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John81

Tragedy

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Even though we have obvious diffences John you are what I call a good dude. My wife just told me he is coming to get some things in our storage the sad thing is we cannot even trust him to go over there himself. Tank


Unfortunately, I know the feeling. We can't trust our oldest son in the kitchen by himself, and now we don't even trust him enough to let our 10 year old sleep in the same room he's sleeping in. I have to search his room almost daily and now I will have to search his backpack before he goes to school.

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Even though we have obvious diffences John you are what I call a good dude. My wife just told me he is coming to get some things in our storage the sad thing is we cannot even trust him to go over there himself. Tank



I can certainly feel the pain of Christian parents. John...this breaks my heart, and although I won't be on OB much (I am tapering off as we move to our new home) I will keep your son in my prayers. I have to keep an eye on Mark...night and day. His dad is out of town again (flying to 4 states.) The last two times his dad went out of town for business, Mark got into trouble. I told Mark that he got into trouble because God is watching out for him. :thumb His dad is unsaved...but, he is VERY strict. :cooldude: The problem, though, is that his dad is a "do as I say...not, as I do man." So? Joe and I have to set the example ALL the time.


I truly believe in what the scripture says about our youth..."there will come a generation..." This is very disturbing because of the evils in society. I see this everywhere. I think a combination of church and psychology is essential these days for some children and teens. They do have to deal with a lot in society. Far more than what we had to deal with.


I will also keep your older son in my prayers...Tank. We are all stressed out, and really need to look to Our Saviour for our answers. It is so hard to live in this sin-filled world...but, Christ will be our guide. Thank God for our churches and this board. :amen:

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Unfortunately, I know the feeling. We can't trust our oldest son in the kitchen by himself, and now we don't even trust him enough to let our 10 year old sleep in the same room he's sleeping in. I have to search his room almost daily and now I will have to search his backpack before he goes to school.

As I step parent I stepped bak and the second oldest whom I have a great relationship with was exposed to pornography through the elder. It was happening for about a year. Before then I knew something was wrong but he had my wife conviced I was out to get him. It was not true I simply want the best for my kids and saw that he was not honest and bullied his mother into his way. I had to save my marriage so I steped back and it all unfolded he even tried to set the house on fire. My wife and his Grandparents decided it would be best if he lived with them. Know we realize we should have had him committed. He is worse now and thinks eveyone owes him something. I tried to do my best and it is in the Lords hands now. Do all you can while he is under your guardianship after he is of age you have virtually no control. Tank

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Thank you for your prayers Molly. I pray Mark will choose the straight and narrow way.



Thanks, John. I pray that, too. Actually, I pray that for all of today's youth. :pray It is a wicked world out there. If it is hard for us...then?

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As I step parent I stepped bak and the second oldest whom I have a great relationship with was exposed to pornography through the elder. It was happening for about a year. Before then I knew something was wrong but he had my wife conviced I was out to get him. It was not true I simply want the best for my kids and saw that he was not honest and bullied his mother into his way. I had to save my marriage so I steped back and it all unfolded he even tried to set the house on fire. My wife and his Grandparents decided it would be best if he lived with them. Know we realize we should have had him committed. He is worse now and thinks eveyone owes him something. I tried to do my best and it is in the Lords hands now. Do all you can while he is under your guardianship after he is of age you have virtually no control. Tank



Oh...Tank. This breaks my heart. We "try" as parents to do the best job that we can. Our parents and grandparents did the same thing. You didn't know what else to do. Maybe if you would have had him committed it could be worse? Only Jesus knows the "whole picture" and as the Irish prayer says..."He is holding him in the palm of his hand." Sometimes I feel that the Lord is holding our youth in His arms tightly. :pray



Something for all of us to remember..."Waiting on the Lord speaks of all Christian's private life. Your life behind the door in your personal prayer closet will determine the effectiveness of your life in the eyes of people." (Tom Malone).

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Tank, our son is the same way with thinking everyone owes him. A week or so ago he told me that the doesn't see that myself or his mom have very done anything for him! :-S I asked him who takes care of him when he's sick, who puts a roof over his head, provides a bed for him, keeps his belly full, bought all the stuff he has, takes him out to eat sometimes, etc.

His reply, "Well, I don't think of those things." Said in a very hateful manner.

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Tank, our son is the same way with thinking everyone owes him. A week or so ago he told me that the doesn't see that myself or his mom have very done anything for him! :-S I asked him who takes care of him when he's sick, who puts a roof over his head, provides a bed for him, keeps his belly full, bought all the stuff he has, takes him out to eat sometimes, etc.

His reply, "Well, I don't think of those things." Said in a very hateful manner.



Hey, John. Do you have health insurance so that you can get him evaluated? If so...I would highly recommend some testing. It can't hurt to see if their is an issue. JMHO.

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That's a good point...things like low thyroid or other health problems can cause depression and moodiness.



That is exactly what I was thinking, Kita. It could be a medical issue, and NOT.. psychological. There is so much out there in terms of testing. You can basically get ANYTHING from someone's blood. They have testing for everything now.

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That is exactly what I was thinking, Kita. It could be a medical issue, and NOT.. psychological. There is so much out there in terms of testing. You can basically get ANYTHING from someone's blood. They have testing for everything now.


Quite true, my oldest was VERY moody before we figured out her food allergies. She is like a different person when she dosen't eat right.

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John, So sorry that you and your family are having to go thru this. I know its going to be a very tough road to go down. My prayer is that God will give you all the grace that is needed to deal with this situation. I don't know just what you may have to do, but it may be something that's extremely difficult, just keep leaning on our Lord, He will give you the strength to get thru it and do whatever is necessary.

