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irishman

Where Do We Sit?

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I don't get to sit in church-I stand for the whole thing! Behind the pulpit. Actually, I get about a 5 minute break, (in an 'exhibition seat', which is actuially behind some stuff so not much of anyone sees me) when one of our men comes up and gives a sort-of sermonette. But I do the music and announcements and preaching. Before, never had a specific place to sit-when I visited a new church, I always sit i the front pew, because, a: I'm probably not taking anyone's seat, and b: it always makes the preacher a little nervous, I think-keeps him on his toes!

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I sit in the back with the "backsliders" (that's what many preachers seem to think!) because I have to run to the bathroom due to my medicine.  I don't depend on "Depends"--can't imagine stinking ll the way to the bathroom, then carrying a diaper bag for clean-up.  I know it sounds gross, and it is, but that's the way it's got to be.

 

Good for you Marty, I know of many that have refused to attend church for a lot less reasons than that. In fact I believe many will not attend even when they do not even have a good reason not to attend. The thing is many of them will be out & about early Monday morning going to many different places that has not the importance of attending church services. For many attending church services at one of Jesus' Churches is just not very important yet they will claim to have a big love for Him.

 

And of course this in not a put down to anyone that really has a good excuse for not attending, & each person knows if their excuse is valid or not.

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I've noticed that a lot of older people whose hearing has diminished will sit in the back and then claim they can't hear the preaching.

 

 

What is amazing, they complain about not hearing, yet there's empty seats close to the front, yet they refuse to move closer to the front.

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Good for you Marty, I know of many that have refused to attend church for a lot less reasons than that. In fact I believe many will not attend even when they do not even have a good reason not to attend. The thing is many of them will be out & about early Monday morning going to many different places that has not the importance of attending church services. For many attending church services at one of Jesus' Churches is just not very important yet they will claim to have a big love for Him.

 

And of course this in not a put down to anyone that really has a good excuse for not attending, & each person knows if their excuse is valid or not.

Reminds me of the old "Kingsmen" song...

Excuses, excuses, you'll hear them every day.
And the Devil he'll supply them, if the church you stay away.
When people come to know the Lord, the Devil always loses
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.

In the summer it's too hot. And, in the winter, it's too cold.
In the spring time when the weather's just right, you find some place else to go.
Well, it's up to the mountains or down to the beach or to visit some old friend.
Or, to just stay home and kinda relax and hope that some of the kin folks will start dropping in.

Well, the church benches are too hard. And, that choir sings way too loud.
Boy, you know how nervous you get when you're sitting in a great big crowd.
The doctor told you, "Now, you better watch them crowds. They'll set you back."
But, you go to that old ball game because you say "it helps you to relax."

Well, a headache Sunday morning and a backache Sunday night.
But by worktime Monday morning, you're feeling quite alright.
While one of the children has a cold, "Pneumonia, do you suppose?"
Why the whole family had to stay home, just to blow that poor kid's nose.

Excuses, excuses, you'll hear them every day.
And the Devil he'll supply them if the church you stay away.
When people come to know the Lord, the Devil always loses
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.
[ Kingsmen Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]

Well, the preacher he's too young. And, maybe he's too old.
The sermons they're not hard enough. And, maybe they're too bold.
His voice is much too quiet-like. Sometimes he gets too loud.
He needs to have more dignity. Or, else he's way too proud.

Well, the sermons they're too long. And, maybe they're too short.
He ought to preach the word with dignity instead of "stomp and snort."
Well, that preacher we've got must be "the world's most stuck up man."
Well, one of the lady's told me the other day, "Well, he didn't even shake my hand."

Excuses, excuses, you'll hear them every day.
And the Devil he'll supply them if the church you stay away.
When people come to know the Lord, the Devil always loses
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.

Encore:

Well, the sermons they're too long. And, maybe they're too short.
He ought to preach the word with dignity instead of "stomp and snort."
Well, that preacher we've got must be "the world's most stuck up man."
Well, one of the lady's told me the other day, "Well, he didn't even shake my hand."

