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Age Appropriate Affection

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It is hard on the gay child, and it is hard on the parents who have to accept it.  

 

I would say accept your son for who he is.  ...If my daughter came to me when she is older and told me she was gay, I would tell her I love her unconditionally, and respect her for who she is, ...if he is gay

 

Well, here is the world's view on the topic, completely contrary to the Word of God.   :verymad:

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Well, here is the world's view on the topic, completely contrary to the Word of God.   :verymad:

Not at all.  Jesus accepts us for who we are with open arms.  He extended love to us, so we should extend love to others.  It is not up to us to change people.  God accepts us where we are when we open our hearts to him, and he will work on changing us over time.

 

It is my job to love others as Christ loved me.  God is in the business of changing hearts and minds. 

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Not at all.  Jesus accepts us for who we are with open arms.  He extended love to us, so we should extend love to others.  It is not up to us to change people.  God accepts us where we are when we open our hearts to him, and he will work on changing us over time.

 

It is my job to love others as Christ loved me.  God is in the business of changing hearts and minds. 

Christ called sinners to repentance, and those who did come to Him He told to go and sin no more. That's true love, helping the lost to become aware of their sin, their need of a Saviour, and the call to repentance unto salvation in Christ.

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Not at all.  Jesus accepts us for who we are with open arms.  He extended love to us, so we should extend love to others.  It is not up to us to change people.  God accepts us where we are when we open our hearts to him, and he will work on changing us over time.

 

It is my job to love others as Christ loved me.  God is in the business of changing hearts and minds. 

It most certainly is our job to love others as Christ loved us, and God is indeed in the business of changing hearts and minds (and lives!).  The problem is that Jesus does not accept us for who we are with open arms.  We must come through the blood, acknowledging our sin. If He accepted us for who we are, we would not need to admit we are sinners, and He would not have needed to die for us.

 

Maybe I'm reading your statement wrong, because when you later said, "God accepts us where we are when we..." you said basically what I said above.  I know that you know, KOB, that Christ calls sinners to repentance and that homosexuality is indeed a sin.

