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John81

Tragedy

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August turned out to be a horrible month for my family and I.



In the early morning hours of Sunday, August 10, around 1 a.m., our oldest son tore the screen out of his bedroom window, climbed out on the flat roof, jumped off, got his bike and ran away from home. All of this with no warning and with nothing seeming out of the ordinary.



I drove over a hundred miles that Sunday looking for him. The police, volunteer firemen and others were looking as well, along with our pastor sending out an emergency email for prayers and assistance.



Our son was found nearly 30 miles away Monday (11th) morning in a Wal-Mart. When we were informed we went to the sherrifs station to get him. Once there we were informed our son was claiming abuse! Thus one heart-wrenching nightmare was over and another beginning.



My wife and I spent the day being interviewed by police and social workers. They didn't like that almost everything my wife and I said didn't match what our oldest son was telling them. Near the end of the afternoon they began asking about spanking, to which I told the truth, to which they all looked shocked. That seemed to be enough for them. They stopped talking about all the outrageous claims our son had made (such as being constantly choked, kicked, punched and stuff like that).



At about this same time they managed to confuse and trick my wife into signing an order of protection against me which effectively banned me from my own house and family for three weeks. As it turns out, my wife thought she was simply signing a form saying she understood what our oldest had aledged and she thought she had to sign the form because he was a minor.



After realizing the tragedy the protective order was causing all of us my wife tried to get the order dropped but the judge refused to consider the issue until the original order expired on the 29th. In the meantime, my wife nearly lost her job at the bakery because of this since there was no one to watch the children.



As well, during this time I was under serious stress and didn't realize the medication I had take previous to this happening hadn't cured what was ailing me before. Eventually, on the 21st, this landed me in the hospital because of a large kidney stone lodged into the wall of something that had become infected. I was in the hospital until the 24th fighting the infection and high temperatures. On 9-11 I have to return to the hospital to have the large stone blasted.



Now we are under weekly home visitations from the social workers until sometime in October at which time the visits are to become less than weekly. I've been ordered to take "anger management" classes even though there has been no alegation or evidence of me having an anger problem. They also want our oldest son to undergo counseling but they won't approve a Christian counselor unless he has certain specific lisencing.



Paying for the extra 12 to 25 dollars for gas to drive back and forth for these meetings, while it doesn't sound like much, will actually put a major strain on our already strained budget.



This, plus my wife needs surgery on her right knee and that will mean more travel expenses and she will be unable to work for several weeks; at least.



They have placed our oldest son in the public high school and are pressuring us to get our youngest son in the public school.



Thankfully, our pastor has stood by our side mightily through all of this and has done all he could to be of help and comfort. I can't even imagine having to face all of this without the Lord and our pastor!



Anyway, that's a quick rundown of what has struck our family and why I have been away from OB for so long.

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Wow... we all knew something was wrong when you were gone for such a long time. :sad

:pray

That's crazy though... that's so awful that a son would do that.

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Wow. That is like every Christian parent's worst nightmare. :sad :badday:

If it helps at all, we've all been very worried about you, if you have time, check the thread with your name on it...one of the longest ones around!

Oh man, I am so, so, so sorry. How old is this son, again...12, right? I remember you have commented before that he has been difficult to handle at times.

We'll be praying for you...please keep us posted. Do you have custody of your oldest son right now? And are you back home (I assume)?

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I'm sorry about your son.

Does he have a friend who think a strict home is abuse? Usually that get them thinking.

I think that even if you raised him like the world, he would still run away.

After reading about him, I knew he would do something like this, I didn't say anything as I was afraid I could be wrong. Because I know severals who are just like your son, and ran away. They even came from a good home. They lie alot too. They usually always unhappy and looking for someone (especially their parents) to blame it on. So yes, he does need some counseling, not because of you, but because of his own emotional issues. I hope you will find a good christian counselor.

he might find that he like being homeschooled better after going to a public school, btw.

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John, I don't know you, and you don't know me either, but what you wrote touches everyones heart with out been able to stop it.
I know its a hard time for you and altough we could say we understand its not true if we haven't pass all what you have, but John I got some words that I would like to share them with you and I hope that teh Lord may use them and encourage you, if not at least I can guarantee you that I give you my word that I will pray for your situation.


