Teaching Children About Sin

[DaveW]

Something that I noticed a few years back that made an impression on me, is that often times Christian parents try to discourage children from playing with sin by always describing it as horrible and wicked and terrible.
They try to emphasise that sin is bad bad bad and that is why we should stay away from it.

But often times these children grow and end up doing those sins that were always described as bad and "yucky".

The reason is that they find themselves in the situation that a friend is "enjoying" that sin, and when they do try it, they find that it is kinda fun.
Now if this sin is "kinda fun" and the horribleness that mum and dad told them about is wrong, then what else are mum and dad wrong about?

The thing that I noticed is the original position of mum and dad is not actually Biblical.

The biblical position on this is shown in Hebrews 11
 24  By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter;

 25  Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;

 26  Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward.

note first of all that the Bible talks about "the pleasures of sin".
There is a recognition that sin can be pleasurable.
First mistake is to refuse to acknowledge that sin can make you feel good.

SIN IS NEVER GOOD - but it can make you feel good.

The problem is that eventually the child finds a sin that makes him feel good and then he wonders what else can make him feel like that.

Second mistake is parents often say all sin leads to trouble.
That is true, but it is often presented in a way that the child gets the impression that they won't get away with sin, but the fact is that we often do...... for a while.

The Bible says "pleasures of sin FOR A SEASON". God acknowledges that sin can be enjoyed for a while, but eventually that enjoyment ends.

The Bible also acknowledges that obedience to God can be a more difficult path - "chose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God".
Sometimes in fact it is a far harder path to walk in God's ways than it is to walk in sin.

So why should we choose to walk in God's ways if sin can be fun and honouring God can be such a trial?
Because esteem the reproach of Christ as more valuable than our own enjoyment.

We tend to say "sin is all bad and leads to terrible consequences; God's way is always great and leads to true good times".

Then get out into the world and see that sin can be fun and following God can be hard.

And when they see people living in sin and apparently getting away with it, they turn away from God.

God says "Sin can feel good, and those good feelings can last a while; following God can be hard work sometimes; but when all is said and done you should follow God regardless of these truths, because Jesus died for your sins."

If we present sin in this way, and make them aware that following God can be hard, then they won't be surprised when they find someone enjoying sin, nor when they discover that standing for Christ can be hard.

We do need to tell them that sin always has consequences but also that they come in God's timing not ours.

And most of all they know that they should not sin because it is against God - not because it will hurt them.
Sin is about offense against God, not trouble for me.

I hope that makes sense......

[swathdiver]

We've taught our children that while some things may seem like fun and "christians" around us do them, such acts are sin and separate them from God and he won't hear their prayers.

[honebee873]

A lot of times we accidentally glorify sin and wrong doing in the name of "warning against it". We should be more careful to point out the consequences of sin. The wages of sin is death and dying in that sin leads to eternal separation from God. My children are still too young to even grasp the concept of that but if they see something they have heard preached against, their first response is "mama...that burns in hell". I am quick to explain that only the rejection of God's Son and what He did for us on Calvary is the only thing that can send a person to hell. But I would warn them about any form of danger, anything that could harm them! So I think it is very wise for a parent to warn their children that the pleasures of sin only last for a season but it can scar them for life without making it seem like an adventure. I get so sick of hearing people say their children need to plant wild oats instead of doing their jobs as God fearing parents and guarding what God entrusted them with! Don't let your guard down while giving no place to the devil.   

[John81]

Many good points here. Balancing our approach as Scripture teaches is, of course, the best response. We do tend to lean more to one than the other, which is the challenge and why we must raise our children with much prayer, much asking for wisdom and guidance from the Lord.

 

The Christians I've known who take a simplistic "sin is bad, don't do it" approach, without further teaching and instruction, are themselves immature, weak Christians; or in some cases perhaps only worldly Christians.

 

I have seen many Christian parents who do take the approach that it's okay, normal, even good for their children to "experience the world", to sow some wild oats while they are young, to hang out with lost friends, even dating the lost.

 

All too often, there is little spiritual training or leadership in Christian homes. Parents expect Sunday school and youth groups to take care of the spiritual things their children need. Meanwhile the parents raise their children and plan for them to approach life and the future in the same way as the world. No praying for God's guidance, just automatically following the worlds plan of preparing for college and a high paying career.