Excuses, excuses, you'll hear them every day.
And the Devil he'll supply them if the church you stay away.
When people come to know the Lord, the Devil always loses
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses

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And their follow up song...

Excuses, more excuses, we hear them oh so much
as people try to justify why they are not in church.
If they love God, it's rather odd that they should get so nervous
as they explain, when asked again, why they missed Sunday service.

Now on Sunday morning the battery is weak and the old car just won't run
But pleasure riding on Sunday afternoon is oh, so much fun
Then you get back that afternoon too tired to go to church
But you push the old car off, buddy, in time to get to work

Some will say they overslept and the clock did not alarm
Some will explain arthritis pain that crippled both of their arms
Some will cough, hem and haw, trying to think of a reason
But for them the real truth is: it's not church-going season

Chorus

You know a woman came to church just once and brought her baby with her
But boy when she left church that Sunday, she was really in a dither
The Pastor went to her house, her reason just to hear
She said, "I put my baby in your nursery and another one bit its ear."

Another lady came to church just once and boy, she never did return
The pastor made a call on her, her reason he might learn
Why she gave the preacher her excuse with a cold and frosty breath
"With the air conditioning in your church, I nearly froze to death."

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Some preachers get out from behind the podium and walk down the aisle closer to where they are. Problem solved. :)

I can't stay in one place either.

When most churches smaller than 250 people didn't have lapel mics I messed up many a preaching tape.

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Reminds me of the old "Kingsmen" song...

Excuses, excuses, you'll hear them every day.
And the Devil he'll supply them, if the church you stay away.
When people come to know the Lord, the Devil always loses
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.

In the summer it's too hot. And, in the winter, it's too cold.
In the spring time when the weather's just right, you find some place else to go.
Well, it's up to the mountains or down to the beach or to visit some old friend.
Or, to just stay home and kinda relax and hope that some of the kin folks will start dropping in.

Well, the church benches are too hard. And, that choir sings way too loud.
Boy, you know how nervous you get when you're sitting in a great big crowd.
The doctor told you, "Now, you better watch them crowds. They'll set you back."
But, you go to that old ball game because you say "it helps you to relax."

Well, a headache Sunday morning and a backache Sunday night.
But by worktime Monday morning, you're feeling quite alright.
While one of the children has a cold, "Pneumonia, do you suppose?"
Why the whole family had to stay home, just to blow that poor kid's nose.

Excuses, excuses, you'll hear them every day.
And the Devil he'll supply them if the church you stay away.
When people come to know the Lord, the Devil always loses
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.
[ Kingsmen Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]

Well, the preacher he's too young. And, maybe he's too old.
The sermons they're not hard enough. And, maybe they're too bold.
His voice is much too quiet-like. Sometimes he gets too loud.
He needs to have more dignity. Or, else he's way too proud.

Well, the sermons they're too long. And, maybe they're too short.
He ought to preach the word with dignity instead of "stomp and snort."
Well, that preacher we've got must be "the world's most stuck up man."
Well, one of the lady's told me the other day, "Well, he didn't even shake my hand."

Excuses, excuses, you'll hear them every day.
And the Devil he'll supply them if the church you stay away.
When people come to know the Lord, the Devil always loses
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.

Encore:

Well, the sermons they're too long. And, maybe they're too short.
He ought to preach the word with dignity instead of "stomp and snort."
Well, that preacher we've got must be "the world's most stuck up man."
Well, one of the lady's told me the other day, "Well, he didn't even shake my hand."

Excuses, excuses, you'll hear them every day.
And the Devil he'll supply them if the church you stay away.
When people come to know the Lord, the Devil always loses
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses.
So to keep them folks away from church, he offers them excuses

 

Right, & on Friday night they will not miss the game, & if it happens to go into overtime the only time you will hear them complain is if their team loses.

 

And if their son goes to a college & plays football they will make all the Saturday afternoon & night games while missing church on Sunday's. Yet they claim Jesus is of more important to them than football.