- John, I don;t have the privilege of being a father. But I do have the privilege of being a son. And altough I have never carry in my hands a baby which has my blood and part of me, as a son I got some words. I know in this moment could be hard to see your son and tell him I love you, I know its hard to think that something like this could be happening. But brother remeber we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. once JaCK Hyles said sucess oesn't come when you fail and stand, it comes when you fail, fail, fail, fail, continue down, and down, and then more down and finally at the end you have sucess. I say this because sometimes we forget how hard things can be, how hard can Satan hit us, our faily or what we more love. I can read that you are a christian that believes on teaching your sons in the paths of the Lord. And as a son, that was once rebel I can identify with your son. I had a bad life as a teenager, and my parents where christians. ( I am talking read bad stuff) BUt you know what, altough I prcaticlly was against what they teached me, what I learned home, what I saw, and I have to admit that I tought several times on running out of house but I never did, but time passed, and passed, I have memories which I would love to not have in my mind, but I can't erease them. But I always had a dad and mom, who continue loving the Lord, who continue telling me the same, and the same, and I contonue been worse and worse, I am ashamed of all the tears I took from my mom, and all the ashame I gave my dad. But to not make longer the story and here is where I want to get:
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. It became true, one day finally become truth, even when I remeber one day my dad opening the door of my house and saying in loud voice, the door is opened if you want to go you can go, and remebering my mom one day praying to the Lord and saying: "God if tehy are not going to serve you, take them to your presence" hard moments but a real promise. God made it at the end, A kid who failed several times at school, who robbed stuff who used drugs, but that had a father and mom who constantly, and constantly teached me what was correct. Today I can be more thank to God, of the family I have, Finally one day I had to give acounts to the Lord, crying and with out been able to live one day more like I was, I accepted Jesus gift to forgive me and make me his son. Yes, a son of a baptist pastor, someone who knew, but refused, Who didn't care anything more than me (and girls). one day God made once again his promise real.

IN conclusion I hope that this humble words, of this unworthy servant of the Lord may encourage you, today, with my age of 22 I am decided and called to be a pastor, to win this world for Christ, I have no bigger purpose than serving my Lord, but I wouldn't be what I am today if I wouldn't have a father and mother like you and your wife that believes on teaching them what God says independentlt of the attacks that the enemy can give. brotehr John, In the name of Christ I hope you stand and continue the fight, God is with you, my brother don't give up, stand up and fight for your family don'tlet Satan take it away from you, God gave it to you, ts not going to be easy, God tells us once and once again if you want to leave for him, its gong to be hard but he also says specially in this moment for you JOhn he says:

What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

Your friend and brother,

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Oh, John. Like other members have said, we have been very worried about you and knew that something was not right.

I can't imagine how much you and your family have been going through this past month. Hopefully, things will get better as the Lord is on your side...and, you have many friends in Christ out there who are praying for you and your family.

Keep close to your Creator and know that He is God. We missed you...and, we are very glad that you are back with us at OB. Take care. If we can do anything...just give us a shout...okay? :wave:

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John81 - know that my prayers are with you and your family! I had something very similar to this happen with my oldest daughter who is now 26 yrs old. She has been diagnosed bi-polar and it started when she reached puberty... when she is on her medication she is a sweet young lady, but when she is off the meds she turns into her own "evil twin".

I am praying for you and your family as only someone who has experienced it first hand is able to! Remember the Lord will give you the strenght that you need to survive this!

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Brother, I want give no long talk, I know how children can be ad how you've raised your children. My prayers are with you and your family. So sorry y'all are having to go thru all of this all at one time.

I sure glad that you got where you can post and leave us know what's happening.

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Psalm56:13 For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?

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Wow, really sorry to hear about your troubles, John. I'm glad to know that you're okay, though. We were all getting worried about you. It's a shame how much power the government has in raising people's kids at the first sign of trouble...

:pray

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Wow, really sorry to hear about your troubles, John. I'm glad to know that you're okay, though. We were all getting worried about you. It's a shame how much power the government has in raising people's kids at the first sign of trouble...

:pray


Yes and I hate that a kid can tell whatever story he wants, and it doesn't matter if mom, dad, grandpa, and grandma all say "He's lying", the state will believe the kid.

That is one reason I can't stand teaching anymore...kids reign supreme.... *sigh*

Poor John....

