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Graveyard Humour


John81

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Hope these old tombstone epitaphs are still funny to you.

 

 

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.

******************************

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up And no place to go.

******************************

In a LondonCemetery Jokes, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec.  8, 1767

*****************************

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

******************************

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me For not rising.

******************************

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

******************************

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

******************************

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

*****************************

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep;
And thou wilt find a Penny.

*****************************

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle Went out of tune.

*****************************

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls,Vermont
Here lies the body of our Anna -
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

******************************

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.

*****************************

In a cemetery in England:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon will be.
Prepare yourself and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went

******************************

Last add, from Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
One slug from a 44
No Les
No More

 

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A baby was born and his parents named him Odd. He went through school being teased mercilessly. Even when he went to college, people couldn't leave it alone; they had to comment on his weird name. He was so very sick of it, but knew there was nothing he could do.

The last straw came, when, well into a successful career, he was presented with an award by the chamber of commerce. The presenter apparently believed he was funny, and proceeded to embarrass Odd with a roast-like monologue. Odd seethed, but again could do nothing. But finally, finally he had had enough.

That night, he told his wife that he wanted to be buried with a blank gravestone. Nothing on it, no dates, no sentiments and most of all he did not want his name on the gravestone. He didn't want people making fun of him when he was gone.

Time passed and so did Odd. Now, when people walk through that cemetery and see the blank gravestone, they wonder at it for a bit, and then say, "Hmm. That's odd . . . "

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David Van Orsdale

 

Birth:  Jun. 28, 1928 Death:  Jan. 13, 2007
Riverside
Riverside County
California, USA trans.gif
Dates and last residence from US SS Death Index.

1930 US Census (Houston, TX)
Born in Texas
Father: Allan A. Van Orsdale (b. 1892 in CO)
Mother: Edith A. Van Orsdale (b. 1896 in PA)
 
 
Family links: 
 Parents:
  Edith A. Van Orsdale (1895 - 1987)
 
Inscription:
Devoted Son Husband
Father Grandfather

"I'd rather be here than New York City"   Burial:
Oak Park Cemetery
Claremont
Los Angeles County
California, USA
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Birth:  May 2, 1923
Hyrum
Cache County
Utah, USA Death:  Apr. 19, 2007
Sedro-Woolley
Skagit County
Washington, USA trans.gif
Coy B. Albretsen Shillinger

Married George Samuel Shillinger

Died Apr. 19, 2007 Sedro-Woolley, Skagit Co., WA

Burial at Burlington, Skagit Co., WA 
 
Family links: 
 Parents:
  Julius Fritz Albretsen (1882 - 1939)
  Jennie O. Jensen Albretsen (1896 - 1984)
 
 Spouse:
  George Samuel Shillinger (1916 - 1994)
 
 Siblings:
  Coy B Albretsen Shillinger (1923 - 2007)
  Mary Jean Albretsen Seversen (1924 - 2013)*
  Julius LaVoy Albretsen (1929 - 2005)*
 
*Calculated relationship
 
Inscription:
5 BRATTY KIDS
DONE HER IN   Burial:
Green Hills Memorial Cemetery
Burlington
Skagit County
Washington, USA

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That poor Miss Mann! They had to go and keep giving her a hard time about being single even when she was dead!  :thumbdown: 

 

One of the funniest tombstones I've run across is in the country east of Camrose, AB. There's a lady with the name Alberta Beach buried there. Why is that funny?  About half an hour west of Edmonton is another town callled... Alberta Beach. :wink

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