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Ukulelemike

Prayer for my Father

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My family has all gathered at the hospital here in Reno. My father got a blood clot in his leg, which would have seemed to be easy enough to deal with. However, the bloodthinners didn't do much good, but caused him more bleeding elsewhere, so he lost his leg. Unfortunately, he seems to have grown new clots further up the leg, so they are looking at having to take it off higher,at the hip, which means a colostomy, can't even sit up. They are hoping the clot is in a place they can operate directly on the clot and try to save the rest of the leg. Knowing my father, he won't be happy as it is, (he has been under sedation since before the initial operation). 

Meanwhile my mother has made it clear that she intends to follow him into glory, as quickly as possible. 

SO really I'm not sure what to ask for in prayer, just God's will in all.  Thanks.

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Praying... God's will be done.  I also pray for a quick recovery and comfort for all your family members. And if they get the clots under control, and even if he does lose his leg and has to have a colostomy bag, etc... he can still have a life.  It's NOT going to be the life he once had.  And there is  no doubt he will need some time to adjust to the reality of what life is now.

 I have progressive multiple sclerosis, and I also have a deteriorative spinal cord disease.  Both have changed my life in dramatic fashion... I can no longer do most of the things a normal body can. It took some time to come to grips with. But I realized that God has the master plan... He knows what's best even if it doesn't seem like it to us at the time.  This event may (in the long run) bring your Dad closer to the Lord.  In my circumstances it has made me realize (in a BIG way) how God wants us to depend on Him for our every need. It's a truly humbling thing and I have to admit I would not have likely had such a close relationship with the Lord (like I now have) if my body still worked properly and if these things had never happened in my life, I likely would have gone on as I was. So it may seem to be a curse to some, but for me it ended up being a blessing.  I probably didn't explain that very well...     I'm not saying I enjoy being a "helpless blob", and I don't enjoy being in pain a lot either.  I haven't quite learned to rejoice in my sufferings yet (still working on that). But I am saying that God has a reason and a plan for all things in life whether small or large.   Prayers for your Dad and your entire family sent up.

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Thanks all for the prayer. Here's the latest:

The doctor removed the higher clot, which was up in his hip, and he is very positive on it. So far the stump has a strong pulse, though the blood is working now to remove toxins built up, so he's running a fairly high temperature, and they are keeping him on ice, as it were, to keep him cool. We won't know how successful it will ultimately be for a couple more days, but everyone seems very optimistic. Even my mother has settled down and allowed herself to go home and get some sleep.

So, still waiting, and of course, he's still heavily sedated, though they have lowered the amount and are working to get him to slowly start breathing for himself fully again. I will update as things happen. Thanks again-I have no doubt it has been effective.

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Current update. Just heard from my mother, my dad's temperature is down to 100, the sedatives are being slowly lowered and he is mostly breathing on his own. Things seem to be going very well, physically. Now we wait for him to awake and see how is reaction is to all the changes. He can be a very strong guy with an ability to find humor in any situation, but he also can tend toward depression. He says he moved to Reno 30 years ago to die, as he was in very bad health then, (he had a heart condition no doctors could find until later, which gave him great pain), and he says he is still waiting for it to happen. So he could wake up, and decide, Nope. But we have been praying for his mind and spirit, to accept that the leg belonged to God and it was His right to take it and leave him there.

We are considering all buying pirate hats to greet him when he wakes up.

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Well, at this point it looks like the surgery failed. The doctor said he should have woken up by now, but he is not. If they take the rest of the leg at the hip he will probably not survive yet another surgery in such a short time. If we put him on comfort care, he will pass on within a few minutes to a couple days, once the ventilator is off. If we did the surgery and he survived, he will be in a bed on a ventilator the rest of his life with a colostomy bag, possibly vegetative.

So, my mother is waiting for me to get there before she makes a decision, but I suspect we will remove the ventilator and let him go. If he starts breathing on his own and awakes, we will let him make the next decision. If not, we will send him off to glory.

So I had to ask myself, at what point are we 'killing' him, or allowing the Lord to choose? Do we keep him alive at all costs and say, "When God wants him, he will take him", or remove the ventilator and say, "If God doesn't want him yet, He will cause him to breathe"? Its a difficult decision. But bless God he is a believer, and in fact, he was my inspiration for wanting to become a preacher myself. It will be tough losing another counselor, as my own pastor, and another close pastor friend have recently passed-its tough losing the wisdom of age and experience. But he is God's, and he will be better off there.

