (Numbers 21:13)

...and suffered not a man to pass... (Judges 3:28)

...but...the seventh... (Exodus 31:15)

Gideon...smote... (Judges 8:11)

...Israel...at...first... (Jeremiah 33:7)

And Noah went in... (Genesis 7:7)

And there ran a young man ... (Numbers 11:27)

...he turned and went back... (Judges 18:26)

...unto the base... (Numbers 8:4)

...Noah walked... (Genesis 6:9)

Let us go and sacrifice... (Exodus 5:8)

And Moses lifted up his hand and smote... with his rod... (Numbers 20:11)

...the...hide... (Leviticus 20:4)

...a long blast... (Joshua 6:5)

...[outside] the camp... (Judges 7:17)

...[for] an 'omer... (Exodus 16:36)

And the men of Israel and of Judah arose, and shouted... (1 Samuel 17:52)

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10 hours ago, weary warrior said:

Ummm.....still scratching my head. I surely don't understand binary.

In "binary" numbering system "10" = "2"  

So...Re-read the "joke" replacing "10" with '2" 

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  • Why don’t you ever see a hippopotamus hiding in a tree?
  • Because they’re REALLY good at it.

 

  • What would George Washington do if he was alive today?
  • Probably scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

 

  • What do you call a gay drive by?
  • A fruit roll up.
 

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using perverted bibles is like the man who raised chickens for a living. he had a hen setting on a nest and decided he would save money so he mixed saw dust in with his laying mash. well the hen set on twelve eggs. finally eleven of the eggs hatched and they all had wooden legs.then the 12th one hatched and he was a wood pecker.:think_smiley_50:

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