Avoiding burnout

[AdamL]

First off I want to say that I am not a pastor.  I am very involved with the ministry at the church I am a member of.  I also work a full time job in the Navy and have a wife and three children under 6.  

I am struggling with finding a good balance I guess.  There are times when my involvement in the ministry feels like a chore or that I am just doing things to appease my pastor.  I miss the joy in serving Christ.  Other times I feel like my family takes a backseat to whatever is going on at the church.  

I know if I told my pastor this he wouldn't berate me or anything but I know he would be disappointed.  Our church is not very big and some things could be left undone or our pastor would do them himself.  Our pastor works a part time job and has a family and I don't think it is fair for him to be doing everything.  He needs to study and be with his family as well.

I know there are a few pastors here and folks involved in ministry so just wondering if anyone has ever felt this way before or what I could do to make sure my priorities are right and have a good balance and can enjoy serving.

[OLD fashioned preacher]

Being totally honest, there have probably been times when it seems that the things necessary in everyday trudge (be it in job, child rearing or not putting your desires above your wife's) are done of appeasement and grudgingly. Almost guaranteed it's that way for your wife (oooh, I just LOVE cleaning up after sick kids and changing wet bed linen ------NOT!!!).

That is part of life in this human flesh. Yes, balance has to be found (as in everything). Family involvement in the ministry can be done @ times, impossible @ others. Sometimes the only involvement may be discussing things being done -- but don't fail to listen to how her day went.

Communication is key -- communication with the Lord (primary and always), communication with the wife, communication with the younguns (even at that age).

I may get flack for this, but, I believe burnout, culture shock, and generation gaps don't actually exist but are fabricated excuses for self-exaltation and self-centeredness. (this is not directed @ you nor your OP but just the issue of the term "burnout" -- well, unless a person is referring to getting their race car's tires tacky)

Edited June 15, 2015 by OLD fashioned preacher

[TheSword]

Certainly. It can be challenging to find that balance and it's something you kind of always have to keep on your prayer list. I work a full-time job, do seminary full-time, teach on Sundays, and do various other ministry-related things. I've also got a wife and three little ones at home to look after. I get a little overwhelmed from time to time and have to adjust some things as needed. Sometimes when the plate is too full it prevents you from doing anything to your fullest God-honoring ability. I'm heading into my final semester with some really work-heavy classes, so I told our worship pastor last night that I wouldn't be able to do choir and singing specials for a while.

You just have to prioritize and take care of the important things first. For me and based on my studies, the best priority order is: (1) God, (2) Family, (3) Church, (4) Work, (5) Self. Obviously there is a lot of overlap there (and some people completely swap #3 and #4), but overall I it's a pretty good guide. I really like the illustration of filling the glass jar. A guy is talking to an audience about priorities and sets a large glass jar on the table. He then asks if the jar is full, so which the class laughably answers "no." He then fills the jar with large, fist-sized rocks all the way up to the top. He asks the class again if the jar is full. Without exception, they answer in the affirmative. He then takes some gravel and pours it into the jar and shakes it around until all the free space is taken up. Once again, he asks the class if the jar is full. This time, the class hesitantly answers "...yes...?" He then repeats the exercise, filling the jar with sand, shaking it and filling it to the brim. Again, he asks, "Is the jar full now?". Finally, the class gets it and shouts, "NO!!"  With a smile he pulls out a bucket of water and proceeds to fill the jar up the brim again. Had he put in the water first or sand first, he never would have been able to get in the larger stones. The lesson? Make sure you get in the big, important stuff, and then fill in the space with the less important stuff.

When I first started seminary, it was all school and church all the time. If I wasn't at work, my nose was in a book. It didn't take long for that to cause a little strain at home. Ultimately I've learned to manage my time and priorities much better, and it's made a world of difference. You just have to decide what's most important, and what's ok to leave out as long as you take care of the big stuff.

[OLD fashioned preacher]

As noted above -- #3 and #4 can be flexed and swapped to a degree in various areas. # 1-3 can many times be integrated, blended and coordinated -- take note, however, when integration is not possible NEVER swap the priority order of 1,2 and 3!!

