Put Your Bad Jokes Here...

[No Nicolaitans 3,372]

 

A photon checks into a hotel...

Bellhop: Could I help you with your luggage sir?

Photon: No thanks; I'm traveling light!

[2bLikeJesus 986]

A scientist makes a clone of himself, the scientific world is in awe and can't wait to meet him and his clone.  The big day arrives with great pomp and ceremony and the scientist bursting with pride introduces his clone.  His clone begins swearing a cursing worse than any sailor ever dreamed.  The audience is stunned, and the scientist totally loses it because of the humiliation and grabs his clone and tries to throw him out of the top floor window!  They wrestle him to the ground before he succeeds and charge him with.....

Attempting to make an obscene clone fall.

[Golgotha 9]

Parent to child doing poorly in Math because he doesn't want to;  "God has commanded you to do math!"

"What?!"  the child asked in bewilderment, "Where is that written in the Bible?!"

Parent reminded the child "God said to go forth & multiply !"

Child's response -> 

[HappyChristian 3,490]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

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Wait for it...

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Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.

[Salyan 1,831]

Groan.....  

[DaveW 4,076]

On Sunday, June 26, 2016 at 11:25 AM, HappyChristian said:

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

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Wait for it...

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Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.

Did you get clearance to use that joke?

The reason I ask is that it is quite clearly a "Dad joke", and it would definitely require official clearance for a "non-dad" to use it in this manner.......

[HappyChristian 3,490]

11 hours ago, DaveW said:

Did you get clearance to use that joke?

The reason I ask is that it is quite clearly a "Dad joke", and it would definitely require official clearance for a "non-dad" to use it in this manner.......

 

[heartstrings 2,346]

Hmm.....Seems I heard that one somewhere before...

[No Nicolaitans 3,372]

My bad political joke...

 

Why did the Liberal cross the road?

To redistribute their wealth back to his side.

Edited June 29, 2016 by No Nicolaitans

[heartstrings 2,346]

What were Lot's last words to his wife?

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"is someone following us?"

[No Nicolaitans 3,372]

1 hour ago, heartstrings said:

What were Lot's last words to his wife?

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"is someone following us?"

If that means what I think it means, then that's pretty mean! 

[Brother Stafford 381]

A Roman and four of his friends walk into a cafe.  He holds up two fingers and says, "Five coffees please."

 

[heartstrings 2,346]

HAHAHAHA!  good one.

[Brother Stafford 381]

I wonder if, when you get dehydrated in Rome, the nurse gives you a four of saline.

(Think about it... it'll come to you)

Two chemists walk into a bar.  One chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O" and drinks it down.  The other chemist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O too," drinks it down and dies a painful death.

On July 18, 2016 at 11:42 PM, heartstrings said:

What were Lot's last words to his wife?

"is someone following us?"

I almost snarfed my water when I read that!  If I may, I would like to add that to my permanent collection.

[Brother Stafford 381]

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick.

 

There are 10 kinds of people in this world:  Those who understand binary and those who don't

Edited September 2, 2016 by Brother Stafford

[Salyan 1,831]

2 hours ago, Brother Stafford said:

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick

Snort... I am laughing at this one far more than it deserves...

[No Nicolaitans 3,372]

10...binary...LOL! 

[Brother Stafford 381]

When I was a boy, there was a goofy old married couple named Rhudy and Barb Pennypot.  They were master gardeners. They were the ones who, through cross-breeding, invented a wonderful vegetable they named after themselves called Rhubarb.  Sadly, they divorced when I was a teenager and Rhudy married a woman named Wanda a few years later.  They invented their own vegetable too and named it Rhuwanda, but it didn't go over very well.

Edited September 2, 2016 by Brother Stafford

[Brother Stafford 381]

If you're cross-eyed and dyslexic, can you see ok?

[Musician4God1611 235]

Why couldn't Susie ride a bike?

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Because Susie didn't have any arms.

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Knock Knock.

(Who's There?)

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Not Susie!

 

Ok so this one's a little messed up but it always gets a good reaction out of people.

[Brother Stafford 381]

I wonder if they make decaffeinated coffee tables.

[Ukulelemike 3,551]

What is yellow, creamy and deadly?                

 

Shark-infested Custard.

 

[DaveW 4,076]

I can cut through wood just by looking at it!

I know it is hard to believe. 

I didn't believe it myself.

But I saw it with my own eyes...........

 

[DaveW 4,076]

An infinite line of mathematicians walks into a bar.

The first one say to the barman "I would like one glass of milk please (dirty glass of course).

The barman looks at the second who says "I will have half of what he is having thanks". And the third in line says "and I will have have half of what the second is having thanks".

The barnan looks at the line disappearing out the door and down the street,  thinks for a moment, pours two glasses of milk and says to the mathematicians " there you are - you can work it out for yourselves."

[Brother Stafford 381]

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

Edited January 1, 2017 by Brother Stafford