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I have been feeling this pull lately to change my life to be more appropriate for a follower of the Lord and have been browsing the bible. One verse I came along is 1 Timothy 2:9. "In like manner also, that the woman adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing." I have very long hair and find that braiding my hair is convenient and helpful in doing daily activities and work. Is this wrong? or is it more on fancy braids that are meant to be showy? I don't wear gold, pearls, jewelry, or costly clothing. I'm not braiding my hair to be pretty, just being practical. Another thing that has been bothering me is my personal relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years, have two children and live together in every way possible. We are married in everyway but having the government legalize it. Is this a problem? We live together, share our money, share responsibility of the kids, we both work but me only part time so I stay home with the kids most of the time. He provides for us almost completely; he could if I didn't work. I choose to work to make it a little easier on him and give me a little time away from the family. I only work 3 days a week and that is when the kids go to see grandma. So what do you think about a simply braid and my relationship 

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Some will take Scriptures like "not braiding the hair" & the other negatives of 1 Peter 3:3 & make them into commands, after all, long hair is Scriptural. The positives of v.4 are more important.  1 Cor. 11:1-16 presents a challenge to interpreters. Modest dress & hair style are appropriate for Christian women. 

And I would recommend legal marriage. You are clearly fully committed to each other. Then there can be no criticism, & you will be a godly example in this perverse age. Far too many live together, have children, & then separate with resultant problems, especially for the children, & especially if their parents take on new partners.

May God guide you. As you draw near to him, you will be drawn nearer to each other. 


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I would add something, as well.

  Concerning the hair, it is 'broided', a slight difference from 'braided.'  Broided does, indeed, mean braided, but it is a more extensive, fancy way of doing it.   Think:


The word does refer to a basket weave, as well as a braid. Excessiveness. Having done a study on the issue of hair, when I was researching a thesis on the headcovering, I found that, areound the time Paul dealt with hair and covering in 1Cor 11, women in the Roman and Greek cultures were leaving behind covering their heads, and thus, found they wanted to do something with their hair. So some of the wealthier women began to have contests to see who could have the most ornate, excessive hairstyles. This is where the broiding and plaiting warnings come from. Sometimes they would take 8-10 hours working on their hair, and would not wash it for months, to preserve it, even making special neck holders for when they slept, so their hair would not touch the bed. It was excessive and attention-drawing, and this was what Paul was trying to warn about. A woman can have an attractive hairstyle, and can wear jewelry and even a little make-up just fine, but it is excessiveness that Paul sought to teach against, because that is an aspect of modesty.

As for marriage, I agree with Covenanter. However, do you know that, if you have a Bible with a record of marriage in the front, you can use that in place of a license. Have the pastor/officiant, bride, groom and witnesses sign it, take it to the courthouse and have them copy it and record it, and it is a legal, binding document.

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depending on state laws you may already be married.  some states have "common law' marriage which means if someone lives together long enough the state recognizes them as married.  even if you are legally married, I would advise going through a proper church ceremony to set a good example for your children.  you haven't mentioned if your boyfriend claims to be Christian.  as you seek to live your life more in line with God's word that may cause problems with him if he has no desire to do the same.  Not mentioning this to discourage you, but it is something you need to recognize and pray about.

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You hit the nail on the head, trapperhoney, he says he's a Christian but he doesn't live his life like it. 1 Corinthians 7:12 "To the others I say (I, myself, not the Lord): if a Christian man has a wife who is an unbeliever and she agrees to go on living with him, he must not divorce her." I love him completely but he isn't big on the actual marriage in today's society. His belief is that we are already married in every way possible, why do we need the paper to prove it. 

I can understand his feelings and see the truth in it, because it really us true. There really wouldn't be much difference between us know and us married except having it blessed by the Lord and legalized for the world to accept. I'm torn though. I really want to honor the Lord and I know being with a man outside marriage is a no no, but I also know I love my man and am not willing to give him up either.  

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One thing you have to consider in this is what your marriage/non-marriage says to unbelieving world and young people who can be influenced by your situation. Truly, it's not about a piece of paper, tax benefits, a ring, or even a ceremony. Rather, it is about making a public commitment to one another and entering into a lifelong covenant not just with each other, but with God. Marriage is not about how you live, it is about commitment and it's a reflection of God's character.

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Once upon a time, back in 1958, we were students helping a local church in visiting & tracting. One of our number expressed concern that many of the families in the slum area were not married. 

With this in mind, I asked the Vicar about whether a formal, legal marriage was Biblical, & whether faithful living together was what marriage was all about.

I made a bad mistake - Ann was with me - and what followed was a very serious rebuke & lecture as if I were proposing our cohabitation, rather than commenting on the folk in his parish. 


In this day & age, many youngsters, & not so young are cohabiting, & diverse sex couples join in "marriage" on the basis of love, as if sexual love were all-important. And after a while they move on, often leaving children & other consequences including STD, emotional problems in favour of a new temporary relationship. The emphasis must be on a permanent relationship, not an emotion that can pass when other emotions, & the "boredom" of living with one who finds life a struggle, & sex doesn't add significantly to the pleasure of life. 

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