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Yeah...I wouldn't want to teach in an American school, especially public. In Korea, the teacher is the ultimate authority in the classroom and is expected to use corporal punishment, if necessary. I have a friend who is a teacher and I sat in on her class one day and she used a rod to smack several kids hands several times in that one class. But they did deserve it. :frog

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John 81, I don't know what to say other than to let you know my heart hurts for you, and I am praying for you. May you have some precious times in the Word as you seek the wisdom that comes only from above, the grace that only God can give, and the peace which passes all understanding.

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John, we will be praying for God's mercy, grace, strength, and power to be made evident in this situation.

Job 11:18 -- And thou shalt be secure, because there is hope; yea, thou shalt dig about thee, and thou shalt take thy rest in safety.

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I thank all of you from the depths of my heart for your concern, prayers and words of encouragement.

We are all here at home now. When I was allowed to return home my oldest son acted as if nothing had happened and just started telling me about some stuff from high school. During those three weeks I wasn't allowed here it seems he basically did almost as he pleased and refused to help my wife or take care of things he should have; instead, he seems to have acted like a spoiled child of 7 rather than the 14 year old he is. Our couch is old but was still okay but now thanks to him deciding he could jump on the couch with Dad not around the couch is ruined. He also ruined my recliner, knocked a hole in the stairway wall leaving plaster all over the stairs, broke a fan, banged around the outdoor garbage cans so they are destroyed (he didn't like that his Mom asked him to take the trash to the curb) and he broke the garage doors because he didn't want to cut the grass, etc.

For the most part things are calm at the moment but he really hates it that I told him I won't tolerate him disrespecting his mother and that he's not going to be acting like a little child. Each time I have told him to do something, whether it's just to put his clothes away, to cut the grass or to answer his mother when she asks him a question, he gets this hateful, defiant glare in his eyes and very grudgingly does as I say.

I've tried hard to show him love, care and concern but sadly he's so self-centered he doesn't even notice when myself, or anyone else, does nice things for him or shows him some consideration.

One good thing out of this is that his mother is finally seeing what I've been warning her about and trying to get her to see for years now.

Our youth pastor/education pastor has taken over the high school Sunday School and I have talked with him about all this and he's going to try to do what he can with our son though this and youth group, which he also handles for the high school kids.

Our pastor has lined up a great person to counsel our son if the social workers approve him. I'm not sure yet if they will approve him because he must have specific liscensing before they will approve him. This man is a former police officer, youth counselor and pastor. I really hate the idea of our son being forced into counseling with a worldly counselor.

I don't want to ramble on about our problems too much. I'm looking forward to church tomorrow, our pastor will begin preaching from the second chapter of James and our oldest can attend Sunday School after church.

I'm so very thankful for all of my friends and brothers and sisters in Christ here at OB. You don't know how badly I wanted to be able to get online and "speak" with you during the ordeal in August.

Again, thank y'all sooooooooooo much for your prayers, thoughts and concerns!!!

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That has got to be sooo hard. And once the child knows they have the government "on their side", they are even more difficult to control. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. He's pretty young, even, to think of running away and lying to the police. Praying for you guys.

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That has got to be sooo hard. And once the child knows they have the government "on their side"' date=' they are even more difficult to control. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. He's pretty young, even, to think of running away and lying to the police. Praying for you guys.[/quote']

He'll be 15 in November. They could find no proof of abuse and the lead child protective investigator (or whatever his title is) admitted it was obvious we were not bad parents because our children are well mannered when they talk with them and the local police all commented how they are well behaved and polite. Even so, this social worker says he believes at least some of what our son told him even though there is no proof of any of it and his stories don't match that of anyone elses.

I can't say for sure, but some of this probably stems from our neighbor we have had problems with (I've mentioned this in other threads) who used to come storming into the street yelling that I was abusing my children because they were doing yard work. This is the same guy who threated on two different occasions to kill/shoot me; the guy I called the police on last summer because of the threats. I know my oldest son heard him accusing me of abusing him and his younger brother because they were raking in the yard. I can't know for sure, but that's the only place I can think of where ideas of claiming abuse may have begun.

It's amazing to me that my wife stating that I've never abused or hit her or our children, our 10 year old stating that he's never been abused or hit and that they have never seen me abuse our oldest doesn't seem to mean anything. The fact our pastor has seen my oldest son every Sunday for almost 2 years now and has never seen a sign of abuse and the fact that others who have seen him at least weekly have all reported no signs of abuse, all of this seems to mean nothing compared to his claims of abuse.

It's one big mess and now we'll have to deal with these social workers for at least a year.

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