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We had a Sunday School teacher that was so dedicated to the Church and the Lord's work that he blessed us with the presence of his absence on the opening weekend of hunting season every year. LOL

 

Yes, he just had to hunt on opening weekend, hunting is very important.

 

I've never forgot one Sunday morning years ago. I had gotten up at about 4:00 AM, had gone & checked on both of my chicken houses, picked up the dead, made sure everything was in working order, & this was a morning when it was pouring down rain & quite cold.

 

Back to the house taken a shower, set down & ate a bite of breakfast, got up & got dressed, waiting on my wife to finish getting ready. I looked over at the couch & it looked so inviting, I went & laid down, nearly dozing off to sleep. Them it hit me, the old devil is trying to temp me this cold raining Sunday morning to sacked out & miss church. So i got up, oh how hard it was to raise up off of that couch but I did them got another cup of coffee. On the way home I thought about that morning & laying on the couch, & I was so happy that I got up an attended church services instead.

 

Yet the devil nearly got me that morning & if he had he would have probably stopped me many Sunday mornings.

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We had a Sunday School teacher that was so dedicated to the Church and the Lord's work that he blessed us with the presence of his absence on the opening weekend of hunting season every year. LOL

Was he faithful the rest of the year?

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I've been fighting cold/ allergies for over a week now. Bad dry cough that gives me fits. Today my allergies are at their worst. Anyway, I went to church last Sunday, I had a horrible coughing fit, I got up and went to bathroom, which is right at back of church so they could all hear me coughing and gagging still. I was so embarrassed, I took cough syrup before I left and was sucking on cough drops in church but it did no good. If I would've went outside I'd have had to open two outside doors, which rattle the whole church making another disturbance. I couldn't just leave because I brought a little girl with me. I was so embarrassed but I couldn't help it. Pastor had been sick Sunday before so he knew what I was going thru.

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I used to sit about midway back in the center section, but now, as I have said, I have to be within running distance of the rest room!  My medicine (Lactulose) is a strong laxative to clean my system of toxins, otherwise, I get a high ammonia level, and it reeks havoc in my head!  Anyway, I must confess that I don't always make it to church, especially at night--can't set a pattern with the stuff, it is unpredictable.  I don't go anywhere else though either, lest I have an accident that would greatly embarrass me and everyone around me, my wife included. (Not to mention the mess in the car or anywhere else.)

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While it is true that most pastors frown on people sitting in the back pew, there are some Church members that frown on anyone sitting in their pew.  Example:

Well I went camping just a while back with a couple of high school friends
And on Sunday morning I wanted to find a church to worship in.
So I packed my truck and headed out, it was there in a cloud of dust.
It was the Ebeneezer Fellowship Non-Denominational Bapti Costal Free Will Church.


When I walked in they were ready to start, and that little church was packed.
There was only one seat in the very front row even though I really wanted the back.


So I walked right in and I took a seat, a hush fell over the place.
And this sweet little gray haired woman walked up and said boy I got something to say.

Folks around here call me Granny, I'm as sweet as I can be.
Well I volunteer for everything they couldn't make it without me.
I teach Sunday School, I sew and bake, why I'm even in charge of the Christmas play!
And there's only one thing I ask in return, a lesson you should learn.


Don't sit in my pew, you know it belongs to me.
I've been sittin' right here for at least 40 years, and that's the way it's gonna be.
I can tell that you are new around here so you'd better get one thing clear.
If you know what's good for you, don't sit in my pew.


Well I walked to the back of the church and I was feeling just about as tall as a flea.
One of those Deacons walked up and handed me a brown ice cold metal folding chair.
So I sat out there and I listened to the choir as they sang "I shall not be moved"
And then the preacher looked at me and he said "now we want our special guest to stay when the service is over for some of Granny's Red Velvet Cake. And that's what I did.
But just about the time they were saying the blessing, I noticed I didn't have a fork.
Well, I figured I'd caused enough commotion for one day. So I thought I'm gonna ease on over there to the kitchen and find the utensil drawer and help myself. And that's what I did.
But just about the time I found that utensil drawer, guess who spun me around? Yep, ole Granny!


