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Jordan Kurecki

for those who are married

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I have some questions requests for you.

1. How did God bring you and your spouse together?

2. Did you have any doubts about whether or not it was God's will for you to marry your spouse?

3. What advice can you give to a young man like myself who is seeking to find the right spouse?

4. add anything else you feel relevant.

Edited by Jordan Kurecki

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1. My wife and I met as pen pals.

2. No doubts. So many things came together in unusual ways for this come about just right.

3. Don't seek to hard and don't rush it. Spend a great deal of time in prayer and wait upon the Lord to connect you with the right woman and make it clear she's the one. Along with this, don't try to "help" God bring this about and don't be willing to settle for less than God's plan or compromise on key matters in order to get married quicker.

4. Be patient. God's timing is perfect, ours is too often rushed and filled with mistakes.

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May I suggest that it is not so much WHO you marry, but HOW you marry? Is there one man (woman) God has prepared to be your life & ministry companion? Marry a fellow believer & your positive approach to marriage will be blessed. In earlier (including Biblical) times marriages were often arranged by families & you found yourself with a life companion who you would then begin to get to know. Youngsters did not have the freedom for courting they have today. 

Marry a fellow believer and you will have your God-given life companion.

In the 50s, when we married, there were plenty of church-based youth groups where you could get to know the other sex in an open situation. At university, where Ann & I met, we were members of the Christian Union. She first noticed me at my baptism. It was about 6 months later, after exams, when we were visiting on behalf of a church, that we paired up. Marriage was 4 years later. Nearly 63 years ago. 

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I have some questions requests for you.

1. How did God bring you and your spouse together?

2. Did you have any doubts about whether or not it was God's will for you to marry your spouse?

3. What advice can you give to a young man like myself who is seeking to find the right spouse?

4. add anything else you feel relevant.

​Apart from your spouse being born again Jordan, there is no other direction in God's Word about it. Except I Cor 7 which says you will be far better off serving God as a virgin and unmarried. But that is in direct contradiction to most folk's misunderstanding of pastoral quals.

I recommend you stop thinking you might receive a dream, vision or extra gooey feeling from the Spirit about one believer over another. IMO God could care less as long as you follow His Word (see point 1). IE, you won't get any extra revelation about it.

I am assuming you feel the need to have you your one wife before you get to pastor anything. Keep in mind though that you two will need to find you some younguns also before you get to start. So get busy brother, time's a wasting.

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1. Facebook, oddly enough. I was stationed in Hawaii and she was living in Texas working a night shift so we were about the only ones online to talk to and it just kind of sparked. (I've known her since 1st grade so it wasn't some blind internet dating or anything like that).

2. Not even a little bit. It was about a week or two after I had finally had enough of my backslidden life and asked God for forgiveness and told Him I'd do things His way from now on if He'd just show me how. Our relationship progressed in ways that only God could have made happen. He changed my heart through her.

3. Look for a Godly one that puts her relationship with Him before her relationship with you. Generally, just like what everyone else has said, the number 1 criteria should be that she is a saved child of God. Since you feel called to ministry, I would also make sure you find someone who is as given over to God as you are, or at least willing to head that direction.

4. Make a commitment to put God first and grow together by growing in Him. It takes 3 to make a marriage work: you, her, and God, with Him at the center.

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Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

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My wife and I both attended IFB churches, at the time; but we were both lost. But sometimes God does things like giving us "handfuls of purpose" and He gives His "rain" (blessings) and the goodness of God to everyone. But it's ultimately up to you to choose the right one that God may bring your way and NOT choose the ones which are doubtful. I would advise marrying someone who loves God, loves people, loves your parents, is modest, behaves like a lady, and is grounded in a good solid, King James, IFB church.. I have known two men, in my present church, who married Pentecostals and they have had nothing but trouble and heartaches. The wives refused to attend church with them. One man finally gave in, went to his wife's Pentecostal church and the other man, still attending Baptist, is now talking about divorce.

Edited by heartstrings

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Good postings Heartstrings!

If we are in much prayer over the matter the Holy Spirit will give us the peace to know we are in the Lord's will. If that peace is missing, something is wrong; whether the wrong person, wrong timing or something else.

The Lord answers prayer, it's up to us to wait, listen and obey.

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I have some questions requests for you.

1. How did God bring you and your spouse together?

2. Did you have any doubts about whether or not it was God's will for you to marry your spouse?

3. What advice can you give to a young man like myself who is seeking to find the right spouse?

4. add anything else you feel relevant.

