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This was written when I was homeless after the first time I got hit by a car. But before the second time that I got hit by a car. I dated my witings to keep track of my feelings.

 

                                                           8/7/02

Traveling through these hard times, when life sent along rough rides

Makes you wonder why God wants you to learn how different types of people

will try and make you burn. Seems all that you really have

are the values learned as a child

When growing from small, parents should have taught you right from wrong:

how to get along, share and show compassion.

Giving tools, praying you will make good decisions. 

 

But you seem to find you spent not the time

to learn how to get by when meanness  arrives at your side.

Then you are pressed, put into a bind,

 you must make snap decisions, to try and survive.

I’ve never had the wit to catch evil by surprise.

I always end up in a tough bind, usually happy to survive

 

I’m torn by what to do.

My heart would be shattered  if I hurt them like I want to.

But I can’t live like this  anymore,

I almost died this last time, this is for sure.

God, you need to show me what it is you want from me,

I need a plan to show  the path I must go !

 

I feel so lost, so all alone,

I know I screwed away much of the life you gave to me.

But I’m proud you chose to give me another try

 

I need a strong helping hand, for alone this quest

is as much as dead.

My hard-headed ways,

 Always

 sent me the wrong way. I know in my heart,

If left alone in this new start,  we’ll meet sooner  than should be.

 

There’s too much love left in me to be wasted, not used,

especially at this time.

Mankind needs all it can find, to survive,

Your love, it seems to me, is in great

Need.

The world is trying to erupt. This is not how we should be.

Will You please help us learn the way to

live in peace?

 

Life is very tough for a person like  me

I guess wrong  decisions that seemed right at the time,

 Not knowing better,

 put my life in this bind.

So I trudge along each day,

praying in my own way, that one day I will find,

 love that will satisfy, and make me feel whole.

 

You know what I need the most.

Please help me realize, how to truly open and let you in,

I’ve tried, but been denied, the Holy Ghost I need to find,

 Before my life reaches the end,

Amen.   

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