Stay out of my kitchen, you know it belongs to me.
I been cookin' in here for at least 40 years, and that's the way it's gonna be.
So if you need a fork or if you need a spoon, the next time stay in the other room.
Boy you'd better pay attention.
Stay out of my kitchen!


And then she reached up, kissed me on the cheek and said "you know, Granny hopes you'll come back next week. But if you do, don't get in my parking space, don't sing so loud, wear a coat and tie, come early for Sunday School, stay out my kitchen, but most of all…


I can tell that you are new around here so you'd better get one thing clear.
If you know what's good for you, stay out of my pew.
 

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My wife's twin sister one Sunday morning coming out of Sunday school someone had set where she sets & she told them to get up & move, this is where I set every Sunday.

 

They say the visitors never did return, & neither did they set somewhere else, they walked on our of the church & left.

 

True story!

 

If I'm a visitor at a church I like to get there just a few moments before services starts for likely at that time I will not get someone else's pew so that from them on out they can have hard feeling towards me.

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If the Preacher would let them, some would carve their names into the seat back of the pews!  In times of old some churches charged for the better seats.

 

I sit up towards the front for reasons mentioned before but also because the side doors are near.  Tonight, I almost had to make a beeline for the side door and the restroom just steps beyond but Preacher finished just in the nick of time!

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If the Preacher would let them, some would carve their names into the seat back of the pews!  In times of old some churches charged for the better seats.

 

I sit up towards the front for reasons mentioned before but also because the side doors are near.  Tonight, I almost had to make a beeline for the side door and the restroom just steps beyond but Preacher finished just in the nick of time!

 

I've seen names & such carved into the back of church pews & I expect the person who did it did not ask anyone if they could do so.

 

I believe I may have left some hand prints on a couple of church pews during the time I was under convictions during the invitation. No one ever scolded me.

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I used to sit about midway back in the center section, but now, as I have said, I have to be within running distance of the rest room!  My medicine (Lactulose) is a strong laxative to clean my system of toxins, otherwise, I get a high ammonia level, and it reeks havoc in my head!  Anyway, I must confess that I don't always make it to church, especially at night--can't set a pattern with the stuff, it is unpredictable.  I don't go anywhere else though either, lest I have an accident that would greatly embarrass me and everyone around me, my wife included. (Not to mention the mess in the car or anywhere else.)

 

I lived like that every day for seven years Marty, it was a nightmare.  Still happens sometimes, it never went completely away.  You'll continue in my prayers and hope those headaches are being kept at bay. 

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I lived like that every day for seven years Marty, it was a nightmare.  Still happens sometimes, it never went completely away.  You'll continue in my prayers and hope those headaches are being kept at bay. 

 

Thank you swath, but I haven't had a headache as long as I can remember!  This is much worse...like I don't recognize my own daughter, can't dress myself, and I walk like I'm drunk, etc.  Thank you though for your prayers, I can use the help!

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Wow, irish - that's rough!  Will be praying.

 

One time when we had been at this church for about 7 years, we were seated by the ushers in a spot that had Bibles already there. We were late (there was about 5 minutes left til service time...if we aren't there at least 15 minutes before, we feel we are late), and there was this pew, third row back, that was almost empty.  They sat us there, and said that their instructions were that if the pew is not filled with people and it's that close to service time, they are to fill it.  About a minute later, a teen comes down and looks at us.  Gives us this hateful stare and says, "That's our pew." My hubby said we were seated by the ushers.  He got their Bibles and left (with the help of the usher) - after giving us another glare.  That was weird.

 

We do leave our Bibles on Sunday morning, but because we get there early enough our seat isn't usually taken. If it were (and it has been), we would just move.  It's not worth getting offended about - there are enough pews to go around.

 

Interesting follow up on the story is that the boy's family no longer attends (they do go to another church and are faithful and love the Lord). He and his wife do and are very involved.  He was a bit of a surly teen, but has become a wonderful man who loves the Lord dearly.

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