  

~~~~

 

That said, however, let's not hijack this thread.  Let's get back to the jist of the OP.  :11backtotopic:

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I guess it is how you define homosexuality.  Sexual acts between members of the same gender is a sin.  Same sex attraction is not a sin, people are born that way.  Acting on that attraction is what is a sin.

 

Yes, God calls us to repent.  But the fact is every single one of us are sinners.  My good friend struggles with same sex attraction.  I may struggle with anger and holding grudges.  

 

My best friend from high school is gay.  He grew up in a home where his parents were very mean and hurtful to him because if this.  They said cruel things to him.  He has struggled with this his entire life.  For many years, due to the rejection of his parents and church, he left the church.  

 

I've known others like this.  I have not been refused communion or excluded from church membership because I struggle with a sin that is easy to cover up or hide.  Yet his area of struggle is more visible, so he has been excluded.

 

God and God alone can change the hearts of people.  It is my job to love people, accept them, listen to them, talk about our struggles, and talk about how God works in our lives.  It is up to God to change me and to change others.  

 

This is very important for the OP to understand.  If she and her husband reject her son because is struggles are different than their own, he may walk away from the church.  It is ok that he is struggling with these feelings.  If he is gay (perhaps he isn't), he needs to feel safe to discuss his struggles with is parents without feeling judged or rejected or feel like they are trying to change him.  His struggles are not going to change.  perhaps is only struggle is being a bit socially awkward and not knowing appropriate boundaries.  He needs a safe place to talk about this and talk about why he feels the need to do this.  

 

If he cannot be open and honest, the root of the problem will never be discovered.

 

My point is I've known a number of young gay people ( I went to a Baptist college and knew a good number of young people there struggling with same sex attraction) that have been deeply hurt by Christians.  We need to be very careful about not judging them.  Their struggles are merely different than ours.  Just because God has and is saving me, doesn't mean I don't still struggle with my issues.  A gay person is gay and will carry same sex attraction their entire lives.  Sure, acting on that attraction is their choice, but the underlying attraction is not a choice.  God works in their lives the same way he can work in mine.  After salvation, they may still be gay and struggle with same sex attraction, but I believe God will work to help them control that refrain from acting on the attraction. Just as when I was a young man I struggled with lust.  Over time, God has worked on me to help me act less and less on that and dwell less and less on those impure thoughts.  

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Truly we are all born sinners. But each individual makes the choice to pursue the sin of his choice; does that make sense? But I beg to differ with you that "same sex attraction is not a sin". God created us to be attracted to the OPPOSITE sex. Same sex attraction is an example of what the Bible calls "inordinate affection" or "without natural affection" and "against nature".

Very true. Plus, no one is "born homosexual". As you point out, we are all born sinners, but we aren't born a particular kind of sinner. Again, as you point out, whatever temptation comes upon us, it's our CHOICE as to whether we allow that temptation to become sin. As you also well point out, accepting attraction to someone we shouldn't be attracted to, is sin. We are not to feed temptations, but to resist them and do what's necessary to try to eliminate them as much as possible.

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OK,

I sometimes sing high tenor. I hug men (especially my Stepdad and sons) and I've been known to cry at weddings. When a buddy of mine got married, the man sitting in front of me turned around and gave me a stern look but I could not help it. When my eldest son got married I did worse; I bawled like a baby. But if you call me a sissy, I'll break your arm. 

 

Love that boy. Hug him a lot.  Listen to him and look him in the eye when he talks. Spend as much time with him as humanly possible. Take him out and do some "man things" with him, go fishing, go hunting, rebuild and engine together or something, or do something that he likes but don't criticize him if he doesn't meet your expectations for awhile. It takes time but we tend to become more like the people we spend time with the most. Talk to him about the Lord. Be a Dad and be a friend too. And most of all; keep praying. He'll come around.

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I know almost nothing about this kind of thing, but from reading the description it sounds to me like the 17-year-old has a childish affection for his father combined with slightly warped and regressive attention-seeking habits. I don't see how any of those behaviours speak to his sexuality.

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I know almost nothing about this kind of thing, but from reading the description it sounds to me like the 17-year-old has a childish affection for his father combined with slightly warped and regressive attention-seeking habits. I don't see how any of those behaviours speak to his sexuality.

Agreed

That is how I perceive it as well. But nothing wrong with some 'male bonding' under any circumstance.

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Here's the acid test: do you drink bottled mineral water?

My water comes from a 220' deep well and tastes better than any bottled water but I'll drink whatever you got if I'm thirsty

Edited by heartstrings

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I guess it is how you define homosexuality.  Sexual acts between members of the same gender is a sin.  Same sex attraction is not a sin, people are born that way.    

 

Once again, your statements are contrary to God's Word.  Maybe someone can show this fella the verses, I've failed and can only pray.

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OK,

I sometimes sing high tenor. I hug men (especially my Stepdad and sons) and I've been known to cry at weddings. When a buddy of mine got married, the man sitting in front of me turned around and gave me a stern look but I could not help it. When my eldest son got married I did worse; I bawled like a baby. But if you call me a sissy, I'll break your arm. 

 

Love that boy. Hug him a lot.  Listen to him and look him in the eye when he talks. Spend as much time with him as humanly possible. Take him out and do some "man things" with him, go fishing, go hunting, rebuild and engine together or something, or do something that he likes but don't criticize him if he doesn't meet your expectations for awhile. It takes time but we tend to become more like the people we spend time with the most. Talk to him about the Lord. Be a Dad and be a friend too. And most of all; keep praying. He'll come around.

Ah, another tenor. 

The discussion came up once about masculine/feminine clothing colors, I told those guys, "Hey if you sang as high as I do you wouldn't wear pink and after shooting a basketball, you don't hang that follow-through out too long".

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Ah, another tenor. 

The discussion came up once about masculine/feminine clothing colors, I told those guys, "Hey if you sang as high as I do you wouldn't wear pink and after shooting a basketball, you don't hang that follow-through out too long".

HA! You aint right!

..... definitely not. 

Anymore I prefer to sing baritone or bass on the harmony parts....let the kids handle the lead...but they still make me do the tenor. 

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I mentioned this situation to my wife the other day and she mentioned that there may be some kind of abuse that the boy is experiencing.  She's had plenty of experience with abused children, it's something to look into.

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I have a nephew who has never stopped sitting on his father's lap.  He is currently 27 years old and just got married to a 37 year old woman, but my nephew made out with his best man in front of everyone after he had given his best man speech at the reception.  I mean that my nephew pushed his best man down on the table, climbed on top of him and they started french kissing and more.  

It sounds like your stepson may be developing a similar issue.  If it were my son, I would not just try to dissuade him from doing it; I would have forbidden him from such behavior, very sternly from the first moment.  My nephew tried sitting on my lap when he was 16.  I pushed him off of me and told him that if he ever did that again, I would knock him out.  He has never even hinted or joked about such things with me since.  In contrast, his father has never dissuaded him from his behavior.  

His oldest sister (my oldest niece) is a very open and proud Sodomite who is "married" to a woman ten years her senior, has a child by artificial insemination, and is expecting her second artificially inseminated child any day now.

Effeminate and sodomitic behavior will not just go away.  It must be addressed and dealt with in a very serious manner.  I also believe that we must be willing to turn our backs on friends and even family if they refuse to repent from their abominable actions and come to Christ.

(Matthew 10:35-37) "For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.  {36} And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.  {37} He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."

 

(1 Corinthians 5:11) "But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat."

 

I would start showing him scriptures that deal with sodomites and effeminates.  It sounds like he loves and respects his father.  Perhaps if his father deals with this head on, through scripture and prayer, there might be hope.

Edited by Brother Stafford

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Keep sending your kids to government and secular schools, this is the result, feminized men and masculine women.  Work for a material lifestyle and let the television babysit your child after school and this is the result.

It's been three years, wonder what's happened with the lad?

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14 hours ago, Salyan said:

Um, no, swath. There's an awful lot of kids that are raised on tv and go to public school who are perfectly well adjusted and know how to behave appropriately.

Maybe where you live but not around here or where I grew up.  Those government schools are the dens of the devil and produce rebels further separated from God.  I was once one of them.

Once cannot have six to eight hours of Godless secular humanism rammed down their throats at school and another 4-5 hours of it on their phones and the hellavision each day and not be in some way massively influenced by it.  

Maybe we're speaking of two different types of outcomes of behaviors?  If so, I'm sorry.

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If any such "well adjusted" result of godless, secular culture animal exists, they exist in spite of such a culture and not because of it.  I went through public school up until I dropped out in the beginning of my junior year and I lived many years obsessed with ungodly music, worldly television shows & secular films and I became an alcoholic, drug addicted, sex obsessed, godless hedonist.  It has taken years to recover from my past mistakes and there are still lasting effects from some of my mistakes.

The fact that I dropped out of high school has never once kept me from obtaining a job.  The only valuable things that I learned in public school was cursive handwriting and a bit of grammar.  I had already learned how to read and write and do basic mathematics before attending school.  The social politics and bullying in school kept me from learning much of anything and I have taught myself far more than I would have ever learned in public school in several lifetimes.

It is my opinion that it is extremely foolish to put one's child in either public or private school and that the only reasonable way to educate one's child is to home school them.  It has been done for thousands of years.  Anything one might want to learn is learnable on one's own, without the help of institutions.

Edited by Brother Stafford

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