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CauliflowerClown

I Want To Leave Home.

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I am saved but still unequally yoked. Ever since we have had this home which is in my name I said no smoking in the house. He made the garage his man cave with TV stero and everything. Now he is bed ridden in the living room and he is smoking legal and illegal and I hate it and it stinks. Am I the one being disrespectful by not wanting a dying man to smoke in the house. Or is the he disrespecting me by smoking in house when he knows I've had asthma all my life? I feel I am being smoked out of my house but have no place to go.

 

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Are you married? if married, remember "for better or worse". Christians are called to live as an example of Christ to their spouses regardless of their lifestyle. We can't expect a lost person to behave as if they are saved. Self-centeredness is a part of the lost human condition.

 

Like it or not, if we (Christian) are married to a lost spouse we are called to love them, care for them, show them God's mercy, compassion, patience, love, kindness, etc.

 

On our own, this would be near impossible, but through Christ we can do all things.

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1Pe 3:1  Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any OBey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
1Pe 3:2  While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
 

A better way to look at it is as an opportunity to bring him to salvation.

It WILL be hard for you, but if he needs to be saved, and is now bedridden, your testimony may be his only hope of salvation.

Allowing the Lord to work through you in this situation could be the thing that he needs to see the Lord in you, and see his own need of salvation.

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Also the window have been covered with plastic and it not just cigarettes it pot too. I hate the smell. We open the door and furnance comes on.

 

 

The thing is I am asking Jesus for that real big asthma attack that will have me wake in his arms.  He always joked he did not have life insurance cause he wanted it to be a real tradgedy when he died. Many friends laughed at that I did not and I will be in debt for the rest of my life because of his handling of money.  just think wouldn't that be funny if his smoking caused me to has the altimate attack and I leave this world first before a man dying of cancer.

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last time i talked to him about hope in Jesus and Heaven he told me he could not be that dellusional. My pastor has also talked to him and he says he want to believe but can't  cause it is not something he can make himself do.

As long as he's alive there is hope. Remember the thief on the cross which lived a life of sin, even mocked Christ on the cross for a time yet even he was brought to saving grace shortly before he died.

 

It's not our jOB to get someone saved, it's our duty to share Christ with them and to allow Christ to be seen in us, and allow the Holy Ghost to use that as He will in the lives of the unsaved.

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If you are literally getting sick, is there a way you can talk to him (not angrily, just factually) about it?  Tell him you are not able to stand the smoke any longer, or you may have to temporarily leave?   Do you have somewhere you can go temporarily?   I don't know the situation, but if you stayed with a friend or relative for a few weeks, it might cause him to rethink his smoking habits, if he realizes how badly he needs you at the house....?  Maybe he would be willing to come up with a compromise, especially if he decides he misses having you around?

 

Hang in there....

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He's in hospice at home. he chooses to be here in our livingroom. Just me and daughter get his food, change his diaper, run to store to get what he wants, only my daughter runs and get his smokes too. My daughter and son are living here. I work 3rd shift.  I went to bed one day and woke to smelling cigarettes I came out and in livingroom my son and daughter were smoking with dear ole dad. I am out numbered here. I would like to just leave and they csan all smoke but sadly house is in my name only.

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He's in hospice at home. he chooses to be here in our livingroom. Just me and daughter get his food, change his diaper, run to store to get what he wants, only my daughter runs and get his smokes too. My daughter and son are living here. I work 3rd shift.  I went to bed one day and woke to smelling cigarettes I came out and in livingroom my son and daughter were smoking with dear ole dad. I am out numbered here. I would like to just leave and they csan all smoke but sadly house is in my name only.

You need to ask yourself if you are truly a follower of Christ who wants to walk with Him or do you want what you want.

 

If you are a follower of Christ then you need only look to Scripture to know what to do and how to do it. Several posts in this thread have pointed that out already.

 

If you want to ignore the commands of Christ and do what seems right in your own eyes then it will be easy to find an excuse to do so. Before deciding to turn your back on Jesus you may want to consider the consequences of such an action, not only upon yourself but upon those who see this.

