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Hi everyone.. guess you remember me to all those who posted in the thread that I started wayback.

Im back! still the same as before...

Well, the guy that I've mentioned (still the same guy 2014). Well, here's an update. Our pastor and his wife invited us for a chat. Since they're concerned about me since Im a member of our church, and the guy that I like (he's studying in a bible college taking up masteral, by faith because his savings went to different people who asked for his help that they will borrow his money and return it when they're able to pay him, he sold his small business because it is not God honoring according to him, and he's changing his ways). At present he's unemployed he doesn't want to get a job because he can't manage a full-time job because according to him, he's studying and does part-time/volunteer preaching in our church (sometimes he's invited in neighboring churches).

My question is should I wait for him even if I know marriage is not his priority, but he told me if I'll meet his standard of loving God first, then maybe he'll consider me. Plus I need to fix an issue about my family that is important to him. He's not looking for a relationship because he told me his vocation is his priority. If God will give him a partner it must met his standard (a God first woman, and someone who's matured spiritually). I admit I lack those criteria, or have fallen short because I'm just a newly professed Christian I was baptized 4 yrs. ago. 

At present he knows that I like him, and I am helping him financially, for his studies and for his things in school like gadgets. He also emphasized to me that if ever God will send him a partner the woman must be willing to be a bread-winner because he'll do full time ministry. I can't explain everything here. Anyway, should I kill my feelings for him, (coz' I have sacrificed a lot), also he's staying in my family's house because its near our church and the place of his classmate where he used to stay before is quite far. We are really like brothers and sisters. And I know most of his personal life. vice-versa

He has helped me a lot, taught me Christian studies. Should I wait? Continue praying? or simply forget him? (He was in a failed relationship 5 times and the last was a hard blow) So his criteria is really hard. 

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I realize that we're only hearing one side of the story and don't even know how accurate that is.

At present he's unemployed he doesn't want to get a job because he can't manage a full-time job because according to him, he's studying and does part-time/volunteer preaching in our church (sometimes he's invited in neighboring churches).

He also emphasized to me that if ever God will send him a partner the woman must be willing to be a bread-winner because he'll do full time ministry. 

Then he needs to get some backbone and quit being lazy!!!

 

 

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Im back! still the same as before...

I admit I lack those criteria, or have fallen short because I'm just a newly professed Christian I was baptized 4 yrs. ago. 

At present he knows that I like him, and I am helping him financially, for his studies and for his things in school like gadgets. He also emphasized to me that if ever God will send him a partner the woman must be willing to be a bread-winner because he'll do full time ministry. We are really like brothers and sisters. And I know most of his personal life. vice-versa

He was in a failed relationship 5 times and the last was a hard blow. 

​First, how old is he and how old are you? I see many things here that cause my 'ol ears to perk up.

1. What is "the same as before" meaning?
2. What are his "those criteria" ?
3. What do you mean "newly professed Christian I was baptized 4 yrs. ago" ?
4. Why are you "helping him financially" and with 'gadgets'?
5. What do you mean "the woman must be willing to be a bread-winner" ?
6. What do you mean "We are really like brothers and sisters"?
7. To what level of knowing are you talking about "I know most of his personal life. vice-versa" please refrain from too graphical a description.
8. Over what period of time is "failed relationship 5 times"?

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Without knowing a lot more detail - which I would not expect to be given on a public forum - I would broadly agree with the statements given, adding only that if he would refuse to work while preaching then he has some real problems of maturity.

The overwhelming majority of IFB preachers are "tentmaking preachers" (working a secular job to pay the bills) and even fewer have never worked a secular job while preaching.

It shows a willing and sacrificial heart, and a hardworking spirit.

If he won't do that, then I would suggest that he won't last the tough times and will quit the ministry before too long.

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Don't settle for this moocher using his Christianity for his excuses. He's a loser who's using you and your family and probably anyone he can! He will always find something wrong with you in his eyes to justify his not marrying you. Trust me God has someone better for you! 

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I'm just going to give you an example from my personal life and hopefully it will help you decide what to do about this fella in your life.

When I was 25 I went to seminary, with a wife and 2 boys trailing along. I worked 50 hours a week in industrial construction and went to seminary by taking evening classes and online classes, I was also the teen group leader/teen sunday school teacher at our church, it was hard and required extremely long hours between working and class and drive time and youth group, I hardly ever slept and had very limited time for my family BUT my wife never had to work and she was able to stay home and homeschool our children. She also helped immensely with the youth group. Nobody but God helped us financially, I paid for all my schooling, all the normal bills and needs of a family of four with just the one job and at the end of it I had no debt to speak of, and we never missed our tithe or church comittments/obligations.

I guess the question I would ask is, why isn't he able to put himself through school and preach? From my viewpoint based on my experience getting through seminary, it would be a breeze to be a single man working and putting myself through school, without the responsibily of being a father and husband. Either some information is lacking in your description or something is lacking in him.

