Relationship Question

[Savedbygracein2003]

Ok, I don?t want you guys to think poorly of me. But I need some advice.
I have been "courting" a Youngman for about a month and a half. Well, our relationship is not the norm. He lives 9 hours away. He is 2 years younger than me, so he is still a senior in high school and I will be 20 in March. Well, he is a really sweet guy that is on fire for the Lord. But it?s so hard to get to know him and see his true character over the phone. You can?t see how he interacts with others around him really. At the same time, we have a Youngman that is 21 that goes to my church that just graduated Ambassador Baptist College. Well, I work quite a bit with him at church with the children's ministry. There are not many young adults that are faithful in my church. Just basically me, him and another lady that is 30. So, like I said, I spend a lot of time with him. I get to interact with him so much and see what he is truly like. I don?t want to have feelings for someone else, but I do. I am not that serious with the other Youngman, but I still want to be faithful to him. I am not sure if this is God's will for me to be courting this Youngman. So I am praying about this whole situation. I don?t want you guys to think I want to end this relationship to start another one. Just looking for some godly women advice. Thanks!

[HappyChristian]

Jennifer, a long distance relationship is hard on anyone. And when someone else is close at hand, that makes it more difficult.

You are not serious with the other young man, yet you consider that you are courting, and you want to be faithful? That doesn't sound like the basis for a romantic relationship - more like the basis for just a friendship. Personally, I think that is what would be best - a friendship with the young man in high school. The 21 year old is closer to your age, and closer in proximity.

[Savedbygracein2003]

Thanks for your reply. I say courting because I dont believe in "dating." If I am ever in a relationship with a youngman, I am in it looking at the possibility of marriage. I dont know if the youngman at my church is God's will for my life or not. He just got our of a 4 year relationship, so nothing would happen soon. Highschool is hard, I know, and He is still trying to figure out what God's will for his life is and where God wants him to go to college. But also, I have nto been able to get to know him like I want to. He is always goofying around and not being serious. I know a lot more about the youngman at church then I do him. So, I am just going to continue to pray about it...

[Guest Guest]

[quote="HappyChristian"]Jennifer, a long distance relationship is hard on anyone. And when someone else is close at hand, that makes it more difficult.

You are not serious with the other young man, yet you consider that you are courting, and you want to be faithful? That doesn't sound like the basis for a romantic relationship - more like the basis for just a friendship. Personally, I think that is what would be best - a friendship with the young man in high school. The 21 year old is closer to your age, and closer in proximity.[/quote]


Great advice. :amen:

[orvals]

This may sound odd for advice but I have found over the years that strengths and weaknesses are part of God's plan in marriage. Allow me to explain, generally speaking as young people are raised their parents compensate for the weaknesses of the child by balancing their lives through parental authority. When people court (your words) one of things that attract them to each other is how they view the others strengths.

In this case phone conversations are unlikely to reveal weaknesses since you are only going know a person through their ability to communicate and not socialize. It would be my advice that you begin seeking commonalities over the phone by generating conversation concerning a variety of topics. These, over a few weeks, will begin to give you an overall understanding of him.

Questions need to reveal the inner man that part that you cannot see, for example what does he think of planned parenthood, what are his thoughts on the coming election, where is planning to go to school and why, what are his goals in life and why, how long is willing to wait for the right person. Remember you have goals as well and you need to write your goals out and ask yourself are his goals in alignment with mine. Where does he see himself in 5 years, 10 years? Where do you see your self in 5 or 10 years?

It is not unusual for older youth to be excited about serving God but my experience is that a very high percentage of those young people are serving because of the social acceptance within their peer group and that when freedom from parental control is lifted they reveal a heart that was not bent completely toward God.

Don't be in too much of a hurry God will reveal the right one in time. I share a true illustration.

In 1993 my wife and I started a business the first summer I had a young lady come to work for us she was going to a secular college majoring in engineering. As the summer progressed I became burdened about her soul and a few days before she went back to college I called her to my office and expressed my concern for her soul. I was granted the opportunity to lead her to Christ. She has steadily grown in the Lord over the years and has taken several mission trips abroad but still has not connected with the one she believes the Lord has for her. Recently her mother contacted me with a message from her daughter it seems the Lord has finally brought Mr. right into her life and would you believe he works for Manna International and organization dedicated to coupling feeding centers with mission churches. I am sure they will be extremely happy because they have both waited patiently.

Orvals

[Pastor Matt]

Ok, I don?t want you guys to think poorly of me. But I need some advice.
I have been "courting" a Youngman for about a month and a half. Well, our relationship is not the norm. He lives 9 hours away. He is 2 years younger than me, so he is still a senior in high school and I will be 20 in March. Well, he is a really sweet guy that is on fire for the Lord. But it?s so hard to get to know him and see his true character over the phone. You can?t see how he interacts with others around him really. At the same time, we have a Youngman that is 21 that goes to my church that just graduated Ambassador Baptist College. Well, I work quite a bit with him at church with the children's ministry. There are not many young adults that are faithful in my church. Just basically me, him and another lady that is 30. So, like I said, I spend a lot of time with him. I get to interact with him so much and see what he is truly like. I don?t want to have feelings for someone else, but I do. I am not that serious with the other Youngman, but I still want to be faithful to him. I am not sure if this is God's will for me to be courting this Youngman. So I am praying about this whole situation. I don?t want you guys to think I want to end this relationship to start another one. Just looking for some godly women advice. Thanks!

FYI: If you want a more private area to discuss this with IFB ladies then head over to http://onlinebaptistladies.com
I do not mind it here, but I thought I would give you the option.