​How can I keep this short? :nuts:

1. How did God bring you and your spouse together?

I met my wife while I was dating another young lady. I'll spare all the details, but a couple of years later, we started dating; however, we both felt that after a few months, we should break up. She went to a well-known Bible College and got engaged to a guy while there. He turned out to be a psycho (that's true and not a cut at him) and caused her all kinds of problems. She left the college and came home. By this time, I was 26 years old, and I had decided that I would stay single; however, we started dating again, and the rest is history. So from the time we first met until we married was probably about 5 or 6 years.

2. Did you have any doubts about whether or not it was God's will for you to marry your spouse?

In my case, no...not at all. 

3. What advice can you give to a young man like myself who is seeking to find the right spouse?

As others have said, make sure she's saved and sincerely loves the Lord. 

4. add anything else you feel relevant.

 Make sure that you and she both SINCERELY love the Lord. I'm going to be blunt here Jordan...unfortunately, people are human. People change through the years. You'll change and she will change. There will be things that you both have problems with later on. I'm not the same man I was when we married, nor is she the same woman. Pride will rear its ugly head in both of your lives...what will bring you through is the Lord. Make sure that you both are devoted to the Lord and that you both are willing to be servants to one another.

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Great generalities laid out by Heartstrings, too many to quote. Unfortunately I don't see any directions for choosing a wife in there anywhere.

Good advice from others if Jordan can read minds, hearts and see the future. Unfortunately he can't so her testimony is all he's got.

If she is born again and you want her, go for it, plain and simple. Sounds like the Lord already put you together if she has equal interest in you. I guess that is the question you really need answered.

Edited by wretched

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Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

 

​Can I  just post a warning?

There is a danger that a young man can put the desire for a wife ahead of his desire to honour and serve the Lord.

If we put Him first in our lives, He will provide what we need.

I have seen it before where a young man becomes so caught up in finding a wife that he loses sight of the Lord.

Not suggesting this is where you are, but warning before you get there. ;) 

 

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Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

 

​Can I  just post a warning?

There is a danger that a young man can put the desire for a wife ahead of his desire to honour and serve the Lord.

If we put Him first in our lives, He will provide what we need.

I have seen it before where a young man becomes so caught up in finding a wife that he loses sight of the Lord.

Not suggesting this is where you are, but warning before you get there. ;) 

 

​Very good point!

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Mat 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

 

​Can I  just post a warning?

There is a danger that a young man can put the desire for a wife ahead of his desire to honour and serve the Lord.

If we put Him first in our lives, He will provide what we need.

I have seen it before where a young man becomes so caught up in finding a wife that he loses sight of the Lord.

Not suggesting this is where you are, but warning before you get there. ;) 

 

​That's a very key verse to keep front and center.

While I've seen a few men fall into the trap of placing their desire for a wife above following and waiting upon the Lord, I've seen and known of many more women who have done this thing. They become so impatient waiting for the Lord's leading they go forth searching and try to grab hold of the first prospect they encounter. Most often this leads to compromise, a willingness to settle for less than they should (usually with the thought and hope they can change their spouse and someone everything will get better once married) and these things so often end up in bad marriages which often end in divorce and the divorce so often occurs after they've had children which makes matters even worse.

Scripture is clear the Lord does answer prayer, the Lord will lead us in all things, He will open doors and close doors, He will grant us wisdom, He will direct our path if we truly follow Him.

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I have some questions requests for you.

1. How did God bring you and your spouse together?

2. Did you have any doubts about whether or not it was God's will for you to marry your spouse?

3. What advice can you give to a young man like myself who is seeking to find the right spouse?

4. add anything else you feel relevant.

1. My husband and I met in Bible college, but we did not begin dating at that point, we were just friends.  It was not until three years after he had to leave school do to finances that we re-established contact and our relationship began to grow and change very slowly.

2. In all honesty I was not the least bit interested romantically in him when he contacted me and we began communicating.  It was slow in coming.  But once we realized we loved each other (and this was long after realizing we had a lot in common -- most importantly the same godly desires in life) we knew it was God's will for us to marry.  We were able to look back and see how it was actually God who brought us together again.  Always be sure there is "outside" confirmation of this fact.

3.  First and foremost, go to the Bible and make a list of godly qualifications you will need in a helpmeet for your ministry.  Just because someone is a Christian does not mean they will be compatible to you and your ministry.  I had a friend who married a Christian girl, she put on a good front while they were dating, but after a few years of marriage he felt called to ministry and she was no supportive at all.  This was a huge heartbreak and burden to him.  It also distanced them in their relationship and she finally walked out on their marriage.  He didn't try to force her, he didn't try to bribe her or anything, but he had a desire for ministry, he was unhappy not being able to pursue it and it drove her away from him.  Above all, though, be about your Father's business.  Be busy.  That will keep you from fixating on finding a wife and put you in a place where you may become desperate or distracted and prey to getting involved with someone who is not God's ideal for you.  If you are already committed and involved in ministry that will help weed out some of the ladies who are just nominal Christians.  It will also put you in a position to meet other ladies who are also already committed and involved in ministry.  Most of all, take time to observe any woman you begin to consider in a variety of situations before deciding to approach her.  Check out her reputation from those who know her best.  In college I was fortunate because I was able to see and experience my future husband on a daily basis in a variety of situations -- observe his ministry commitment, how he dealt with stress, his work ethic, etc.  And since we were just friends those observations were unbiased.  Many people don't get that advantage, so you need to take your time and be in much prayer.

