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JordanHaskins

Ministry Qualifications/ Dating

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 I Timothy 3 states that one of the qualifications of a, "bishop," is to be," the husband of one wife." In 2016, does that relate sole to the pastor of a local church or does that apply to those on the pastoral staff such as, "youth pastors/ directors?"
 

Second question I would have, as Baptists , what does the Bible have to say on the process of finding a wife. What would you say to a marriage minded young man who believes he's called to ministry on this topic of finding a wife. I also would ask because, as someone who is a first generation Christian, this is not something I have really been able to gain solid Biblical counsel on, so few are willing to touch it as its controversial, dating/ courtship, etc.If you were a youth pastor, college/ singles ministry director working with someone who didn't exactly come up in the Christian school/ Bible college/ Baptist church to pursue what I have heard preached many times as, "the second greatest blessing after salvation?"

I ask this because, in the evangelical world, such as boundless.org (Focus on the Family) and other sites, men are being shamed for not dating, etc extended adulthood, I believe Cary Schmidt wrote a book on this topic of extended adolescence. And with the trends of co-habitating, homosexual "marriage," fornication, divorce, single parenthood on the rise, etc. Census showed a while back that singles are now a majority of this country, how can we as the church, not only defend the institution of marriage, the family, and the home for those who already have it, but help young people who desire those things to get ready for those thing and provide them opportunities to meet, mingle, and serve and serve others with one another?

 

Not trying to cause controversy, but these are things that, as a young man having a burden to work with young people, how could I be a help to them in this area, and also some practical principles in godly communication, etc. that would benefit my own life as well. I appreciate all the wisdom I've found on this site, that's why I've been asking these complex questions like I have. Thank you brothers and sisters.

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Our pastors generally start from the position that if you are a Christian, first and foremost, don't even think of dating a non-Christian. Along with this, if there is anything about a person that makes you know you wouldn't want to be married to them, don't date them.

We tend to face the dual problem of our culture, even within most churches, telling youth to enjoy life, play, have fun, don't rush to be an adult...while there is also pressure to start "dating" at ever younger ages, to "experiment", enjoy as much as you can, for as long as you can.

The more traditional, as well as biblical, approach is for youth to be specifically trained to become adults, to become responsible people as soon as they are able. Along with this, "dating" was specifically for the pursuit of marriage and starting ones own family; typically shortly after being consider as an adult.

Combating modern "date for fun, excitement and entertainment" while holding on to pre-adulthood as long as possible, is a difficult task when our youth may only be in church once or twice a week. Too many parents follow the model of wanting to be Christian but wanting to fit in with the culture around them too. This is much like ancient Israel who so often resorted to wanting to be like other nations while still claiming to be good Jews.

Back to my original paragraph, if we can't get this through to youth and other singles we (and they) will be faced with the many other problems associated with mass dating of anyone who appeals to them.

As well, if parents won't accept or instruct these matters in accord with Scripture, there is only so much those of us involved in ministry can do.

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4 hours ago, John81 said:

We tend to face the dual problem of our culture, even within most churches, telling youth to enjoy life, play, have fun, don't rush to be an adult...while there is also pressure to start "dating" at ever younger ages, to "experiment", enjoy as much as you can, for as long as you can.

The more traditional, as well as biblical, approach is for youth to be specifically trained to become adults, to become responsible people as soon as they are able. Along with this, "dating" was specifically for the pursuit of marriage and starting ones own family; typically shortly after being consider as an adult.Combating modern "date for fun, excitement and entertainment" while holding on to pre-adulthood as long as possible, is a difficult task when our youth may only be in church once or twice a week. Too many parents follow the model of wanting to be Christian but wanting to fit in with the culture around them too.

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen,

Oh, did I Amen this yet? If not - Amen!

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When my wife and I met, we never 'dated' in the classic terms. We were both adults, in our late 30's, and both knew pretty much what and who we wanted. She had a farm, I was just in a new pastorate (yes I was unmarried as a pastor-), so the main things we did were to go walk around the mall, I took her out to eat, very informally, always very public (as we both knew our weaknesses and strove not to be alone), never even kissed. Closest to an actual date was I took her to my parent's place when the family got together for the holidays-they liked each other, family thought she was great. So I asked her, knowing the importance of her farm to her, if the Lord was to someday move us to another place and we had no chance of having a farm, would she be willing to do it, she said yes, so we decided to marry. It wasn't exactly romantic, but we had fun. Our first kiss was at the altar.

Ask me sometime and I'll tell you the weird way I knew I loved her.

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I am not sure how my wife and I got together as on paper we would seem to be so incompatible.  I moved to a new area and joined a church while my wife was on a year long course in Paris.  We met after she returned.  She said she didn't think she would marry as there were no suitable men in the church.  Then I was there.  I am not sure I was much of a catch but we have been married now for 48 years so it must have been right.  

My grandson met his intended on a beach mission in the west country two years ago.  It must have been love at first sight as the are getting married on 2nd July this year.  They are both 20 and at university.

Edited by Invicta

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Jordan, as you're a member and have access to the forum proper, I'm going to move this to Tools for the Ministry in the IFB section as it seems to belong there. Questions for Baptists is mostly for non-members to ask us questions without having to sign up. :)

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