 

As another posted above, we are called to live for Christ in all circumstances, not only when things are going our way, but also when everything seems to be going wrong. It's our example of living as Christ commands, even in troubling times, that gives witness to others of the reality, the life changing power, the truth of Christ.

 

The decision is yours, which it seems you've made up your mind and are now looking for someone to tell you to go ahead and abandon ship. That's not a course I can recommend and it's not the course Christ commands. I pray you will spend time in the Word, in prayer, and surrender your heart to being OBedient to Christ.

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this is one if the many trials you will go though to strengthen or salvation. i to have i wife that smoke is not saved we have to love them like jesus love us. luke 6:27-36 but i say unto you which hear, love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, 28 bless them that cruse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you 29 and unto him that smiteth thee on the on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy clock forbid not to take thy coat also 30 give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask him not again 31 and as ye would that men should do to ye also to them likewise 32 for if ye love them which love you, what thanks have ye? for sinner also love those that love them 33and if ye be good to them which do good to you, what thanks have ye? for sinner also do even the same 34 and if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what sinner, to receive as much again 35 but love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the highest : for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. 36 be ye therefore merciful, as the father also was merciful. so try to hing in there. 

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I not sure smoking pot is, I know Bill is not legal. Our state I think now approves of medical pot but this is not medical it is street pot   It is not just him my son and daughter smoke too.  I allowed them to do it in the garage but now that is impossible for Bill. I told him that when they want to smoke and if it has to be them smoking with him then they can go outside and he can look out window at them smoking with him. He told me if they are smoking a joint that won't work.  I woke yesterday and took care of plastic container with a little bit of water in it and 2 different cigarette butts in it. Bill has small ash tray by his bed. His bed sheets and blankets are all new and he has one burn hole the size of a 50 cent piece and another about the size of a cigarrette end. He said he had an accident. We have no smoking signs on our front door and back door we have to have them there cause we have oxygen tanks in our house. I guess they don't have to be OBeyed though. i don't like it at all it stinks and yes if God wants my house to be a drug house then so be it. I'll stink for Jesus. Anyways I prayed and asked him why he helped me give up smoking years ago and now saying I have to breathe it and live with it. Thankfully Bill has not lit up since I got up so that is a praise. I go to work soon so he is prOBably waiting for me to leave so that is good. 

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My heart goes out to you, and I've already lifted you up to our precious Lord in prayer.  You are in a very "lonely" place right now, and I know that it is

very difficult for you.  I sense that you desire to do what is right and what the Lord would have you to do.  Quite often even when the spirit is willing,

the flesh is weak...and so it can be difficult to "separate" feelings from what should be done.  Someone above quoted from Luke about praying for,

blessing, and loving one's enemies and those that "persecute you", and that is very wise counsel.  In Proverbs there are 3 verses that say there is

safety with a "multitude of counsellors".  We need to be wise with whom we choose to seek counsel, and so I am glad that you came to this site with

hopes that the Lord would work thru different ones here to offer counsel to you.  Isn't it wonderful how Jesus is also known as "Counsellor" (Is. 9:6),

and as His children we should be ever growing in "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus"?  "But when he saw the multitudes, he

was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd" (Matt. 9:36).  Dear lady,

in your circumstances, you have no "under-shepherd" (Godly husband) to lead you in the way that you should go, and that can tempt you to be faint,

and perhaps "scattered" in your thinking....but praise God that Jesus is moved with compassion when one of His own is hurting.  Ooooh how He

loves you, and knows what is best for you.  Find time to go to the Word and be ready to "hear" Him responding to your prayers, pray for those

who are so troubling to you, and wait upon Him with a willing heart.  Along with these things....be thankful!  Thankful?  How can one be thankful in such trying

circumstances?  Be thankful to HIM for who He is, and for what He has done, and for what He is going to do....and be thankful that He has

allowed these very trying times with a plan and for a purpose!  These times are full of opportunity to not only grow in trusting the Lord, but also

opportunity to shine on and prove His indwelling presence!  It is opportunity to "prove the sincerity of your love", not only to the Saviour...but

also to your spouse!  These aren't easy things to do...but He knows your frame and longs to ease and lighten your burden and He will be

faithful. 