Edited June 15, 2015 by OLD fashioned preacher

[Miss Daisy]

I attend a very small church that there's only a handful of us that actually do the required work for the ministries we have now and anything extra going on or planned. Everybody else just comes and enjoys it, even though they are members too. But it seems there's always more and more asked to do for the few that are already serving instead of trying to "recruit" other members to get involved. That's what I don't understand.  I was pushed to teach Sunday school last year, but once I started doing it I now enjoy it but also don't want to do it the rest of my life like my mother has done because there's no one else to do it. 

I understand feeling overwhelmed and burned out, not to your extent of course. Singing specials and choir are nice, but not required to keep a church running. Take a break from those for awhile, maybe that'll help, maybe not enough. The Navy doesn't give you any wiggle room for setting your own hours or making your own schedule for sure! God Bless!

[DaveW]

First off I want to say that I am not a pastor.  I am very involved with the ministry at the church I am a member of.  I also work a full time job in the Navy and have a wife and three children under 6.  

I am struggling with finding a good balance I guess.  There are times when my involvement in the ministry feels like a chore or that I am just doing things to appease my pastor.  I miss the joy in serving Christ.  Other times I feel like my family takes a backseat to whatever is going on at the church.  

I know if I told my pastor this he wouldn't berate me or anything but I know he would be disappointed.  Our church is not very big and some things could be left undone or our pastor would do them himself.  Our pastor works a part time job and has a family and I don't think it is fair for him to be doing everything.  He needs to study and be with his family as well.

I know there are a few pastors here and folks involved in ministry so just wondering if anyone has ever felt this way before or what I could do to make sure my priorities are right and have a good balance and can enjoy serving.

First up, let me thank you for being aware and compassionate for your Pastor - I can pretty much guarantee that he greatly appreciates it.

But you need to let him know your struggle. Let him know that you don't want to stop and you don't want to leave it on him, but you are struggling.

Let him help you through it.

[AdamL]

I appreciate what everyone has said so far. I will speak with my pastor about things.  

[wretched]

Probably not the direction most would take on this subject but according to the Bible in context and generally themed in the NT, specifically the Acts and Epistles I challenge you to find where number 2 overrides number 3 and even 4. Providing for financially and keeping your kids in a safe environment is one thing and I think supported by Scripture. Feeling guilty because the wife wants you around her whenever possible and keeping your kids entertained is a whole different story.

Usually the root to the stress and feelings you are having is more from pressure by the wife and not the job or the Church. You can't lessen your job, hunnybunny won't put up with that so what is sacrificed? The work of the Gospel (you know folks, the reason we were saved with many years of life left).

I challenge anyone to find where family is much mentioned at all. The natural man will and does all over the world take care of his family and always has. Man has never needed to be told to do it. Only the minority of men who are unnaturally affectionate or sociopathic won't take care of their families. There is nothing Spiritual about doing that so make no mistake on it. You are not pleasing God by sending more time entertaining your family.

I think it is our soft bellied American culture that makes men feel pressured to entertain their wives and kids. You won't find that in Scripture and let's face it, the pressure to do more at home with your family is where these kinds of emotional dilemmas stem from.

[Miss Daisy]

did he he say he wanted to be home more to entertain the kids? If he wants to be a positive influence in their lives, then he has to BE THERE  to be able to show them!  

[OLD fashioned preacher]

Probably not the direction most would take on this subject but according to the Bible in context and generally themed in the NT, specifically the Acts and Epistles I challenge you to find where number 2 overrides number 3 and even 4. Providing for financially and keeping your kids in a safe environment is one thing and I think supported by Scripture. Feeling guilty because the wife wants you around her whenever possible and keeping your kids entertained is a whole different story.

Usually the root to the stress and feelings you are having is more from pressure by the wife and not the job or the Church. You can't lessen your job, hunnybunny won't put up with that so what is sacrificed? The work of the Gospel (you know folks, the reason we were saved with many years of life left).