 

We need to present the whole truth regarding sin, salvation, God, heaven, hell and all aspects of Scripture. Read to them and teach them even when they are very young and continue consistently as they grow. Get our children in church right away where the whole family should be actively involved but make sure we don't fall into the trap of expecting the church to train our children for us. Have times of devotion and prayer, speak of the Lord and the Word of God throughout the day, around the table, while driving in the car, etc.

 

Our children are a precious gift from the Lord and yet all too often Christian parents cast their little lambs into the midst of wolves. May the Lord forgive our mistakes and help us to rightly train our children for Christ.

[TheSword]

As a matter of example by testimony, I'm a product of what you describe above in the OP. I got a lot of "X is bad. Don't do that. If you do it you'll be in big trouble." without a lot of explanation. One of the ones I remember most was, "If you ever come home with a tattoo I'll take it off with belt sander." I don't believe he really would have done that but the point was clear. Unfortunately there was really no explanation of why I shouldn't get a tattoo aside from the negative consequence. So it was with most other sins I was encouraged to stay away from. When I went off to college I fell into the trap you described above even though I understood the general concept of sin. The reasons I was given for staying away from certain things were usually consequence-based as opposed to bibically-/disciple-based.

 

Yes, kids need to obey for the "...because I said" so reason in general, especially while really young; but they also need to grow to understand the "and I said so because..."

[candlelight]

I must say that I "was" this kind of parent to my now 23 year old son.  Even before I was saved, I was reading and understanding the KJV and was gaining much head knowledge.  I took my child to church every chance I could.  His unsaved dad (I am divorced) would try and sabotage everything when it came to spiritual matters.  He is a fall away Roman Catholic, who believes, as many do, that the RCC was the early church.  *sigh*  I also had to be the disciplinary parent.  When I got remarried, my husband was a great help with that.  When I had trouble with my son's back talk on something, I would call in my husband for help.  He disciplined my son on two occasions, when he was a teenager.  Neither of us have had a problem with him since.  Unfortunately, b/c his dad is unsaved and not remarried, my son feels sorry for him.  His dad is very wealthy and uses his money to attract both of his children.  He has a daughter from his first marriage.  My son knows he uses a carrot in front of his nose to entice him, but until he finishes college in the summer, he won't be out of his dad's clutches.  He does live on his own, but in the condo, his dad bought for an investment.  I am waiting patiently for my son to be on his own, and not under the control of his overbearing dad.

My son always comes to me for any concern or problem he has.  He also goes to my husband.  He told me, last year, that he would raise his children just like my husband and I had raised him.  Sadly, my son is a prodical, due to lack of stability from the divorce with his dad and I.  His dad has one way of raising him, and obviously, I have a godly way.  His dad got him guitar lessons with a man in a rock band years ago.  My son is quite good.  I just keep praying to the Lord Jesus Christ, for him to come back to the fold, and fellowship with his church again.  He could play the guitar for the Lord Jesus Christ, and glorify Him, instead of the world.  He used to sing in our IFB church when he was a youth.  

He tells me that he has learned much of the Bible from me, as he hasn't been in church, since his dad moved him to North Carolina for a year.  He was in the ninth grade at the time.  I allowed him to go, as I knew he would resent me from not letting him move with his dad.  He was miserable, and my ex husband's attorney told his dad that if he didn't send him back to his mom, he would award me full custody.  Anyway, I do regret me being so strict with him, and not allowing him to think for himself more, growing up.  He had his dad telling him what to do, and he had me doing the same.  When I was unsaved, even though I thought I was saved, my husband would read the Proverb of the day to my son and I early on when my son was in the forth grade.  That is the year we married.  One of the first scriptures I memorized was, "Train up a child in the way he should go:  and when he is old, he will not depart from it."  I hope it sticks.  A couple of years ago, I stepped back on talking about Biblical things with him.  I was pushing too much.  Praise the Lord, he is the one that brings them up to me.  I would like to ask for prayer for him, spiritually.  His name is, Mark.  Thanks in advance.  

P.S. ~ My pastor told me years ago, that God gives us our children, and we are only an instrument in their lives.  They are the Lord's creation or children.  Give them back to God daily, in prayer.  That is what I do.