 

Please be encouraged in Him; He knows, He understands, and He loves you.     

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It just feels like now I am say sin can abosolutely be in my house and I approve. As far as them defiling their bodies that's there choice forcing me to is not my choice. Smoke is smoke and if you are smoking in same area I am then I am breathing it too. I don't feel as tight as yesterday but my lungs should not feel tight at all in my home. I do want that big asthma attack that will have me wake in Jesus arms.  I am awake early I don't know why but I was in bedroom with door close sleeping and woke and the stench was strong. I pulled covers over my head and prayed andasked Jesus why does smoke have to come through closed doors. I tried to drift off the sleep but can't with covers over my head. Lift covers and stench is still very strong. I got up and asked is everyone in house smoking cause it is strong in my room. Bill smokes 2 -21/2 packs a day.  When they sat in gargage and smoke i would go out to talk to him but if he was smoking i didn't stay long. I could go in house now I feeling like leaving to get away from it. I juyst have no where to go and no $. If it was a nice sunny day my dog and i could at least go to the park. 

 

I living with it trying to be joyful but stench can cause me to leave.

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It just feels like now I am say sin can abosolutely be in my house and I approve. As far as them defiling their bodies that's there choice forcing me to is not my choice. Smoke is smoke and if you are smoking in same area I am then I am breathing it too. I don't feel as tight as yesterday but my lungs should not feel tight at all in my home. I do want that big asthma attack that will have me wake in Jesus arms.  I am awake early I don't know why but I was in bedroom with door close sleeping and woke and the stench was strong. I pulled covers over my head and prayed andasked Jesus why does smoke have to come through closed doors. I tried to drift off the sleep but can't with covers over my head. Lift covers and stench is still very strong. I got up and asked is everyone in house smoking cause it is strong in my room. Bill smokes 2 -21/2 packs a day.  When they sat in gargage and smoke i would go out to talk to him but if he was smoking i didn't stay long. I could go in house now I feeling like leaving to get away from it. I juyst have no where to go and no $. If it was a nice sunny day my dog and i could at least go to the park. 

 

I living with it trying to be joyful but stench can cause me to leave.

Your first duty is to OBey the Lord. Is your trial worse than what Jesus went through for you? Are you dealing with worse things than the Apostle Paul who called his many sufferings "light afflictions" compared to the what the Lord will give him for eternity?

 

As others have pointed out, you are to be a living example of Christ's love to your family regardless of their lifestyle. God never said this would always be easy, that we might not smell stench, we might not have to deal with life threatening situation, or that our families would always be easy to love and care for and they would ever be respectful of us.

 

We all have the same choice to make no matter what situation we are in, whether good or bad. Either we choose to OBey the Lord and follow Him or we choose to rebel and do what we determine is right in our own eyes. The choice is yours, all I can say is that OBeying and following Christ is always the right choice and rebelling and doing what we want is always the wrong choice.

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John put a clothes pin over your nose so you can not breathe though it. Now put a coffee stirrer straw in your mouth and get all your air through it. How active can you be? Is it fun? You get just enough air to remain alive but hardly enough to move from point A to point B. That is asthma. My asthama comes slowly and my bronicle tubes constrict. In times i have suffered for days on end I also pray and tell Jesus that he want our yea yea and our nay nay lukewarmness makes him sick and I'm to that point now give me enough air to breate and move or take it all away.  I was born with Hyline Membrane  Disease and my left lung was collasped. I was supposed to die but did not but have had asthma all my life. I had my last attack 6-7 years ago. I was told then that I also had COPD. I have to wear a scarf over my face if temps dip below 27 degrees. In summer when humidity level are high I am very short winded and can only move slow and I have to try to not over exert myself cause it mean trouble with my asthma a trip to hospital 10 day on steroids. Sometmes in summer if humidity is high I have to call into work cause I am not getting enough air to do my jOB

       

 Let me tell you something else do you know how many times I had to explaine why I did this or that was because bible says for wife to sumit and OBey their husband and then I am told  God did not call you to be a door mat. 

