Friend's Marriage in a Shambles

[Ukulelemike]

Got an email from an old friend this morning.  We were friends back in Jr. high and a year of H.S. before I moved away, then later, while in the Navy, we reconnected and have been in touch since.   When we first met, he was going through a divorce, his wife having left him-I know nothing about that relationship.   Since then, he has been married for, oh I think about 10 years. Well, recently, apparently while mending from a broken leg from a car accident, she decided she was going to leave him-no reason given, just she was tired of marriage and wanted to do her own thing.

They are believers, (he is, she is as far as he knows). They were both backslidden for a long time when they met and married, and later got back into church and got hot for the Lord. Now this has happened.

Obviously, the same thoughts have passed through my head as will pas through yours when you read what I have written about them. I don't have a close enough relationship with them to know whether there is any abuse, or if there may be something in his personality that may have run off two women. However the guy I know tends to be fairly soft-spoken, and has a sense of humor similar to mine, being kind of goofy. So I really don't know. I know its too soon to ask him about such things, though.

So if we can just have some prayer for my good friend Doug and his wife, if God would be merciful and bring them together again, or for him, them both, really, to have the strength and willingness to do God's will in this matter. I appreciate it.

[John81]

A very sad situation. I will take this to the Lord in prayer...

[Alan]

Thank you for the testimony concerning your friend Doug and his wife. Today I will pray for Doug,  his wife, and that God will give you wisdom on how to handle the situation, and if God leads you, what to say to Doug.

[Rosie]

I will pray for them too

[beameup]

For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.  Romans 8:5

[swathdiver]

These things nearly always happen with Christians because the man stopped leading his home.  He stopped corporate prayer and bible study (for starters) and the lusts of the flesh took over.  Our ladies are BOMBARDED from EVERY direction with distractions and a way of life that is contrary to God's Word.  Seen any shamefaced or biblically submissive ladies on tv lately?

Your buddy needs to draw nigh to God and take charge of his household in a biblical manner.

Many pastors tell a couple who comes to them for counseling to sit at the kitchen table and read their bible's together for a week and get back to him.  They rarely do, as the Word of God, if they are submissive to it, puts their hearts back in the right order again.

 

Edited January 15, 2016 by swathdiver
grammar

[John81]

3 hours ago, swathdiver said:

These things nearly always happen with Christians because the man stopped leading his home.  He stopped corporate prayer and bible study (for starters) and the lusts of the flesh took over.  Our ladies are BOMBARDED from EVERY direction with distractions and a way of life that is contrary to God's Word.  Seen any shamefaced or biblically submissive ladies on tv lately?

Your buddy needs to draw nigh to God and take charge of his household in a biblical manner.

Many pastors tell a couple who comes to them for counseling to sit at the kitchen table and read their bible's together for a week and get back to him.  They rarely do, as the Word of God, if they are submissive to it, puts their hearts back in the right order again.

 

While this can be the case, and is most often the case in my experience with regards to "disfunctional" Christian homes, from what I've witnessed in this area the women stray while hiding their straying and then suddenly (to the mans perspective) declare true self and intentions.

No doubt many Christian men need to step up, cast off the worldly influence and take their leadership position in their homes seriously. Yet even then it requires the wife to give herself to such leading, instruction and desire to pursue the Lord and a holy marriage.

Many times in these marriage break-up situations it has come to the light the husband was leading but the wife was only going through the motions; putting up a front of compliance and attention to her husband and the Word. Several times I've heard the wife proclaim she had been living a lie for two or more years and finally couldn't do it anymore and left. For her (the wife) it was nothing sudden, but something that had been brewing for years. However, for the unsuspecting husband the wife's words and actions seem to come out of nowhere.

In the particular case at hand, we don't know what has or hasn't happened other than one or more of them were not walking right with God and didn't care to.

In many divorces among Christians the leaving spouse has decided they can pursue what they think is best for them (me, me, me) and God will understand...or even that God approves!

