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Administratium


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The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by 
physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no 
protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. 
However it does have:

           1 neutron.
         125 assistant neutrons
          75 vice-neutrons
         111 assistant vice-neutrons

This gives it an atomic mass of 312. The 312 particles are held 
together  by a force that involves the continuous exchange of 
meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it 
can be detected chemically as it impedes every action with which 
it comes in contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount 
of Administratium causes one reaction to take four days to complete 
when it would have normally occurred in less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, 
at which time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a 
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and 
assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown 
that atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization. 
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs 
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points 
such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities, 
and can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best 
maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any 
level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction 
where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine 
how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, 
but results to date are not promising.

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It's not a new discovery. This saying is attributed to Gaius Petronius, a senator in the time of Nero:

We trained hard ... but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.

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