I challenge anyone to find where family is much mentioned at all. The natural man will and does all over the world take care of his family and always has. Man has never needed to be told to do it. Only the minority of men who are unnaturally affectionate or sociopathic won't take care of their families. There is nothing Spiritual about doing that so make no mistake on it. You are not pleasing God by sending more time entertaining your family.

I think it is our soft bellied American culture that makes men feel pressured to entertain their wives and kids. You won't find that in Scripture and let's face it, the pressure to do more at home with your family is where these kinds of emotional dilemmas stem from.

​Though there are many who use family as an excuse to do next to nothing, I'm referring to taking on "more,more,more" and then seeing the family asleep when you leave, at supper (maybe), asleep when you fall into bed and at church.

[Salyan]

Um, Wretched? 1 Timothy 5:8. And I challenge that taking proper care if one's family requires a good deal more than just paying the bills and buying food. Time spent and emotional support is equally as important. How else do you 'bring up a child in the way he should go' if you're not around to bring him up?

[wretched]

Um Salyan? , Your quoted verse is what I am talking about. Your mentioning emotional support is not supported by this verse  Unless you modern day culturize it. But keep in mind what modern day culture is in the last 50 years. All of it is about forgetting God and doing only what is right in their own eyes.

Keep digging though you may find something else in the NT but it will not support this idea of entertaining or emotional support. However you will find chapters and whole books about serving the Lord through the local Church in spreading the Gospel. No mention of spending "family" time is anywhere.

So this being the case that it is how does family get the number 2 spot in a Scriptural priorities list??

[TheSword]

I think what we're talking about here isn't necessarily putting all family issues over church participation, but rather when framed by biblical principles such as "bring up a child in the way that he should go," "provoke not your children to wrath," "husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it," "dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife," etc., there is an inherent requirement to take care of the family in totality in fulfilling the will of God. To be right with God I must be right with my spouse. To be right with God I must provide for and raise godly children. That doesn't mean every time my kids want to skip church for ice cream I need to give in because family trumps church. It doesn't mean that I should pass on a ministry opportunity because my wife wants to go on a dinner date every Wednesday night. What it means, at least to me in the way I'm trying to explain it, is that I can't let commitments to church functions prevent me from the God-imposed responsibility of providing and caring for my family; nor can I let frivolous family desires trump a responsibility to spread the Gospel.

In the end, it all points back to God and what He says "must" be done rather than what I think "should" be done. Some of those "musts" include the family.

[wretched]

I appreciate this answer Sword but cannot agree with the balancing interpretation garnered by isolated verses used to override such a tremendous weight of Scripture that does not address family entertainment. In addition, the verses you site still only support what I am relaying and not that of consistent presence, availability and entertainment of spouses and kids.

As I said before, the Lord knows men will do what they are naturally created to do in regards to taking care of their families needs. The female natural instincts are to nurture, teach, mentor and counsel children, also not clearly laid out in Scripture but if we have lived a day or two we all know it is true.

Simply the 400 to 1 weight of Scripture should be clear what God's priority for us is in this time of the Church. And it ain't to play with your kids instead of visitation. I think if we would just follow the Scripture instead of the cultural norms presented in church as "Scriptural" our kids would be far more inclined to follow Jesus just as we are. If a man is sold out for God, his kids will follow. To be like Jesus is our goal and it should also be our kids. They won't learn that by watching dad waste time on worldly pursuits with the family.

In most cases of the OP in my experience it is pressure from the family to spend more time with them in frivolous pursuit. Not always, there are as with everthing, exceptions but few and far between. I actually cannot recall one exception that I know of personnally from brothers who have had this same dilemna.

BTW, little league, ballet, lacrosse, girl scouts and soccer are NOT necessary to raise children for the Lord. That is the world crept into the Church.

[Salyan]

I can see your point of view from your experience. What I have observed though, in our fundamental churches, is the tendency to neglect the family for church responsibilities... and the corresponding exodus of young people as they felt their parents (usually dads) cared more for their church position than for them. Different problem, just as serious consequences.