 

 There was other time i put my foot down and said no way not going to do it.  ( not to him but in my mind and I prayed for God to do something  just like I am doing now) That was when he wanted me to get an abortion. I would have aborted our only son.  Now this is my fear of having to go to hospital and be on steroids again and more lung function tests and then the drugs.  Not to mention more doctor bills.

 

 This remind me when I was bus captain and on Sunday morning I went to go pick up a 5 year old, shy girl that came on Sundays. I visited kids every Saturday too to see who would be coming on Sunday. This apprtment was alway smoky and had strong smell of smoke but that Sunday when I went to get her they invited me in like always and 4-5 adults were all smoking at the table while the little girl I went to get sat on the floor giving herself a breathing treatment.  Needless to say she wasn't going that Sunday cause her asthma flared up. I got to tell her maybe she could come next week and told her we would pray she feels better.  When I left it sicken me that they had a small child that had asthma and didn't have the brains to step outside on their balcony to smoke. I feel like that little girl no one cares. 

 

 There is nothing anyone can do here but if God really wanted me to stay around and breathe all the carcinogens and sacrifrice my health for the sake of my husband then why can't he a least make it smell better. Is this a join them if you can't beat them type of thing? I don't think so but I have to admitt that if i was a smoker myself it would not smell so bad.  

 

 I tried to find out the affects of pot on asthma and i kept finding sites pro weed saying pot was good for asthma. Really how can something with more carcinogens be good for asthma when tOBacco with less carcinogens are so bad for asthma? Don't sound right to me. Anyways I am living here I am breathing the second hand smoke and yes breathing difficulties are starting. I keep telling myself; so what, look how long it's been since your last one.  Even if I get hospitalized I'll be in a smokefree environment. So see I am also trying to encourage myself like David.   

 

     However I am also praying about selling some of my sick time at work.  This will be first time I ever did this. I am praying and asking before I fill out paper cause God knows whether I will need that time or not. God knows whether it would help or hender my taxes. Also I'm asking God if I can send it to IRS or one of the doctor bills, or can I go to Sam's Club and go hog wild in buying food.  Bible says not to be a surety for debt too.,  

 

 Elijah got depressed, Jeremiah was the crying Prophet I am not the only believer to feel so alone, and down. Oh a door mat is used to wipe dirt  off your shoes and they are dirty. I am breatheing second hand smoke and it is dirting my lungs so yes now I am a Door Mat.

Edited by CauliflowerClown

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From a young age I had bronchial asthma and virtually everyone smoked back then.

 

As I pointed out, and Scripture points out, we aren't promised an easy existence, we aren't promised OBeying God will be the easy thing to do, we aren't promised that following Christ will keep us in a healthy place.

 

Yes indeed, various folks in the Bible went through some tough times. They had the same choice to make as you and I. Give up, rebel against God and pursue our own way, or OBey God, follow Him and trust Him with the outcome.

 

As Paul said, this life is a very temporary thing and whatever we face in this life is nothing compared to the greatness of what is to come.

 

Followers of Christ are called to sacrifice, give up all, for Him. That's a stark realty to millions of Christians around the world today, but to most of us in the West we have no real concept of surrendering all.

 

Again, it's up to you what you choose to do. You asked the question and you have received answers. The final thing comes down to whether you will choose to be OBedient to Christ regardless of personal cost, or will you choose to place personal matters ahead of the Lord. We all face that choice many times a day. Joshua had the best answer when he told the people that no matter what they chose to do, he was going to follow the Lord.

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I don't think the Bible would be against her going to spend a week or two with a friend to rest her lungs and to give her husband a clue of what it would be like if he makes the house so miserable she gets sick to live in the house.

 

She can definitely in a loving way say "I love you, but I'm sick, and I need to go away for a couple of weeks to heal.   I wish you would not smoke in the house or at least would try to tone it down, because it makes me very sick.   I will be back in a couple of weeks."   Maybe he will miss her so much he will try to at least amend his behavior a little bit.

 

Divorce is OBviously not an answer, especially when he is sick like he is....but there are ways you can get a break for yourself or at least maybe try to come to some sort of compromise with him about his behavior.

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