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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. We had to face something similar with my Mom and choosing to reject permanent, bedridden care in a hospital in favor of hospice was not an easy thing to deal with.

Praise God your dad is ready for the journey from this life to the next.

When facing these sort of decisions we shouldn't only think of the negative aspect (such as are we killing them if we don't do _____?), but also consider if we may be thwarting God's plan to bring them home by trying every trick in the book to keep them alive, even if incapacitated.

Scripture is clear this life isn't something to be clung to, nor something to take lightly, and we know all our hours are in God's hands. Especially in the case of the believer I take comfort in the fact absent from the body means present with the Lord.

Are we trying to keep our loved ones alive longer because it's best for them or because we think it would be best for us? That's one of the ways I discussed the matter in my mind with regards to my Mom.

May God bless and keep your family and grant your mother the wisdom, peace and strength to make the best decisions and walk through this valley.

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Brother Mike, I and my family had to go through this very same decision making process in May concerning my brother-in-law.

The doctors were keeping him alive and comfortable, but they made it clear that what we were seeing at that time was the best he would ever be. My sister had to make the decision to take him off of the ventilator. The problem there was that she was also in the same hospital and not really able to think clearly enough to make that decision.

As a family we prayed for guidance and how to deal with the situation. Then we prayed about how to present the reality of his situation to our sister. Thank God she was able to think clearly enough to make the right decision. He was taken off of the ventilator and was able to breath on his own. They moved him to long term acre where he finally went to be with the Lord a few days later. We and my sister knew that he would never want to be kept alive at all costs, only the be vegetative in the end.

I told you all this to say that you are not alone, others have had to make the hard decisions too. Pray for guidance and wisdom for both your father as well as your mother. I will be praying here on my end for wisdom and comfort for all of the family during this time of uncertainty and pain.

Once more I remind you that I am here and can be there shortly if you need anything at all, even a sympathetic ear or prayer partner. Unfortunately My cell service it almost non-existent, so the best way to reach me quickly is email, which I check many times per day. You have my email address.

God bless and help you and yours in your time of need,

Jim

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I'm still praying for you and your family. My cousins had to let their dad go off the machines and pass over to Jesus' side Saturday. Even in the church I prayed and thought a lot about what you are going through. A few years ago I had to let my dad go. I wish so much there was something I could say that would make it easier.

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I went through the same thing with my Mother, we opted not to put in a feeding tube just to keep her alive... May God guide you in this decision.. God bless and be with you at this time..

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It is really hard when it is our parents. My father is in the hospital too, very weak and it is hard to think that he could die and leave us any moment. The posts here are very encouraging. God makes no mistakes and His way is perfect. May God comfort us all during these trying times. God bless everyone and let us pray for one another.

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Thanks all for your kind words and shared experiences. We are at the hospital waiting to speak with the doctor. 

The weird thing is, I don't have a lot of pain for myself: I am secure in his going to glory and that I will see him again-rather my pain comes in thought of the pain of others over it, I hurt that my mother will hurt and my sister. But in all I think this time of waiting has been good, because it has helped my mother accept what's happening much better-shes no longer saying she's going to follow him immediately, but is making plans for a move to Louisiana with my sister and her husband and three strong strapping sons who will be able to see to caring for her-four good Christain young men, from 19-8. SO I am encouraged.

Thanks again all. Fellowship makes things easier to bear. 

Praise God even in the midst of such times our gracious Lord looks out for us and truly works all things together for good. Thank you for the update and sharing this with us so we may share in it with you.

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Final update:

   My father passed peacefully into glory yesterday about 3pm. They removed the ventilator, and his breathing slowly passed after about two hours. No struggling, no pain, I suspect he was already gone before this. My mother held his hand, while the rest of us stood by.  I didn't get it at first, but I firmly believe that my mother really needed the time to process everything as it happened, and when the time came, she was able to let him go. Last night and today she's been surrounded by my youngest sister and some of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, (I had to come home today), going through stuff with them. She's decided to get rid of a lot of her stuff and then move with my sister in Louisiana.

Fun time: tomorrow I do a funeral for a lady from my church who passed away about a month ago-her kids are very sorry that it happened to coincide with my father's passing, but I assured them I was at peace with my dad, and am quite ready to see to their needs.

So again, thanks so much for shared experiences and love and prayers during this time. Its weird but at 51, this is the first close family loss I have experienced, so it was a new experience for me and I appreciate all the kindness.

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