Colin

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​First, how old is he and how old are you? I see many things here that cause my 'ol ears to perk up.

1. What is "the same as before" meaning?
2. What are his "those criteria" ?
3. What do you mean "newly professed Christian I was baptized 4 yrs. ago" ?
4. Why are you "helping him financially" and with 'gadgets'?
5. What do you mean "the woman must be willing to be a bread-winner" ?
6. What do you mean "We are really like brothers and sisters"?
7. To what level of knowing are you talking about "I know most of his personal life. vice-versa" please refrain from too graphical a description.
8. Over what period of time is "failed relationship 5 times"?

​Hi thanks for all your reply sorry I didn't have time to reply to everyone's post.

Im in my early 30's now.

1. Well, were still friends and nothing has changed about my relationship with him except he made things clear to our pastor. And by the way, he has those standards our pastor agreed with them like a spiritual matured woman. Honestly, Im not that spiritually deep (I consider myself).. not that knowledgeable theologically

2. Criteria - Godly woman, and to fix my situation in our family's house (like if I were to be his wife since he wants his house open to Christian brethren its difficult to share the house w/ my brother since the inheritance (will) my brother will inherit the house, while I get a little share of the money. If I will not have a house that is difficult according to him, and to be living with my brother since my brother is an unbeliever.

3. I was a former R.Catholic

5. Because here in my country the pastor's not really well-paid so I must be willing to be the bread-winner since I'm earning reasonably at present

6. brothers and sister no romantic side on him, but I really like him so friendship relationship thing between the two of us.

7. His personal life, past relationship, secrets, I know coz' he told me

8. College years of his life up to his early and late 30;s

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Listen, the Bible is clear that THE MAN is to work and provide (obviously we're not talking about someone UNABLE due to physical inability -- as opposed to physical difficulty).

I've been in the ministry over 35 years, am an asthmatic, have other health issues, have children over 30 years old and fast on my way to being a great-grandpa. In spite of that I still manage to pastor, handle a Christian School, teach Bible Institute classes, spend time with the family AND work 100 hrs each month.

He's still sounds like he's looking for easy income.

Edited by OLD fashioned preacher

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I'm just going to give you an example from my personal life and hopefully it will help you decide what to do about this fella in your life.

When I was 25 I went to seminary, with a wife and 2 boys trailing along. I worked 50 hours a week in industrial construction and went to seminary by taking evening classes and online classes, I was also the teen group leader/teen sunday school teacher at our church, it was hard and required extremely long hours between working and class and drive time and youth group, I hardly ever slept and had very limited time for my family BUT my wife never had to work and she was able to stay home and homeschool our children. She also helped immensely with the youth group. Nobody but God helped us financially, I paid for all my schooling, all the normal bills and needs of a family of four with just the one job and at the end of it I had no debt to speak of, and we never missed our tithe or church comittments/obligations.

I guess the question I would ask is, why isn't he able to put himself through school and preach? From my viewpoint based on my experience getting through seminary, it would be a breeze to be a single man working and putting myself through school, without the responsibily of being a father and husband. Either some information is lacking in your description or something is lacking in him.

Colin

​He's studying now Masteral (graduate studies) in a bible seminary. The money that he spent for his tuition fee was for selling his shop. And then the rest thru faith he said he's living all by faith coz' he has no savings in a bank like I said the money that he had the rest his ex gf loaned it but until now he was not paying its almost a year and more now, and he believes his ex will really not pay him anymore, the other part of his money was lend to his relatives because they helped him when he still has no business. But now he's back to 0 again. He sold his computer shop because according to him its not honoring GOD because of the games students played... he removed the games and his shop was down so he decided as might as well sell it. That's the story. We all know as Ive said above preaching here in my country is not a vocation or work that is well paid. He plans to go on full time but lately he's been considering some thoughts with regards to his vocation and career. One of his classmates (mom already) helped him financially in his studies, and last sem. I helped him finance for his tuition. I helped him buy gadgets because its a gift for his bday Im considering it he needs a tablet for his preaching.

He really has no intention of marrying because he knows that he's not capable of supporting a family, that's why he saying if GOD will send him a wife that wife must willing to be the one supporting the family (larger part) coz' if we will have children the pastor's salary isn't enough. In our church there are woman who really earns more than the man who are full-time in ministry. Because our church is not so big.

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​Hi thanks for all your reply sorry I didn't have time to reply to everyone's post.

Im in my early 30's now.

1. Well, were still friends and nothing has changed about my relationship with him except he made things clear to our pastor. And by the way, he has those standards our pastor agreed with them like a spiritual matured woman. Honestly, Im not that spiritually deep (I consider myself).. not that knowledgeable theologically

2. Criteria - Godly woman, and to fix my situation in our family's house (like if I were to be his wife since he wants his house open to Christian brethren its difficult to share the house w/ my brother since the inheritance (will) my brother will inherit the house, while I get a little share of the money. If I will not have a house that is difficult according to him, and to be living with my brother since my brother is an unbeliever.