Weak, watery Christians are always in danger being led astray by the world, the flesh and the devil.

[trapperhoney]

I know personally that a man who might seem quiet, easy going and goofy in public can be very different in the 'safety' of his own home where no one else can see him.  Anyone can be very longsuffering with people outside their families, but spouses, siblings, etc. will set them off in a heartbeat.  It wasn't said if either of these two women he was married to had been married before.  Since he has had two women leave him it could be that he in some way mistreats them (emotional abuse is still abuse though harder to see), isn't the godly man he should be, or that he just has very bad judgment in the women he picks.  However, the important thing to keep in mind is that right now they are married and everything should be done to try to save the marriage, so I will certainly pray that the Lord will work in both their lives and that they would both be obedient to God in this situation.

[Ukulelemike]

1 hour ago, trapperhoney said:

I know personally that a man who might seem quiet, easy going and goofy in public can be very different in the 'safety' of his own home where no one else can see him.  Anyone can be very longsuffering with people outside their families, but spouses, siblings, etc. will set them off in a heartbeat.  It wasn't said if either of these two women he was married to had been married before.  Since he has had two women leave him it could be that he in some way mistreats them (emotional abuse is still abuse though harder to see), isn't the godly man he should be, or that he just has very bad judgment in the women he picks.  However, the important thing to keep in mind is that right now they are married and everything should be done to try to save the marriage, so I will certainly pray that the Lord will work in both their lives and that they would both be obedient to God in this situation.

Of course I have considered such. As I mentioned in the OP, he only recently got back into church, and sadly, their church was a heavy rock n roll church, such that they would only go to the Saturday Bible study, because Sunday was like a rock concert. Sadly, the pastor turned it over to his son, who turned it into a rock concert, so they stopped going.

Then they went to a Filipino church, as his wife is filipina, but it was a rock and roll church too.

I thin he has never had much grounding in what to look for in a good church. Locally, a friend was attending a Calavry Chapel and his wife was recommended by their pastor to leave him. She was then invited to "stay' with the pastor and hs wife. Ths is not the frst time I have heard this sort of thing from that church, and I wonder if it is something with that denomination in general. So, as this is the kind of church they attended, maybe her pastor made such a recommendation.

But again, he just doesn't really know where to go, so he went to what most unchurched Americans think of as a church-a big church playing rock music. So certainly they would not have received good marital and spiritual training there so how can they survive without some training? I am hoping to give him some direction-found an IFB church not to far from him that I recommended to him, and since he has been listening to church online I sent him some links to good IFB preaching.  

[trapperhoney]

1 hour ago, Ukulelemike said:

Of course I have considered such. As I mentioned in the OP, he only recently got back into church, and sadly, their church was a heavy rock n roll church, such that they would only go to the Saturday Bible study, because Sunday was like a rock concert. Sadly, the pastor turned it over to his son, who turned it into a rock concert, so they stopped going.

Then they went to a Filipino church, as his wife is filipina, but it was a rock and roll church too.

I thin he has never had much grounding in what to look for in a good church. Locally, a friend was attending a Calavry Chapel and his wife was recommended by their pastor to leave him. She was then invited to "stay' with the pastor and hs wife. Ths is not the frst time I have heard this sort of thing from that church, and I wonder if it is something with that denomination in general. So, as this is the kind of church they attended, maybe her pastor made such a recommendation.

But again, he just doesn't really know where to go, so he went to what most unchurched Americans think of as a church-a big church playing rock music. So certainly they would not have received good marital and spiritual training there so how can they survive without some training? I am hoping to give him some direction-found an IFB church not to far from him that I recommended to him, and since he has been listening to church online I sent him some links to good IFB preaching.  

They certainly have a handicap by not being grounded biblically or attending a solid church.  Sadly I have heard of pastors fostering this kind of behavior.  Will certainly pray that they will both get in a good church and their heart will be tender to the leading of the Spirit.