13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Phil 4:13 (KJV)

19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Phil 4:19 (KJV)

No doubt, many things are to difficult for us, but nothing is to difficult for Him, and He promised never to forsake us or leave us.

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That's a good point...things like low thyroid or other health problems can cause depression and moodiness.


The way he is doesn't come and go, it's ongoing and has been for years. Rather than growing out of it or coming to Christ, it's just getting worse.

We are hoping to be able to get some mental and medical evaluations done at some point, it's just not clear yet when or who will do them.

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John, So sorry that you and your family are having to go thru this. I know its going to be a very tough road to go down. My prayer is that God will give you all the grace that is needed to deal with this situation. I don't know just what you may have to do, but it may be something that's extremely difficult, just keep leaning on our Lord, He will give you the strength to get thru it and do whatever is necessary.

13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Phil 4:13 (KJV)

19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Phil 4:19 (KJV)

No doubt, many things are to difficult for us, but nothing is to difficult for Him, and He promised never to forsake us or leave us.


Thank you Jerry. This is indeed very difficult and the decision to send him to a Christian Youth Recovery Home was a very difficult one to make. Like my wife said, we've done everything we can for him yet he doesn't appreciate it or even see it. As well, we've done all we can for him yet he continually chooses to go against our biblical standards, beliefs and rules (as well as against the Word of God).

At this time we believe he needs full-time supervision and help but it's like his mom told him, if he doesn't take the help offered and work to make the necessary changes he won't get any better and will likely end up in jail or prison.

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Well you are already in "state custody"....so....maybe ask around your church for anyone who knows of a good therapist or psychologist to check him out...?


There is a man at our church who is a former police officer, youth counselor and pastor. He has offered to counsel our son. This man is supposed to be very good and can likely tell us what the problem is.

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There is a man at our church who is a former police officer, youth counselor and pastor. He has offered to counsel our son. This man is supposed to be very good and can likely tell us what the problem is.


Wow, that is a huge blessing! Very gracious of him......

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Wow, that is a huge blessing! Very gracious of him......


Yes it is. The church he pastored decided to consolidate with their sending church so they closed the doors and now all attend the sending church. He felt led to remain where he was, not to pursue further patoring at this time, and he came to our church. Now he leads AWANA at our church, drives a school bus and substitute teaches at the high school.

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Has this recent discovery of the hate list changed the social worker's mind about the veracity of your son's accusations?


The social workers don't know about this yet. The woman who is in charge of our case should be here on Friday.

My Dad said if these people had any smarts at all they would reconsider all this but they probably won't.

I'll just have to wait and see what they think about it all come Friday.

We were discussing the anger management classes they say I have to take the last time she was here. She told me the reason the preparation session (more like an interview) for those classes can take so long (the anger management lady told me one and a half to two and a half hours!) is because we will have to go over my history of violence. I told her the meeting shouldn't last long at all then since I have no history of violence.

My wife affirmed to these people that I've never hit her or threatened her and that I've never abused the children but that seems to mean nothing to them. :roll

They seem to just take the childs word, regardless of what the parents say, and regardless of the fact there is no evidence of me being violent, having anger problems or having a violent history.

Truth and reality seem to have little meaning to them.

Which reminds me...when the social worker asked us about rules that we have I mentioned the Ten Commandments. She stated that the Ten Commandments can't be kept and are therefore unrealistic and not really appropriate as a basis for the rules of our home! :eek

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The social workers don't know about this yet. The woman who is in charge of our case should be here on Friday.

My Dad said if these people had any smarts at all they would reconsider all this but they probably won't.

I'll just have to wait and see what they think about it all come Friday.

We were discussing the anger management classes they say I have to take the last time she was here. She told me the reason the preparation session (more like an interview) for those classes can take so long (the anger management lady told me one and a half to two and a half hours!) is because we will have to go over my history of violence. I told her the meeting shouldn't last long at all then since I have no history of violence.

My wife affirmed to these people that I've never hit her or threatened her and that I've never abused the children but that seems to mean nothing to them. :roll

They seem to just take the childs word, regardless of what the parents say, and regardless of the fact there is no evidence of me being violent, having anger problems or having a violent history.

Truth and reality seem to have little meaning to them.

Which reminds me...when the social worker asked us about rules that we have I mentioned the Ten Commandments. She stated that the Ten Commandments can't be kept and are therefore unrealistic and not really appropriate as a basis for the rules of our home! :eek


Well at least the social worker got it right about not being able to keep the Law......she's ripe to hear about Jesus being our righteousness!

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Well at least the social worker got it right about not being able to keep the Law......she's ripe to hear about Jesus being our righteousness!


Sadly, she seems to have a dim view of Christianity and perhaps a hardened spirit about it.

This woman, who is supposed to make sure we have our lives together or get it together, is divorced, makes fun of her new husbands name (Leslie), admits she treats her two children very differently, refuses to cook even if no one else is around to cook (she either orders out or tells everybody to eat cereal), thought brown cows is where chocolate milk came from until she was in her teens...etc.

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My advice, John...is to get away from this social worker. ASAP. If they are tied to the state and government...I smell a rat already. Actually, I think the man from your church who wanted to help with counseling is the better choice. IMHO. Also, as far as health insurance goes? Have you ever heard of the "Christian Brotherhood"? My in-laws have had them for years and it has been the biggest blessing for them. With my FIL being self-employed and the # of children they raised, and are still raising, it would have been an unbelievable amount of money spent on health insurance for all these years. The "Christian Brotherhood" has been there for many Christians over the years. :amen:

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