3. I was a former R.Catholic

5. Because here in my country the pastor's not really well-paid so I must be willing to be the bread-winner since I'm earning reasonably at present

6. brothers and sister no romantic side on him, but I really like him so friendship relationship thing between the two of us.

7. His personal life, past relationship, secrets, I know coz' he told me

8. College years of his life up to his early and late 30;s

​It means little what I say past exhorting you to seek God through his word and prayer...genuinely, contritely, and with humility.

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Hi everyone.. guess you remember me to all those who posted in the thread that I started wayback.

Im back! still the same as before...

Well, the guy that I've mentioned (still the same guy 2014). Well, here's an update. Our pastor and his wife invited us for a chat. Since they're concerned about me since Im a member of our church, and the guy that I like (he's studying in a bible college taking up masteral, by faith because his savings went to different people who asked for his help that they will borrow his money and return it when they're able to pay him, he sold his small business because it is not God honoring according to him, and he's changing his ways). At present he's unemployed he doesn't want to get a job because he can't manage a full-time job because according to him, he's studying and does part-time/volunteer preaching in our church (sometimes he's invited in neighboring churches).

 

​Please know that I'm saying this out of concern and not in a condescending tone.

This is a major problem...especially if he's studying God's word...and especially if his mind is already made up on this. The Bible is clear...

1Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

It's the man's responsibility to provide for his family; if he doesn't, he's denied the faith and is worse than a lost heathen. I realize that there are circumstances; in which, a man may be unable to provide for his family...such as major medical problems; however, if the man is physically able, it's his responsibility...not the wife's.

If you care for this man, pray that he will come to this realization before you marry him.

​I agree with NN (as well as the others) here. I work full-time, study at seminary full-time, and also have three small children (ages 3, 19 months, and 1 month) that demand every spare moment I have (which I gladly give them!). I still manage to teach every Sunday, do the occasional sermon, sing, go out soulwinning at least once a week, and disciple a young man trying to turn his life around after prison.

He either needs to learn to better manage his time or he's not trying. I honestly think that needs to be fixed before any relationship is pursued because if he doesn't have time to work now, he certainly won't have time to meet your needs.

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I am afraid that this man is simply using you.  Right now he has a free meal ticket.  I would be greatly surprised that he would marry you even if you did meet all his standards.  Once he gets his degree I suspect you will be left high and dry.  If he has no interest in marriage, walk away.  This bit about I'm not interested in marriage because I can't support a family doing God's work -- BUT he's going to seminary on faith for God to provide???  If he can go to seminary on faith (which he isn't, he is using you and stringing you along to keep financing his studies) then he can marry and raise a family on faith.  I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I have talked to other ladies online in similar situations and after being strung along for a couple years it always came crashing down around them.  One even found out her fellow was using two other girls for the same thing she didn't even know about.  They each thought they were the only one in his life and waiting for him to marry them.  A man of God is above reproach and will honor and treasure the woman he intends to make his wife.  You are simply a tool.  None of us is perfect.  I did not meet all the godly woman critieria and my husband did not meet all the godly man standards, but we both loved God, were striving to be better Christians, desired to be in ministry and God led us to one another.  If it was necessary for me to work outside the home to help my husband, I would do it, but my husband wanted me to be at home, raising our child, and God always blessed and provided for us.  If it is God's will it will work out.  But sometimes we want what we want despite all the "red flags" that pop up and are pointed out to us, and we go after what we want, and it ends in disaster.  I would distance myself from him and begin praying that God show you what the character of this man truly is and what His desire for your life is.  "Put out your fleece" so to speak and ask for definite confirmation one way or the other if you are to wait and support this man or move on.

2Th 3:7 For yourselves know how ye ought to follow us: for we behaved not ourselves disorderly among you;

2Th 3:8 Neither did we eat any man's bread for nought; but wrought with labour and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you:

2Th 3:9 Not because we have not power, but to make ourselves an ensample unto you to follow us.

2Th 3:10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.

2Th 3:11 For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies.

2Th 3:12 Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread.

2Th 3:13 But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing.

2Th 3:14 And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.

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    • Guest Joshua Berndt
      By Guest Joshua Berndt
      Please tell me of your issues where you have found something that seems like it is a contradiction in the Bible or a passage that gives you a problem. I can try to answer it. I may already know the answer. For years, I have researched these and I like to study Biblical archaeology and the Israeli ancient culture, which often gives answers to these issues. There are NO errors in the King James Version. It is always reader error or ignorance of the issue(s) involved. When I couldn't find an answer, I tried to put it on the "back burner" and wait, in faith, for an answer.

      Please note that if others have asked me questions and several are piling up, to wait until I have answered them to add your own. That way I don't get swamped. Thanks.
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Since 2001, Online Baptist has been an Independent Baptist website, and we exclusively use the King James Version of the Bible. We pride ourselves on a community that uplifts the Lord.

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