4.  Wait on the Lord.

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1.  Linda and I met through an online chat group called Paltalk in late 2004.  Neither of us was seeking marriage.  We were in a Bluegrass Gospel room, playing music on a daily basis.
2.  When God spoke to my heart that Linda was the one for me, I had no doubts whatsoever.  I proposed, she accepted.   We were married on June 11th, 2005 in New Market, VA.
3.  When God created Eve, He did not tell Adam to go looking for her.  He brought her to Adam.  My advice is, if you have a desire to be married, talk to the Lord about it.  Trust Him to place in your life, the woman that is best for you and your ministry.  Wait on Him to bring that woman into your life.  Don't go seeking for her where God does not have her.  He will bring her to you in His time.
4.  Once that woman is brought to you and you marry, though you may have disagreements, (and you will) disagreements can be made without fighting.  Linda and I have not had the first fight since our marriage ten years ago.    We have had differences in opinions on some subjects, and we would talk them out.  Sometimes I was wrong and changed, sometimes she was wrong and changed.  Some we never came to an agreement on and just dropped the subject.  Married people do not have to fight.  Keep God in the center of the marriage and things will be better than it is with those who don't have God in their marriages.

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1: My (future) wife came to the church's clothes closet, looking for some items for the youth in a local live-in rehab program. We chatted for a bit, I thought she was a bit of a know-it-all, but pleasant enough. Later she began to attend the church I was fairly new as the pastor. Later, she again came to the clothes closet and we chatted for quite a while. Found out she actually knew what she was talking about. She continued to attend the church regularly, and began helping in cleaning. Some weeks she would bring a freshly-killed rabbit to put on the stove to cook for her lunch. After some time, mind you, I had decided I would remain single, she began to make clear of her interest in me, though all we proper, and we went out from time to time. One evening I found myself looking out the window wondering if she was going to come by, and realized that I had fallen for her, so we counseled with my pastor about getting married, and, we did. That's the short version without all the crazy things.

2. At first, absolutely. Eventually some things happened that made it pretty clear it was right.

3. Advice? Make sure she is as serious about the Lord as you are, and take your time. Also, be very discreet in your dating relationship-make your first kiss the one at the altar after you have said "I do", so you can be sure to stay pure. Stay out of dangerous situations where you are alone together too much. Satan WILL try to get you to fall. And no, you don't have to try the milk before you buy the cow. Any cow will give sweet milk if it has proper care and nutrition.

4. Make sure that not only is she as sure about her relationship with the Lord as you, but also, make certain that you are both on the same track, same church, same faith. Discuss these things well! And pray together, at a moment's notice, about everything.  

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Well I hope you will all pray for me, I am 23 years old, God's called me to preach, and I am in the process of getting my training/education for the future, I go to Fairhaven Baptist College.

 

This is something I struggle with and something that I'm having to daily yield to the Lord, I got saved when I was 19 and I grew up in public school and was a drug addict and a fornicator, needless to say, there are some doors that cannot be closed once they are opened, and there is definately a void that's there

Like I said i'm having to daily yield this area to the Lord, the temptation is to worry and try to manipulate people and circumstances around me to try and get married, but I want God's perfect will. I am reminded of the words to a hymn: "trusting Jesus that is all."

 

 

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I will take you and your situation to the Lord in prayer.

Our associate pastor didn't meet his wife until about a year before he became the associate pastor. He and his wife had only been married a few months when he began as associate pastor.

God's timing and choices are perfect. Anything we do to try and "help" God in this, or any other matter, will prove to not really have helped at all.

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1. I met my wife of 11 yrs in a Christian chartroom something like this one.

2. No, I think God doesn't mind either way on some topics. My Wife is a Christian

3. Better to be single than married to the wrong person

4.

 

4. I once informed a young man on his wedding day saying 'the first two years are the worst, if you survive that you might do alright', I guess I still need to learn when keep my thought to myself.

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4. I once informed a young man on his wedding day saying 'the first two years are the worst, if you survive that you might do alright', I guess I still need to learn when keep my thought to myself.

That probably wasn't the best timing, either. :D

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